The Hunt of the Dead Men
by DeadGirl19
Summary: The Dead Men are on the run, being hunted by the Sanctuary. Will they all make it out alive? Will they all make out? And which familiar faces will show up along the way...? This is set after LSODM, and certain characters are still alive. Features adventure, romance, humour, and general Dead Men-ness.
1. Stupid Skeleton

**Hi guys! This is my first piece of work on FanFiction! Any and all criticism is welcome.**

**The story is set after Last Stand of Dead Men, however there are a few important details to note:**

**-****China is NOT Grand Mage****, and the whole scene with her didn't happen**

**-Darquesse did come out for a short time period at the end, but ****Skulduggery brought Valkyrie back**** before she escaped**

**-****Erskine was NOT a traitor****; Ghastly and Anton were not killed and Erskine is still a trusted ally**

**-Madame Mist was killed by Darquesse at some point**

**-Valkyrie is (somehow) ****24**** years old**

* * *

**CHAPTER 1: Stupid Skeleton**

"What is their _problem?_" Valkyrie Cain yelled at Skulduggery Pleasant, whilst running along the gleaming new corridors of the Sanctuary. They were being chased by a group of mages who had decided, somehow, that the Sanctuary War and all its casualties were due to the Dead Men. In their eyes, the seven sorcerers had possessed the power to stop the Sanctuary War, but "chickened out" at the last minute.

Oh, and there was the teensy-tiny problem of Darquesse and Lord Vile's true identities being revealed.

"Well, at a guess, I'd say _we_ are," replied Skulduggery. Valkyrie rolled her eyes, too out of breath to provide a verbal comeback.

They rounded a corner, and saw Ghastly Bespoke and Erskine Ravel up ahead, having been chased out of their office, and also, it seemed, out of their positions as Elders. They glanced back, saw the two, and kept running towards the emergency exit.

The four of them emerged into the sunlight and dived into the Bentley, which was conveniently parked nearby and waiting for them.

"Seatbelt," said Skulduggery, and Valkyrie had barely managed to clip it into place when the Bentley shot off, roaring down the streets of Roarhaven.

"I'm sure you all realise that we're now criminals," said Skulduggery, seemingly unfazed by running what seemed like a marathon to the other three. "There is no way we can return to the Sanctuary, or even to Roarhaven. They'll be hunting for us, so even our own homes won't be safe. In fact," he turned to them, and his skull, although as blank as ever, held a certain mischievous air about it. "I'd say we're on the run."

"So where are we heading?" asked Erskine. "'Cause I'm telling you now, Skul, I'm not staying in some run-down motel on the outskirts of Ireland. I'm a Gra- well, _ex-_ Grand Mage. I've got standards, you know. I don't think I'd be able to cope in a dirty little room, only seeing sunlight when I'm running to the next filthy motel because one of you three has blown our cover; having to eat mouldy cheese and drink stale water and sleep on a hard and lumpy mattress and not seeing sunlight and-"

Erskine's rant was abruptly cut short when Ghastly awarded him with a slap to the back of his head.

"Get a hold of yourself, man," muttered Bespoke.

"Skulduggery, where _are_ we heading?" Valkyrie questioned.

"_Well_, first we're dropping off Erskine at his home, and Ghastly at his shop, so they can gather their belongings and get everything they need. Then, once done, Ghastly will drive his van to Erskine's home and pick Erskine and his stuff up, and then head to your mansion, where we are going now, _or_ Erskine will take his sports car to Ghastly's shop and Ghastly will get in with all of his belongings, and they'll drive to your mansion; either way doesn't matter. Meanwhile, you and I will be at the mansion. You'll be packing your stuff while I will be having a highly intellectual conversation with Gordon about the situation we are in, and Grace Kelly, and then when you're done with the packing and the other two have arrived, we shall all go to my house, minus Gordon, no offence to him, for us to formulate a plan, call the other Dead Men, and for me to pack my exquisite suits, and choose between my 237 hats which ones to take, as they won't all fit into a suitcase, but such are the risks I take for my," he sniffed, "friends."

There was silence for a moment, until Ravel spoke. "Uhh... What was that first bit again…?" he asked.

Skulduggery sighed, and then put on an over-exaggerated voice as if he was talking to four-year-olds. "Erskine, you are going to go _home._ You are going to pack. Ghastly, you are going to go _home_ as well, and _you_ are going to pack. Is everyone clear so far?" Skulduggery said, ignoring the death glares being sent his way from three directions, perfectly aware of how frustrating he was being.

"Valkyrie, we are going to go to the _mansion_, and you are going to pack, too. Then, we'll go to _my_ house, just like Erskine and Ghastly. We will all meet there _together, _and I will pack, and we will make _plans_."

By the end of his immature tirade, he was being slapped by Ghastly, poked by Valkyrie and the back of his seat was being kicked by Erskine.


	2. To Skulduggery or not to Skulduggery

**OMG I LOVE YOU GUYS! Thank you so much to everyone reading this story, and even more so to the people who have followed, favourited and reviewed! ****THANK YOU! Xxxx Your support means EVERYTHING!**

***A key thing to mention is that in my story, the reflection never turned rogue; it's still normal, yet incredibly lifelike.**

* * *

By the time the four had congregated at Skulduggery's house, it was midnight, and they were all fighting off sleep.

Well, all except for Skulduggery, who seemed to be energetic and in his element, since he had no need for sleep and every need to be annoying.

"Isn't this fun? A life on the run! Oh, I'm a poet, and I didn't even know it! Or did I just choose not to show it? Come on Valkyrie, crack a smile! This is better than working on case files! Erskine, Ghastly, lighten up- or I'll hit you with Cain's teacup! What a great way this is to make the time pass; annoying you and getting up your-"

"_Skulduggery!_" yelled Ghastly and Valkyrie, whilst Erskine just sniggered at the fact that Skulduggery had nearly said "arse"- yup, he was this immature.

"Right," said Ghastly, who, tired of Skulduggery getting them nowhere, decided to step in and take over. "We need to think of a safe place, call the other Dead Men and arrange everything, and organise supplies to take and how to maintain them, as well as making sure we get to the location without being tracked or followed. Everyone clear so far?"

"Yes," said Erskine and Valkyrie, but Skulduggery, being Skulduggery, decided that he wasn't finished being annoying yet.

"Ghastly, I'm clear, as a glass full of beer. Interpret that however you please- I assure you it will contain no ease. But, back to the matter at hand, we must ensure we all know what's been planned. My, I love these outings and treks- from my memory, this is better than-"

"_SKULDUGGERY!_" screamed Ghastly and Valkyrie once again, but this time Erskine could not contain himself and roared with laughter, even more so when given, along with Skulduggery, two glares that could _kill_.

Ghastly and Valkyrie just stared at the two; one an idiotic skeleton, knowing not when to shut up, and possessing an ego the size of Mars, and the other a low-intelligence man, who caused face palms all over the magical community only one month into his reign as Grand Mage, when it was discovered that he could not work a calculator ("_The plus looks like the times button! Or was it the divide...?" _He had said in his defence.).

Ghastly had grown tired of waiting for the two to sober up, and slapped them both on the back, and then on top of the head. As they over-dramatically writhed in pain, Valkyrie said,

"So, do you know of any safe places we can stay in? Preferably in Ireland; I think we should all stay here in case the situation at the Sanctuary changes. Also, the weather has _finally_ gotten better, and this looks like the first summer ever where it's not going to rain, and I _need_ a tan."

"Well, actually I was thinking the same thing," said Ghastly, but at Valkyrie's baffled look he quickly added, "but not about a tan! About the fact that we need to stay in Ireland. It's ideal that we'll be able to keep a close eye on the Sanctuary, and I'm sure we will once we get into the safe place; we'll organise a few missions of breaking into the Sanctuary and stealing paperwork about their latest cases, just so we can see how far they've got with finding us and the other Dead Men."

Skulduggery and Erskine, who, by now, had seemingly reverted back to normal (not that their "normal" behaviour was any better) agreed with the plan.

"Now the most important and fundamental issue," Skulduggery began, "is finding somewhere to stay. Are you aware of the old warehouse in the south, the one that has been deserted for years? Used to be owned by Blade Storm, fellow Elemental who died a while ago? Valkyrie, I think you and I solved a case there once. Well, _I_ did, with my amazing detective skills, while you, I seem to remember, were intent on "_finding the damn pigeon which pooped in my hair and boiling it alive"_. If no one else has any suggestions, then this is where we shall head. It's got various rooms on the ground floor, including a massive banqueting hall where we can train, as well as a large professional kitchen. Also, there are two other floors; the first floor has mostly storage rooms, and a couple of bathrooms, and the second floor has about three or four bedrooms, all magical and self-cleaning, much like Anton's hotel. It sounds perfect. Now we just need the other Dead Men, and we're ready to go."

Surprised at the abrupt change in maturity levels from Skulduggery, it took the three a while for all the information to soak in, but they soon agreed that it was an ideal place to stay, and that the next course of action should be to call the others.

However, they all had something else on their mind, too. _How long would they be staying there? How long would they be on the run?_ Ghastly hated being away from home, away from what he was used to and comfortable with. It was the routines of everyday life that kept him sane. Erskine was used to moving around and adventuring; it was what he had done before taking the job as Grand Mage. However, having to stay confined in one place was completely different, and he hated the nature of it.

Skulduggery was, on the other hand, used to striking from the shadows, and flourished in the realm of war, no matter how big or small that war was. However, having to spend time with the people that knew you most meant that it would only be a matter of time before they found out that he had _loved_ being Lord Vile. The power was intoxicating, and he craved it like an addiction. Being the true friends that they were, they had accepted Lord Vile as something that Skulduggery couldn't control, and what happened in the war with Mevolent, particularly involving Ghastly's mother, was forgotten. But what would they say if they figured out how power hungry he really was? Surely it would only be a matter of time before they discovered it...

Valkyrie was anxious, too. She didn't know what to expect being on the run. She knew it would be dangerous, but that was it. She could easily be killed, and no one would know. Once again, she was leaving her mortal life behind as she ran off into danger. She could be _killed_, and nobody would never guess that her reflection was not actually the real Stephanie.

But it was worth it. However long it would be that they were stuck there, she didn't mind. She was with friends, _close_ friends. Her chosen family. _Besides, _she thought to herself, _I'll be stuck with five exceedingly handsome men and one charming skeleton for company. This will be _fun.


	3. Anton

**Once again, thank you immensely to anyone who's reading this story, and to the people who have reviewed! **

**So, the next couple of chapters will be the conversations that are had with the other Dead Men when they're being told of the situation. This is Anton's.**

* * *

**Anton**: Hello?

**Skulduggery**: Hi, Anton. You've probably already heard, but we're kind of exiles now.

**Anton**: No... I didn't hear about that, Skulduggery...

**Skulduggery**: Oh... Well... Surprise! We're exiles!

**Anton**: Skulduggery, just get to whatever point you're trying to make, please.

**Skulduggery**: All in good time, my friend, now just lose yourself in my beautifully velvet voice and-

(_There's a small scuffle and muffled yelling)_

**Valkyrie**: Hi Anton, ignore him, he's being a moron.

**Anton**: Yes, I gathered. How are you, Valkyrie? It's been a while.

**Valkyrie**: I'm great, thank you; just getting a bit tired of a certain skeleton who seems to think that the fact that we're on the run is an excuse to be even more of an imbecile than usual.

**Anton**: Ah, so he wasn't joking about that bit, then.

**Valkyrie**: Unfortunately not.

**Anton**: May I ask why we're on the run?

**Valkyrie**: Well, apparently we, the Dead Men, chickened out in the war, and we didn't stop it soon enough because we are wimps. So, the Sanctuary has basically put the blame for everything, all the casualties and money and stuff, on _us_, and they're hunting us down for our blood. They're getting a little hyper, basically. Oh, and they don't like the idea of Darquesse and Lord Vile being kept alive, even though they can't be controlled. Ummm... Yeah I think that covers it.

**Anton**: So-

**Valkyrie**: Oh yeah! The whole reason that we called is to tell you to meet us at Blade Storm's old warehouse.

**Anton**: The elemental?

**Valkyrie**: Yeah, him.

**Anton**: I take it that's our headquarters, then. The Hotel is due to arrive near there in a few days, so I'll see you then. I assume Ghastly is there with you?

**Valkyrie**: Yeah, and Erskine. Wanna speak to them?

**Anton**: Only Ghastly, please. I fail to think of any way that Erskine will be useful. I just have a few questions to ask.

**Valkyrie**: Sure, one sec.

(_Another scuffle, and a muffled, "No, Erskine, not you, only Ghastly. Erskine! Give the phone back! ERSKINE!")_

**Erskine**: Hi, Anton. I love you.

**Anton**: Could you put Ghastly on, Ravel?

**Erskine**: I had a dream last night. You and me were running towards each other, naked, and then we got to each other and we-

(_A loud SLAP is heard, and the phone is dropped.)_

**Ghastly**: Anton, ignore him. He's just being...

**Anton**: Himself?

**Ghastly**: Yes, I guess that's the only way to put it.

**Anton**: Funny, Valkyrie told me to ignore Skulduggery, too. It must be hell being stuck with those two.

**Ghastly**: Yeah, me and Valkyrie are trying to rein 'em in. But, well, it's just not working.

**Anton**: Anyway, about this whole exile thing... Was there really no other choice?

**Ghastly**: I'm afraid not. We were literally chased out of the Sanctuary. I know you try not to get involved with these things, but the Dead Men are strongest together, and we're going to need to be strong for what's coming.

**Anton**: Ok, I... understand. Just remember, Bespoke, war is _never_ the only option. _Ever_. I don't appreciate you lot dragging the rest of us into this mess which you could have easily sorted out another way. However, I will meet you at the warehouse in a few days, and will stay until the issue is resolved.

**Ghastly**: Thanks, Anton; I honestly am grateful.

**Anton**: I'll see you soon.

**Ghastly**: Of course.

**Anton**: And, Ghastly? Tell Erskine that if he ever dreams of me again, and it's not a nightmare in which I am physically hurting him, he can expect to be hit. _A lot. _And, yes, I will know if he's done so.

**Ghastly**: Yeah, will do. See you at the warehouse.

**Anton**: Goodbye.

Ghastly hung up the phone, and looked over at the others. Erskine was doodling on a scrap piece of paper (which looked strangely similar to the report that Skulduggery had been writing for the past week), writing words that looked a lot like "_Anton, my baby_" all around the page, emphasised by love hearts.

Skulduggery, on the other hand, was being held against the far wall of his living room by Valkyrie's shadows, with duct tape running along his Cheshire grin.

_So that's why Skulduggery had been so quiet..._


	4. Dexter

**Thanks again for the views, and the kind words!**

**Here's how Dexter was persuaded! Up next is Saracen.**

* * *

**Dexter**: What?

**Skulduggery**: Hello to you, too, Dexter. I'm not sure if you're aware, and I'm not going to assume that you are because I did that with Anton and it did _not_ go well, but the Dead Men are currently being hunted, and-

**Dexter**: YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT, SKUL? I'M BEING _CHASED THROUGH BAVARIA_!

**Skulduggery**: Oh, I guess they've caught up with you, then.

**Dexter**: Oh, you think!?

**Skulduggery**: Yeah, they believe it's our fault that the war lasted so long and so many people died. Well, when you next get the chance, meet us in-

**Dexter**: HOLY CRAP, THEY'VE GOT MACHINE GUNS!

**Skulduggery**: Dexter, call Fletcher. He's been to Bavaria; he'll come and get you.

**Dexter**: Haven't you heard? Fletcher Renn was captured an hour ago- he's being held in the Irish Sanctuary. They're scared that he'll- OH SWEET JESUS!

(_Gunshots are heard_)

**Dexter**: Listen, Skul, I'll call you back.

(_Line goes dead_)

Skulduggery stood at the window of the living room, shouting into the phone. "Dexter? _DEXTER_?" However, it became clear that Vex had hung up.

"What happened?" asked Valkyrie.

"Dexter's being attacked; they've caught up to him. From what I gathered, they had guns and he's in Bavaria," Skulduggery said grimly.

"Do you think he'll make it out alive?" asked Erskine. "Wait- send Fletcher down there! He can-"

"Fletcher's been captured, Erskine," interrupted Skulduggery. "He's of no use to anyone right now until we can get him out of his cell at the Sanctuary."

Ghastly, who had remained silent up to this point, spoke. "If anyone can beat a group of men with guns, it's Dexter. You've all seen him on the battlefield; he's a war machine. In fact, he'll probably be calling again right about now…"

Skulduggery's mobile rang.

Everyone stared at Ghastly.

"I thought it was only Saracen who could do that," said Valkyrie, as Skulduggery answered the phone.

**Skulduggery**: Dexter- are you okay?

**Dexter**: Yeah, and the guys are taken care of. Oh, I picked up a few guns, too.

**Skulduggery**: Good, now what I was saying before is that we are on the run-

**Dexter**: Yeah, kinda established that by now, Skul.

**Skulduggery**: -and the Sanctuary is hunting us. _All_ of us. So, we think that it's safest for us if we stick together.

**Dexter**: Sure, count me in. Managed to persuade Anton yet?

**Skulduggery**: Just about, but it wasn't easy. He wasn't happy with us, put it that way.

**Dexter**: So where are we meeting?

**Skulduggery**: Have you heard of Blade Storm? He owned a warehouse in the south.

**Dexter**: Yeah, that elemental weirdo. Didn't like me much, although I did try and hug him all the time… ahh those were the days… How does _he_ tie into all this?

**Skulduggery**: He's dead.

**Dexter**: Oh…

**Skulduggery**: But, his warehouse sounds like the perfect place to stay. No one will suspect it, and it's desolate- practically in the middle of nowhere.

**Dexter**: Great, I'll meet you there in a few days; as soon as I can pack and catch a plane. Say hi to Val for me. She's 24 now, right? Where _has_ the time gone…?

**Skulduggery**: Will do. Bye, Dexter.

**Dexter**: Bye, Skuttlebug.

"Well, that's Anton and Dexter done," said Skulduggery, relieved.

"So, now it's just…" began Valkyrie.

"…Saracen," finished Erskine.

"Oh, hell. He always makes things… awkward. Bagsy I'm not talking to him!" said Ghastly hastily.

"Count me out!" added Erskine.

"I've just done Dexter, so…" Skulduggery trailed off, looking at Valkyrie.

She sighed. "I guess I've got Saracen. Whoopee," she said, without enthusiasm. _This is gonna be great(!)_


	5. Saracen

**Thank you for all the reviews!**

* * *

**Saracen**: Hey, gorgeous, how are ya?

**Valkyrie**: Ummm good, you?

**Saracen**: All the better for talking to _you_.

**Valkyrie**: Yeah... Listen, are you aware of the situation?

**Saracen**: What, between Erskine and Anton?

**Valkyrie**: God help me...

**Saracen**: I'm joking, yeah of course I do! I know things, remember?

**Valkyrie**: Okay, good, so I don't have to explain it, then, so-

**Saracen**: Well, you could explain it if you _want_ to, and I _love_ the sound of your voice.

**Valkyrie**: Shut. Up.

**Saracen**: Not until you admit you love me.

**Valkyrie**: So, anyway, we're basically all gonna congregate at-

**Saracen**: Blade Storm's warehouse, yeah I know, Val.

**Valkyrie**: Oh, um, yeah. And Dexter and Anton are on their way, too.

**Saracen**: Yup, Dexter was attacked, wasn't he? Made it out alive, though, of course.

**Valkyrie**: Okay, how the _hell_ do you know all this?

**Saracen**: I know things.

**Valkyrie**: Saracen, I _will_ hurt you...

**Saracen**: Ouch, Val. Okay, fine, Dexter called me.

**Valkyrie**: I knew it!

**Saracen**: But I _usually_ know things...

**Valkyrie**: Like?

**Saracen**: Like the fact that you _love_ me.

**Valkyrie**: I don't love you, Saracen.

**Saracen**: You just keep telling yourself that.

**Valkyrie**: Yeah...

**Saracen**: You sound tired, Val.

**Valkyrie**: Yeah, dunno why, though.

**Saracen**: I know why.

**Valkyrie**: Enlighten me.

**Saracen**: 'Cause you've been running through my mind all day.

**Valkyrie**: Cheesy. Cute, but cheesy.

**Saracen**: You know, sleep is my second favourite thing to do in bed.

**Valkyrie**: I really didn't wanna know that, Saracen.

**Saracen**: You're not gonna make this easy, eh, Val?

**Valkyrie**: Huh?

**Saracen**: You look great today, by the way.

**Valkyrie**: Uhhh thanks... How do you know?

**Saracen**: I know things, like the fact that you look great _every_ day.

**Valkyrie**: Yeah. Listen, Saracen, is this going anywhere? We're kinda busy, you know...

**Saracen**: Have you smelt the upsexy yet?

**Valkyrie**: What. The. Hell...

**Saracen**: Y'know... The upsexy...

**Valkyrie**: What's upsexy?

**Saracen**: Nothing much, you?

**Valkyrie**: I hate you.

**Saracen**: Nah, you love me! You just don't know it yet.

**Valkyrie**: I'm pretty sure I know how I feel about you, Saracen.

**Saracen**: Don't worry, I'll make you love me, Val. You'll see.

**Valkyrie**: Course I will... So how long will you take to get to the warehouse?

**Saracen**: I'll be there in a couple of days. You know, I have a pen, you have a phone number. Just think of the possibilities.

**Valkyrie**: I have a fist, you have a face. Think of _those_ possibilities.

**Saracen**: You have a tongue, I have a-

**Valkyrie**: SARACEN! God, you're nearly as bad as Skulduggery- in fact, you're _worse_.

**Saracen**: I take it it's working, then. You've had a lot of injuries in the past, right, Val?

**Valkyrie**: Good God, where the hell is _this_ one going?

**Saracen**: You may fall from the sky, you may fall from a tree, but the best way to fall is in love with me.

**Valkyrie**: Been taking poetry lessons from Skulduggery?

**Saracen**: Why, is it working?

**Valkyrie**: Look, Saracen; Skulduggery won't shut up about how this call is costing him a lot of money, can-

**Saracen**: You like fast food, Val?

**Valkyrie**: Yeah, I guess...

**Saracen**: I'll be Burger King, you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

**Valkyrie**: _SARACEN_! You bloody perv! Stop trying to charm me!

**Saracen**: That means it's working.

**Valkyrie**: OW!

**Saracen**: What's up?

**Valkyrie**: Skulduggery threw his book at me 'cause I'm taking too long. Thanks a lot, Saracen(!)

**Saracen**: My pleasure, Val.

**Valkyrie**: You sure you know where the warehouse is?

**Saracen**: Yes, Valkyrie, and I appreciate your immense concern for my wellbeing, but, please, try not to make it so obvious that you secretly love me, although your open worry is touching.

**Valkyrie**: What are you on about? Actually, forget it, I think I've stopped caring, to be honest. Just make sure you're there soon. And Saracen?

**Saracen**: Yes, dear?

**Valkyrie**: Be careful.

**Saracen**: Can't promise anything.

"How did it go?" asked Skulduggery, once Valkyrie had rung off.

"He's the most annoying... Ok, _second_ most annoying person I know," she said, glaring at Skulduggery.

"What have I done now?" He asked.

"It's your fault that I had to speak to him, and have to listen to how much he _loves_ me!" she whined.

At this, Ghastly and Erskine looked up. "Wait, _what_?" asked Erskine.

"Val, you do know how determined Saracen is, right?" questioned Ghastly.

"What do you mean?" asked Valkyrie, who was completely confused. Saracen was just being... Saracen. He didn't really love her, did he?

"Once he has his eyes on a girl, he does everything he can to make sure he gets her. He won't stop until she's his. And, just like that, he'll drop her. He'll leave without a second thought. Why do you think we were chased out of so many villages as Dead Men? There _was_ truth to the stories we told you, Val," Ghastly said.

"We just don't want to see you get hurt," added Skulduggery.

"Guys, I can't tell if you're joking or not. Saracen does _not_ fancy me, he's just being weird!"

"That may be so, but Saracen is quite the charmer, Valkyrie," said Skulduggery, "so it won't be hard for him to seduce you if he pleases."

"He even seduced _me_ once," added Erskine helpfully.

"Eww, Erskine, I don't wanna know!"

"Just make sure you never go anywhere with him alone, Val. It'll only end badly," said Erskine.

"Look, I appreciate your concern, guys, really, but I'm 24! I think I'll be able to handle it if Saracen approaches me, honestly," retorted Valkyrie. "Besides, I'm not exactly the good girlfriend myself, am I?"

"So, you're saying that you and Saracen are perfect for each other?" asked Skulduggery doubtfully.

"_No!_ I'm saying, just cut him a little slack. I'm not in love with him, don't worry."

"Well, now that that's sorted, we've got to make our way to the warehouse. We'll leave tomorrow morning, _early_," he said, looking directly at Valkyrie.

"I'm _always_ up early, Skulduggery!" she said innocently.

"That depends on who's perspective you look at it from," he replied.

"Who cares about perspective?"

"Life is all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle for the lobsters in the ship's kitchen."

"You're so..."

"Clever?"

"Strange."

"You really hate being active, don't you?" asked Ghastly, grinning.

She turned to him. "My favourite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch. It's called lunch."

Erskine snorted with laughter. "Well, in that case, I think we'd better get to sleep. We've got an early start tomorrow."

"Agreed. Where's everyone sleeping?" asked Skulduggery. "I'll meditate in my chair," he added.

"I'll sleep in my room upstairs, unless one of you two wants it," said Valkyrie, looking at Erskine and Ghastly.

"No, it's fine, Valkyrie; thanks anyway. I'll be fine on the couch," said Ghastly.

"Yeah, I think I'll be alright down here, too. Unless you wanna _share_ the bed..." Erskine said, smilling suggestively.

"Uh, no, Erskine. I'm alright, thanks..." said Valkyrie, and she went up to her room quickly, hearing Skulduggery and Erskine chortling happily, and two loud slaps being heard, abruptly cutting off the laughter.


	6. Awkward

**On with the story! :)**

* * *

"Wake up, wake up, wake up!" sang Skulduggery, as he danced through the house. It was 4am, and he was the only one awake.

Erskine stumbled down the stairs, wearing only boxers, showing off his impressive physique. "Skulduggery, what's your bloody problem?" he groaned. "It's four in the flipping morning- what are you _doing_?"

"Ah, Erskine, you're up! Come on, get some breakfast and then get ready to leave!"

"When you said early... I was thinking more like 7am, or 6am at _least_," he complained.

"Nonsense, you know what they say! The early bird catches the worm!"

"But the second mouse gets the cheese," said Ghastly, coming down the stairs. He was in an unbuttoned shirt and blue jeans, and looked just as annoyed as Erskine. "Seriously, Skul, it's too early."

"Hah, I wonder how mad Valkyrie will be..." began Erskine, looking at Skulduggery, grinning.

"Well, let's find out!" he said gleefully, and before anyone could stop him, he went dancing up the stairs to Valkyrie's room. A few seconds later, an extremely loud and out-of-tune voice could be heard singing 'Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go' by Wham.

"_Wake me up before you go-go_," sang Skulduggery, in the most annoying voice any of them had ever heard. "_Take me dancing tonight. I wanna hit that hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh_," and at this bit, Skulduggery literally screeched the high note, holding it for a crazy amount of time, having no lungs to tire.

Erskine and Ghastly, by this point, were on their knees, laughing uncontrollably. Just then, they heard Valkyrie's bedroom door open, and her menacing voice sounded like it was threatening Skulduggery. The door slammed shut a few moments later.

Skulduggery trudged down the stairs, muttering to himself.

"What did she threaten you with _this_ time?" asked Ghastly.

"She said she'd..." muttered Skulduggery, and then trailed off at the end.

"What? Speak up!"

"She said she'd turn me into a girl skeleton," said Skulduggery sulkily.

Erskine and Ghastly were now crying with laughter, holding onto each other for support.

"Well, she still needs to get up," grumbled Skulduggery, and he went back up the stairs and towards Valkyrie's room. "I'm not gonna miss this," said Erskine, and ran up after him, Ghastly hot on his heels.

"Valkyrie," said Skulduggery nervously. "Umm... we have to go, so could you get up?"

"_Please_," whispered Ghastly.

"Please," Skulduggery added quickly.

Skulduggery waited a moment, then shrugged to the others, and tried to open the door. It didn't open. He then stepped back, and rammed his shoulder into it. The door didn't budge.

"Go away!" shouted Valkyrie in a muffled voice.

"No!" yelled Skulduggery back.

"Why not?" exclaimed Valkyrie.

"Because!"

"'Cause what?"

"Because I said so!"

"I don't care!"

"Well, you should!"

"Why should I?"

"Because I'm your partner!"

"_So?_"

"So you should have some _respect!_"

"Do you really think that _you_ deserve respect?!"

"Yes, now show me some and _get out of bed!_"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO, NO, NO!"

"YES, YES, YES!"

"SKULDUGGERY!" roared Ghastly. "_SHUT UP_!"

"NO!" yelled Skulduggery.

"YES!"

"NO!"

"YES!"

"NO!"

"_HAH_! You said _no_!" came Valkyrie's muffled voice.

"NO, I DIDN'T!"

"YES, YOU DID!"

"SKULDUGGERY, _PLEASE_ SHUT UP!" shouted Ghastly.

"NO, I WON'T!"

"STOP BEING A BABY!"

"I'M NOT!

"YES, YOU ARE!"

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"YES, YOU ARE!"

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"YES, YOU ARE!"

"NO, I'M NOT!"

"_GUYS!"_ shouted Erskine.

"WHAT?!" they both roared.

"THE DOOR WAS UNLOCKED ALL THIS TIME!" he yelled, twisting the handle and opening it.

"_Ohhh_..." muttered Skulduggery, and Ghastly glared at him, and wacked him round the skull.

They stepped into the mess that was Valkyrie's room. In the middle of the room was a single bed, and a large mound under the duvet indicated that Valkyrie was sitting on top of it.

All of a sudden, Skulduggery pounced onto the mound, and Valkyrie shrieked. "Skulduggery, get _off_ me!"

"That looks so wrong..." Erskine began.

"Tell me about it," said Ghastly.

"GOTCHA!" yelled Skulduggery a few moments later, who was standing up, holding Valkyrie securely in front of him, her hands being held behind her back as if she was a criminal. But that's not all that was seen.

Valkyrie was wearing a small, midnight-blue nightie, which complimented her dark locks, and left little to the imagination. And, judging by the severe blush on her cheeks, she knew of this little fact. Her chest stuck out more than usual, due to the way that Skulduggery was pulling down on her wrists, making her upper body curve outwards. Without trying, he was making her look incredibly sexy.

Erskine wolf-whistled softly, and at this, Valkyrie glanced up, to see Erskine looking her over, his eyes finally coming to a stop on her legs... Erskine, who had nothing on but a pair of boxers. Valkyrie took this time to admire his physique, which, she admitted, was _amazing_.

Ghastly cleared his throat awkwardly. "Ummm... Skulduggery, could I have a word, please," he said, glaring at him.

"But I just _caught_ her!" Skulduggery whined.

"Oh, you caught her all right..." muttered Erskine.

When it became clear that Skulduggery wasn't going to move, Ghastly walked over, gently released Valkyrie's wrists from his grip, and dragged him out of the room, much to his protests.

Now it was just Erskine and Valkyrie.

"I, uh, need to go shower," said Valkyrie, gathering her things. She turned away from Erskine and attempted to tidy her bed.

"Let me," he said, coming up behind her, and putting a gentle hand on her bare arm.

"Thank you," Valkyrie smiled at him, heart pounding in her chest, and she gathered her clothes and left the room, and a few seconds later, the shower could be heard.

Erskine straightened the sheets and adjusted the pillow and duvet. _Man, I didn't know she was that hot, _he thought to himself._ My kind of girl._

Once he was done, he took a rose from a vase in the window, and laid it on the pillow. He knew exactly when and how to be romantic, and had charmed many a woman through flowers before.

He left the room, and went to put some clothes on.

* * *

Valkyrie came out of the shower soon after, and saw the rose. _What a charmer_, she thought. However, what she didn't want to admit was that it was working. She was being seduced.

Dressed now in her black reinforced clothes, her hair tumbling down her shoulders, Valkyrie went down the stairs and entered the kitchen. Ghastly was sitting at the table, in a light blue shirt, sleeves rolled up to his forearms, and blue jeans. He was seated opposite Skulduggery, who was dressed to perfection as usual, but this time minus his hat. Erskine was leaning against the fridge, in dark jeans and a white shirt, the first few buttons open. He flashed a grin at her, and she returned it with a dazzling smile.

"Valkyrie, Skulduggery has something he wants to tell you," said Ghastly, then looked at Skulduggery.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at him. "Yes, Skulduggery?"

"I am very sorry for waking you up early," he began in a voice that suggested that he had rehearsed this many times, and was, in fact, not sorry at all. "I am also very sorry for... what was it again?" asked Skulduggery, who then yelped as Ghastly kicked his leg under the table, and whispered something harshly to him.

"Oh yes!" he said hastily. "For not considering things from your point of view, and for embarrassing you greatly. There, now can I have my hat back?"

"Here," grunted Ghastly, who stood up and picked it up from his chair, and then threw it at Skulduggery, who caught it in one hand. He stared at Ghastly in horror.

"You were _sitting_ on it...? You were sitting on my hat!" he said with disbelief.

"I was," confirmed Ghastly.

Valkyrie rolled her eyes and went to open the fridge, but Erskine wouldn't budge. He grinned mischievously at her. "Can I help you?" he asked.

"Erskine, I have been woken up at the crack of dawn- no, _before_ the crack of dawn, I've been humiliated in front of three of my closest friends, and I have had to listen to an _awful_ rendition of what used to be one of my favourite songs but is now one I cannot listen to without picturing Skulduggery singing it, which is not a good thing, and I have a feeling he's going to keep up the singing for the rest of the day, so please_, please_ move out of my way," she said, close to begging.

"Someone looks like they need a hug!" said Erskine devilishly, and, before she knew what was happening, he had wrapped his arms around her tightly. Sighing, she relaxed into the hug, and rested her head on his shoulder. Erskine was warm and smelled luxurious, and was strangely comforting.

"You're a good hugger," she sighed.

"I know," he whispered into her ear, making her spine tingle. His hands rubbed her back in calming motions, but she could've sworn that one dropped down and grazed her rear gently.

Skulduggery, ever the detective, seemed to notice it as well, as he unnecessarily cleared his throat and said, "Valkyrie, we need to leave urgently, so could you grab something to eat _quickly_?"

She reluctantly pulled away from Erskine, and turned and opened the fridge. Grabbing a pizza slice from a couple of days ago, she closed the door and put the slice in the microwave, taking it out a minute later.

"NOBODY MOVE!" shouted Skulduggery.

Valkyrie looked up in shock, whilst Ghastly and Erskine just stared at him.

"Who...drew...on...my..._REPORT_?" he roared, picking up a piece of paper from the table, which had been graffitied on all over.

Everyone looked at Erskine.

"It, uh, it wasn't me..." he tried.

"Oh, so it wasn't you who wrote '_Anton my baby_' all over it, as well as cover the page in LOVE HEARTS?!"

"Uhhh... no," denied Erskine, sinking into a seat at the table.

"So it wasn't you who did all that, _plus_ draw a massive heart in the middle with the words '_Anton and Erskine forever_' in it?"

"Ok, I may have gotten a bit carried away," tried Erskine.

"Now, now, Skulduggery, remember your anger management classes..." said Valkyrie.

Skulduggery took deep, unnecessary breaths in and out, then said, in an overly calm voice, "Erskine, I want you to rewrite the entire report, word for word, by next week..." Skulduggery trailed off, and sharply looked up. "You know what? I just realised something..."

"What?" asked Erskine nervously, scared that this realisation was linked to a punishment for him.

"We don't work for the Sanctuary any more. I don't have to give in that report, which would've gone to you in the end, anyway," said Skulduggery.

"So... you're okay with the fact that I drew on it?" asked Erskine hopefully.

"No! Of course not! That thing took time and effort, and...", he faltered, "effort and, uh, time."

Erskine glanced doubtfully at Valkyrie and Ghastly.

"I want an exact copy of it, Erskine," said Skulduggery sternly.

Valkyrie sighed at Skulduggery's stupidity.

She sat down next to Ghastly and started eating, whilst the others talked about the warehouse. She, however, couldn't concentrate, and was instead thinking about Erskine. _Did he really just touch my butt? Do I even like him? Is he just trying to seduce me for fun? Just how long was he staring at my legs for? Should I thank him for the rose? Should I play along_? Her thoughts whirled around her head. _Stupid Skulduggery. Stupid skeleton getting me up early, now my head hurts._

Valkyrie groaned softly and put her head in her hands, and began to massage her temples. "You okay, Valkyrie?" asked Erskine, concerned.

"Flipping headache," she muttered. "Too early."

Ghastly stood up and began massaging her shoulders. She started to feel better. "Wow, thanks Ghastly, I already feel better," she said gratefully. "

My pleasure," he replied.

Just then, Erskine yelled, "_INCOMING_!" as something crashed through the window.

A bomb.

Ghastly pulled Valkyrie up and they ran for the front door, Skulduggery and Erskine choosing to jump out of the window instead, as they were close to it.

All of a sudden, there was an incredible explosion, which shook the house and enveloped it in a ball of fire. Valkyrie and Ghastly were thrown forward, and crashed through the front wall of the house, their visions fading to blackness.


	7. Funny Bones

**Are there any villains that anyone really wants me to include in the story in one way or another? and I mean _anyone, _dead or alive. I personally love Billy Ray Sanguine, so he will definitely come into it later. I'll add as many as you want, and who knows- they may even end up working _together_ against the Dead Men... ;)**

* * *

When Valkyrie regained consciousness, she found that she was lying in the backseat of the Bentley, her head on someone's lap. She looked up into Erskine's concerned face.

"She's awake," he said.

She looked around, and saw Skulduggery in the driving seat, and Ghastly next to him. She winced against the headache that was luring her back into unconsciousness, but felt Erskine place a cool, damp cloth on her forehead. "Thanks," she muttered.

"No problem," he grinned. "That was quite some explosion."

_Explosion_? she thought. Then it all came back to her. "Ghastly..." she began, and tried sitting up, but failed and fell back onto Erskine's lap. She hissed in pain, and felt Erskine stroking her hair.

"He's fine, Val," he said. "Just a couple of bruises. Same here, and Skulduggery, of course, came out without a scratch. It's you we should be worried about."

At this point, Skulduggery took over, "You were thrown through a _wall_, Valkyrie. Your jacket protected you, but your left wrist was broken. It's still mending, though we've done what we can with it. However, you lost your jacket during the explosion, so... you were burned. Badly. They're on your back and down your right arm. The burns themselves have faded to red marks, now, after we applied some healing gel, but they're still going to be _immensely_ sore." He spoke in a hollow voice, and everyone was silent as Valkyrie took these new facts in.

"I'm sorry," Ghastly said eventually, his tone full of remorse. "I should have shielded you, or manipulated the air, or... done _something_."

"It is _not_ your fault, Ghastly. You didn't throw the bomb, so it's nothing to do with you- I don't blame you at _all_," said Valkyrie, determined to make Ghastly realise that he was not to blame. She tried sitting up again, but once again failed. She arched her back against the pain, feeling Erskine wiping the cloth on her forehead again.

"Anyway, who _is_ to blame?" she asked, through gritted teeth.

"The Sanctuary," answered Skulduggery grimly. "Luckily, all of our bags were already loaded into the boot of the Bentley, so Erskine and I dragged you two in and drove away. Now, we're on course to the warehouse. We set off about three hours ago, so we should be there in half an hour."

"Great," said Valkyrie. She really wasn't in the mood for talking or listening or...anything. Her head was pounding, her back was stinging, her arms felt like they were going to drop off. She closed her eyes, just wanting the pain to stop. She heard someone calling her name, their voice distant.

"Val...Val..._Val_!"

"Huh?" she opened her eyes, to find Erskine gently shaking her awake.

"We're here," he whispered. Erskine helped her sit up, his hands firmly on her shoulders, and she looked out of the window. They were outside a massive building, three stories high. It looked ugly and desolate, but at least it wouldn't attract attention or raise suspicions. All around was countryside; field after green field of grass and meadows.

Erskine opened the door and got out, then turned around to help Valkyrie. He held onto her waist, and she had an arm around his neck, and she attempted to take a step. Daggers of pain shot up her legs, making her cry out, and she would've collapsed if it wasn't for Erskine holding her up tightly. "Ow..." she murmured, trying to gather her bearings again.

Hearing her cries of pain, Skulduggery turned around from up ahead, and the next thing she knew, she was being carried bridal-style the rest of the way into the warehouse. She buried her head in Skulduggery's neck, breathing in his familiar scent. "Thanks," she said.

"No problem," he replied simply.

When the two had gone far enough ahead, Erskine muttered to Ghastly, "I would've carried her in just _fine_," in a sulky voice. "Then _he_ had to come."

Ghastly raised an eyebrow. "Erskine, she's too good for you. She deserves someone faithful, who'll stay with her. You know that you'll leave her as soon as you spot someone else."

Erskine sighed. "Yeah, but you could've at least let me _try_. It's not as if I _love_ her, I just... She's twenty-four, Ghastly, and she's grown into a beautiful lady. I guess I didn't think..."

"You are to stay away from her," threatened Ghastly, "because she deserves someone _better_."

"I know. I'm still gonna be her best friend, though. Well, after Skulduggery. And you. Good luck in getting Saracen away from her..."

Ghastly sighed. "I know, and as soon as he shows up, he's gonna be on her. You don't think of Dexter as a threat?"

"No, honestly- he sees Val as a little sister. He loves her, but not romantically," said Erskine.

"Are you two coming in or what?" Skulduggery called back to them.

They hastily gathered their belongings and went through the door.

* * *

The inside of the warehouse seemed even larger than the exterior, due to the lack of furniture. They passed a few offices, then turned a corner into what must have been the large banqueting hall that Skulduggery was talking about before. They walked past it, and entered another door that led into something that resembled a living room. There were three large sofas, an armchair, and a couple of tables.

Skulduggery laid Valkyrie down on one of the sofas, and went to find medical supplies. Erskine went to help him.

"Right- now that we're finally here, do you want anything to eat?" asked Ghastly, trying to be cheerful.

"No thanks- I just want a rest, to be honest. I'm exhausted."

"Well, I think there are some blankets and cushions around here somewhere..." he said, then walked off to find them.

Valkyrie leaned back and stretched. She groaned softly. _At least Erskine's stopped flirting. I prefer him as a best friend. Not a lover_, she thought to herself, and chuckled softly at the thought.

Ghastly returned, and gently placed a couple of cushions under Valkyrie's head, and put a blanket on her. "Thank you, Ghastly," she said gratefully, and closed her eyes.

The last thing she heard was Ghastly saying, "It'll have to do until the bedrooms are sorted."

* * *

She awoke later, feeling refreshed, and was able to sit up by herself. She stood up just as the others came in.

"Ahh, you're up!" said Skulduggery, and wrapped her in a hug.

She smiled into his collar. "And feeling much better, too," she said.

"Excellent," he replied. "We'll have a look at those burns a bit later, but for now, I think you need something to eat."

He led her into the kitchen, Ghastly and Erskine following, and they all sat down around a large dining table, except for Skulduggery, who took a pizza box out of a cupboard, and set it on the table.

"Picked this up on the way here," he said to Valkyrie, as she opened the box and began eating a slice of the Margherita pizza.

"I was eating a pizza slice before the explosion as well," she remarked.

"Bon appetit!" said Erskine, as he took a slice, too, closely followed by Ghastly.

"I think you mean, _bone_ appetit!" grinned Valkyrie.

"Oh god, not this again..." Skulduggery sighed.

"Bringing out the skeleton puns again, Val?" chuckled Ghastly.

"Yup, 100% guaranteed to annoy him," she said smugly. Skulduggery groaned and laid his head on the table.

"What's wrong, am I getting under your skin?" teased Valkyrie. "Don't have the stomach for it?"

Skulduggery lifted his head slightly and said, "Valkyrie, please, this is _torture_."

"Oh, come on, Sherlock Bones, lighten up!"

"Don't fancy any pizza? How about spare ribs instead?" Erskine joined in, laughing.

"Oh god, guys, these 'jokes' are _awful_!" said an annoyed Skulduggery.

"What's up? Did we strike a nerve?" grinned Valkyrie.

"Lacking in funny bones?" said Erskine, and he and Valkyrie took it in turns to say a terrible, _terrible_ skeleton joke, much to Ghastly's amusement and Skulduggery's discomfort.

"Don't find us humerus?"

"Numbskull!"

"You're so hard-headed!"

"Not tickling your ribs?"

"This conversation is getting a little dis-jointed..."

"You're so spineless!"

"You don't have the guts to answer!"

"We can see right through you!"

"Oh, are you skullking?

"How heartless!"

"Got a femur?"

"Ever considered music? You could play the trombone!"

"Or become Pelvis Presley!"

"Don't have the balls to stand up for yourself?"

"STOP IT!" roared Skulduggery, finally having had enough. He got up and _ran_ out of the room, Erskine and Valkyrie chasing after him with more awful jokes.

_Well, at least her injuries have gone down_, thought Ghastly.

Now, all that was left to do was wait for the arrival of the others, and they could begin formulating their plans. Including how to break into the Sanctuary.


	8. An Arrival

**Thank you for your reviews!**

**This one's slightly shorter, but to compensate I will update either later today or tomorrow. ****Thanks again for the continued support; I can't express how much it means to me!**

* * *

_Knock, knock, knock._

A sharp rap was heard on the door of the warehouse, annoying a sleepy Valkyrie. They were yet to allocate rooms, as well as even clean them out, so Erskine, Ghastly and Valkyrie had each claimed one of the sofas, and had slept in the 'living room', as they were now calling it. Meanwhile, Skulduggery had meditated in the armchair, but had soon grown restless and, whilst everyone was asleep, had begun whistling, humming and drumming his fingers. After having countless cushions, and even _shoes_, thrown at him once he had woken up the other three, he was soon chased out of the room by a furious Valkyrie.

With her burns irritating her, she could not get back to sleep, but she was finally starting to drift off again when, of course, someone had to knock on the door.

"I swear, if this isn't someone I wanna see, I'm biting their head off and using it as a pillow," she grumbled to herself. She got up and walked into the lobby, to see Skulduggery stalking towards the door with his gun drawn. There was no sign of Erskine or Ghastly; they had probably gotten up earlier than her and were making breakfast.

Skulduggery inched forwards slowly. Valkyrie tried to fix her hair, and decided to just let it out of its ponytail. She smoothed out her black clothes, and looked up when Skulduggery opened the door, to a handsome man with long black hair, dressed in a formal black suit, with a small suitcase next to him.

Skulduggery opened the door wider, and greeted Anton Shudder with a warm handshake. "Glad you could make it," said Skulduggery, as if he had just popped over for a friendly visit, trying to mask the danger of the situation that they had found themselves in.

Anton turned to Valkyrie. "It's been too long," he said, and wrapped her in an affectionate hug, which she gladly returned. She had always liked Anton; he was always hospitable and warm towards her, and made her laugh with the shortest of sentences. He was sophisticated, and had also taken control of his life and built up his own empire- the Midnight Hotel. She admired that, yet, she knew, not to the point of romance. He was a close friend, and she greatly valued his friendship.

Erskine and Ghastly wandered into the lobby to see what the fuss was about, and were surprised to see Anton, before giving him enthusiastic hugs. Anton, however, was wary of Erskine after their awkward phone conversation, and this wariness only increased when Erskine batted his eyelashes at him.

"Erskine, drop it," said Ghastly, grinning, and Erskine obliged, leading the others into the kitchen where he and Ghastly had prepared sandwiches.

"Have you heard?" asked Anton, never one for small talk. "Sanguine has been broken out of prison by a mystery person, as well as the recent disappearance of the Black Cleaver. Also, the Irish Sanctuary has a new Grand Mage... Any guesses?"

"China?" guessed Valkyrie. Anton shook his head. "She hasn't dared to show her face in public recently; she's not exactly the most popular person right now."

"Hmm... The Supreme Council?" attempted Ghastly.

"Nope," said Anton. "They dissolved a while ago."

"Well," began Erskine, "as far as I'm concerned, the only person who's even _remotely_ worthy of filling my boots is, well, _me_, but I'm _here_, so... are they a republic?"

"No, Erskine," sighed Anton, and everyone wondered how the hell Erskine ever became _Grand Mage_ of Ireland. Skulduggery spoke up with his esteemed deduction.

"Well, the Irish Sanctuary is in a state of chaos at the moment, so I'd imagine that the decision was made in a panicked rush, so on that basis, it would either be a random mage who felt the need to step up, or a Grand Mage from another Sanctuary, wanting to expand their "empire". I find the latter more convincing, so it's just a case of who to go for. It clearly will only be one of the ringleaders of the Supreme Council, as everyone else will have learnt their lesson about trying to control other Sanctuaries. However, so many of them ended up dead that it could instead be a _new_ representative of their Sanctuary. The only two Sanctuaries that come to mind are the German Sanctuary or the English Sanctuary. Simply because of area and location with regard to Ireland, I believe that it is the English Sanctuary who have now taken ownership of the Irish Sanctuary, therefore the new Grand Mage must be Palaver Graves." Skulduggery sat back proudly in his seat, well aware that he had impressed everyone.

"Got it in one," smiled Shudder. "That idiot Graves is Grand Mage, and you know how much he hates us, so we're all in extreme danger. He's being backed by various Sanctuaries around the world, so we do need to be careful."

"What about Sanguine and the Black Cleaver? Do you think we need to worry about them? Do you think they're working _together_?" asked Valkyrie.

"They're definitely threats," answered Skulduggery, "especially with Sanguine's power of tunnelling, but I doubt they're working together. Sanguine likes doing things by himself, for himself."

Valkyrie suddenly sat forward. "I've just thought of something. You know how he's been broken out of prison... Do you think that's the same person who's got the Black Cleaver?"

Everyone was silent, until Ghastly spoke. "It's definitely likely. Too likely. So someone's conspiring against us, building up a little team to take us down, with the likes of Billy-Ray and the Cleaver."

"Well then," began Skulduggery cheerfully, "we'd better just try very hard not to die."


	9. Here Come the Boys

**I really appreciate all of your reviews, they are really inspiring and encouraging, thank you!**

* * *

It was now a few hours later, and the five of them had just finished tidying the bedrooms in the warehouse, and it turned out that there were only three. Two of them had two single beds, and one had a double bed. Therefore, they had to work out who was sleeping with who. However, Ghastly and Anton, ever the fair ones, suggested that they decided only when Dexter and Saracen had arrived, in order to satisfy them as well.

So, now they were bored. However, just then, as if providing an answer for their boredom, a couple of knocks were heard on the front door again, accompanied by a voice calling, "Hello? I heard there was an old fossil, a wicked witch, Tweedledum and Tweedledee in this precise location, as well as possibly a funeral director and an overweight blob who knows stuff. Nope? Doesn't ring any bells?"

Valkyrie ran through the hall and flung open the door, and wrapped Dexter Vex in a hug. "Ahhh, so there _is_ a wicked witch. Decide amongst yourselves who the others are," he grinned.

Valkyrie breathed in, smelling exotic... stuff. She couldn't place her finger on it, but it smelled German, which made sense seeing as he had been in Bavaria when they'd called. He released her, and turned to the others, who had followed Valkyrie in.

"Gladys!" he said happily, and embraced Ghastly, then turned and did the same to 'Skuttlebug'. He shook Anton's hand, knowing he didn't like hugs, least of all _his_, and then turned to Erskine, hugging him. "Miss your fancy-arsed job, pretty boy?" he teased.

"Surprisingly, no," replied Erskine. "Want a bite to eat?"

"Yeah, I'm starving. The food on the flight was _disgusting_," said Dexter, taking a squashed, half-eaten bread roll from his pocket. "Anyone want a bite?" he asked playfully, tossing it to Erskine. Erskine caught it, and proceeded to throw it back, and the two continued on into the kitchen, playing catch with the food. Shaking his head, Ghastly followed them.

"So..." began Skulduggery.

Valkyrie moved her hand up to brush her hair out of her face, but winced. Skulduggery and Anton both noticed.

"Are you alright?" asked Anton, worried.

"Just a couple of burns from an explosion," said Valkyrie, trying to brush off the topic, but Skulduggery wouldn't let her.

"The Sanctuary threw a bomb at my house, and Valkyrie was injured. In fact, I think we should take a look at those burns now, before they get worse. They're clearly bothering you."

"It's no big deal," she murmured, but he was right. They _were_ bothering her.

"Come on," coaxed Skulduggery gently. "I'll get some medical supplies." He walked off, leaving Valkyrie with Anton.

She led him into the living room, and sat on the sofa. She took off her jacket, revealing a black spaghetti-strap top, and a nasty burn along her right arm.

Anton grimaced. "That looks painful."

"It is," she confirmed. "I think the ones on my back are worse, though."

"You get injured a lot, don't you, Valkyrie?" asked Anton gently.

"It's nothing," replied Valkyrie quietly, but he was right. She _did_ get hurt a lot, and one of these days the injury would be lethal.

Skulduggery entered the room again, this time carrying a first-aid box. He sat next to Valkyrie on the sofa, holding a tub with pale cream inside it. Anton left the room, giving the two some privacy.

"This is going to sting a little," warned Skulduggery. He removed his glove so he didn't get cream on it, and applied a small amount to his index finger. He gently smoothed it onto the burn, aware of Valkyrie tensing up and gritting her teeth.

She hissed in pain, unable to take any more. "Is it meant to be hurting this much?"

"Yes, unfortunately, now be brave; that was the easy bit." And with that, Skulduggery put more and more onto the wound.

Valkyrie felt tears in her eyes- the pain was unbearable, even worse than actually _getting_ the burn. "Please, Skulduggery, stop," she said, hating how weak she sounded.

Skulduggery didn't like doing this to her, but he knew that if he didn't, she would be in even more pain later on. He hated seeing her in pain; it just about killed him every time.

"Almost done," he said soothingly, and, sure enough, a few seconds later he stopped, wiped his fingers, and put the lid back on the tub.

Valkyrie's arm was still stinging from the cream, and did so even more every time she moved it. "How long until the pain stops?" she asked.

"I'm not sure, but it shouldn't be more than a couple of hours," replied Skulduggery, attempting to reassure her.

She nodded, and sat back, attempting to forget about the burn. "Hungry?" asked Skulduggery, also trying to take her mind off the pain.

"_Hell_, yeah," replied Valkyrie, and they went into the kitchen together, intending to take care of the burns on her back later.

Dexter was sitting opposite Anton and Ghastly, whilst Erskine was at the head of the table. Immediately, they noticed that Valkyrie looked a little paler, and had lost her spark. "Y'alright, Val?" asked Erskine.

"Yeah," said Valkyrie, trying to cover up her burned arm. She had tried to put on her black jacket over the top again, but it was too painful when the material rubbed against her arm, so she had stayed in her thin top.

Ghastly noticed the burn. "God, Val... I had no idea it was that bad. I'm sorry," he said, still believing that it was his fault. She raised her arms to hug him, but winced as her right arm moved, so she gave Ghastly a one-armed hug.

"I'm fine, see?" she grinned, wiggling her fingers of her right arm, trying not to show how much it hurt to do so. However, Ghastly picked up on it.

"Valkyrie, you can't even move your _fingers_ without wincing," he said.

"Yeah, but that's not your fault, Ghastly, alright?" she insisted, then sat down in the chair next to Dexter.

"Anyone gonna explain...?" began Dexter, who was completely oblivious to what had happened before the four had set off for the warehouse.

"The Sanctuary bombed my house," explained Skulduggery. "Valkyrie got caught in the blast, and was burnt badly, and although she insists that they don't hurt or bother her, it is quite clear that she is in a considerable amount of pain." Valkyrie looked down at the table, whilst Dexter sat quietly, in shock.

"Wow..." he muttered. He put an arm around Valkyrie's shoulders, carefully and gently so that he didn't hurt her. She sighed and leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

"Well, hopefully my back won't be as bad," said Valkyrie, trying to be cheerful.

"Your back as _well_?" asked Dexter in disbelief. "That must have been _some_ explosion."

"It had its moments, yeah," said Erskine, subtly trying to ease off the subject. "Want something to eat, Val?"

"Yeah, what do we have?"

"Well," Ghastly started, "being the genius that he is, Erskine only packed a half-empty takeaway box and a bunch of other random items of food that he could get his hands on, so... not a whole lot." He glared at Erskine, who was suddenly finding the floor really interesting.

"Well, you were the one who put me in charge of food," he mumbled.

"So what exactly _do_ we have?" repeated Valkyrie, who was _starving_.

"Um. Erskine?" Ghastly tried, looking at him.

"Well, there's half a Chinese takeaway, some bread, butter, lettuce, carrots, some other green vegetables, or they might be fruit, uh, some raw chicken, well, I think it's chicken, but it might be beef, or lamb, or even fish, um there's some salt, pepper, spices, rice, sugar, flour, eggs, peas, and, ummm, Coke. Oh, and beer. Lots and _lots_ of beer," he finished, dreamily.

Everyone stared at Erskine. "What?" he asked, dumbly.

"Are you telling me that you didn't pack any proper food? That you just packed ingredients to _make_ other food _with_?" asked Dexter in disbelief.

"Ummm, well you could say that," answered Erskine.

Dexter sighed, and Ghastly put his head in his hands, as did Anton. Skulduggery peered at Erskine. "You're not very bright, are you?" he asked him, bluntly.

Erskine went red. "Oh, is that my phone ringing?" he said, trying to get away from the conversation.

He went to leave the room, but as he was going through the door, Skulduggery said, "Isn't this your phone _here_, Erskine?" He held up Erskine's mobile phone.

"Oh, uh, yeah," muttered Erskine, who snatched it from Skulduggery, and then walked off towards the bedrooms.

"I'm still hungry, you know," said Valkyrie, her stomach aching with the lack of food.

"As am I," agreed Dexter.

"How about some sandwiches for now, and then later on someone can try and make something edible out of all this crap that Erskine brought," suggested Ghastly.

"I heard that!" came Erskine's voice from upstairs.

"Big ears," Bespoke muttered. He got up and began making some sandwiches for Valkyrie and Dexter. Just then, there was a knock on the door, and a voice, rich with travel, lust and charm, said,

"Do you expect me to stand out here forever, guys? Come on, Ghastly, stop making sandwiches, that's it, put the bread down, and come open the door! You too, Dex, get off that lazy arse and let me in; the sun is not benefiting me in any way. And Valkyrie, as beautiful as you look sitting there, please arise off of your hot, petite butt, fair maiden, and let your knight-in-shining-armour through the door so he can sweep you off your feet and shower you with kisses, and whisk you away to one of the three bedrooms upstairs where we can..._elope_."

Despite herself, Valkyrie grinned. Saracen Rue had arrived.

Things were about to get interesting.


	10. I Know Things

**Thank you again for the reviews and the support; I cannot express my gratitude, thank you! **

* * *

Dexter went to open the door, followed by Valkyrie. Skulduggery and Ghastly hung back.

"He's on her already," said Ghastly, keeping his voice low. "He'll break her heart."

"I'll talk to him alone, and give him a strict warning," muttered Skulduggery. "I won't let him hurt her."

Ghastly sighed. "He won't give up without a fight, Skul," he said, then walked off towards the door.

"It's _Skulduggery_, not '_Skul_'," he sighed, then followed.

Dexter flung open the door, and greeted Saracen with a hug. "Ahh, my fat little blob, what brings you here?" he teased.

"I could ask you the same thing, Mr Mentality-of-a-four-year-old," Saracen retorted. He turned to Valkyrie, and flashed her a cocky grin, then pulled her into a hug. "I've missed you," he whispered into her ear, in a seductive tone. Valkyrie's spine tingled, and it didn't help when he soothingly rubbed her lower back, below her burns so it didn't hurt, clearly knowing exactly where to avoid thanks to his mystery power. His hand slowly made its way lower down her back, and reached her rear, where it rested for a second, before Skulduggery cleared his throat.

"Saracen, you made it in one piece, I see," he commented dryly.

Saracen reluctantly released Valkyrie, although he left a hand on her waist. "Yup, my days of missing flights and losing things are over," he confirmed, then started patting his pockets and his head.

"Uhhh..." frowned Erskine.

"Aha! Here they are," said Saracen, and he pulled a pair of sunglasses from his pocket, and hooked them on the front of his shirt. "What were we talking about...? Never mind," he said, then gave the men quick hugs, except for Anton, who quickly backed away. It turned out he hated Saracen's hugs even more than Dexter's.

"Got anything to eat?" he asked them. "Oh yeah, you were making sandwiches, right? Got any spare?"

"I think _you've_ had _enough_ to eat, Saracen," teased Erskine, patting Saracen's stomach.

"How did you know we were making sandwiches?" Dexter asked.

"Oh, y'know, I just know things," Saracen casually replied.

"How?"

"By knowing them," he grinned, and with that, he sauntered off into the kitchen. Grumbling, Dexter followed, as well as Ghastly, Erskine and Anton. Valkyrie was about to go, too, when Skulduggery gently pulled her back.

"Be careful with Saracen," he said into her ear. "He may seem all charm and easy smiles, but as soon as you think you're getting somewhere, and that he really loves you, he'll leave you with a broken heart," he warned.

"I think you're overacting, he's just looking for some fun," said Valkyrie defensively, and she walked into the kitchen. Skulduggery sighed, then followed.

* * *

"So, let me get this straight," Saracen was saying as they walked in, "between the six of you, the only food we have are ingredients of other dishes?"

"It's Erskine's fault," they all said, whilst Erskine stood there looking embarrassed like last time. Not wanting a repeat of something that had happened mere moments earlier, and had led to her getting no food, Valkyrie quickly stepped in.

"How about we all have sandwiches now," she said, "then later, as a proper dinner, I'll make us all something out of whatever stuff Erskine's brought. Including a dessert."

"Sounds great, thanks Val," said Erskine.

Dexter grinned, and nodded enthusiastically. "Yeah, looking forward to it," he agreed.

"I'm sure it will be delicious," said Ghastly, and Skulduggery tilted his head thoughtfully.

"If only I was still able to eat..." he mused.

"If you need a hand with it, I'd be happy to help," offered Anton, smiling warmly.

"Me too," said Saracen lastly, flashing another grin.

Valkyrie smiled, "Well, it looks like I'll be cooking tonight! And you'd better all enjoy it, or _else_," she threatened, still wearing a brilliant smile.

"So... what's the current situation?" Dexter asked.

"Well," began Skulduggery, whilst Ghastly and Valkyrie rolled their eyes. Whenever Skulduggery began a sentence with 'Well' it usually meant that a long speech was in store. And, sure enough, it was.

"Fletcher Renn is still being held by the Irish Sanctuary, so we need to get him out of there as soon as possible. Not only because he is an ally, but because he could prove to be useful later on. Also, Billy-Ray Sanguine has been broken out of prison recently, by a person or persons unknown. It is likely that this person or persons has or have also liberated the Black Cleaver. Also, Palaver Graves of the British Sanctuary is now in charge of Ireland. Therefore, our next moves will be based around attacking the Sanctuary, breaking out Fletcher, and staying out of trouble, but getting into trouble deliberately in order to ensure that we avoid trouble in the long term, simply by getting into trouble now to work out what we need to do to do what we need, and that will probably involve quite a bit of getting into trouble, so we are technically getting into trouble for no apparent reason, and, judging by your confused, blank and, in Valkyrie's case, angry faces, I think that I am getting in quite a bit of trouble myself, so maybe I should stop talking..." Skulduggery trailed off.

Six angry people were staring at him. Six angry, _hungry_ people, who were in no mood for Skulduggery's nonsense.

"So we simply just need to get Fletcher out of the Sanctuary?" Anton asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Well, yes," began Skulduggery, flustered, but both Valkyrie and Ghastly noticed that he had said 'Well' again, meaning that he was about to launch into another monologue. Ghastly quickly interrupted with, "Anyone want a sandwich?"

Skulduggery promptly closed his mouth, annoyed that the spotlight was now off him.

"Yes, please, I'm starving. I think I've only eaten, like, two pizza slices in the past 24 hours," said Valkyrie. She took a sandwich, and bit into it gratefully, wondering what the hell she was going to make for dinner that evening, now that she had promised them a five-star meal... not to mention _dessert_, as well.

_Me and my big mouth._


	11. Dinner Date

**Oh my god, 45 reviews already! I have the best readers ever, thank you! You're all amazing, and without each and every one of you, regardless if you have reviewed or not, I would not be writing this story. I was planning to have stopped it at around chapter 15, but I honestly think that now I'll get to at least 40 chapters, because of your phenomenal ideas and generous support. THANK YOU!**

* * *

It was now 6pm. Time for Valkyrie to start prepping dinner. Luckily, her arm had stopped hurting so much, as Skulduggery had said it would, although it did still sting slightly. She sighed, and walked into the kitchen. _Why the hell did I have to offer?_ she asked herself for the millionth time that day.

The others were lounging in the living room, and she had been walking around the warehouse, getting a feel for the place. However, now she couldn't put it off any longer.

She looked at the array of ingredients on the counter, cursing Erskine for his stupidity. Suddenly, she had an idea, that came in the shape of an old family recipe or two. She knew _exactly_ what to make...

* * *

One and a half hours later, Valkyrie walked into the living room, where the others were all congregated, except for Dexter, who had wanted to explore more of the warehouse. Covered in flour, bits of raw meat and a load of vegetable choppings, she announced,

"The dinner and dessert are now ready, so get your muscly arses into the kitchen, and _enjoy_ it, 'cause I spent _ages_ working on it whilst trying to ignore the pain of my burn, which I was unsuccessful in doing, so if I hear _any_ complaints..." she ended with a glare that had, on many occasions, reduced even Skulduggery to a withering mess. The men hastily left the living room and headed towards the kitchen, Anton and Valkyrie at the back of the herd.

"Sorry I wasn't able to help," apologised Anton.

"It's alright; I think I work better alone, anyway," admitted Valkyrie.

"I'll get Dexter for you," said Anton, gently touching her arm, and left to go and hunt for Dexter.

Valkyrie went into the kitchen, where Skulduggery was leaning against the counter, and the others were seated around the dining table. At the head of the table was Erskine, and then on one side was Saracen next to an empty seat, and opposite him were two more empty seats. At the other end of the table sat Ghastly. Valkyrie claimed her seat to be the one opposite Saracen, and put down a glass of water in that space. The others already had beer cans in front of them, except for Ghastly, who had a purple juice- probably cranberry.

Dexter and Anton entered the room, Dexter sitting next to Saracen, and Anton coming next to Valkyrie. She got up, and began serving up the plates. She had made roast chicken, with an assortment of vegetables, as well as rice, with a curry-like sauce. She had tried it herself, and had to admit that she most certainly _was_ a genius.

Upon putting the plates in front of them, the men's faces lit up with joy. This was probably the best meal they'd had in a long time, and they quickly tucked in.

"Wow, Val, this seriously is _delicious_," gushed Erskine.

"I had no idea you could cook like this, Valkyrie- _wow_," added Ghastly.

Dexter spent a few moments swallowing. "This is the tastiest thing I have _ever_ eaten, no exaggeration," he said sincerely.

"Val, baby, this meat is so tender, and the veg is divine. Thank you," said Saracen in a sleazy voice. Valkyrie was a bit taken aback by the nickname Saracen had given her, and hoped that he discontinued these pet names. _I'm not actually into him, _she reminded herself, _he's just playing around. He's getting closer, though. I don't wanna put a stop to it but I don't want him to go too far. Oh flipping hell I'm talking to myself inside my head; probably not a good sign when your head starts an argument with itself..._

"It's a miracle how you managed to make this out of those random things that Erskine brought, well done- it's truly delicious," smiled Anton. Valkyrie mentally shook her head, and smiled her thanks at everyone.

"Leave room for dessert," she reminded them, only hoping that they would be just as pleased with a sponge cake and raspberry sauce.

All was quiet for a couple of minutes, until Ghastly broke the silence. "Are these artichokes?"

"Yeah," replied Valkyrie, "pretty random for Erskine to have brought them, though. They're steamed, and some are boiled."

"Artichokes, eh?" began Saracen, and Valkyrie knew, she just _knew_, that he was gearing up for some more stupidity. And, sure enough...

"I wanna strip you down like an artichoke, so I can get to your heart," he said, staring into Valkyrie's eyes.

"That sounds... painful," she said, really hoping that he would quit with this nonsense. Alas, he did not.

"First time usually is," he said, grinning. Valkyrie unnecessarily cleared her throat, and saw Dexter elbow Saracen in the ribs. Ghastly glared at Saracen, and from behind her, she could practically _feel_ a death glare radiating off Skulduggery, in Saracen's general direction.

"I know," replied Valkyrie quietly, her cheeks bright red, and, at this, Saracen and Erskine whooped, whilst Anton and Ghastly nearly choked on their food. Dexter was having a hard time trying to keep a straight face. From the quiet commotion happening behind her, it sounded like Skulduggery had lost his balance. _What an interesting way to break it to them that I'm no longer a virgin,_ she thought to herself.

"So..." she began awkwardly. "I guess we'll have to go shopping tomorrow, at least if you don't want to be eating only raw vegetables for the foreseeable future."

"Yeah, did anyone want to nominate themselves for going?" asked Ghastly, taking Valkyrie's hint and changing the subject. "Skulduggery is, obviously, ruled out of it, seeing as he can't eat, so will probably bring back washing powder and expect us to cook and eat it. Also, I don't think Erskine should go either, for obvious reasons." At this, there was unanimous agreement, whilst Erskine just sat there sheepishly.

"I'll go; I'm used to going on shopping runs for the hotel," said Anton.

Everyone else sat there silently.

"I don't mind going," offered Valkyrie, when it was clear that no one else would bother putting themselves forward. Anton smiled at her.

Of course, now that Valkyrie was going, Saracen saw it as the perfect opportunity for some _action_, so promptly volunteered to go, too. "Actually, I've changed my mind. I'll go as well," he said innocently.

However, Skulduggery saw right through what Saracen was trying to do, not that that was hard to achieve, and said, "I think two people will be enough, Saracen."

"It's not as if _you_ would know, you can't even eat," Saracen muttered, sulkily.

"Are there any requests for things to buy?" asked Valkyrie.

"Condoms," joked Dexter, then belatedly realised the problem with his joke- the only female here was Valkyrie... He quickly shut his mouth and continued eating, embarrassed, whilst Valkyrie also looked down, her cheeks burning. _For God's sake, what's with all the sex talk tonight? _she wondered in her head_. It's like Saracen's presence is turning us all into... perverts..._

"Well, I could do with some tea," said Ghastly, once again taking it upon himself to change the subject. "So tea bags, sugar and milk."

"Wait, I'll write a list," said Anton, and he got a pen and paper, and began writing things down. Saracen, meanwhile, had found his tongue and felt like now was the time to resume his flirting.

"I know milk does a body good," he said to Valkyrie, "but _damn_ girl, how much have you been drinking?" He grinned, and whispered, "I know that you know what I mean by _milk_ and what I mean by _that_." Valkyrie stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned.

"Y'know Val, you look cute when you do that. You make my soufflé rise," he said, then burst out laughing. Anton looked up from writing, and stared at Saracen. Ghastly looked like he was about to slap him. Meanwhile, Erskine and Dexter appeared to be holding in laughter, and then suddenly began choking on their food.

Skulduggery, however, appeared as confused as a skeleton could. Living mainly an old-fashioned lifestyle, following old traditions and beliefs, he was unaware of the language and innuendos of today's youth, so, rather shamelessly, asked, "What on _earth_ are you talking about?" At this, the whole table blushed red, even Saracen.

"This is worse than the time he asked what a condom was," muttered Valkyrie. Dexter and Erskine snorted with laughter, Saracen grinned, Ghastly raised an eyebrow at Skulduggery, whilst Anton looked faintly amused.

"Uh, is anyone ready for dessert?" asked Valkyrie hastily, eager to change the topic yet again, before it reverted back to sex. There were enthusiastic nods, so she got up and collected some of the plates, and put them by the sink. Anton got up to help her, and soon dessert was served.

The sponge cake and raspberry sauce was set before the men, and they instantly tucked in, after complimenting Valkyrie immensely once again. However, Saracen just _had_ to go that extra mile.

"Mmh, this is great, thanks for cooking for us, Val. You're so _sweet_, I'm gonna get diabetes just by looking at ya, let alone _tasting_ ya," he said, adding the last bit in a low voice.

"Saracen, please cut it out," said Valkyrie, now getting tired of this. She knew that she was probably one of the hardest people to charm that Saracen had ever tried to seduce, and unfortunately she also knew that Saracen liked a challenge. It would be a long time before he shut up.

"Maybe someday we can cook a dish together. I'm a master baker," he said. "Let's do breakfast tomorrow; should I call you, or _nudge_ you?" he asked innocently, grinning like a lunatic.

Valkyrie just ignored him, and his constant hints towards sex. However, Skulduggery, as blunt as ever, just had to open his big non-existent mouth. "_Oh_, I understand _this_ one! By '_nudge_' he means that you will be sleeping together, therefore indicating that you've just had sex the night before!"

"_SKULDUGGERY, SHUT UP_!" yelled everyone at the table, except Saracen, who was holding in laughter.

"Speaking of sleeping, uh, _arrangements_," began Dexter, shooting Valkyrie an apologetic look. "Who's sleeping where?"

"Oh yeah, so for those who don't know by now, there are three bedrooms," said Ghastly. "Two of them have two single beds, and the remaining one has a double bed."

Everyone knew how awkward it would be for two of the men to share the double bed, so it was clear that Valkyrie had to share it with one of them. The question was, who?

"I think Skul should meditate in the armchair in the living room, so he doesn't wake us all up _again_," said Erskine, narrowing his eyes at Skulduggery. Anton, Dexter and Saracen looked at them questioningly.

Erskine sighed, "It's a long story, guys, but it involves a classic by 'Wham' being brutally _murdered_, and threats about turning someone into a girl skeleton."

"Okay, I'm down here, then," said Skulduggery, eager to change the subject. "What about the rest of you?"

"Anton, if you don't mind, I'll share a room with you, as much for your benefit as it is for mine," suggested Ghastly.

"Yeah, that sounds ideal," agreed Anton, knowing that Ghastly was pretty much the only sane one here, although he wouldn't have minded sharing with Valkyrie, either.

It was clear that Valkyrie would get the double room, but everyone wondered who it would be with. Dexter probably wouldn't be comfortable with it, seeing as how she was the equivalent of a sister to him. This left Erskine and Saracen; both were charmers and master seducers. They were both extremely likely to try and have sex with Valkyrie, even on the first night. So, it was just a case of who would speak first. Valkyrie hoped it would be Erskine- she knew that he saw her more as a friend, now, than a lover. She knew that if it was Saracen, she would _not_ be sleeping.

Unfortunately, the first person to speak _was_ Rue. "I'll share with you, Val."

Out of the corner of her eye, Valkyrie saw Ghastly exchange looks with Skulduggery, and Anton raised his eyebrow. "If everyone's happy with that..." said Skulduggery, offering Valkyrie a chance to escape. But where would she go? She couldn't sleep on one of the sofas; they weren't comfortable enough for a whole night's sleep.

She nodded, reluctantly. Surely she'd be able to stop Saracen from going too far... right?

_Please_, she thought, _kill me now._


	12. Sleep Tight

**For this chapter, I changed Valkyrie's family life a bit- I know the stuff I wrote couldn't be further from the truth, but I thought it would be a nice twist and would help in later chapters. Don't hate me!**

**Also, thanks so much to the people who have followed/favourited this story, and my other SP story, it honestly means the world to me that people are actually interested in my amateur writing; thank you!**

**Any and all criticism is welcome, as well as requests or ideas! :) xx**

* * *

Once everyone had finished dessert, Valkyrie collected their plates and put them in the sink, too tired to clean them, and planned to do them tomorrow. One by one, the men left the room, each giving Valkyrie a warm hug, and thanking her for the dinner. Dexter, as he had enjoyed it so much, literally lifted Valkyrie up and spun her around, eventually setting her down soon after. Saracen went last.

He hugged her tightly, once again rubbing her back. "Thank you for dinner tonight, Val. It was _orgasmic_," he said. However, once again, as he was talking, his hand dropped lower and began caressing her rear.

"I'm just glad you liked it," said Valkyrie, feeling taken aback, but not uncomfortable.

They stayed like that for a few moments, with Saracen's left hand slowly coming up her front. Valkyrie decided to end it, before it got too far. She pulled away, smiled, and walked out of the room, past Skulduggery in the corridor, who was peering into a pocket-size mirror, trying on his hat at different angles. She headed for the living room, where Ghastly and Anton were sitting, casually talking. She joined them, and sat down next to Anton on a sofa, whilst Ghastly sat opposite in another one. It seemed that Erskine and Dexter had gone to get their bedroom ready.

They looked up at her entrance, and beamed. "That dinner truly was delectable," said Anton.

"Yeah, where on _earth_ did you learn how to cook like that?" asked Ghastly, while Saracen and Skulduggery entered the room. Saracen was looking nervous, whilst Skulduggery had his skull held in the position that occurred only after he had just threatened someone.

"They were just a couple of family recipes that I used to cook with mum," she said, rapidly blinking back tears. It had only been a few months ago when Darquesse had killed her family as a last minute act of spite, before Valkyrie had reined her back in. When she had re-emerged, Valkyrie had been bathed in the blood of her parents and little Alice, their dead bodies mutilated around the room. Not knowing what to do, she had run. She'd just ran and ran, until she had done a full loop of the whole of Haggard, and then returned back to the pier outside her house. Skulduggery had been there, as always, to help her. She knew that without him, she would've dived off that pier without a second thought.

All the memories brought back just then caused a stray tear to fall down Valkyrie's cheek. Hoping no one had noticed, she brushed it away, only for more to follow. She couldn't help it any more; she leaned forward, and rested her head in her hands, feeling the salty tears trickle through her fingers.

Soft, warm hands pulled her gently into a body, and she realised that it was Anton who was comforting her. She leaned into him, and closed her eyes, allowing the tears to fall freely. The others didn't know the true extent of Valkyrie's family's deaths; the details were covered up by Skulduggery, as Darquesse's true identity at that point had not yet been revealed. However, now they could learn the truth.

Over the war in her mind, in which she witnessed the memories she had tried so hard to forget, she heard Skulduggery softly recounting the basics of what had really happened that day, to the others in the room.

"I'm so sorry, Valkyrie," began Anton. "I'm sure they were great people, especially Alice. Skulduggery told me a lot about her, including the time he found her chewing on his hat."

Valkyrie smiled. She knew what Anton was doing; he was trying to make her forget about the bad memories, and replace them with the good ones, in an attempt to make her feel better. And, to be honest, it was working. She remembered the day when Skulduggery had visited, and had left his hat on the sofa whilst he went to talk to Echo Gordon, only to return to find Valkyrie laughing hysterically at Alice, who'd had his hat in her mouth.

"Remember that time we had to babysit her for you?" asked Ghastly. "You came home and saw her throwing her foam blocks at Skulduggery's skull with one hand, and emptying her milk bottle on my lap with the other," he chuckled.

"I think I still have a couple of dents," added Skulduggery. Valkyrie smiled again, and was determined to put it all behind her. Besides, she had other things to worry about, like the mess that they were in with the Sanctuary, and how they were going to get Fletcher back, and how Saracen was eyeing her up again.

Skulduggery held out his palm to Valkyrie, and sitting on top of it was the cream that she had used earlier for the burns on her arm. "I think now would be a good time to look at those burns on your back," he said to her.

"Oh great," she muttered, remembering the pain from last time. The others left the room, giving her privacy, although Saracen had to be _dragged_ out of the room by Anton and Ghastly. Now just her and Skulduggery were left.

She thought about how she was going to do this. She could take off her top, whilst he was turned the other way, then remove her undergarment, cover her front with her clothes, and then lie on the sofa with her bare back facing upwards. She contemplated this, and decided that it was the best way to do it.

"Turn around, please," she said, and Skulduggery turned. He started humming an annoying, high-pitched tune, and it took Valkyrie a few seconds to work out that he was reciting his own rendition of the theme tune to 'Bob the Builder'. She rolled her eyes. "How the _hell_ do you know who Bob the Builder is?" she asked.

"Oh, y'know, me and Alice were singing and dancing to it once... Fun times," he sighed.

Valkyrie suddenly had a mental image of Skulduggery singing the theme tune to 'Bob the Builder', whilst doing the most idiotic dance ever. She mentally bleached her brain.

Once she was ready and lying on the sofa, she told him to turn back around. He did so, and took off the lid to the tub of cream. He hesitated. "This is going to hurt, Valkyrie."

"I know," she replied, just wanting him to get it over and done with before she had the chance to think about it and register the fear.

"No, I mean it will _hurt_, as in _really_ hurt. I don't want to cause you any pain," he added, quietly.

"I'll be fine," said Valkyrie, forcing a smile. "Now, come on, we haven't got all evening."

Skulduggery sighed, and after a few moments, she felt the cream on his fingers press ever so gently onto her burn. The pain was _excruciating_. Spears of white-hot needles burrowed into her back, and she arched her spine and cried out. Immediately, Skulduggery retracted his arm. "I'm sorry," he said hollowly.

Valkyrie shook her head, still getting over the pain. She had tears in her eyes from how much it hurt.

"It doesn't matter, just do it," she insisted after getting her breath back. Skulduggery sighed, but obliged.

She felt the cream on the burn again, but now knew what to expect, so didn't cry out after the initial contact was made. However, as soon as his finger moved along the burn, the pain returned, even worse than before. She gritted her teeth, but couldn't stop the cries of pain that escaped. However, Skulduggery knew that Valkyrie wouldn't forgive him if he stopped, so carried on, trying to ignore how much it was hurting her. When she hurt, he hurt, too.

By now, Valkyrie was near screaming. The others came into the living room, probably wondering what the hell Skulduggery was doing to her. Valkyrie couldn't take it any more- she arched her back and screamed, tears streaming down her face from the sheer _pain_.

"What the hell are you _doing?!_" Dexter exclaimed.

"This cream is meant to help the burns go down, but it causes a lot of pain when being applied," said Skulduggery, no emotion to his voice.

"I think that's enough now," Anton said, raising his voice slightly to be heard over Valkyrie's screams. Skulduggery nodded slightly, and lifted his fingers from her back. Valkyrie sighed in relief, panting slightly.

"That bloody hurt," she muttered, her voice slightly hoarse. She remained lying there, still exhausted. The others came in and sat down as well, Ghastly lifting her legs, sitting down, and replacing them on his lap. The others made use of the sofas, and Skulduggery sat in the armchair once again, after claiming it as his own.

"How on earth did you get those burns?" asked Saracen. It was Ghastly who answered.

"A bomb was thrown at Skulduggery's house, from the Sanctuary, and we all got caught in the blast. Valkyrie was injured the most." He hesitated, then added, "It was my fault. I had the opportunity to shield her, but I didn't."

"Ghastly, if I have to say that it wasn't your fault one more time, I swear I will dress you up as a lettuce and lock you in a room full of snails," Valkyrie growled. The others laughed, then realised that she was serious.

Dexter yawned. "What time is it?" he asked sleepily.

"Nearly ten o'clock," replied Skulduggery, after consulting his pocket watch.

"I'm going to head up to bed, then," Dexter said, clearly exhausted after travelling earlier that day.

"Yeah, me too," said Erskine, also tired, but what he was tired _from_ was another matter entirely, as he didn't actually do a whole lot all day.

"I think we should all get to bed, then. Are the rooms sorted?" asked Ghastly.

"Yup, me and Anton took care of that," replied Dexter.

"You guys just need to take your bags up there and unpack," added Anton, getting up and stretching. He patted Valkyrie's arm, who was still lying on the sofa, still unable to move, although the pain was beginning to lessen. "Goodnight," he said, and left the room.

"See you in the morning," said Dexter, ruffling her hair. She batted his hand away, and smiled. He left the room, too, with Ghastly, who smiled his goodnight to her. Erskine trailed after them, too tired to speak, and managed to bump into the doorframe on his way out. Grumbling, he staggered back securely onto two feet, and managed to stumble into Ghastly's back. "What the hell are you _doing_?" she heard Ghastly say as they left the room, and Erskine just muttered a reply, not even sure what he was doing _himself_.

Now it was just her, Skulduggery and Saracen left in the room. "Are you able to sit up?" Skulduggery asked Valkyrie. She tried, but failed. Saracen left the room, and came back a few moments later with a bunch of leaves in his hand. Magical leaves.

"Brought these with me, just in case," he winked. He handed one to her, and she put it in her mouth. The effect was instant, and she sat up, clutching her top in front of her.

"Thank you, Saracen, you seriously are a lifesaver," she said, extremely grateful. Saracen just smiled, albeit seductively.

He held out an arm. "May I escort you to our chambers?" he asked.

"Of course," she said, glancing at his outstretched arm. "Uh, sorry, my hands are full," she said apologetically, as taking his arm would mean she dropped her clothes, meaning that she would reveal a lot more than she wanted to.

"That's the idea," Saracen grinned, and looped an arm around her bare waist, and led her out the door. "'Night, Skully," she called back to Skulduggery, who was getting ready to meditate in his armchair.

"Goodnight," he called back. "Goodnight, sleep tight, dream of a fight with a kite."

"Uhh... okay. I'll try to," replied Valkyrie. Sometimes, she didn't know _what_ Skulduggery went on about.

Saracen helped her ascend the stairs, picking up their bags on the way. He slung them over his left shoulder, his right hand firmly wrapped around her waist. He began caressing her bare skin, sending shivers across her body. Then, all too soon, they were at the second floor, and Saracen led her down the hallway to a wooden door.

He pushed it open, and allowed her entry first. She stepped inside and looked around, Saracen coming in behind her and putting their bags on the floor. There was a double bed in the centre of the left wall of the room, with a white duvet and pillows sitting on top. There were also a couple of cupboards, a chest of drawers, and a dressing table with a full length mirror beside it. The floor was carpeted with a soft cream carpet.

"Not too shabby, eh?" said Saracen, smiling.

"Better get ready for bed, then," said Valkyrie, hoping Saracen would take the hint and leave the room so she could get dressed in private. However, he didn't, or, more likely, he ignored it. He jumped onto the bed, and lay down on his back, head resting against the headboard.

"Go ahead," he smirked.

Valkyrie sighed. "You're not getting me naked, Saracen," she said, and grabbed her nightclothes from her bag, and walked out across the hall to the bathroom. She tried to open the door, but it was locked.

"Great," she muttered. She stood outside and waited for whoever it was to come out. Eventually, no less than fifteen minutes later, Erskine emerged. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"Gotta look my best for bed, Val," he said, as if that made any sense. Who dressed up just to go to bed? Erskine, that's who. "By the way," he added, "might wanna put some clothes on..."

Valkyrie sighed, not bothering to explain that he was the reason that she was stood outside the bathroom clutching her clothes to her chest, as he had taken ages to get out. She simply went in the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

She emerged again five minutes later, wearing a short-sleeved green nightshirt and yellow shorts. Wondering what torture Saracen had in store for her, she entered the bedroom.


	13. The Morning After

***if anyone has any questions or is confused about something, please feel free to comment on it! :)**

* * *

When she walked in, she saw Saracen standing by the bed, getting dressed. He already had a pair of pyjamas on, and was just pulling the matching top over his head. Although he had gained a few pounds, he still looked physically fit, and remnants of once-thriving muscles were evident in his arms and torso.

She walked over to the bed, and got in under the covers, suddenly feeling exhausted. What exactly had she done that day? Oh yeah. _Lots_.

She made herself comfortable, and lay facing the ceiling. Thanks to Saracen's leaves, the pain had almost completely disappeared, so she was able to lie in comfort.

Saracen finished getting dressed, and walked over and turned off the light. Instantly, the room was enveloped in a dull gloom, light enough to make out large shapes, yet so dark that her eyes were still adjusting. She heard Saracen get in beside her. _Here we go_.

She turned over, away from Saracen, and faced the wall. "Pretty quiet, aren't you Val?" Saracen said.

"Shhh, I need my beauty sleep," she grumbled. She was _not_ in the mood for his nonsense.

"I assure you," Saracen began, moving closer, "that you most certainly _don't_. I don't think you can get any more beautiful."

"Thanks, but I. Am. Tired," she insisted, really wanting a good night's sleep. Saracen, of course, just didn't get the hint. He moved up behind Valkyrie, and looped an arm loosely around her, and slowly began caressing her bare leg, his hand slipping up under the material of her shorts occasionally.

"Stop it," said Valkyrie, trying to ignore how hard her heart was beating. Saracen just took this as permission to continue, and his hand slowly came up and traced her curves, then grazed her breasts gently. He stayed like this, seemingly content, but Valkyrie knew he wanted more.

She turned over to face him, his arm staying where it was so that now it was over her shoulder. "Saracen," she began, "I don't fancy you, now please, _please_ stop trying to seduce me, and let me get some _sleep_," she said harshly.

He moved closer. "Not a chance, Val," he whispered in her ear. Valkyrie, too tired to deal with all this crap, just closed her eyes and tried to block it all out.

She felt Saracen's hands wandering again, and then she felt a gentle pull on her shirt buttons. Frowning, she opened her eyes, to find Saracen slowly undoing them, having done two so far.

"_What the hell are you doing?"_ she snarled angrily, yet controlling her voice so she didn't wake the others.

"Nothing," he said innocently. She slapped his hands away, did the buttons back up, and flipped over so she was lying on her stomach, with her hands folded under her head.

Saracen seemed to understand that he had gone too far, as he muttered an apology, and then turned back to his side of the bed. Smiling, Valkyrie could finally get some sleep, and she drifted off almost immediately.

* * *

She awoke in the same position hours later, when daylight was streaming through the curtains. Saracen was lying on his back next to her, and turned his head towards her when she sat up.

"Morning!" he grinned.

"Morning," she muttered, then collected some clothes from her bag and headed to the toilet to get washed and changed. She came back into the room wearing a light blue, loose, long-sleeved top, with light pink shorts. Saracen wolf-whistled as he looked her up and down.

"You stimulate my visual senses to provoke sexual attraction," he smirked. "In other words," he added flirtatiously, "you're _hot_."

Valkyrie rolled her eyes. "Cut it out, Rue," she warned, then went downstairs.

* * *

By the looks of things, no one else was up, so it was down to _her_ to make some breakfast. She had an idea; there was bread, butter, flour, milk, salt and eggs... Pancakes and fried bread.

She got to work, and was pretty much done forty-five minutes later, and had produced a stack of pancakes and a pile of fried bread. She took her share from the selection, and began to eat. Thinking that the pancakes were quite dry, she then had the idea to make some chocolate sauce, simply by melting some chocolate bars that Erskine had brought with him.

She drizzled her sauce over her pancakes, and took a big bite. She sighed in ecstasy. She seriously was a good cook.

She knew that the heavenly aroma would spread through the house, and would arise the others from their beds, so it wasn't a surprise when Dexter and Saracen trudged into the kitchen. Their eyes lit up at the sight of the food. Valkyrie got up to get them some plates, and set them down on the table. She turned and was instantly wrapped in a rib-crushing hug by Dexter. He kissed the top of her head, and smiled into her hair. "You," he said as he released her, "are a _genius_."

She smiled, and Saracen flashed her a cocky grin. "Looks delicious, Val," he said, then they both tucked in, seated in the same places as last time.

Soon after, Erskine came in, following his nose. He inhaled deeply. "Smells divine," was all he said, and then he took a plate and sat down at the table, and instantly dug in.

Anton and Ghastly followed soon after, each giving Valkyrie a quick hug before starting to eat. Last to enter was Skulduggery, and he took his place leaning against the counter again. He looked at the food and sighed.

"Wish you could eat again?" asked Ghastly, grinning.

"What?" said Skulduggery, surprised. "No, of course not. Do you have any idea how much money I save by not needing to eat? No, I was just thinking about the state you lot will be in if you keep eating meals as big as this."

"Oi! You saying we're fat?" asked Dexter.

"Well..." began Skulduggery, "some of you are, or at least _will_ be..."

"That so?" challenged Dexter.

"Anyway," said Anton, wanting to stop the conversation before it got out of hand, "I asked yesterday, but I think we all got a bit... distracted. Any requests from the shop?"

"Oh yeah, so it's sugar, more milk, and tea bags so far," said Ghastly, just making sure that his tea wouldn't be forgotten.

"Uhhhh... Beer?" offered Erskine.

"Erskine, you brought _lots_ of beer," said Valkyrie. "And besides, are you sure getting drunk is a good idea? We're meant to be on high alert."

"Valkyrie, please, I am a sensible drunk. I'm as normal as drunks get," Erskine insisted.

"Remember the last time you were drunk?" asked Saracen. "You cornered and hugged a guy with a beard, yelling 'Dumbledore, you're alive!' at the top of your lungs."

"And your point is?" asked Erskine, sulkily.

"Oh yeah," joined in Dexter, "and remember that time when this waiter at a party came to refill everyone's glasses, and you literally ran to him and said he's your soul mate forever. You didn't leave his side for the rest of the night!"

"And don't you always have a random habit of carrying home weird stuff you find on the street?" reminded Anton. "I remember last time it was a dead pigeon..."

"Okay, guys, that's enough!" said Erskine with a forced laugh.

"No, no, no!" said Skulduggery. "You're the one who claimed to be a sensible drunk! We're just proving you wrong, that's all. Remember that time you got on the karaoke? What was it you were singing, again...?"

"Guys, let's cut this out now, please," said Erskine, now uncomfortable.

"Oh yes!" exclaimed Skulduggery. "You were singing 'Barbie Girl'!"

"Remember when it was the day after your birthday party," began Ghastly, "and you walked into the living room after passing out drunk upstairs, and _somehow_ you had one of those really big orange traffic cones on your head, with a flashing light on the top of it. It took ages to prise the thing off, remember?"

By this point, the whole room, bar Erskine, was roaring with laughter, mainly due to the thought of Erskine, for some stupid, _stupid_ reason, having a traffic cone stuck on his head. They eventually all calmed down, and Anton resumed the previous conversation.

"So, no beer, then," he said, composing himself. "Anything else, apart from all the essentials like eggs, bread, all that stuff?"

"Should we just go and pick up whatever we think looks nice?" asked Valkyrie, sensing that they weren't getting anywhere.

"That's just what I was thinking," agreed Anton, and they all resumed eating.

Suddenly, Valkyrie felt something touch her leg. She glanced under the table to see that it was Saracen's hand. Of course.

The fact that the table was so narrow meant that he could reach out and touch her leg, which is exactly what he was doing. She, however, had had _enough_\- she kicked his hand, not forcefully, but not very gently, either. He yelped in surprise. All eyes turned to him.

"You okay?" asked Dexter, wondering what had gotten into his friend. Saracen glanced at Valkyrie, and grinned. _For God's sake, everything's a form of flirting to him_, she thought angrily.

"Just fine, thank you," he said, and everyone carried on eating after a moment of staring at Saracen.


	14. An Idiot's Guide to Cooking

**Thank you for your feedback on the last chapter; I'm glad you all liked it!**

**Up next is my favourite chapter so far, hope you all enjoy! ****It's quite long, but I didn't want to split it into two chapters as it would disrupt the flow.**

****DO NOT TRY ANYTHING FEATURED IN THIS CHAPTER AT HOME. YOU'LL KNOW WHAT I MEAN IN A FEW MINUTES, TRUST ME.**

* * *

"Remember, you are to stay on high alert at _all_ times," warned Skulduggery. Valkyrie and Anton were just about to leave for the supermarket, and were now having to endure a lecture from Skulduggery about the dangers of being spotted.

"You are both wanted criminals, so be careful," he added. "If you are spotted, or even _remotely_ recognised, you do _not_ lead them back here, okay? Do not even drive back in this direction. Just cruise around for a bit until you are sure that you've lost them. Remember, leave no traces of yourselves. Do you have everything you need? Anton? Valkyrie? _Valkyrie_?"

By this point, they had both stopped listening to whatever Skulduggery was going on about, and it was only when he clicked his fingers in front of their faces that they glanced up at him.

"What?" they asked.

"I thought you were listening!" Skulduggery scolded.

"It takes patience to listen, and skill to _pretend_ your listening," said Anton. "I am skilled, but not patient."

Skulduggery sighed. "Do you have everything you need?"

"Yeah," said Valkyrie, and Anton nodded.

"Do you have a form of payment?" asked Skulduggery.

"Yeah, I've got my credit card," said Valkyrie, getting impatient.

"Are you sure?"

"_Yes_, can we just go already?"

Skulduggery stepped forward and gave Valkyrie a hug. He then stepped back and saluted Anton. "Good luck, men," he said.

"For god's sake, we're only going to the shops," muttered Anton, and Valkyrie bolted out of the door, all too eager to get going before Skulduggery found something else to say.

She strolled towards Ghastly's van. They were taking it because the Bentley was too recognisable- no doubt everyone would be on the lookout for it, and the others' flashy sports cars weren't exactly inconspicuous, either. Therefore, they were going in the van.

She got in, and a few seconds later, Anton joined her. They took off, in search of the nearest supermarket.

* * *

"They've gone," Skulduggery called to the others, as he stepped back inside the house.

"Now what?" asked Erskine.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry," said Saracen. The others looked bewildered.

"You've just eaten a massive breakfast," said Dexter. "Actually, that gives me an idea. I think _we_ should cook lunch today, after Val did dinner last night and breakfast this morning."

There were enthusiastic nods from the others. "Anton already squeezed some fresh orange juice earlier, so that will be his contribution," said Skulduggery. "As the most intelligent of you lot, I will direct you all."

"But you can't even eat!" exclaimed Erskine.

"Oh, don't take life so seriously. You won't get out alive," said Skulduggery nonchalantly.

"What a way to ruin the mood," said Ghastly, as Saracen muttered, "Sarcastic bastard."

"Right, men," began Skulduggery, seemingly in an army officer mood. "Where do your individual skill sets lie?"

"Huh?" asked Erskine.

"_What are you good at?_" shouted Skulduggery.

"_SKULDUGGERY_!" yelled Ghastly.

"What?" he replied.

"Calm down! We're only cooking!"

"Oh, you may see it as cooking, but this is a mission. This is a test of how capable we are as men. We do not need Valkyrie and other women in our lives. We. Are. Strong! So I ask you, my brothers, to help me fight for our food. We shall fight the enemy until our doom; we shall fight them in this warehouse, we shall fight them in the Sanctuary, we shall fight them back at my house, but we will never surrender! If you can't fly, then run. If you can't run, then walk. If you can't walk, then crawl, but whatever you do, you have to keep moving forward. We alone cannot change the world, but we can cast a stone across the waters and create ripples. I have a dream that we will all triumph in the face of evil. _We. Will. Succeed_!"

Skulduggery looked around him, watching the faces of his fellow Dead Men as his marvellous speech sank in. Just how brilliant was he? _Extremely_.

None of the others could pull off an astounding speech like that. But wait- they looked... Good god, they looked _bored_. Something had gone terribly, _terribly _wrong.

Skulduggery opened his mouth to repeat it, for fear that they had not heard what he had just been saying. True, barely any of it was his own, and he had lost track of it himself at times, but what mattered was that it was _good_.

"Ahem," said Skulduggery, ready to repeat the speech. "You may see it as cooking, but-"

"-_yes_, Skulduggery, we did hear you," interrupted Saracen.

"You're taking this all a little too seriously, aren't you, Skul?" asked Dexter.

"Don't call me that," muttered Skulduggery. "Fine," he continued, sulkily, "don't blame me when you all die horrible deaths because you weren't organised."

"Yeah... what happened to all that motivational stuff?" said Saracen.

"You wanna know what my favourite motivational quote is?" asked Erskine.

"Not really, Erskine," said the others, knowing that he was probably going to come out with something that wasn't very motivational at all.

"Well," continued Erskine, ignoring them, "it's that you should always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else."

The others let this sink in. "That's not very motivational at _all_," frowned Saracen.

"I'm feeling pretty demotivated, guys," said Dexter. "Can we just get on with making lunch before we change our minds?"

"Yeah, that's probably best. What should we make?" asked Ghastly.

"I noticed some sausages amongst the crap that Erskine brought," said Saracen.

"Actually, that's not a bad idea," said Ghastly. "There were potatoes as well, so we could make mashed potatoes-"

"-Bangers and mash!" interrupted Erskine gleefully. He saw Ghastly's withering look, and shut up.

"And we can accompany it all with some veg. I think that'll be enough," Ghastly finished.

"Let's get started then!" said Dexter enthusiastically, and headed into the kitchen, closely followed by the others.

* * *

"Do you think they'll prefer apple juice or pineapple juice?" Valkyrie asked Anton. So far, they had nearly finished the shopping, and had picked up a range of supplies, including food, toiletries, leisure items, sports items, cleaning products and other things that looked interesting. All that was left were the drinks. They had managed to find a Tesco in the end, but it had been a one hour drive away, since the warehouse was in such a remote area.

"Pineapple?" suggested Anton, and Valkyrie shrugged and added it to one of the two trolleys they had.

"Sure we'll be able to afford all this?" asked Anton.

"Yeah, I inherited _lots_, trust me," said Valkyrie casually.

"Thank you, on behalf of the others as well, for using your own personal money to fund our troublemaking," smiled Anton, speaking sincerely.

"It's nothing," she said, honestly. "Do you want anything else to drink?" she asked.

"Not really. We've already got milk and now we have juice... Is there anything you wanted?"

"Well, there was _one_ thing," said Valkyrie, and with that she disappeared off to another aisle, and returned a minute later with a large bottle of chocolate milkshake. She had a massive grin on her face.

"Good choice," Anton chuckled, and she placed it into the trolley and they kept going. Anton liked seeing this side of Valkyrie- the side where she wasn't trying to cover up her emotions, and she was just acting herself. She didn't need to act tough and strong in front of them, but it just came naturally after so many years of doing it with Skulduggery. It was at times like this that he was seeing the real Valkyrie; a beautiful, clever, talented girl, with the mentality of a three year old. Speaking of three year olds...

"I wonder what the others are doing?" mused Anton out loud.

* * *

"OH MY GOD, WHAT'S THAT NOISE?" yelled Saracen, as the incessant beeping of the smoke alarm started.

Most of the men, and the skeleton, were in the kitchen, attempting to make sausages, mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. However, that's where it had all gone wrong...

It had started out fine; they made it into the kitchen in one piece, and even managed to find the correct ingredients, which literally were just the sausages, potatoes and vegetables. As easy as this sounded, it was a hard task for _them. _The next step, however, was working out what to do with it all.

Ghastly had said that the sausages needed to be fried, whereas Saracen had insisted that they needed to soak in hot water instead, although Ghastly tried to argue that it was _rice_ that soaked, not sausages. After a tug of war with a chain of sausages, in which Saracen was victorious (only because Ghastly was distracted by Skulduggery's high pitched rendition of 'Bob the Builder', which he claimed he had already 'performed' to Valkyrie, and she had apparently said it was _amazing_, which he didn't believe in the slightest), they had put the sausages into a deep pan of water, above a high flame on the gas cooker.

Next, they contemplated the potatoes. It was clear that they had to be mashed, but _how_? Skulduggery suggested that they just wrapped them in a tissue and walked on them, but Dexter pointed out that they needed to be _cooked_. So, they decided to put the potatoes in the microwave for half an hour, then take them out and walk on them until they were mashed.

Finally, the vegetables were the tricky ones; Erskine remembered that Valkyrie had said she'd steamed hers, so they decided to copy her and just do that. The only problem was; how _do_ you steam vegetables? Together, Erskine and Skulduggery concluded that they needed something that produced steam, to which Dexter helpfully inputted 'An iron makes steam!' Therefore, Erskine went off to iron the vegetables. Really.

At the moment, the sausages were on the gas, the potatoes were in the microwave, and Erskine was off ironing the vegetables. It was a disaster waiting to happen.

All of a sudden, a bang was heard, and smoke started billowing out of the microwave. Saracen shrieked in surprise, and Skulduggery leapt up, prepared to fight... the microwave.

At the same time, a load of steam started coming out of the pan the sausages were smoking in.

Then, Erskine ran in yelling, "_THE VEGETABLES HAVE TURNED BLACK_!" with the iron in one hand and a handful of vegetables in the other. Then, as if he had just remembered that he was holding the scorching-hot burnt vegetables, he yelped and went to drop them, but _somehow_, it seemed as if the command to open his left hand got a bit confused as it was coming from his non-existent brain, and he opened his _right_ hand instead, dropping the iron on the floor. He watched as the iron smashed and became a mess of nuts and bolts, and then dropped the vegetables on top, clutching his hand.

And then, over all the carnage, the smoke alarm started beeping. The men all stopped and looked at each other, wondering how the _hell_ they'd managed to muck it up this badly.

* * *

"Anton?" said Valkyrie. The two were now on their way back to the warehouse, having completed all the shopping.

"Yes?" he replied, glancing over at her.

"I have a feeling that the guys have done something stupid," she said.

"Me too," he replied, then added, "I think it would be a good idea to stop at McDonald's."

* * *

When they had finally pulled themselves together, Ghastly took charge. First, they needed to turn off the damn smoke alarm. He sent Erskine out to do that, as it was the simplest task. He literally only had to wave a tea towel around it to clear the surrounding air.

However, he managed to go wrong with it. Being unable to reach it, as the ceiling was quite high, Erskine decided to find something to stand on. Then he came to a dilemma- should he get a chair from the kitchen, or should he just drag a sofa out of the living room, seeing as it was closer? Being Erskine, he decided to drag the_ sofa _out of the living room and into the hallway.

This, obviously, was not as easy as it sounded, and it sounded pretty tough. The sofa wouldn't fit through the living room door, so he decided to turn the sofa onto its side, and drag it out that way. He managed to turn the sofa over, but then realised that it was too heavy to push any further; it had taken enough effort already.

When Dexter wandered off to look for Erskine, as he had been gone some time and the smoke alarm was still on and still loud, he found a sofa lodged halfway through the door of the living room, turned the wrong way round, with an idiot sitting on top of it.

Meanwhile, the others were trying to see what had become of the potatoes and sausages. They looked into the pan, to find the sausages black and charred.

They then approached the microwave, and Skulduggery flung open the door. Clouds of smoke rushed out, and the men began coughing until it cleared. They saw that all the potatoes in there had... well, they'd exploded.

The tops were missing on all of them, and had been splattered around the microwave.

"Hey, this one's still intact," said Saracen, noticing a potato that was whole, and had not exploded... yet.

Stupidly, he reached out to poke it, Ghastly and Skulduggery yelling,_ "Noooooooooooo."_

But it was too late.

Saracen poked the intact potato, and it exploded in their faces.

* * *

"Guys, we're back!" called Valkyrie. Her and Anton left the shopping in the doorway, and went looking for the others so they could help to carry it in. Although they should have, they didn't expect to see the men in the state that they were in.

The smoke alarm was blaring, and smoke was pouring out of the kitchen.

Erskine was sitting stubbornly on top of a sofa, that was wedged in the doorway of the living room, and had even been _flipped the other way round._ Dexter was jumping up to the smoke alarm, waving a tea towel around it, trying to turn the damn machine off.

Skulduggery, Ghastly and Saracen were crowded around the microwave, trying to clean the inside of it. The kitchen was full of smoke; half from the cooker, and half from the microwave. For some _stupid _reason, that Valkyrie and Anton couldn't even _begin _to guess, there was an iron on the floor, smashed to smithereens. Around it were burnt vegetables. Had some idiot been trying to _iron _them?

Skulduggery, Ghastly and Saracen heard the two enter the kitchen, and turned. Valkyrie opened her mouth to speak, but couldn't find the words to say. Anton could only raise an eyebrow. A moment later, Valkyrie finally found her tongue.

"WHY THE _HELL _DOES IT LOOK LIKE A POTATO EXPLODED IN YOUR FACES?"


	15. Breaking Down

**Hope you all had a great Xmas!**

**If there are any other suggestions or questions that anyone has, please let me know!**

* * *

By the time the others had managed to clean up the mess, it was nearly six o'clock in the evening. Luckily, Anton had had the idea to go to McDonald's, so no one went hungry, even though they had missed lunch. Then, he and Valkyrie decided that they were owed an explanation.

"Well," began Skulduggery, and _yup_, you've guessed it, it was time for another of his notorious speeches. "We thought that, since you very kindly made dinner and breakfast for us, it was now our turn to cook. So, we decided to make lunch. I was put in charge, because I was, and still am, the cleverest of this lot, so I directed them all. I think they picked me for my motivational skills-"

"-yeah," interrupted Dexter, "everyone always has to work twice as hard when you're around."

"-so I became the leader," Skulduggery continued, ignoring the comment. "We decided to make sausages, mashed potatoes and steamed vegetables. Alas, that is where it all went wrong. Ghastly decided that the sausages should be soaked in water, so that bit was _his_ fault, and-"

"-OI, NO IT WASN'T!" exclaimed Ghastly. "I very clearly said, _from the start,_ that the sausages should be _fried_, but Saracen said that they should be soaked, so we had a tug of war with the sausages, and I _would_ have won, if it wasn't for Skulduggery singing Bob the flippin' Builder at the top of his lungs, distracting me. So, it was _Skulduggery's_ fault."

"Finished?" asked Skulduggery, annoyed. Ghastly nodded, and Skulduggery resumed his tirade.

"Then, we got started on the mashed potatoes. It was _my_ grand idea to wrap the potatoes in a tissue and walk on them, hence the 'mashed' bit. However, _Dexter_ here said that the potatoes should be cooked first, so _he_ decided to put them in the microwave for half an hour, where they promptly exploded."

"WHAT?!" yelled Dexter. "We decided _together_. Stop lying!"

"I wasn't lying- I was just writing fiction with my mouth!" protested Skulduggery, hurt.

"It takes two to lie," interrupted Saracen, "one to lie, and one to be gullible and listen."

"It's not as if you're any better," accused Ghastly. "You made the potato explode!"

"Guys, guys, calm down," said Erskine, trying to maintain order. Suddenly, everyone turned on him.

"IT'S NOT AS IF YOU WERE ANY HELP, ERSKINE!" yelled Saracen.

"Yeah, you attempted to _iron_ a _vegetable_, you ninny!" said Ghastly. "_And_, you broke the only iron we _had_!"

"_And_," began Dexter, "you got the damn sofa stuck in the living room door."

"BUT ALL I ASKED YOU TO DO WAS TURN THE SMOKE ALARM OFF!" yelled Skulduggery.

"What _exactly_ are you good for, Erskine?" asked Saracen.

"Now, now, Saracen," said Ghastly, "even idiots who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face, when pushed down the stairs."

"I AM _NOT_ AN IDIOT!" yelled Erskine.

"_**SHUT UP!**_" screamed Valkyrie and Anton.

* * *

"It looks," began Anton, when him and Valkyrie had managed to calm everyone down, "like this is all _your_ fault, Skulduggery." He raised a hand to silence Skulduggery when he began protesting.

"Firstly," continued Anton, "you distracted Ghastly from winning the tug of war; if you hadn't done this, the sausages would be fried and ready to eat."

"Secondly," added Valkyrie, "you suggested that they _walk_ on the potatoes, and you also agreed to the idea of putting them in the microwave. I'm not even gonna comment any further on that."

"Furthermore," resumed Anton, "you sent Erskine off to _iron vegetables_, and turn off the smoke alarm. You should have known that he'd have made a mess of it."

"But no one can predict what an idiot will do!" argued Skulduggery.

"I AM _NOT_ AN IDIOT!" repeated Erskine, but no one paid him any attention.

"But you know they'll do something idiotic!" said Valkyrie, exasperated.

"Finally, Skulduggery," said Anton, "this is all your fault because _you were in charge!_"

And with that, Valkyrie and Anton walked off and went to sit in the living room.

"I'm not a-" began Erskine, but he was cut off by the others shouting,

"YES, YOU ARE!"

* * *

Ghastly's stomach rumbled. It had been growling at him for the past hour, but he had managed to ignore it. Until now.

He was not usually one to complain, but _damn_ he was starving.

He walked into the kitchen, where Valkyrie was sitting, finishing off an apple. The others were, conveniently, nowhere to be found. Except Skulduggery; oh, they could never get rid of him.

"Any ideas on dinner?" asked Ghastly, sagging when he saw Valkyrie's face droop. "Sorry, I know you've already worked hard with dinners and breakfasts, but..."

Valkyrie sighed. She _hated_ cooking, and now she was the bloody chef. _Why did I have to offer to make dinner yesterday..._ she mentally scolded herself.

"Uh, I dunno," she answered half-heartedly. "We could make... umm... I dunno, pasta?"

Ghastly smiled. "Great idea, but his royal doofusness didn't think to bring any. So, we could make it from scratch..."

Valkyrie groaned and rested her head in her hands. "Do you have any idea how long that will take?" she snapped.

She was aware of Ghastly coming to sit opposite her at the table. She lifted her head.

"Sorry," she apologised.

"What's up?" he asked, gently.

"I'm just so pissed off," she began, and continued before she realised what she was saying. "The shopping took ages, as soon as I came in through the door I had to start cleaning up the mess you lot made, I'm absolutely exhausted, my burns are still irritating me, Skulduggery's doing my bloomin' head in, Saracen's on my case and won't stop his damn flirting, the memories of my family's death came back to me..." she trailed off, and replaced her head in her hands.

"I'm just finding it hard to cope," she said tearfully, nearly breaking down.

Ghastly was surprised- he was used to seeing a strong, hard-willed, determined Valkyrie, but now... all her walls were broken and she looked vulnerable and alone.

Ghastly got up and came behind her, and wrapped his arms around her. It was a little awkward as her head was still in her hands, and the chair was in the way, but it was a hug nonetheless.

"Where's the Val I know gone? The one who never shed a tear, the one who was always either tormenting Skulduggery or laughing at him," Ghastly said, in an attempt to comfort her.

"She died with her family," mumbled Valkyrie, and she broke down and began sobbing, her shoulders shaking. Ghastly, changing tactic, sat in the seat beside her, shuffled closer, and gave her a hug that way. She leaned into him, and continued to cry.

* * *

Half an hour later, Dexter wandered into the kitchen, looking for food. He took one look at Valkyrie, eyes closed and tear stains on her cheeks, being comforted by Ghastly, who was talking softly to her and stroking her hair, and stopped in shock. _Valkyrie_ never _cried_.

Ghastly glanced up and saw Dexter, and signalled with his eyes that he should leave. Dexter nodded, and grabbed a banana and left the room.

He walked into the living room. Erskine was upstairs having a nap, as he usually did, even though he barely did anything all day. Saracen was also upstairs, probably finishing his unpacking. Anton had been exploring the offices with curiosity, but was now seated in the living room, where he was talking idly to Skulduggery. Dexter sat down heavily on the sofa opposite the two.

"Seen Valkyrie anywhere?" asked Skulduggery.

"Yeah, she's in the kitchen," said Dexter, feeling upset after what he had seen. It was like her sadness was infectious; she was the life and soul of the group, and she was always tough, putting the job first and feelings behind her, but now... she was hurting.

"Cooking?" asked Skulduggery.

Anton raised an eyebrow. "Do you expect her to be?"

"Yeah, I guess," shrugged the skeleton.

"But it's not her job, and she is capable of more than just cooking," argued Anton, annoyed about how she was being portrayed.

Dexter decided to intervene now before things got a bit out of hand. "She's upset, and she's with Ghastly at the moment."

Skulduggery made to get up, but Anton grabbed his arm, and forced him back down. "Leave it, she'll speak to you when she's feeling up to it. She's probably missing her family."

"But she _never_ gets upset," said Skulduggery. "She's stronger than that."

"You've been forcing her to hide her emotions all this time, that's why she never seems upset. Who knows what goes on in her head? Just give her time, she'll sort things out," said Anton, in that quiet voice of his.

* * *

Ghastly observed that Valkyrie had stopped sobbing, and that her breathing had evened out. She was asleep. _Poor girl really _was_ exhausted_, he thought to himself.

He gently lifted her up, bridal-style, off the chair, and proceeded to carry her to her room. He passed the living room, and saw Skulduggery look up.

"What's wrong?" he asked, standing.

"_Shhhh_!" hissed Ghastly. "She's asleep," he whispered, and carried on past the living room, despite Skulduggery's protests.

He walked to the staircase, and climbed up until he had reached the second floor. He walked down the corridor to her and Saracen's room, passing Erskine on the way. He raised an eyebrow, and Ghastly shook his head, meaning 'I'll tell you later.'

He gently pushed open the door, and stepped into the room. Saracen was there, sitting on the bed, folding a couple of shirts. He looked up, and concern crossed his face when he saw Valkyrie. He cleared the bed, and pulled back the duvet as Ghastly gently placed her on the bed.

"What happened?" he whispered to Ghastly.

"She got a bit upset, then I soothed her, and she fell asleep," he whispered back, grateful that at least _someone_ knew how to whisper.

"I'll stay and look over her," offered Saracen, and Ghastly nodded. He knew that Saracen wouldn't try anything when she woke up; he did care about Valkyrie, after all, and wasn't that much of a sleaze.

"Thanks," Ghastly said, and walked out, closing the door quietly behind him.


	16. Goodness Gracious

***You guys (readers, reviewers, followers, favouriters, etc.) have all made my 2014 amazing, even though I've only been writing this for just over a month. Thank you, and best wishes for the new year!***

* * *

Valkyrie awoke the next morning feeling refreshed, and much better than the previous day. She decided to put it all behind her, and got up to get dressed. After all, she had another family now; her magical one. The weight of her family's deaths were still heavy in her mind, and there was no doubt that she would keep hurting in the future, but for now, she just needed to keep her head clear. Being distracted these days was going to get her killed.

Looking around the room, she could see that Saracen had already gotten up, and was probably downstairs somewhere.

Her phone beeped, signalling a new text message. She flopped onto the bed, and saw that she had received a text from Gracious O'Callahan, that said 'Hi, whatcha doin?'. With nothing better to do, she replied.

**Valkyrie**: nothing much, you?

**Gracious**: bored

**Valkyrie**: we're on the run

**Gracious**: I heard. Good luck

**Valkyrie**: thanks

**Gracious**: what did one ocean say to the other ocean?

**Valkyrie**: excuse me?

**Gracious**: what did one ocean say to the other ocean?

**Valkyrie**: uh, what?

**Gracious**: nothing, he just waved :)

**Valkyrie**: wtf?

**Gracious**: do u sea what i did there?

**Valkyrie**: ...

**Gracious**: sea-riously, do you?

**Valkyrie**: no

**Gracious**: you shore?

**Valkyrie**: pretty sure :|

**Gracious**: don't be a beach

**Valkyrie**: ...

**Gracious**: water you saying?

**Valkyrie**: bye

**Gracious**: shell I stop then?

**Valkyrie**: please

**Gracious**: okay I guess I'll go krill myself now

**Valkyrie**: BYE.

**Gracious**: I just tide

**Gracious**: I fish you would come back

**Gracious**: I won't sand any more messages

**Gracious**: whale, I guess you're not coming back

**Gracious**: water you up to?

**Gracious**: tiding up the place?

**Gracious**: what did one river say to the other?

**Gracious**: dam you

**Gracious**: I'll make you walk the plankton

**Gracious**: are you tide of these jokes? I understand after a whale they get annoying, but I don't think it's on porpoise

**Gracious**: sorry, I'll stop

**Valkyrie**: PROMISE?

**Gracious**: yeah. What did one volcano say to the other?

**Valkyrie**: I SWEAR O'CALLAHAN I WILL KICK YOUR SORRY ARSE INTO NEXT WEEK

**Gracious**: i lava you

**Valkyrie**: -_-

**Gracious**: ok I'm finished now

**Valkyrie**: Good. So, what are you and Donegan doing?

**Gracious**: uhhh nothing really, just the usual. Got another book coming out next month

**Valkyrie**: cool. What's happening in the outside world?

**Gracious**: well everyone's against you lot, you literally have no allies, and the few you do have are too scared to help, 'cause they are gonna be executed.

**Valkyrie**: Oh my god, is it that bad?

**Gracious**: Yeah, me and Donegan are sticking to the shadows for now

**Valkyrie**: damn...

**Gracious**: i know right

**Valkyrie**: I'm Hungary

**Valkyrie**: damn autocorrect *hungry

**Gracious**: try czeching the fridge

**Valkyrie**: I'm not going russian to the kitchen

**Gracious**: might find some turkey

**Valkyrie**: nah, too greecey

**Gracious**: lol norway you can eat that

**Valkyrie**: tell me about it. freezer is too chile, might have Coke instead

**Gracious**: I'd luv a canada Coke

**Valkyrie**: denmark your name on the can

**Gracious**: lolz

**Valkyrie**: ikr rotflmfao

**Gracious**: lol yeah our crazy outbursts ;)

**Valkyrie**: i seriously am hungry, tho. Didn't have any dinner last night. I think the last thing I ate was something from McDonkadonks. Or an apple.

**Valkyrie**: SHIT LOL, I MEAN MCDONALDS.

**Gracious**: HAHAHA LOL MCDONKADONKS, LOL GOTTA TELL DONEGAN

**Valkyrie**: don't you dare... wasn't my fault, it was autocorrect

**Gracious**: god Val, you're so funny ;) McDonkadonks... sounds good though, but I've had better. Know what I last had for dinner?

**Valkyrie**: No, what?

**Gracious**: chicken vaginas

**Valkyrie**: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

**Gracious**: whatOH CRAP CHICKEN FAJITAS NOT... THAT

**Valkyrie**: Oh. You had me worried there, man...

**Gracious**: ahem. awkward

**Valkyrie**: autocorrect sucks, right?

**Gracious**: yup ;)

**Valkyrie**: I'm sooooooo booooooooooored

**Gracious**: Me too. My hand aches. I'm done with donkey cock

**Valkyrie**: WTF?

**Gracious**: been on it for ageeees

**Valkyrie**: uhhh

**Gracious**: too long :/

**Valkyrie**: Read the last few messages back to yourself, Gracious

**Gracious**: DAMN I MEAN DONKEY COCK

**Gracious**: DONKEY COCK

**Gracious**: COCK

**Gracious**: I MEAN COCK NOT COCK

**Gracious**: COCK

**Gracious**: COOK

**Gracious**: KONG

**Gracious**: DONKEY FLIPPING KONG

**Valkyrie**: ohhhhhhhhhh haha LOL u little pervert ;)

**Gracious**: please don't repeat this to anyone...

**Valkyrie**: not a chance :D

**Gracious**: soooooooo...

**Valkyrie**: we always have the stupidest conversations, right?

**Gracious**: hell yeah :)

**Valkyrie**: anyway, I'd better go. The kitchen is calling me.

**Gracious**: lol bye

**Valkyrie**: See ya. Stay safe :)

**Gracious**: You too. How much of this stuff did you print screen?

**Valkyrie**: Oh, only all of it

**Gracious**: that's what I thought...

**Valkyrie**: lol byeee

**Gracious**: Callahan out.

**Valkyrie**: Cain out.

**Gracious**: stole my lime...

**Gracious**: *line

**Valkyrie**: bye :)

**Gracious**: (-.(-.(-.(-.-).-).-).-)

**Valkyrie**: uhh

**Gracious**: Chinese mafia's watching you

**Valkyrie**: lol

By now, Valkyrie had a huge grin plastered to her face. Gracious always put her in a good mood. She put her phone in the pocket of her jeans, and headed downstairs.

When she entered the kitchen, the men were seated at the dinner table, Skulduggery standing once again. Only Anton was missing. They looked up at her entrance and beamed.

"Ahhhh... Our saviour!" smiled Erskine. "Do you know how to make breakfast?" He received sharp glares from everyone else, as they knew that Valkyrie was sick of cooking.

However, she was in too good a mood now to care, and just shrugged it off.

"That's a bit of a vague question, Erskine. Anyway, Anton and I bought three different types of cereal yesterday," responded Valkyrie. Surely he knew how to make _cereal_.

"Did you?" asked Erskine, surprised. He got up and checked the cupboard nearest to him, and pulled out three large boxes of cereal.

"Ohhhhhhhhhh," he said, drawing out the word. The others looked furious.

"Erskine, we told _you_ to check that cupboard earlier..." frowned Ghastly.

"No, you told me to check the washing machine!" insisted Erskine.

"Why on earth would we tell you to do that?" asked Saracen.

Valkyrie went to make herself some cereal, and then sat down at the table, next to Ghastly today.

"Feeling better?" Ghastly asked her softly. Valkyrie nodded and grinned, remembering the text message conversation she had just had with Gracious. She pulled out her phone.

"Look," she said, and brought up the message. Ghastly spent a minute reading it, then burst out laughing.

"You have _got_ to see this, Dexter," he said, then passed it across the table to Vex. He roared with laughter.

"Worst case of autocorrect _ever_, Val," he said, passing the phone to Erskine and Saracen, who crowded around it like naughty school boys.

They snickered and giggled, and passed it to Skulduggery.

Skulduggery tilted his head after a few moments of reading, and let out a few chuckles. However, by the end, he too was roaring with laughter.

Anton walked into the kitchen, and saw the sight of one grinning cat and four hooting hyenas, and a kookaburra roaring in the corner. Valkyrie passed him the phone, and he began chuckling, too.

The kitchen was alive with laughter.


	17. Plums

Lunch time came around, but instead of Valkyrie having to cook, Anton had the idea of cooking the fish fingers and fries, that they had bought the previous day, in the oven with a couple of chopped vegetables on the side.

They were currently all seated around the dinner table, and had nothing to do whilst waiting for it to cook. Then, all of a sudden, Erskine gasped and jumped up out of his seat, and ran quickly up the stairs to his room.

Anton raised an eyebrow. "Is he normally like this?"

Skulduggery just tilted his skull, lost for words for once. Valkyrie opened her mouth to offer some sort of explanation, but none came out. Dexter and Saracen just stared at his empty seat, still not believing his stupidity. It was Ghastly who spoke.

"Well, sometimes he's _worse_, so we'd better count ourselves lucky," he said, but could offer nothing further. Erskine was just, well... _Erskine_.

The man in question burst back into the room, carrying a white carrier bag which had a few objects in it, but the opaque nature of the bag made it hard to see just _what_ Erskine had brought them.

"Care to explain?" prompted Skulduggery.

"Plums!" he exclaimed.

"_Excuse_ me?" said Dexter.

"I just remembered that I brought some plums with me!" he said excitedly. "I got them on the way here, but I forgot about them. But I remembered again!"

With that, he plonked the bag on the table, and took his seat again at the head of the table. Valkyrie was pleasantly surprised. So far, the only fruit they had been able to get their hands on had been bananas, and some apples that Erskine had also brought, and they were getting a little bland. A plum would be a nice change.

"Thanks, Erskine," she said gratefully, taking one. Dexter took one as well, followed by Ghastly, but the rest decided to hang on until the fish fingers were ready, except Skulduggery, of course, who smugly stated, "I have no need for food," as if hunger was a weakness in human beings. Basically, he was saying that he was superior to them all.

Valkyrie took a bite of the plum. It was quite sweet, but in a tasty sort of way. "So, what's on the agenda?" she asked.

"I guess our next moves will be based around getting into the Sanctuary," said Skulduggery.

"Why?" asked Saracen. "I don't see what the point is."

"Well," said Skulduggery, and you know what that means, folks- time for a speech! Luckily, though, Dexter, who had picked up on all the signs, saw it coming, so quickly intervened.

"Basically, it will help us gain a lot of things," he began, whilst Skulduggery promptly closed his 'mouth', muttering to himself. "Firstly, we need to get Fletcher. This is because he's gonna be useful if we have to move location _fast_, and also, obviously, he'll be an advantage in any future missions. Plus, he is an ally and a close friend, so it's our duty to get him back."

Skulduggery opened his mouth to speak again, but it was Anton this time who stole the spotlight. "Secondly, breaking into the Sanctuary will be a good opportunity to sneak around, steal some papers, etcetera. We can therefore get a good idea of what their situation is, and also maybe learn about what their next moves are against us, giving us the advantage."

Skulduggery, sensing his moment, cleared his non-existent throat, preparing to give an extensive lecture, but that was when Ghastly jumped in. "Finally, it will be a chance to strike directly against the Sanctuary, and show them who has the upper hand in this battle. If we can get in, cause some havoc, steal some stuff, then we could potentially do them a lot of damage."

Skulduggery started sulking. Those had been the three points that_ he_ had been planning on making.

"Anything you'd like to add?" Dexter asked him.

"No, no, of course not. You just keep talking, there's a good boy," he said back, grumpily.

"Oooh someone's in a bad mood today!" teased Valkyrie, grinning.

"Shut up," Skulduggery muttered, much to everyone's amusement.

"Anyway," said Anton, steering them back on track, as usual, "when do you guys think we should commence this attack?"

"As soon as possible," said Skulduggery.

"Yeah, but how soon _is_ that?" asked Valkyrie, looking for a straight answer.

"I think," Skulduggery began, "that we should aim to do it in three days. Five days maximum."

"Sounds good," said Ghastly.

"The sooner the better," agreed Saracen.

Valkyrie nodded her agreement, then looked down at her plum to take another bite. She screamed.

"What?" asked Skulduggery, confused. Although he hadn't eaten a plum for a few centuries, he was pretty sure that they were still harmless.

"LOOK!" she screeched, and turned her plum around to reveal a plump little worm nestled inside it. It began to wriggle.

"IT'S ALIVE!" she continued to scream.

"Calm down, Valkyrie," said Skulduggery. Valkyrie whipped her head round to face him.

"Calm down?" she said angrily. "_Calm down?_ I could have _eaten_ this worm with just one more bite, Pleasant. It is sheer _luck_ that I looked down in time. ERSKINE RAVEL, YOU ARE DEAD!" she yelled, whirling to Erskine, who sat there sheepishly.

"How was I supposed to know?" he asked, sulkily.

"_WHERE THE HELL DID YOU GET THESE PLUMS, ERSKINE? NOBODY SELLS THEM WITH WORMS IN THEM!"_ she shouted.

"Valkyrie, calm yourself down! It could be worse-" began Dexter, but he was cut off.

"_WORSE_? WHAT'S WORSE THAN EATING A PLUM AND FINDING A WORM?"

"Eating a plum and finding _half_ a worm," he replied, going a faint shade of green. He turned his plum around to reveal half of a worm poking out of it, the end that was facing them slightly jagged, indicating that it had been bitten into.

Dexter ran to the bathroom, leaving his half-eaten plum (and half-eaten worm) on the table, whilst Ghastly promptly spat the contents of his mouth out into the sink, and then threw away his plum, along with the rest of the bag. Valkyrie just rested her head on the table, feeling repulsed. That could easily have been her.

"Erskine," Saracen began, "just where did you get those plums?"

"I got them from this tree I saw next to this petrol station on the way here," said Erskine. "Then I forgot about them," he added helpfully.

"A tree? You went around picking plums off random _trees?_ Unhygienic_ trees_?" asked Ghastly, angrily.

"Yeah, same place I got the apples!" he said proudly.

Ghastly, Saracen and Valkyrie looked at each other. They'd all been eating those apples, and if they, too, came from random trees, like the plums, they could easily have been eating...

The three bolted to the bathroom.


	18. Medusa's Seducer

**Next chapter is up! By the way, it contains swearing; but all for a good cause. Okay that sounded better in my head ;)**

**Thanks again to anyone who's reviewing, or even still reading! I understand that I'm dragging it out a bit, and the promised Sanctuary raid doesn't seem to be materialising, but trust me! I just wanted to show everyone's character really clearly, and set the scene a bit. I promise that there will be some action within the next few chapters. By the way, if anyone has any objections to reading about torture, please let me know! I don't plan on doing a lot of it, but I feel that it is necessary for the plot to go the way I want it to. But if anyone's uncomfortable with that sort of stuff, let me know and I'll gloss over it.**

**On with the story!**

**(I really need a new catchphrase...)**

* * *

It was nearly nine o'clock in the evening, and Valkyrie walked into the empty living room with a book that she had brought with her, and sat down onto a sofa. She rested her feet on the coffee table and began to read. It was 'Alice in Wonderland', one of her favourite stories. She likened herself to the character of Alice, who had accidentally stumbled upon this world of mystery and oddities, out of sheer curiosity after seeing something she shouldn't have. However, unlike Valkyrie, she _left_ this world of crazy characters, and returned to normal life, whereas Valkyrie stayed planted firmly inside it.

She was aware of Saracen coming into the room and sitting beside her, but she remained engrossed in the book. She did _not_ want some stupid little flirting man ruining her relaxation time, especially after the drama earlier of Erskine's stupid plums.

Saracen shuffled over until their shoulders were touching, and he put an arm around her. "What are you reading?"

"A book."

"Is it good?"

"Yes."

"Oh, come on, Val, I'm trying to make conversation here. Breaking the ice, you know?"

She sighed and put down her book, deciding to play along with his pathetic attempts. She literally had nothing better to do.

"Do you like reading, Saracen?" she asked him.

"Sorta," he answered.

"Yeah, same. Some books are alright, but some are just... so pointlessly complex. I used to find it too long and hard, you know."

"That's what she said," said Saracen, smirking. Valkyrie rolled her eyes. It had all been going so _normally_, and he just _had_ to turn it dirty.

"Come on, Val, just give me a chance. I'm not that bad in bed," he grinned. She turned her head to him.

"Saracen, I'm sure you're skilled in your own way, but I honestly have no interest in sleeping with you."

"Oh, really?"

"Saracen," Valkyrie said, now getting angry, "please _get lost_. Just leave me alone, stop trying to flirt with me, stop trying to charm me, stop _touching_ me, and just GO!"

"Not a _chance_," Saracen smirked. "I think, Val, that you're suffering from a lack of vitamin '_me_'," he added. Then, much to Valkyrie's surprise, he leaned in and kissed her full on the lips. She was stunned for a moment, but soon gathered her bearings again.

She pushed him away and stood up angrily, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "_What the fuck are you doing?" _she yelled_. "Who the FUCK do you think you are_?"

Saracen, for his part, didn't even seem fazed, and just stood up in front of her, smirking his face off. Valkyrie was tempted to wipe the grin off of his face with a well-aimed punch, but her better nature took over. That was until Saracen tried again.

He moved in for another kiss, and met Valkyrie's lips for a split second before she pushed him back roughly. "GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE, SARACEN. DO NOT TRY ANYTHING ON ME AGAIN," she shouted, Saracen still looking pleased with himself. He had seduced girls who were much louder and more determined than Valkyrie; there was no way that he was giving up with her.

When it became clear that he was not moving, she picked up her book and went to walk past him out of the room, but he grabbed her arm and pulled her into him, making her drop the book, and tried to kiss her again.

But then Skulduggery was there, tackling Saracen and throwing him into the wall. Saracen cursed and tried to punch him, but Skulduggery was too fast and tripped him, and Saracen sprawled onto the floor.

Dexter burst into the room, took one look at the scene, and then hauled Saracen up. He pushed him up against the wall, holding him slightly raised by the scruff of his neck, and said something in a low, menacing voice to him.

He stepped back and Saracen dropped to his feet, stumbling slightly. He made his way to the door, and went to walk out of it.

However, as soon as he reached Valkyrie, he quickly turned towards her and planted another kiss on her lips, this one lasting a couple of seconds. He had said it before- he'd faced more resistance in the past, so certainly wasn't going to give up with her.

Suddenly, he sprang away from her, clutching his side, and Valkyrie saw Anton gearing up for another punch. He punched Saracen again, in the jaw, and Saracen stumbled to the wall.

Erskine entered the room and used the air to fling Saracen to the opposite wall, and stalked up to him. "Get. Out," he said, threateningly.

Saracen just grinned, and went once more towards the door. However, before he could try anything again, Ghastly was there. He grabbed Saracen's wrist, twisting it painfully, and dragged him out of the room with him. They heard the two going up the stairs.

Anton nodded to Valkyrie, and left the room, closely followed by Erskine. Dexter went too, patting Valkyrie's arm on his way out. He closed the door behind him.

"Are you okay?" Skulduggery asked softly. Valkyrie just looked at him. She wasn't okay. She really wasn't. She felt uncomfortable and used, and wary, now. She looked away.

Skulduggery stepped forward and wrapped her in a warm hug. She rested her head on his shoulder, and closed her eyes while he soothingly stroked her back. He always did give the best hugs.

She pulled away after a while, and smiled at him. "Thank you," she said. "You're always there in the nick of time."

"Well, I _am_ rather amazing," he replied smugly.

"You and your ego," she sighed.

"Everybody has an ego. Mine's just bigger. And better."

He walked to where Valkyrie's book had fallen on the floor, and picked it up. He looked at the cover. "Good choice," he murmured.

"I know," she agreed.

"You're definitely a lot like Alice. Strong willed, determined, nosy, annoying..."

"Continue at your own risk," she threatened.

"The others are a lot like some of the characters, too. Dexter and Saracen are 100% Tweedledum and Tweedledee. Erskine is..."

"The Dormouse!" said Valkyrie eagerly.

Skulduggery chuckled. "Yes, that's fairly accurate. Anton is... Hmm the only one I can think of is the Red Queen; straight and to the point."

"Yeah, and Ghastly's definitely the Cheshire Cat!"

"That just leaves me..." said Skulduggery.

"Well, there's only one person _you_ could be, Skulduggery," grinned Valkyrie.

"Who?" he asked, confused. Surely none of those strange characters could be compared to someone as marvellous as _him_?

"The Mad Hatter," Valkyrie giggled. Skulduggery recoiled in horror, and Valkyrie started laughing helplessly at the thought of Skulduggery dressed as the Mad Hatter.

When she had composed herself, Skulduggery spoke again, seemingly wanting to change the subject.

"You know what Erskine said to me the other day, that partly destroyed the magic and thrill of reading?"

"No, what?" she asked.

"He said 'books are just dead trees with tattoos'."

"Oh my god... That's so depressing."

"Exactly."

He hesitated, then spoke again. "I guess you're sleeping elsewhere tonight?"

"Yeah," Valkyrie replied, though exactly _where_ she was sleeping was a different matter.

"You could sleep down here in this room with me," offered Skulduggery. "I'll try and make it comfortable."

Valkyrie smiled at his kindness. "Yeah, sounds great. Thank you."

"Don't mention it," he shrugged, and they walked out of the living room together.


	19. Demons of the Night

**Heeeeeelllllloooooooooooooo readers! Thank you all for the abundance of views and reviews and favourites and follows and PMs and love!**

**On with the story!**

* * *

Darquesse laughed, and rose a few metres into the air. She looked over the Dead Men gathered in front of her.

There was Saracen, such a sweet man, with a face that no lady could resist. He had tears in his eyes, and willed silently for Valkyrie to return. Darquesse flicked her wrist, and his body twisted painfully, until a sickening series of crunches were heard, and his motionless, mangled corpse collapsed to the ground.

Next to him stood Dexter, in a fighter's stance. Such a brave man, with a war-machine of a body, and a cheeky nature that landed him whatever girl he wanted. He looked at Darquesse, pleading with his eyes for her to let Valkyrie come back. She clicked her fingers and his heart burst.

Next to Dexter was Erskine. He looked at Darquesse in shock. She wore Valkyrie's face, she used Valkyrie's voice, but Valkyrie would never act like this. Darquesse smiled softly, remembering the times when he would do something stupid, or act in a way that no one could explain. He always brought a smile to her, no, Valkyrie's face. She moved her fingers slightly, and Erskine was enveloped in black flame.

Standing tall and ready was Anton. His long black hair was tied off his face, and he had a hard look in his eyes. "Give her back," he said menacingly. Darquesse merely laughed, and a second later, Anton's beheaded body was on the ground.

Next along the line, and next to fall, was Ghastly. He looked tired, and withered. He'd just witnessed his dearest friends be killed by someone who he had known for years, who he had even seen as a daughter. He looked Darquesse in the eye, and that gaze didn't falter as all his bones were fractured into a hundred thousand pieces.

Finally. The skeleton. Skulduggery stepped forward, until he was a few feet directly in front of Darquesse. He drew his gun and fired six shots into her head. She didn't move. She didn't falter. She didn't even blink. He threw his empty gun to the side, and suddenly there was fire in his hands. "Just give up; you know it's pointless," she said.

"I made a promise," was all he answered with, and threw the fireballs.

She waved her hand and they burnt out long before reaching her. "Until the end?" she remembered.

"Until the end," he confirmed, and ran forward, throwing everything he had against her. It wasn't enough. His bones fell apart, and no Necromancer trick could save him now.

Darquesse decided on one more act of cruelty. She went away, back into Valkyrie's mind, and Valkyrie emerged. She looked around her at her friends. She was alone.

Then, she heard a voice. It called her name. Was this death? "Valkyrie... Valkyrie... _Valkyrie_!"

* * *

She awoke and sat up in a cold sweat, and felt the tears running down her face. Someone had their arms around her. Skulduggery.

He clung to her, rocking her gently back and forth. "Valkyrie, I'm here. It was a dream. A nightmare," he soothed.

She buried her head in his shoulder blade, and tried to get her breathing under control. She couldn't get rid of the images in her mind, though, of what she had done. She tried to clear her head, and concentrate only on the velvet voice that was holding her. The velvety voice of the skeleton that was holding her. Wait, skeleton? What the hell was she doing with a skeleton? Oh yeah, it was Skulduggery. She mentally slapped herself. _Nightmares make me stupid_, she thought dumbly.

She pulled away from Skulduggery slightly, and shifted her head's position on his shoulder. "You were muttering and sobbing in your sleep," he said. "Do you want to talk about it?" he asked softly.

"I guess," she said, and she recounted the dream to him. By the end, she had fresh tears in her eyes, and Skulduggery was holding her again.

"Remember, Darquesse will be stopped. It was just a nightmare, it will not come true."

"But it seemed so _real_," she said doubtfully.

"Valkyrie, I'm here for you," said Skulduggery softly. "Together, we'll make sure that it doesn't happen. You will not kill anyone as Darquesse; she will not come out again. Trust me, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie looked at him. "I trust you, Skulduggery," she whispered.

"Valkyrie, I will do everything in my power to stop you from becoming Darquesse again. She will only come out when you allow her to, and that will be when you're in danger. I promise I will protect you and keep you out of harm's way," said Skulduggery seriously.

"Thank you," was all she could manage, before tiredness overcame her and she drifted off in Skulduggery's arms, this time into a peaceful sleep. Just before her mind dimmed, she heard Skulduggery say those valuable, immortal words. "Until the end."

* * *

She awoke as sunlight streamed in through the window, luring her from her slumber. She sat up and stretched, and went to the bathroom, her nightmare already receding back into her mind. The warehouse seemed quite empty; Skulduggery had already gotten up, and it seemed as if the others were still asleep.

She gathered her clothes, which Skulduggery had brought down for her, and got changed, then went into the kitchen. She stopped and stared.

Skulduggery was standing there in a bright pink apron, with the words 'Free Buns! Bring your own hot dog' stitched onto it. He had replaced his usual fedora with a light pink frilly chef's hat, that stood so high it occasionally brushed against the ceiling of the kitchen as Skulduggery moved around. He looked up, and tilted his head in a smile.

"Morning!"

Valkyrie couldn't help it- she burst out laughing. The sight of Skulduggery in a pink hat and apron, which had a sexual innuendo, which wasn't even for his gender, stitched delicately across it, and the fact that he was completely unaware of what it _meant_, just about made her lose her sanity.

She was laughing so hard that it was silent now, and she clutched the counter in an effort to stay upright. Skulduggery stood there baffled. _What was so funny?_ he wondered.

Valkyrie took a deep breath and composed herself. She looked up at Skulduggery again, head now tilted the other way in confusion, and started laughing all over again. She clutched her sides, and shook with laughter. Skulduggery shook his head and turned to the cooker, where he was fiddling with some pans.

She was aware of someone coming in behind her, but was laughing too hard to neither notice nor care. Dexter Vex came into her field of vision. He took one look at Valkyrie, who was still laughing silently, and gasping for air, and then at Skulduggery.

Because Skulduggery was facing the other way, all Dexter could see was the white string of the apron, and the light pink chef's hat. This was strange enough, but then Skulduggery turned around.

Dexter's eyes widened at the sight of Skulduggery and his interesting apron, and pretty soon he was on the floor laughing with Valkyrie.

Anton walked in and promptly walked out again.

Erskine entered a few seconds after, and took one look at Skulduggery and started laughing as madly as the others, if not more.

"Do you... have any... idea what that _means_?" he asked laughing, holding his stomach, and pointing to Skulduggery's apron.

Skulduggery looked down and read the writing out loud.

"Free buns, bring your own hot dog," he muttered to himself. "Oh, I got it! _You_ don't have hot dogs, so you can't put them in my buns!" he exclaimed, completely oblivious that this was _not_ the reason why they were all laughing.

This outburst only made them laugh harder, and soon they even had tears of laughter in their eyes.

Ghastly was next to enter the kitchen, and he took one look at Valkyrie, Dexter and Erskine literally rolling on the floor, silently laughing. He then looked at Skulduggery, who was standing there uncomfortably, then looked at Skulduggery's apron. He rushed up to him, whacking him on the skull. "What the hell do you think you're wearing?" he asked.

"It's an apron," Skulduggery said patiently. "You wear it so you don't get food on your clothes," he explained.

"I know what an apron is, you fool! I mean, what the _hell_ is that crap stitched onto it?!"

"Oh, _that_," said Skulduggery, looking for an excuse. He had figured out, from everyone's reactions, that it was not a good thing, but he didn't know why.

He decided to just come out with the truth. What harm could it do?

"I don't know what it means," he said sulkily.

Dexter composed himself, wiped tears from his eyes. "He thought it meant a literal free hot dog, and he had the buns to put it in. _He doesn't know!"_

And with that, he began laughing again. Ghastly rolled his eyes and left the room, shooting Skulduggery a parting glare.

* * *

Once everyone had calmed down, Valkyrie deemed it safe for the others to come back in, and Ghastly and Anton re-entered the kitchen warily.

Ghastly took his seat at the head of the table once again, and Valkyrie sat on the next seat on his left. Next to her was an empty seat, and another at the other end of the table. Diagonally opposite Valkyrie sat Erskine, and next to him sat Dexter. Dexter was saying something to Valkyrie, and she laughed. Skulduggery was standing by the cooker, his posture slightly deflated, and the message on his apron was now conveniently covered with what looked like egg yolk.

Anton came and sat next to Valkyrie. She smiled at him, and informed him that Skulduggery now knew what the apron was implying, hence his new demeanour.

"Sometimes, that skeleton is so..." Anton trailed off, unable to find a suitable word.

"Annoying?" offered Valkyrie. "Irritating? Childish? Immature? Stupid? Ignorant? Crazy? Infuriating? Maddening? Exasperating? Troublesome? Tiring? Idiotic? Aggrav-"

"Okay, I've got the message!" chuckled Anton. "You've been thinking about this for a while, haven't you?"

"Yup, just been saving up the insults," she winked. She looked around, and realised that Saracen was still missing. "Any sign of Saracen?" she asked.

Erskine shifted nervously. "I honestly don't expect him to show his face until later on. What he did was..."

"I know," said Valkyrie. She, however, hoped that he wasn't going to be punished too badly for his actions, it was all in his nature. It was his instinct. But then again, she had said stop, and he hadn't listened. She sighed. Her problem was that she was too caring. China had said it before; her heart was too big.

"He won't be trying anything again, trust me," said Anton. She forced a smile, and sat back as the others continued their conversations. Only Ghastly noticed her silence.

"You alright?" he asked softly. "I heard about last night. We all get nightmares," he reassured her.

"Yeah, I'm good," she replied.

"Darquesse again?"

"Of course," Valkyrie sighed. She hesitated, then spoke again, this time in an even lower voice so she was almost whispering. "I think her influence is increasing. She's not getting louder or anything, in fact I can barely hear her voice these days, but I think she sent me that dream. It was different to all the other nightmares I had about her, that's what made me suspicious."

Ghastly raised an eyebrow. "Have you told Skulduggery?"

"No, but I think he might know anyway that she's extending her hold over me."

"Do you want me to tell him?"

Valkyrie thought about this, then decided. "No, I'll say something only if it gets worse. For now, if her presence has been reduced to a couple of nightmares, that's fine by me. Better than before, at any rate. We used to have arguments, Ghastly- _arguments_! I used to argue with my own subconscious, that's how sad I am," she smiled. Ghastly chuckled, and was about to say something, but was interrupted.

"It's ready!" said Skulduggery loudly, causing all conversations to quieten down. He presented them with five plates of omelette, and set them down in front of them. He then stepped back and admired his work.

"Wow," said Valkyrie, lost for words. "I didn't know you could cook!"

"Neither did I! It took me four attempts until I realised that I was reading the recipe upside down, and then it took me two more to perfect it. Uh, we may need some more eggs..." Skulduggery said sheepishly.

The five of them took a large bite, and spent a moment chewing. It was _divine_.

"This is amazing, Skulduggery. Thank you," said Valkyrie.

"Yeah, it really is good," agreed Dexter, with his mouth full.

"Yeah, thanks Skul," said Erskine, to which Skulduggery angrily muttered, "That's not my name..."

"Well done, Skulduggery," praised Anton.

"Good job," added Ghastly.

Skulduggery sat down in the seat at the other end of the table, and tilted his skull in a way that suggested that he was extremely pleased with himself.

"Eat up, Valkyrie, and then we can catch up on your training," he said, as Valkyrie choked on her omelette in surprise. Anton patted her back until she stopped spluttering.

"You didn't say anything about training!" she complained. She had been ready to relax all day, and prepare herself for the raid in two days time.

"Surprise! We're training today!" Skulduggery said, humour in his voice.

Valkyrie sighed, and finished her omelette in annoyed silence.


	20. Rough Training

**Hello! Here's the next chapter, in which they get some training done. I tried on the fight scene- I've never written one before and I really did try! Please let me know where to improve on it, as there will be a lot of fighting coming up...**

**Oh yeah, and I've introduced something new to my stories from now on. Details are right at the bottom of this chapter. This will also be in my oneshot series.**

* * *

Valkyrie hurried up the stairs, and down the corridor to her and Saracen's, well, just Saracen's, room. Skulduggery was waiting for her downstairs in the large events hall, ready to start training. Dexter and Anton were there as well, wanting to watch her in action, and hopefully watch her beat Skulduggery, too.

She had made the excuse that she needed the bathroom, and had rushed upstairs. However, really she just wanted to see Saracen, and make sure he wasn't beating himself up too badly over what had happened, as there was still no sign of him.

She knocked on the door to his room, and waited. She was wearing a white tank top and blue jeans, as well as her reinforced black jacket. She heard him walk towards the door, and after a few seconds it opened.

Saracen was standing there, slightly hunched over, with a black eye and a bruised cheek. His left wrist was bandaged. Nevertheless, he greeted Valkyrie with a warm smile.

"Listen," he said, "I'm sorry about what happened and why it had to happen like that. I should've stopped, but I didn't. I deserve any punches you're about to throw my way."

Valkyrie smiled. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't hate Saracen. She surprised herself, and him, by giving him a quick hug, which he gently returned. She pulled away.

"It's all behind us now," she said. She looked at his injuries. "They must sting."

"Yeah, a little, but those leaves helped. Just need to wait for the swelling to go down now," he said, shrugging it off.

"You gonna stay up here all day?" she asked. "You missed the sight of Skulduggery in a dirty apron, dirty in more than one way," she grinned.

Saracen laughed. "Don't worry, I got an eyeful of that apron. I went down early to get my food- as you can see, I had a large breakfast in bed," he said, gesturing to the bed behind him, where a tray and left over food lay.

Valkyrie heard Skulduggery calling her name from elsewhere in the warehouse. Saracen raised an eyebrow. "Busy?" he asked.

"Yeah, I'm meant to be training with Skulduggery," she sighed, turning to go. She changed her mind, and turned back to Saracen. "No hard feelings," she added, smiling.

Saracen smiled gratefully, glad that they could go back to normal. "Thanks, Val. I'll try not to be too handsome and irresistible in future," he teased. Valkyrie laughed and ran down the stairs.

* * *

She entered the training room, as they were now calling the banqueting hall. It was massive, and had been cleared of any furniture, except a few chairs, two of which Anton and Dexter were seated on. The hall had also been cleaned; the floors were now spotless and all traces of dust had gone.

"It looks tidy," she remarked.

Skulduggery shrugged. "Easy for an Elemental," he said, and Valkyrie guessed that he had used water manipulation to wash everything, and then air to dry it off. Quite useful.

She took off her jacket, and looked around for somewhere to put it. She didn't fancy leaving it on the floor, and the only furniture was the chairs, but it seemed that Skulduggery had forgotten to clean all of them, as the ones that weren't being sat on had a thick layer of dust on them.

"I'll look after your jacket for you," offered Anton, and Valkyrie walked over and handed it to him.

"Thank you," she said gratefully, and he smiled. He folded it neatly, and placed it on his lap.

Dexter looked at it. "Nice jacket," he said.

"Dex, you've seen it before," said Valkyrie, walking back to the middle of the hall.

"It's shiny," he said.

"Okay..."

"Nice material, too," he added. He reached for it, and began stroking it. Anton looked at him.

"Uh, Valkyrie?"

"Yeah?" she said, turning back to Anton.

"He's, um..."

Valkyrie saw Dexter fondly stroking the material, and walked over again. Dexter looked up guiltily.

"It's soft," was all he said, and he began stroking again.

"You're gonna wear it down," she complained, and forcefully moved his hand away. As soon as she let go of it, it flashed back to the material.

"Dexter!"

Anton moved the jacket away from Dexter, and held it securely in the hand that was furthest away from him.

Dexter tried to get it, and Anton moved it again. This continued for a minute, before Valkyrie got seriously annoyed.

"Alright, Dexter, you can have it!" she said, giving up.

Anton looked at her. "Sure? You know you probably won't get this back for the rest of the day."

She sighed. "That's a sacrifice I must make. If I am to freeze, then so be it."

Anton sighed, too, and handed Dexter the jacket. He brought it up to his face, and inhaled deeply. "Smells of you, Val," he said happily. "You smell nice."

"_Dexter!_" she exclaimed. Why the hell was he sniffing her jacket? "Just sit there quietly and stroke it," she commanded.

She walked back to where Skulduggery was patiently waiting. "You wouldn't believe he's one of the most powerful men in the world, would you?" he said.

"Absolutely not," she agreed.

"Ready?" asked Skulduggery, also taking off his suit jacket. He looked around for somewhere to put it, his skeletal gaze settling on Anton and Dexter. He walked over to them.

"Oh god, here we go again," she sighed. She watched Skulduggery fold it up and pass it to Anton, who looked annoyed at becoming everyone's coat stand. Then, Dexter picked it up, and began sniffing it. He seemed to like what he smelled, for he stubbornly kept a hold of it, whilst stroking the material.

Skulduggery tried to snatch it back, but Dexter held on tightly. They began a tug of war with the jacket, in which Skulduggery was once again threatening to start singing the 'Bob the Builder' theme tune if he didn't let go, whilst Dexter was shaking his head, determined.

"Valkyrie!" cried Skulduggery, after it became clear that Anton would not help. Valkyrie sighed and walked over. She was doing a lot of sighing today, she realised.

She looked at the situation. She could either distract Dexter, help Skulduggery, or watch on in amusement like Anton was.

Wanting to get the training over as soon as possible, she opted to distract Dexter. She took her jacket from Anton's lap, where Dexter had carelessly thrown it aside, and waved it in his face.

"Dexter, didn't you like _this_ jacket?" she taunted. Dexter's grip loosened for a second, and he looked confused. Skulduggery took this opportunity to wrestle his jacket free from his hands, and held it in the air triumphantly.

"No fair," Dexter muttered, and he looked around for something else to do. "Can you hurry up and start training, then? I need entertainment."

"I'll put these in the living room," said Valkyrie, taking Skulduggery's suit jacket from him, and carrying it, along with her own, to the living room.

"Don't let it drag on the floor!" instructed Skulduggery.

She entered the living room and quickly dumped them on the nearest sofa. Erskine and Ghastly were there, chatting. "Who's winning?" asked Erskine.

Valkyrie sighed (again). "To cut a long story short, Dexter was smelling and stroking my jacket, then Skulduggery's, they had a tug of war, now I'm putting them here."

"Mind if we come along and watch later?" asked Ghastly.

"Not at all," said Valkyrie. "I should probably get back," she realised, and ran back to the hall.

* * *

"Air manipulation is important for keeping your enemies at bay," explained Skulduggery. They had _finally_ started training.

"It's an ideal defence manoeuvre. You already know the basics, now let's take that to the next level. Who would like to help me demonstrate?" he asked, turning to Dexter and Anton. Anton pinched Dexter, and he yelped.

"Ah, Dexter. Excellent," said Skulduggery, as Dexter reluctantly stood up, muttering to Anton, who was blissfully ignoring him.

"Stand here," commanded Skulduggery, pointing to a spot in front of him. Valkyrie stood aside as Dexter took up his position.

"Now, Valkyrie, watch. This is what I want you to be able to do," he said. He moved his hands quickly out in front of him, fingers curling slightly, and Dexter shot back to the other end of the hall, where he was pinned to the wall, unable to move.

"Wow," said Valkyrie. She had, even from where she was standing, felt the power behind the air, and the ability that move had to crush anyone's bones. Dexter would be dead if Skulduggery had not gone gentle, as well as cushioned the air behind him so he had a soft landing.

"Thank you, Dexter, that will be all," said Skulduggery, releasing Dexter. He scowled at them, and took his seat again next to Anton, who had the ghost of a smile on his lips from Dexter's discomfort.

"That move," continued Skulduggery, "can also be used as an attack, although I prefer to use it as a defence, and then finish the opponent off by getting up close and personal with them. Now you try."

He dragged a chair from next to Anton to a few feet in front of Valkyrie. "Why couldn't you just use a chair in the first place?" complained Dexter.

"It was more funny that way," said Skulduggery, shrugging. Dexter glowered.

Valkyrie concentrated, and extended her arm like Skulduggery had, feeling the air currents shift around her. With a burst of energy, she splayed her fingers, and the chair shot back and slammed against the wall, and promptly fell apart.

Everyone was silent for a moment.

"Excellent," said Skulduggery. "You picked that up quickly, Valkyrie, well done. That was perfect," he praised, obviously pleased.

Anton and Dexter were sitting back in their seats, watching in awe. "Well done," said Anton, after a moment.

Dexter, of course, had his own unique way of saying things. "Val that was... That was burger-flipping epic!"

Valkyrie thought about what this analogy meant, but then decided to just give up and accept it as a compliment.

"The next thing to learn," said Skulduggery, "is how to control the power." He used the air to fling two more chairs in front of Valkyrie. She looked at them.

"I want you to completely destroy this chair," he said, pointing to the one on the left. "Whilst this one needs to reach the wall and remained pinned against it, completely unharmed," he continued, pointing to the one on the right.

"Alright," she nodded. She concentrated on the one on the left, doing the same as before, but pouring more of her energy into it. She lashed her hand out, and the chair shot back and exploded with a loud bang into a pile of rubble, as it smashed violently against the wall. She turned to the other one, and worked on doing the opposite. This one was harder, because she wasn't used to being gentle. She focused, and ensured that a minor amount of pressure was applied, and unfurled her fingers. The chair shot back, but with less speed and ferocity, and it hit the wall with less force than its predecessor. Valkyrie kept her hand out, pinning it, as Skulduggery went closer to inspect.

"Very good," he murmured. He felt the air around the chair, and how securely it was being pinned. "Nice, strong hold; this isn't coming loose, that's for sure." He checked the chair for damage, moving his hand along the surface. "Not a scratch," he muttered.

He stepped back, and turned to Valkyrie. He tilted his skull in a skeletal smile.

"Fantastic work, Valkyrie. That was perfectly done," he praised. She grinned.

"What now?" she asked.

"I guess now we could get onto some physical combat," he replied.

"Great," sighed Valkyrie. She really couldn't be bothered. She was in a lazy mood today.

Skulduggery sank into a fighter's stance, and Valkyrie did the same. He moved one way, and she moved the other, and they began to circle each other. Valkyrie waited for him to attack first, as Skulduggery had always taught her. She knew that he was as impatient as a child on Christmas Eve, so she was confident that the attack would come soon.

And, sure enough, less than ten seconds later, Skulduggery stopped circling her and lunged for her. She sidestepped and he shot past her, yet quickly regained control and came to a stop. He turned back to her, but she surprised him by shooting into him. They tumbled to the ground, Valkyrie on top. Dexter cheered in the background, and Anton tried to shush him so he didn't distract them. She allowed herself a small smile.

Skulduggery used this distraction to try and throw her off, but she was too strong, and had her legs firmly hooked onto either side of him. She held his arms in a painful lock. However, he wasn't finished yet.

He rolled sharply, and tossed Valkyrie off of him. She came to a painful stop after bouncing off the wall. She sat up and tried to shake her head clear of the concussion that was threatening to take over. She was vaguely aware of Skulduggery coming for her again, and she, at the last moment, shot her leg up, catching him in the ribs. He was deflected.

She was mildly aware of Ghastly and Erskine coming into the room, looking at the dust-covered chairs, and the destroyed chairs. She glanced at them, and saw Ghastly give a questioning glance to Dexter and whatever he was absentmindedly doing to Valkyrie's jacket, which he'd personally retrieved. Anton shrugged, confused himself as to what Dexter was doing.

She tried to stand up, and just about managed to. She staggered back against the wall she had rebounded off of, and looked up just in time to see Skulduggery advancing once more towards her. However, instead of dodging, this time Valkyrie went forward to meet him.

They jabbed and punched each other with as much ferocity as they each could muster. Skulduggery got her into a tight headlock, but she got her right leg in front of his and tripped him up, his hold loosening. She flipped over him, grabbing the back of his shoulders at the last second, smashing his back into the floor. Dexter and Erskine cheered in the background, as did Saracen, who had entered unnoticed a few moments before.

Suddenly, Skulduggery leapt up, grabbing her neck, slamming her face first into the floor beside him. She groaned and rolled over onto her back, and stared up at the ceiling, willing her eyes to focus as she was seeing stars. _Why the hell didn't I wear my protective clothing?_ she asked herself.

She swallowed, and tasted blood. Putting a hand to her nose, fearing it was broken and bleeding, she realised that this was not where the blood was coming from. Her nose was unharmed. Relieved, she felt around her jaw, making the most of the time that Skulduggery was taking to recover. She felt a sore spot on the side of her jaw, and withdrew her hand to find blood coming from her mouth. _Great_, she thought. _A half-broken jaw and a bloody mouth._

She rolled over into a sitting-up position, and coughed violently. She coughed out blood. Cursing Skulduggery's name, she stood up on shaky legs. She watched Skulduggery do the same, except he stood more confidently and assured than her.

The others were watching on now in alarm, especially now that blood had been drawn. "Skulduggery," called Ghastly, "I think that's enough for today."

However, he was ignored, as Skulduggery knew that their training had gone further than this, and had ended in many more broken bones and injures. Skulduggery over-dramatically snarled and once again leapt towards Valkyrie, who once again dodged, scrambling away from the wall. They traded punches and jabs once again, but Skulduggery was stronger, and Valkyrie was having to retreat back towards where the others were sitting. Skulduggery continued the assault, and she was pushed even further back. She stumbled over something, and turned to find that she had almost fallen onto Anton.

"Sorry," she said, to which Anton smiled, and nudged her out of the way for Skulduggery's sneaky blow he was going to deliver while she was distracted.

"Thanks," she said, turning back to Skulduggery.

"No problem," replied Anton, and he sat back and continued to watch.

Valkyrie was feeling weak, but determined. She _had_ beaten Skulduggery a couple of times before, so she could do it again. She coughed once more, again spitting out blood.

"You alright, Val?" called Erskine. Valkyrie jumped back as Skulduggery attacked again, just about missing his swipe. They circled each other again.

She was feeling light-headed and sick, and all the blood in her mouth was starting to worry her. Her jaw throbbed with pain. She put a hand to it, and felt around, fearing that it had become even more dislodged and broken. It hurt even more than last time.

"Shit," she said.

"Think it's broken?" called Dexter, watching her touch her jaw with pain.

"Yeah," she called back, wincing at how it hurt.

"Skulduggery, you can stop now," warned Ghastly. Skulduggery tilted his head at him.

"She's fine, we can carry on- right Valkyrie?" he asked, turning back to her.

She shrugged, not bothered to think about anything. "I dunno," she decided. Skulduggery shrugged, too.

They charged at each other again, Valkyrie being thrown back, yet doing a flip in mid-air and landing safely on her feet. Dexter cheered again. Skulduggery came towards her and got her arms in a secure lock behind her, but she fell back and slammed him against the floor. She got up a second before him.

Unexpectedly, and quick as a flash, he turned and lashed out a violent kick to her right shin. A crack was heard. Valkyrie cried out and dropped to the ground as her right leg failed her.

Immediately, the others rushed over, concerned. Ghastly, on the other hand, went straight to Skulduggery, and began shouting at him.

Valkyrie, however, couldn't hear what he was saying, her hearing failing and his voice muted. She could only feel the pain in her leg, which she was sure was fractured, maybe even broken. Her jaw was still sending daggers of pain shooting across her face, and she tasted more blood in her mouth. A massive headache was flaring up, luring her into unconsciousness.

She was aware of Dexter gently lifting her up, and she was being carried somewhere, but she couldn't make out where. Her sight was blurring, and darkness was seeping into the sides of her vision. She closed her eyes, and her body went limp as she lost consciousness in Dexter's arms.

* * *

**I came across a Skulduggery Pleasant 30 Days Challenge, and it basically has a different question every day about your opinion on Skulduggery Pleasant. I really liked it, and so I thought that I would incorporate it into my stories. I'll ask two questions per update, and my answers will be written under it in italics. **

**I've included my own questions in it as well, replacing some of the questions I thought were a bit... Meh. Please ask before copying!  
**

**I'm really interested to find out what you guys all think, so please review or PM with your answers! I'm also posting this on my other (oneshot) story, and there will also be two questions per update there.**

**Q1: Who's your favourite character?**

_**Ummm either Anton or Ghastly. Lol funny how both of them were killed by the same person, at the same time. Umm agh I can't choose! Anton! No, Ghastly! No, Anton! Okay, Anton. Wait what about Solomo- Anton.  
**_

**Q2: Who's your least favourite character?**

_**Hands-down, the Reflection.  
**_


	21. Anticipation

**Hello, sorry for not updating either of my stories- I had an accident and fell which resulted in various cuts all over the left side of my body, and a large scar on my face, a bit like Dusk -_- I'm not sure how often updates will come, as, as you can imagine, I'm not in the best mood for writing at the moment, and I'm also fairly busy with schoolwork, and my birthday is coming up on the 19th. I think if I receive sufficient interest, then I'll make the effort to update really soon, otherwise it may be up to a week before the next update. :)**

**Also, thanks for everyone who replied to those two questions I asked, the next two are at the bottom of the chapter.**

**The results to 1 and 2 were as follows (and this is from both this story and my other story):**

**1\. Favourite character: **

**1st place- Ghastly Bespoke**

**2nd place- (joint) Valkyrie Cain / Darquesse**

**2\. Least Favourite character:**

**1st place: the Reflection**

**2nd place: (joint) practically everyone else mentioned; Black Annis, Eliza Scorn, Dusk, Samuel, Erskine, Beryl.**

**Now, without further ado; chapter 21**

* * *

When Valkyrie awoke, she found that she was lying on a bed from one of the rooms upstairs. It was a single bed, not the double one she had been sleeping in before. She looked around, and recognised one of Ghastly's shirts on the end of the bed. _So that's who's bed it is_, she realised.

She got up, wincing slightly. She noticed that her right leg was sore, and her jaw hurt when she moved it, but apart from that, she appeared fine. She pulled up her trouser leg, and saw that her shin had been bandaged.

She exited the room and entered the bathroom down the corridor. Once she had spent ten minutes under the cold shower, being careful not to get her right leg wet (water manipulation came in pretty handy sometimes), she put her clothes back on and went back into Ghastly and Anton's room.

She sat on the bed, and closed her eyes and put her head in her hands, massaging her temples. _Stupid Skulduggery, not knowing when to stop. Now I have a stupid headache from that stupid skeleton and his stupid fists and his stupid kicks and his stupid stupidity..._

She continued to curse Skulduggery quietly to herself, not hearing Anton come in. He sat down next to her on the bed.

She raised her head, and he smiled at her. "Skulduggery's just received an hour-and-a-half long lecture from Ghastly," he said. "He took it too far this time."

"No," said Valkyrie, defending Skulduggery. "He's taken it further than that before. This was pretty mild," she admitted.

Anton looked her in the eye. "Even so, it's not acceptable," he said defiantly. "Valkyrie, he broke your jaw, fractured your ankle, and made you lose consciousness. These aren't minor injuries."

She looked away. "I've had worse, Anton, especially during training."

"But this is it- you shouldn't be having worse, you shouldn't be getting injuries like this at _all_."

"Anton, trust me- I can handle it."

"I know that, Valkyrie, but you still shouldn't have to go through it, regardless of whether you can take it or not."

"Thank you for your concern; I really appreciate someone caring for me, it makes a nice change for once, but I can handle it," she insisted.

"What do you mean 'for once'?" he inquired.

"Nothing," she said, startled. She hadn't even realised half the things she was saying.

"No, you meant something, your eyes misted up for a second," he pressed.

Valkyrie shook her head. Anton turned her head gently towards his, looking her once more in the eye. She tried to find the right words to say.

"It's just that, well, you know how my parents... yeah, I just miss their love and their care for me. Every time I came back from a case with Skulduggery, usually covered in injuries and stuff, I'd have a shower or bath, with the special rocks, and all traces of any injury would go away. Then I'd go down to see my parents, for breakfast or dinner or whatever, and even though I looked normal, no blood or bruises or anything, they would know that something was wrong. They'd see it in my eyes, or something, and they would _know_. Now don't get me wrong- Skulduggery cares and he knows when something's up, but..."

"It's not the same?" Anton finished gently. Valkyrie nodded, and rested her head on Anton's shoulder. He always understood; he was possibly her closest friend, after Skulduggery.

He patted her back. "Come on," he said. "Dinner's almost done."

He took her hand and led her out of the room, going slowly as he could see that she was limping slightly.

"The pain should have lessened by tomorrow," he said, noticing her discomfort.

"Hopefully; we've got the Sanctuary raid coming up- no way I'm missing that," she said, grinning. They reached the stairs, and Valkyrie stopped and just stared at them. "How the hell am I meant to get down two flights of stairs?" she asked.

Anton gently picked her up bridal style, and began descending the stairs, slowly and carefully so he didn't cause her any pain. She rested her head on his shoulder again. "I could get used to this," she smiled.

"I think _Skulduggery_ should be your personal escort," said Anton. "This is, after all, _his_ fault."

"Nice to know you care," said Valkyrie sarcastically.

"Valkyrie, I'd gladly carry you up and down the stairs all day, you know I would, but I believe in justice; so, Skulduggery should put in a little effort here and there. Even if that means _he_ gets to carry the beautiful lady."

Valkyrie smiled. "So, what's for dinner? Oh God, please tell me_ you _cooked."

Anton smiled. "I think we all learned our lesson from before. I made some roast chicken legs and chips, with gravy. Is that okay?"

"Definitely, it sounds delicious. It'll be nice having someone else cook for me."

"You've done enough work for now, and besides- you have an excuse. You're temporarily disabled. Crippled. Restricted. Handica-"

"Okay, Anton, you can stop now," she said, laughing. "I got the message; don't train with Skulduggery any more, unless he promises to behave."

"Good," Anton smiled. "Just try not to get injured until we actually get to the Sanctuary; we'll need you for the mission to become a success."

Valkyrie frowned. "Anton, I have no intention of missing out on the mission, but if I did, you guys would do fine on your own. You're all _built_ for war!"

"That may be so, but you're gifted in your own way as well, Valkyrie. I saw you in action during the Sanctuary war; you're capable of quick thinking and effective escaping, as well as formulating plans and spotting errors and potholes. You may not realise it, but you're an essential part of the Dead Men."

Valkyrie lifted her head and looked at him. "Really?"

"Really," he confirmed.

They reached the kitchen, and he set her down in the chair at the head of the table, after she eagerly pointed it out to him. He sat next along the line on her left, and next to him was Dexter, already seated. Opposite Anton was Ghastly, but the rest of the chairs were empty. Soon, however, Skulduggery, Saracen and Erskine sauntered in, and Anton got up to serve the food.

He put the plates in front of everyone, and sat back down in his seat. "There are leftovers if anyone wants any," he said, and then they all began to eat.

"Anton, this is amazing!" gushed Valkyrie as she dug into the tender chicken leg. Anton smiled his thanks as the others also complimented him.

"Valkyrie," began Ghastly, "Skulduggery has something that he would like to say to you."

Valkyrie smiled, and was reminded of the day of the explosion, five nights ago, when Skulduggery was forced by Ghastly to apologise for waking up and embarrassing her. Skulduggery cleared his non-existent throat.

"Sorry for beating you up," he said bluntly.

Ghastly sighed. "That's the best we'll get out of you, isn't it?"

All was quiet for a few minutes, and then Erskine spoke. "I want a beer."

"No," said Ghastly, firmly. "We are all to stay sober, at least until _after _the attack on the Sanctuary. That means no beer today _or_ tomorrow, Erskine."

"But I'm a good drunk!" he protested.

Anton looked up. "You really want us to prove you wrong again? Remember the time I found you in the Midnight Hotel's supply closet, long after the others had left and the hotel had moved on, and you were yelling "_Narnia's been sealed off!_" at the top of your lungs?"

The whole table began laughing. Erskine just sat there, embarrassed. "Guys, we've been through my drunken tales before," he tried, but they once again ignored him.

"Remember when he ran into the supermarket with a butcher's knife and started cutting up all the pineapples, shouting "_Spongebob I know you're in there!"_" laughed Saracen.

"But you're no better, Saracen," said Erskine, grinning suddenly. "You once spent three hours when you were drunk trying to drown my goldfish!"

By now, Valkyrie was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes, but it didn't stop there. It seemed that Saracen, too, was an interesting drunk, to say the least.

"Oh yeah," said Dexter, laughing, "remember when you asked Ghastly's mother if she was a virgin?"

"He did _what_?" asked Ghastly, nearly choking on his food.

"Uh, nothing!" said Saracen.

Skulduggery joined in, "You were so drunk once, Saracen, that you started talking to a raw potato, congratulating it on getting a part in Toy Story."

"And you threw rocks at my cat once, saying, "Go Pikachu, GO!"" laughed Dexter.

And the night continued with Erskine and Saracen's past drunken experiences coming back to bite them in the behind. However, Valkyrie knew that this sudden cheeriness was just to cover up the enormity of their mission, which they were going to undertake in under 48 hours. They knew that not everyone would come out of it unscathed.

* * *

**So, the next questions:**

**Q3: Who is a character that you hate/dislike, that everyone else loves?**

_**ummm I'm not sure... I think Tanith; sometimes she can just get really annoying, and the stuff she did while possessed was infuriating, even though it wasn't her fault. So yeah, Tanith, because she can get on my nerves, possessed or unpossessed.**_

**Q4: Who is a character that you love, that everyone else hates?**

_**Solomon Wreath. He is witty, charming, intelligent, strong, handsome, powerful, etc. Solomon Wreath without a doubt.**_

**Let me know your opinions!**


	22. Preparation

**Happy birthday to me**

**I wanna be Valkyrie**

**So I can join the Dead Men**

**And annoy Skulduggery**

**/**

**Happy birthday to me**

**Bring back Ghastly!**

**Just in case you'd forgotten,**

**His favourite colour was green**

**/**

**Happy birthday to me**

**I'm too young to marry**

**But if I wasn't**

**Dexter Vex is for me!**

**/**

**Okay I've gotten them out of my system.**

**Thanks to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! Thank you! :)**

**next two questions are at the end!**

* * *

Valkyrie walked into the living room with Erskine, where everyone was brainstorming and planning the raid. The atmosphere was tenser than the previous evening, and there were no smiles this time.

She sat next to Dexter on a sofa, on which Ghastly was also seated. Anton and Saracen were sharing the sofa opposite, shifting over slightly to allow Erskine to sit there as well. Skulduggery, of course, had taken his seat in his armchair. And it really was _his_\- he claimed ownership of it with such passion that no one dared take it off him.

Like Anton had promised her, the pain in her leg and jaw had lessened greatly, and was now almost unnoticeable. Valkyrie sat back and listened to the conversation.

"I think we should start right at the beginning," Ghastly was saying. "Firstly, how are we going to _get_ to the Sanctuary?"

"We have three options," said Skulduggery. "One- we walk there. Two- we drive there. Three- Valkyrie shadow-walks us there in stages."

At this, Valkyrie sat forward. "_What_?"

"All three of those options have major problems," Erskine pointed out. "We certainly can't walk all the way there; it took us hours to drive the distance, it'll take even longer to walk. And we'll be tired out."

"So that leaves two options," said Saracen. They all turned to Valkyrie.

"No," she said. "No way." Shadow walking was a skill she had recently just managed to perfect, and an incredibly useful one at that. She remembered the last time she had shadow-walked someone else with her; it had just been a one-off, just her having some fun, but it had drained her completely. She could barely stand- all her energy had gone into that shadow walk. She knew she _could_ do it, but it would leave her half-dead.

"Are you sure?" asked Skulduggery.

"Yes, I'm positive. I will not shadow-walk you there, not unless you want to be dragging a corpse around with you for the rest of the mission."

"_Well_..." said Skulduggery, but shut up after he received sharp glares from everyone. "Alright, it was only a joke," he grumbled.

"So that leaves the option of driving..." said Dexter.

"Yes," said Skulduggery, getting back on track. "However, there are complications with this as well. Firstly, we need to choose which vehicle to take. Obviously, we can't all fit into one of the cars, so if that's our choice, we'll have to take at least two of them, which will be another thing to sort out. If we opt to take the van, we'll need to install a few measures to ensure that we have a comfortable journey, as it is over three hours long."

"I think we should take two cars," said Erskine.

"I agree," said Skulduggery, whilst Ghastly nodded.

"That will make it harder for them to get us, as they'll have two moving targets to keep track of," said Ghastly. "And it will guarantee our chances of escape, in case one vehicle fails or is attacked."

The others thought about this. It seemed like a pretty good idea. However, much to their surprise, Valkyrie objected.

"I think we should take the van," she said. All eyes snapped to her.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Why?" he asked, curiously.

"Well, I disagree with what you said, Ghastly, about targets," she began. "Won't they have a higher chance of getting us if there's two separate targets for them to aim for? Also, if they can get one car, they will easily be able to get two cars anyway, so we might as well go in one. And, if they _do_ attack one car, and leave the people in that car injured, won't the mission automatically be a failure? We'll need all of us to make it work."

She let this sink in, and then spoke again. "Also, I personally would prefer it if we stuck together- it'll be safer. And if we take the van, we can get right into the Sanctuary; it will blend in well and no one will suspect anything. Skulduggery, you could wear your facade when we go past the guard, and he'll think we're just delivering supplies. So, we should take the van."

Valkyrie sat back. She didn't like giving speeches or planning operations. Also, she had a feeling that no one agreed with her idea.

"I agree with Val," said Saracen, much to her surprise. "The van is the best approach."

"I think so, too," said Anton. Valkyrie smiled gratefully at the two of them. However, Dexter remained silent, still pondering the options.

"Who's going to sort out the van, then? Because it will need a lot of new fixtures," said Ghastly.

Valkyrie sighed. This was the main reason why she hated coming up with ideas; because there were responsibilities that would accompany them. "It was my idea, so I guess I'll have to," she said reluctantly.

"I'll help," said Anton.

"Yeah, me too," said Saracen, smiling softly.

"Thanks guys," Valkyrie said to them, smiling thankfully.

Dexter looked at Skulduggery. "I also agree with Valkyrie. She makes good points, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery, Ghastly and Erskine looked at each other, as if having some silent, telepathic debate. Eventually, Skulduggery nodded. "You're right. Valkyrie, well done- we're taking the van."

Valkyrie smiled. She loved proving Skulduggery wrong.

"So with the van," began Ghastly, "there are three seats up front, so four of you will have to sit in the space at the back. I'm driving. Skulduggery, I have a feeling you'll only annoy the others if you're sat at the back with them, so you're up front with me. Anton, I figure that if you were left in the back with that lot, you'd quickly go mad, so you're sitting at the front, too, if that's okay."

Anton nodded. "Sounds good to me."

"So that leaves Valkyrie, Dexter, Erskine and Saracen at the back." Ghastly sighed and leaned back. "That's a disaster waiting to happen, isn't it?"

The four of them just grinned at each other. Ghastly had no _idea _how much of a mistake it was putting the most immature people together in a confined space.

Ghastly quickly moved the conversation along. "So we get there in the van," he began. "Then we'll take the turn for Roarhaven, and then we pass the guy who sends people back. Then what?"

"He won't let us pass if he recognises any of us," said Anton. "Therefore, when we approach, Skulduggery and Ghastly can switch places, so Skulduggery's at the wheel. Then, myself and Ghastly can crouch down and a sheet can be thrown over us in order to be hidden from view. You guys at the back will need to stay silent. Skulduggery, you'll have your facade up, and be wearing clothes different from your usual attire so as not to arouse suspicion. You'll pretend to be a delivery man, and he should let you pass."

"That's that bit sorted," said Dexter. "So, once we're in the Sanctuary, we'll split up and head to our separate goals. A team will be getting Fletcher, and another will be causing whatever havoc they can, in the shape of stealing papers and documents and stuff. Who's going where?"

"Erskine, I think you and I should get the papers," suggested Ghastly. "We know where everything is, so we'll be quicker in getting them and getting out."

"Agreed," said Skulduggery. "The other five of us should head straight for the Gaol, which is no doubt where Fletcher is being kept. On the way, we'll get the keys for the cell from wherever they're being kept, and we'll break him out as quietly as possible. Then, we will teleport, or run, to the van's location, or thereabouts, and wait in the van."

"Yeah, when you're done, get to the van, and we'll leave as soon as everyone's there," said Saracen.

Skulduggery turned to him. "Saracen, you're key in this mission. You're going to be our only way of knowing if anyone's coming. Please try not to get killed."

Saracen nodded solemnly. "I'll do my best."

"Glad to see you care so much about the rest of us," muttered Dexter.

"I think we've got everything covered now, guys," said Erskine, stretching.

"No, there's still something to clarify," said Valkyrie. Once again, all eyes turned to her.

"Are you sure?" asked Skulduggery, head cocked to one side.

"Yeah, it's-"

"Only, I'm pretty sure we've thought of everything," he said.

"Well there's still-"

"Sure you're not just wasting our time?" he asked.

Valkyrie felt the heat rise to her cheeks. She was _sure_ that she was about to raise a good point, but _they_ were the experts, and if they said they were done...

"Forget it," she sighed.

"Skulduggery," Ghastly said harshly. "Stop oppressing her. She has a right to talk."

"Val, what did you wanna say?" prompted Dexter.

"Nothing. Like Skulduggery said, it's probably insignificant," she said, slightly disheartened. Did Skulduggery have to be right _all the time_?

Anton rolled his eyes. "Skulduggery, don't be a bully. So far, Valkyrie's raised some excellent points and made worthy contributions, so why doubt her now? Valkyrie, ignore the moron and please continue."

Valkyrie smiled at Anton. "Well, this is a small point, but what if the Sanctuary follows us when we make our escape? I mean, it's incredibly likely 'cause they'll probably have seen us and be chasing us out of the building, with our rotten luck. So, what will happen if Cleavers jump in a van and speed off after us? We can't lead them back here, but Cleavers don't tire easily and they're determined, so they'll chase us all night, and they can take shifts. We'll tire well before they do, and it will be hard to lose them while making sure civilians don't see us and we don't attract attention. So my question is, what happens then, if we're being followed back?"

Everyone looked at Skulduggery expectantly. "Okay, that was a good point."

"And?" prompted Anton.

Skulduggery muttered something unintelligible.

"What? I don't think she heard you," said Ghastly.

"I said 'Sorry Valkyrie'," muttered Skulduggery.

"Are you sulking now?" asked Saracen.

"No," said Skulduggery stubbornly, indicating that he definitely _was _sulking.

"So what will we do if that happens?" pressed Valkyrie.

"Assuming we have Fletcher at that point, we could try and get him to teleport us somewhere, abandoning the van," suggested Dexter. Ghastly whirled to him.

"What?! No, no we are _not_ abandoning _my_ van. We can park it somewhere and come back for it later, but we are not leaving it behind." He folded his arms and sat back, a look of determination on his face.

"Alright, alright," said Dexter, holding his hands up in mock surrender. "We'll, ahem,_ hide _the van."

"Never separate a man from his van," said Erskine, grinning.

"What cars do the rest of you have?" asked Saracen. "You know, I once owned a BMW."

"What's the difference between a BMW and a porcupine?" asked Erskine.

"Uhhh, what?" replied Saracen, unsure of what Erskine was on about.

"Porcupines have pricks on the outside!" said Erskine, chuckling.

"Ha ha, very funny," said Saracen, rolling his eyes.

"How about your Oompa Loompa, Val? What was that?" asked Anton.

"A Ford Fiesta," she said proudly.

"What do you call a Ford at the top of a hill?" asked Skulduggery mischievously.

Valkyrie sighed. "I don't know," she said.

"A miracle," laughed Skulduggery. Him and Erskine high-fived each other, whilst Valkyrie joined Saracen in sulking. Anton and Dexter quickly left the room, to avoid being targeted themselves.

"Hey, Skulduggery- what do you call _two_ Fords on top of a hill?" asked Erskine.

"I don't know, what do you call two Fords on top of a hill?"

"A mirage!" laughed Erskine, and him and Skulduggery roared with laughter.

"Guys," said Ghastly, who then inwardly cursed as they instantly turned their attention to him.

"What sort of a person drives a van, anyway?" said Erskine. "I mean, it's just _boring._ It's_ lame._ It's... _pointless._ Why have a van when you can have a Ferrari?"

Ghastly joined the sulking club.

* * *

**Next two questions:**

**Q5: What is a scene that made you laugh?**

_**Nearly all of them, but the only one I can think of at the moment is:**_

_**"It's Dexter," Skulduggery said.**_

_**She sat up in bed, horrified. "They killed him?"**_

_**"What? No. Tanith has him."**_

_**"She killed him?"**_

_**"Stop thinking someone killed him."**_

_**From last stand of dead men. Loved it so much I memorised it!**_

**Q6: Which character are you most like?**

_**I think I'm most like Anton; quiet, only speaks if needed, witty, can be menacing, etc.**_


	23. Getting There

**Thanks once again for all the birthday wishes! And for your answers to the last questions; they were really interesting. The next two questions are, as usual, at the end of the chapter. :)**

**This is a bit of a random filler, but it was needed- how else would the Dead Men get to the Sanctuary? ;) And the next chapter will be... Dun dun DUUUUNNNN! The raid!**

**So, the Dead Men need to get to the Sanctuary. They take Ghastly's van, with the four immature ones sitting at the back. Together. Anything could happen... ;)**

* * *

The seven of them strolled to Ghastly's van, Ghastly and Anton at the front, and Skulduggery and Valkyrie bringing up the rear. The seriousness of the situation was being felt as everyone wore the same grim expression on their faces. Even Skulduggery's skull looked less cheery than usual.

Valkyrie turned to say something to him, but stopped as she noticed that his skull was tilted towards her, as if he was observing her. Then, all of a sudden, he seemed to snap out of his trance, and quickly looked away, speeding up slightly. Confused, Valkyrie decided to just drop it and carry on.

They all got into the van, having previously confirmed and clarified the main objectives of the mission. Ghastly and Erskine were going straight to the Grand Mage and Elders' offices, as well as any other filing cabinets in any other offices, whilst the other five would head to the Gaol. Everyone knew what they were doing, and all they could do now was hope that nothing would go wrong, as it usually did.

Ghastly got into the driver's seat, Skulduggery sat next to him in the middle, and Anton sat on the far left. The other four got into the back section of the van, which Valkyrie, Saracen and Anton had renovated, so it now had four makeshift seats against the wall of the van, with secure belts. Valkyrie and Dexter sat on two seats on one side of the van, and Saracen and Erskine sat on the two opposite them. There was a thin glass window that Ghastly had recently fitted in, which allowed the guys at the front to look into the van's back compartment, and vice versa.

"Ready?" asked Ghastly, his voice slightly muffled, yet still audible from the back. Anton and Skulduggery nodded, and the others voiced their agreements. Ghastly started the van, and soon they were pulling away from the warehouse and were heading towards the Sanctuary.

* * *

"I'm bored," complained Valkyrie. They were just over an hour into the journey, and she had been fighting the boredom ferociously, but to no avail.

"Me too," added Erskine.

"Well just amuse yourselves, then," said Skulduggery from the front. Valkyrie stuck her tongue out at the back of his skull through the pane of glass.

"I saw that," he said, much to Valkyrie's surprise. She scowled.

"I saw _that_, too," said Skulduggery, humour in his voice. Valkyrie stared at the back of his skull, trying to figure out how he could see what she was doing behind him, and then finally noticed how his head was tilted towards the rear-view mirror, where he could clearly make out her frowning face.

"Honestly, Valkyrie, call yourself a detective?" he teased, much to her annoyance. However, before she could retort, Erskine spoke up.

"I'm still bored," he whined.

"Play a game," Anton suggested.

"Yeah, but _what_?" he asked in a moany voice.

"How about 'Tomato'?" Ghastly offered.

"Huh?" asked Erskine, confused.

"It's a game where one person asks everyone else silly questions, and the people being asked can only respond with 'Tomato', and if they smile or laugh they're out. The last person out is the winner. How about you four play it together?" Ghastly said.

"Yeah, alright," said Dexter, as Ghastly slipped back into conversation with Skulduggery and Anton.

"So, who's 'it'?" asked Saracen.

"Me," said Dexter, grinning mischievously. "So, what are your names?"

"Tomato," said Valkyrie, trying not to smile. "Tomato," said Erskine and Saracen together.

"If you have a crush on me, say 'tomato'," said Dexter, smiling.

"Tomato," Saracen said, without hesitation. "Tomato," muttered Valkyrie. Erskine, however, looked a little more complacent. After grudgingly staring at Dexter, he said, in a reluctant voice, "Tomato."

Dexter grinned. "Aw, guys, you're too kind! Mmmh... Oh, I know! What turns you on?" he asked in a deep, seductive voice.

"Tomato," said Erskine. "Tomato," said Valkyrie, biting her cheeks to stop herself from laughing. "Tomato," said Saracen.

"Really? Well, I guess everyone has their own tastes. Who, or what, did you lose your virginity to?"

"Tomato," they all said, trying hard not to laugh.

"Well, that explains a lot. What do you think will be your downfall?"

"Tomato," said Saracen and Valkyrie, but Erskine was already losing his cool.

"A tomato!" he exclaimed, laughing.

"Okay, Erskine, you're out," said Dexter, and he continued to question Valkyrie and Saracen.

* * *

About half an hour later, after Valkyrie had given in, allowing Saracen to win the game after Dexter had started asking some very... ahem, _adult _questions, they were once again bored.

"How about we only say song lyrics from this point on?" suggested Valkyrie. The others nodded.

"We'll be there in about two hours, guys," called Ghastly from the front.

"I knew you were trouble when you walked in," said Valkyrie, not knowing how else to respond.

"What?" asked Ghastly.

"Do you believe in life after love?" said Saracen. Ghastly ignored them and carried on driving, talking to Skulduggery and Anton again.

"We are never ever ever getting back together," said Erskine.

"Your hand fits in mine like it was made just for me," said Dexter.

"But I'm something like a killer, killer, killer," said Erskine.

"Like a bat out of hell I'll be gone when the morning comes," said Valkyrie.

"Don't blame it on me, blame it on the night," said Saracen.

"It's a beautiful night, we're looking for something dumb to do," said Valkyrie.

"We might as well be lovers on the sun," said Erskine. By now, everyone was confused as to what they were actually talking about, so just went with the flow.

"The storms are raging on the rolling sea," said Dexter.

"You can stand under my umbrella," said Saracen.

"I'm singing in the rain," said Erskine.

"It's raining men," said Valkyrie, grinning.

"Let's get a little wet," said Saracen.

"And if they say why, why? Just tell them that it's human nature," said Dexter.

"I feel her breath on my face, her body close to me," said Erskine.

"And I just can't pull myself away," said Saracen.

"Kiss me under the light of a thousand stars," said Dexter.

"Tonight we're going hard," said Erskine.

"And we be all night," said Saracen.

"My anaconda don't want none unless you got buns, hun'," said Dexter.

"And that's why I'm gon' take a good girl," said Erskine. Valkyrie laughed as the three looked at her, waiting for her response in their very interesting 'conversation', which seemed to, yet again, take a very adult turn.

"Come here rude boy- boy is you big enough?" she sang, smirking. The three men whooped. Skulduggery and Anton turned around in their seats to look at them.

"What on earth is going on back there?" asked Anton.

"Let me see you sexercize," sang Saracen in a seductive voice, and the two promptly turned around again.

* * *

"Guys, we'll be there in ten minutes," called Skulduggery from the front.

"Now what should we do?" asked Valkyrie.

"Uhhhh I spy?" suggested Erskine. Valkyrie, Saracen and Dexter glared at him.

"How about snog, wed, bed?" said Saracen. "We'll name three people, and you have to say which one you'll snog, which one you'll wed and which one you'll bed."

The others agreed, and Dexter spoke first. "Okay, so, Dusk, Ghastly and Sanguine."

"Ummm I'd snog Ghastly, wed Dusk and bed Sanguine," said Erskine.

"Same," said Saracen.

"Seriously?" asked Valkyrie. "You'd bed _Sanguine_? Well I guess he is kinda handsome... Okay I'd snog Dusk, wed Ghastly and bed Sanguine."

"Next ones... Hmmm China, Valkyrie, Tanith," said Saracen. "You don't have to answer this one," he said to Valkyrie.

The three men thought for a few seconds, until Dexter spoke. "Uhhh I would snog China, wed Val and bed Tanith."

"I would snog China, wed Tanith and bed Val," said Erskine. Valkyrie shifted in her seat, waiting for Saracen's answer.

He grinned cheekily at Valkyrie. "I would do the same- snog China, wed Tanith and bed Val."

Valkyrie cleared her throat. "Maybe this isn't such a good game after all..." she said, as the men laughed.

Anton turned to them from the front. "Guys, we're approaching Roarhaven now. Make no sound at all, okay?"

They nodded, and watched as Ghastly and Skulduggery swapped places, and Skulduggery activated his facade. He already had on a luminous orange jacket over a white shirt. Ghastly and Anton crouched in front of their seats, and Skulduggery threw a black sheet over them.

"Approaching now," murmured Skulduggery, and everyone heard his window being lowered.

"Sorry, mate, there's nothing to see up here, unfortunately," came the voice of the elderly man.

"Ah, no need to bother with all that, my friend," Skulduggery said. "I'm here to drop off a delivery for the Sanctuary."

"What _are_ you delivering exactly? From my knowledge, all shipments are transported secretly and directly into the Sanctuary."

"They've recently hired us, as they fear that people may intercept their secret routes. Namely the Dead Men, I'm sure you've heard of them?" queried Skulduggery. Valkyrie's eyes widened.

"What the hell is he doing?" she whispered to Dexter. "He's gonna get us found out."

"Yeah, who hasn't?" the man said.

"The Sanctuary thinks that they'll intercept their routes and steal their resources, as they know the exact location, two of them having been Elders previously. So, they're taking a new approach and are just doing it in plain sight- the best place to hide something, wouldn't you agree?"

"Uh, yes, sorry for the delay, sir. What did you say you were transporting?"

"What am I transporting?" said Skulduggery, nervously laughing. "Well, I'm not transporting anything, I'm _delivering_."

"Well, what are you delivering, then?"

"Well, you see," Skulduggery stammered. Erskine cursed.

"I'm, uh, transporting uhhh... chairs!" Skulduggery suddenly exclaimed.

"Chairs?" asked the man, and Valkyrie could imagine him raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, chairs. They have four legs, you see, and you sit-"

"I know what chairs are, sir, and as far as I know, the Sanctuary is not in need of any chairs."

"Well, you don't know much, now, do you? These luxurious chairs that I am delivering were requested for specifically by Grand Mage Graves, as he had received various complaints from Sanctuary officials that the old wooden ones left a tremendous ache in one's bottom. Apparently they couldn't walk straight for days. Furthermore-"

"Yes, yes, okay, carry on, then. I don't need the entire history of Sanctuary chairs to be recited to me. Be on your way, sir," said the man.

"Thank you very much," said Skulduggery, and the van accelerated again. About ten seconds later, Skulduggery spoke.

"We're in," he murmured. "I'm going to park near the lake, behind that group of trees that Valkyrie always bumps into, which we'll reach in about a minute. Everyone get ready."

Sure enough, sixty seconds later, they felt the van slow and eventually come to a complete stop. They heard Skulduggery get out, and Ghastly and Anton's sheet being thrown off, accompanied with loud sighs of relief. The other door opened, and they got out as well. The four in the back undid their seatbelts, and they got out of the van via the back door.

"Is everyone clear on the mission?" asked Skulduggery. The other six nodded. "We get in through the back. It should be unguarded, as Graves would have panicked and assigned most or all of the cleavers to protect him, and will have forgotten about the various entrances and exits. Well, that's my theory, anyway. We split up and go our separate ways, one team going to the offices, the other going to the Gaol. Miraculously, if on the way back to the van no alarms have gone off, try and get into the Repository and steal at least one cloaking sphere. However, do not risk anything if not needed. Ready?"

Everyone nodded, and they stalked towards the Sanctuary.

* * *

**The next two questions:**

**Q7: What's your favourite fight scene?**

_**wow I have so many, but it has to be the one in Mortal Coil against Tesseract, when they were all at Skulduggery's house (Skulduggery, Valkyrie, Ghastly, Erskine, Tanith vs Tesseract). Also, not only was it awesome, but it was the first time they all fought together, and the first time we saw Erskine fight.**_

**Q8: What is a scene that made you emotional?**

_**So, so many... Ghastly and Anton's death, Alice's death, Sanguine's death, heck I even cried at Thrasher's death. But the worst has to be that Accelerator bit. Skulduggery's assumed death. Yeah, that hit me bad.**_


	24. Into the Sanctuary

**And now, on the darkest of days, the Dead Men gather to raid the Sanctuary, but casualties are forecasted, and blood will be shed.**

**Nothing will ever be the same again.**

**So, without further ado, lass uns beginnen! :)**

* * *

They made it into the Sanctuary unnoticed, and began walking stealthily towards the offices and the Gaol. Every time they came to a corner, they would look at Saracen, who would signal whether or not it was safe to continue. Occasionally, they had to duck back into the shadows or into an empty room as an oblivious Mage passed by, but eventually they made it to the cross-section. This was where Erskine and Ghastly turned left to the offices, and the other five continued right, towards the Gaol.

A few minutes later, they reached the stairs that led down to the Gaol, and stopped in the shadows of a nearby alcove. They could see three Cleavers, their backs to them, standing guard in the doorway.

"Two people need to take out the Cleavers," whispered Skulduggery. "The others will continue on to get Fletcher. All of this must be done in silence."

"Dexter and Skulduggery, you get the Cleavers. Us three will get Fletcher," said Saracen. Dexter nodded, and him and Skulduggery crept down the stairs and up to the grey assassins.

Skulduggery got one of them in a chokehold, whilst Dexter fended off the other two with energy and punches. Valkyrie, Anton and Saracen ran past them and entered the Gaol.

Immediately, Staven Weeper caught sight of them, and stood from his desk, eyes wide. He barely had time to blink before Valkyrie sent a wall of shadows slamming into him. He hit the wall and slumped into unconsciousness. Saracen searched around his desk, and pulled out a large ring of keys. They each then started checking the cells, sliding back the viewing hole in order to see who was inside. Valkyrie slid back the hole on one, and was met with none other than Vaurien Scapegrace.

"Cain," he snarled. Valkyrie hastily closed the hatch, but Scapegrace started yelling at the top of his lungs. "Guards! Cleavers! They're here! The Dead Men are here!"

Anton cursed, and resumed searching at twice the speed. Half a minute later, Saracen found Fletcher in the second-to-last cell. He had been unable to use his powers to find Fletcher's cell as the inside of the cell was bound, so his magic was unable to benefit him. "Got him!" he called, and the others hurried over.

After fumbling with the keys, they eventually found the correct one for the cell, and hauled Fletcher out of there. His hands were shackled, powers bound. He looked around, surprised. However, before he could even smile at them, a shout was heard from further back, from Skulduggery. They had to move. Now.

Valkyrie put the ring of keys in Fletcher's pocket. "We'll unshackle you later, Fletch," she promised. "We're kinda short for time right now to find the correct key."

They ran back to where they had last seen Skulduggery and Dexter, to find that they were just finishing off with the last Cleavers. Once done, they turned and saw the others. Skulduggery had lost his hat somewhere, and Valkyrie could see that he was quickly scanning the surroundings in order to find it, locating it in the shadows by a wall. Dexter, however, had blood cascading down his left arm, and the source seemed to be his shoulder. He saw the others' concern, and smiled reassuringly. "It's not as bad as it looks. We just need to get out of here now."

They raced out of the Gaol, and turned towards the corridor that they had entered through. All of a sudden, alarms started blaring.

"Run!" yelled Skulduggery, and they picked up speed. Skulduggery led the way down the maze of corridors, hauling Fletcher close behind him, buffeting him with short, sharp gusts of air to ensure that he kept up. Saracen came next, then Dexter, and Valkyrie and Anton brought up the rear.

They made it to the intersecting corridor, and Valkyrie spotted a confidential looking piece of paper on the floor. "Erskine or Ghastly must have dropped that, so they're already at the van," she panted, noticing Dexter also looking back at it.

They turned into a long corridor. The exit was near. Suddenly, the thudding of boots was heard close behind them, and Valkyrie glanced back and saw at least a dozen Cleavers charging at them. The massive length of the corridor meant that they had nowhere to duck or hide or shelter- they had to keep going to the corner. They were already tiring, though, and the Cleavers were catching up.

Valkyrie knew that Skulduggery would have no problem reaching the exit, with no muscles to tire and ache, and Fletcher would get there, too, due to the boosts he was receiving from air manipulation. Saracen might just make it as well, seeing how he was also quite near to the corner. However, Valkyrie was certain that she, Anton and Dexter, who were running a few metres behind the others, wouldn't be able to outrun the Cleavers, especially since they were gaining fast. She glanced at Anton, who met her eye. He knew of that fact, too.

Valkyrie's legs were screaming at her, and she slowed down slightly, unable to continue at that speed. She tailed behind Anton, who looked back, seemingly debating whether to slow down and haul her along, or to carry on. Valkyrie looked back and saw that their pursuers were now mere metres away from her, and she stopped running, knowing that it was hopeless. Skulduggery looked back, and she met his gaze, then turned to the Cleavers, fists ready and shadows curling. "Keep running!" she yelled to the others. "I'll cover your escape!"

"Valkyrie, what are you doing?" Skulduggery called back over his shoulder.

"Just move!" she roared, and began throwing shadows at the Cleavers, slicing and decapitating them with ease, aiming for the neck so she could get under their protective clothing. She was aware of Anton taking up a fighter's stance beside her, and Dexter charged into the Cleavers out of nowhere. The others, however, appeared to have moved on. They got what they needed to get, and now they needed to escape with him.

Anton joined Dexter in throwing fists and kicks at the Cleavers, and between them managed to eliminate six. Valkyrie took care of another four with her shadows, but all were beginning to tire.

And then the reinforcements came.

Cleavers poured into the corridor, forcing Anton, Dexter and Valkyrie back against a wall, where they attempted to defend themselves against the onslaught, keeping them a metre or so back. Still they fought, but to no avail. A Cleaver sliced at Valkyrie's stomach with his scythe, but soon realised that she was wearing protective gear, and began aiming for her head. She managed to dodge the majority of his jabs, but one cut across her cheek, and she cried out, feeling the warm blood trickle down.

Dexter, meanwhile, was operating mainly with his right arm, as his left was still feeling the effects of being sliced into by a scythe previously. He punched whenever a Cleaver got too close, and resorted to throwing energy the rest of the time, but the Cleavers were standing their ground securely.

Anton realised that the odds were stacked against them, and ripped open his shirt. His gist emerged, snarling, and leapt at the Cleavers. It savagely pulled them apart, and soon the corridor was empty, but for various body parts of Cleavers strewn about. The gist turned its head towards Valkyrie, baring its teeth, but retreated unwillingly back into Anton's chest as he reined it in.

Anton slumped against the wall, breathing heavily. Dexter and Valkyrie leaned against the opposite wall, smiling. However, just when they thought they'd won, even more Cleavers swarmed in, at least two dozen of them. The three looked at each other, knowing there was no point in trying to run or trying to fight. They stepped in front of them, hands raised in surrender.

There was movement at the back of the group of Cleavers, and then Grand Mage Graves emerged from the gathering. He was wearing a gas mask, and had a canister in his hands.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't half of the Dead Men," he sneered, his voice slightly muffled by the gas mask.

"Actually, it's less than half, dimwit," Valkyrie pointed out.

"Trivial details do not matter, girl," said Graves. "Three of the Dead Men hostage- imagine the carnage I could cause..."

And with that, Graves lifted the canister and removed the lid. Gas billowed out of it, and no matter how much they tried to cover their mouths, the three Dead Men collapsed into unconsciousness.

"Take them to the cells," said Graves, and walked away as cleavers began to pick up their lifeless bodies.

* * *

**Q9: What is something you hate about the series?**

_**I hate how the reflection ended up working alongside Skulduggery, after everything she did. Also, it's annoying how there was absolutely no mention of Saracen Rue being in the dead men, until Death Bringer- I would've thought that since he was in the dead men, and is one of Skul's best friends, that he would have been mentioned at least once, but he wasn't until six books into the series. And I don't like how the dead men only focused mainly on the death of Ghastly, not really so much on Anton. And also it was annoying how there were no detailed descriptions about Anton and Erskine, and no recent illustrations either. **_

**Q10: Who is a character that you wish hadn't died? **

_**The obvious answer for me would be Ghastly, but I think that his death meant something; it showed the great lengths Erskine was prepared to go to, as well as show the close bond between him and Skul and the others. I didn't want him to die, but I get why he did. Umm so I guess I would say that I wish Anton hadn't died; he was awesome, and his death was pretty pointless to me, killing Ghastly was bad enough. Oh yeah and Tesseract- it would've been epic if he had come into later books, I can just picture him against Melancholia in DB, or fighting against the Warlocks in LSODM. Oh and Sanguine's death. That was just heartbreaking.**_


	25. Torture and Tears

**Now... Torture. I've tried not to go into too much bloody and gory detail, but it's not exactly vague, either. :)**

**okay that smiley face was inappropriate. :| that's better. **

* * *

Valkyrie stirred and opened her eyes, looking at her surroundings. She recognised the lower levels of the Sanctuary, and knew that she was being held in one of the cells down there. This cell, however, was completely different to the ones in the Gaol- it had long metal bars from the ceiling to the floor, which spanned five metres across to the other end of the narrow hall. The floor was bare and cold stone. In front of the cell was a wide open space, free of any furniture. The shadows at that end of the room made it impossible to judge how long the room was. The room itself was lit with a few torches, which had flickering flames that made the shadows seem alive. As a Necromancer, it was comforting in a way, to know that if she did manage to escape, she would have a healthy arsenal at her disposal. For now, however, the cell was bound.

She realised that she wasn't wearing her protective jacket any more, and concluded that it must have been taken off her by Graves and his men. She realised that she was not alone in the cell, making out Anton and Dexter's muscular silhouettes slumped against the other two walls. She shifted slightly, and they looked up at her. She put a hand to her cheek, where the Cleaver had cut her. The blood had been wiped away, but it still stung slightly. She smiled softly.

"Are you two okay?"

"Yeah," replied Anton. "I've recovered after using the gist, and Dexter's bandaged up his shoulder with half of his shirt, and we used said shirt half to wipe away the blood from your cut. So, everyone's alive. For now."

"What do you think they'll do with us?"

It was Dexter who answered, after a brief hesitation. "I dunno, Val. Probably use us as bribery, issue out threats, or try and get information out of us. Yeah, I think that's what they'll do."

"Great," sighed Valkyrie. "How I _love_ being tortured."

"We don't know if it'll come to that, Valkyrie," said Anton, attempting to reassure her. "It could just be..."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"Uh, it could just be intense verbal interrogation," Anton decided after thinking for a moment. He believed this alternative about as much as Valkyrie and Dexter did. Not at all.

A door opened somewhere in the shadows in front of them, and promptly closed before a lot of light could get in. Grand Mage Graves stepped out of the shadows, a nasty sneer on his face that was probably trying to appear menacing, but instead made it look like he was in pain.

"This is your last chance to speak, Dead Men, before the torture begins. Where are the others hiding?"

Valkyrie, Dexter and Anton remained silent. Finally, Valkyrie sighed, and answered.

"Switzerland," she said. Dexter sniggered.

"Do not play games with me, child," said Graves.

Valkyrie feigned offence. "_Games? Child?_ I'll have you know that I am _not _playing games. If you don't believe me, then that's your problem. And as for _child._.. I am twenty-four, which is most certainly _not_ the age of a child."

"Hold your tongue, young one."

"_Hold my tongue? _Then how am I supposed to answer you, you ninny? Fine then, don't expect an answer. All you're getting is Switzerland."

"Last chance," warned Graves, but when the three resumed their impassive composure, he sighed and motioned to the door behind him. Various items were brought in by Cleavers, including a chair, shackles and some nasty looking torture instruments. Once all but two of the Cleavers had exited, a man entered. He was tall and broad, with muscles that seemed to rival even those of Dexter and Anton. His head was shaved bald, and he wore a malicious, sick smile on his face. This was a man who thrived off other people's pain.

"Well, you leave me no choice," said Graves, turning to the man. "This here is Tyga Blood, and-"

"_Tyga Blood?_" scoffed Valkyrie. "What sort of a name is _that_?"

"The name of the professional torturer that I hired especially for you, who will be cutting you up for the next few hours," said Graves, turning and walking back into the shadows. A few moments later, the door slammed shut.

"Now," growled Tyga, "I'm meant to be torturing you until you give me an answer. But sometimes, I'm a bit hard of hearing, so if you do decide to co-operate, it may take a few more hours of torture until I comprehend what you're saying."

"So even if we give you all the answers Graves wants, you're still going to torture us?" clarified Anton.

"Exactly," growled Tyga. He looked at the three of them. "You," he said, pointing to Dexter. "You're first."

The two Cleavers, who had been standing just in front of the shadows, came forward and stopped outside the cell. One of them unlocked the door, with a rusty iron key, that was furiously close to Anton. However, the other Cleaver held his scythe by the key, so if Anton attempted to take it, his hand would promptly be cut off.

One Cleaver entered the cell, and forced Dexter up and out of the cell door, whilst the other kept Valkyrie and Anton at bay with its scythe. The door was locked again, and Dexter was led to a metal chair in the middle of the room, and forced to sit down. His wrists and ankles were strapped down to the chair, with some sort of material that ensured that Dexter's magic stayed bound.

Dexter eyed Tyga as he walked to a table where the torture instruments had been laid out. He appeared to contemplate whether the knife or the steel pole would be better, and then decided on the latter. He picked up the metre-or-so long pole and walked over to Dexter, who's hard gaze had now turned slightly cautious. Suddenly, without warning, Tyga brought the pole down hard on Dexter's wounded shoulder, causing him to cry out in pain.

Tyga smiled a sick smile, and proceeded to keep beating Dexter with the pole, each assault bringing a fresh cry of pain into the air. Soon, blood was drawn, which only seemed to widen Tyga's grin. A few minutes later, which consisted of harder, rougher attacks with the pole, Tyga administered a mighty blow to the back of Dexter's skull. Dexter's brain slammed against the wall of his skull, and he slumped in the seat, immediately unconscious.

Tyga realised that he could no longer inflict pain, as Dexter was unable to feel it, so undid the bounds, unlocked the cell door, and threw Dexter back in with Valkyrie and Anton. By now, they were silent and nervous, anticipating what sort of torture they would receive. After watching Dexter's, or part of it in Valkyrie's case, as she had turned around and faced the wall after the first minute, they knew that it would be lethal.

Valkyrie and Anton dragged Dexter into a sitting-up position and leaned him against the wall, and attempted to stop the blood flowing out of the various points of his body, whilst the Cleavers stood guard outside, scythes drawn, to ensure that no one escaped. A few seconds later, Tyga appeared to have made up his mind, as he walked to the cell door. "You," he said, pointing to Anton.

The Cleavers hauled Anton out of the cell, locking it behind them, and set him up in the chair like Dexter had been. Tyga had already chosen his torture instrument, and held a long, sharp knife in his hand, the blade of which glinted in the torchlight. He once again gave a sadistic smile.

He slashed at Anton's arms, making quick, short jabs on his left arm, and then changing his mind with the right arm, instead pressing deep and administering a long, drawn-out stab. Anton winced, but otherwise showed no reaction, determined not to give this man any pleasure. So, as the blood cascaded down his arms, he attempted to remain indifferent.

Tyga moved on to his torso, and began slashing roughly at Anton's chest and stomach, ripping his shirt to shreds in the process. More blood was drawn, and as the intensity of the attack increased, so did the pain. Anton could not take any more, and let out a scream as the knife was plunged into his leg, and twisted around.

Valkyrie couldn't watch any more, and just turned away and tended to Dexter. She ripped off more of his shirt, and used it to stem some of the blood flow from his shoulder, which was bleeding heavily. She could hear Anton's cries in the background, but tried to block them out, focusing only on Dexter. It was bad enough that they were being tortured, but having to watch each other being tortured as well was heartbreakingly awful.

Soon, Anton's cries died down, and Valkyrie heard the cell door being opened. She turned, and Anton was thrown in. He was covered in blood, and slowly, painfully, dragged himself to the other end of the cell, where he sat slumped against the wall, breathing heavily, his long black hair messily obscuring some of his face.

Valkyrie looked his way and met his eye. He looked away, unable to offer any sort of reassurance to her. They both knew what was coming, and as Valkyrie was dragged up out of the cell, he could only sit there and watch.

She was placed in the chair, and was strapped into it like the other two had been. Tyga turned away from the table, and now Valkyrie could see what he had chosen to torture her with.

A hammer and nails.

A large, heavy looking metal hammer, with long, rusty iron nails. Tyga grinned and came closer, and bent down so he could look Valkyrie in the eye.

"I heard that Grouse nailed Tanith Low to a chair nearly a decade ago," he said. "Thought I'd take a leaf outta his book, and do the same to you, love."

He moved towards her hand, and held the nail above it. He pressed it down so it was gently digging in to the back of Valkyrie's hand, which was forced flat out, due to the positioning of the cuffs and binds on her wrist. She looked up, wide eyed. "No," she whispered. "No, don't, please." She breathed heavily, panicking and anticipating the pain about to come. She glanced up, and saw Anton looking at her, worry in his eyes.

Suddenly, with great ferocity, Tyga swung the hammer down onto the nail. Hard. Valkyrie screamed, whilst Anton yelled, "No!". Valkyrie felt tears coming to her eyes, and whimpered in pain. It hurt so much that she didn't notice Tyga raising the hammer high above his head, and bringing it crashing down back onto the nail. Valkyrie screamed once more, taken by surprise. The nail was nearly halfway through her hand.

Tyga continued his assault whilst Valkyrie screamed, soon completing one hand, and moving on to the other. Anton watched, helpless. Dexter began to stir, and soon awoke from unconsciousness. Anton shuffled over to him, moving stiffly due to his injured leg and torso.

"Are you okay?" he asked Dexter, voice barely audible over Valkyrie's screams.

Dexter nodded, but his attention soon turned to Valkyrie. "What the hell is he doing to her?" he asked, unable to see, as Tyga was standing in front of Valkyrie, obstructing his view of her.

Anton's tone was remorseful. "He's nailing her to the chair," he said simply.

Dexter's eyes widened in shock, and he could only imagine the immense pain Valkyrie was feeling. He took in Anton's own bloody appearance. "Knife?" he asked.

"Yes," Anton replied.

Tyga, now finished with her hands, moved on to Valkyrie's legs. Further straps at the knees ensured that her thighs were flat on the chair, and it was here that he nailed next. He placed the nail against the fabric of her trousers, and brought the hammer down forcefully, forcing the nail in, once again resulting in screams.

"Now, I know what you're thinking, princess," sneered Tyga, over Valkyrie's cries. "_Why aren't my clothes protecting me_? Well, the answer to that is that these nails are enchanted- they can break through anything. And that includes Bespoke-made clothes. That includes skin and bones."

And with that, Tyga continued nailing Valkyrie Cain to the chair.

* * *

Tyga had left them a little over an hour ago. He had left Anton and Dexter bleeding in the cell, and Valkyrie strapped and nailed to the chair by her hands, thighs, ankles, elbows, shoulders, stomach and collarbone. She had passed out soon after the nails to her stomach had begun, but until then had been screaming in pain almost non-stop. Blood was seeping from her wounds, her skin was pale and her breathing was ragged.

She was slumped over as best as possible in the chair. Anton and Dexter were each leaning heavily against the wall, seated on the floor. They were silent, trying to get the mental images out of their mind, as well as the remnants of Valkyrie's screams, which seemed to be flitting around the room.

Valkyrie began to stir, and slowly raised her head and opened her eyes. She glanced down at her hands and thighs, and winced at the pain she could still feel. Attempting to minimise her movements, she flexed her fingers slightly, trying not to show the pain that it brought with it. She looked over at Anton and Dexter, who looked back blankly. There was nothing that they could do or say to help at all, or comfort her, so they kept their mouths shut and set firmly in a straight, hard line. None of them would ever be the same again.

And then Skulduggery Pleasant burst into the room, gun in hand.

* * *

**Q11: Who is a character that you wish had died?**

_**I think for all the trouble she caused, I kinda wished that Tanith would be killed at some point. And Kenny. Also, China should've died. She should've been killed by Darquesse, or even anyone else, I literally just wanted her killed. Painfully. :)**_

**Q12: What is your chosen power/discipline?**

_**For its sheer awesomeness and power, Necromancy. And I love Solomon Wreath, so that may or may not also be part of the reason.**_


	26. Jail Break

**This is what happens from Skulduggery's perspective.**

* * *

Skulduggery thundered down the long corridor of the Sanctuary, the others right behind him. He kept giving Fletcher quick boosts with the air to ensure that he kept up. He glanced behind him, and saw Valkyrie, Dexter and Anton bringing up the rear. They were behind the others, but the exit was right around the corner. They were going to make it.

Then, Skulduggery heard an army of boots accompanying their own, and looked back to see a hoard of Cleavers running after them. The long stretch of corridor had nowhere to hide- it was now just a race for survival. However, Skulduggery saw something else in that glance he just took. He saw that Valkyrie, Dexter and Anton weren't going to make it in time. The Cleavers were gaining on them, and there was no way that they could outrun them.

He was aware of a slight change in the sound of shoes hitting hard ground, and looked behind him again to see that Valkyrie had stopped, and was turned towards the Cleavers, her fists full of shadows. She looked over her shoulder at him and met his eye.

"Keep running!" she yelled to them. "I'll cover your escape!"

"Valkyrie, what are you doing?" yelled Skulduggery. There was no doubt that she would get captured or even killed. There was nothing he could do to save her now.

"Just _move_!" she roared, and with that, she started hurling shadows at the cleavers. At that moment, Skulduggery's mind was raging a debate that seemed to him to last a millennium, but in reality was a split second decision. He decided, with great reluctance, to keep running. He didn't look back again as he left Valkyrie Cain behind, but a shift in the air currents told him that Dexter and Anton had remained as well.

With the Cleavers occupied, Skulduggery, Fletcher and Saracen ran out through the exit, emerging into daylight. In the distance, Skulduggery could hear more boots thudding in unison, and realised with a sinking heart that a reinforcement of Cleavers had arrived. There was no way that the others would survive an escape.

Clearing his head, or skull, he raced to the van, seeing that Ghastly was already waiting in the driver's seat with the engine running. He titled his skull towards Saracen, who nodded. Erskine was in the back. Saracen jumped into the back, probably to keep Erskine company, seeing as there would be one empty seat at the front which he could've claimed. Skulduggery helped Fletcher into the back as well. He then got into the front, leaving the middle seat between him and Ghastly empty. He slammed the door shut.

Ghastly didn't move for a second, but then began accelerating the van back the way they had come. He glanced in the rear-view mirror and cursed. "They're following us."

"I'll try shooting them," said Skulduggery in a hard voice, "and if that doesn't work, we'll lead them away." He opened the window, and looked in the wing mirror. He took his revolver from his pocket, and held it in his hand. Then, quickly, he stuck his hand out of the window and fired at the three black cars that were tailing close behind them. Fortunately, they were driving on country roads, so there were no mortal witnesses.

Skulduggery considered aiming for various points in the car; the driver, the engine, the tyres. He fired one shot at the driver in the first car, and the car immediately began to swerve as the driver writhed in pain. He then shot the person in the passenger seat of the car, so they couldn't take over. The car quickly crashed into a tree on the side of the road.

He had four bullets left before he had to refill. Skulduggery contemplated his options as the second car approached, and decided to shoot out the tyres. He used one bullet per tyre, and the car came to an abrupt and shaky stop. The mages and Cleavers inside got out and attempted to run after Ghastly's van, but were nowhere near fast enough. The third car crashed into the back of the second one, a fire starting somewhere inside. As Ghastly drove on, they lost sight of the three wrecked cars, but a few moments later, they heard an explosion. The cars must have blown up.

Skulduggery sat back in his seat, and focused on the road ahead. Ghastly broke the silence. "What happened?"

"Cleavers," said Skulduggery simply, his voice brittle, absent of the velvety quality it usually possessed.

"Injuries?"

"Dexter had a wound on his shoulder, but that was it. As far as I know."

"Skulduggery, say something," Ghastly said.

"I am," replied Skulduggery, looking at him.

"I mean, say something that isn't just some monotonous answer to my questions."

Skulduggery looked back at the road. "What do you want me to say? Do you want me to tell you how I left the three of them to a swarm of Cleavers? Do you want me to tell you that they're probably being tortured right now? _Do you want me to say that they could be dead?"_

He paused, and appeared to compose himself. "Ghastly, I had a choice. I could've stopped to help, but I didn't. I carried on. They'll be tortured. Anton and Dexter have been tortured before, they know what to expect. Valkyrie... What if they _kill _her, Ghastly? What then?"

"It won't come to that, Skulduggery. She'll pull through. We'll go and rescue them, as soon as we get back to the warehouse and formulate a plan."

"Why don't we just turn this goddamn van around right _now_?" he growled.

"You know why," Ghastly said softly. "They'll be waiting for us, and they'll be ready. We need to get Fletcher to the warehouse, so he can teleport us back there after we've got the others. We can't just charge in guns blazing, Skulduggery. We need to think about this one."

"Skulduggery remained silent, defeated. He busied himself with refilling his revolver with bullets, relaxing slightly. He knew that the three of them were tough, and that they would get through whatever was thrown at them. He hoped.

"What should _we_ do?" asked Erskine from the back.

"Valkyrie put a ring of keys in Fletcher's pocket," said Skulduggery. "One of those unlocks Fletcher's handcuffs. Find it and unlock them."

Erskine turned to Saracen. "I don't suppose your power can help us with this...?"

"Nope. We're gonna have to do this the long way," said Saracen. He turned to Fletcher. "Welcome to the Dead Men, Fletch," he said warmly. "Please bear with us. We are not the smartest men of the group, so don't expect to be free from those shackles any time soon."

"Who _is_ the smartest?" asked Erskine. Saracen shrugged.

"Uh, guys," said Fletcher, "I don't mean to be rude, but can you hurry up? I'm pretty starving, and the frustration at not being able to teleport to McDonalds is really annoying me."

"Right, yes, sorry," said Erskine. He took the ring from Fletcher's pocket, and looked at the multitude of keys, and then across at Saracen, seated opposite. He sighed. "This will take longer than I thought."

* * *

"I'm sure you've tried that one," said Saracen. It had been two hours, and they _still _hadn't managed to uncuff Fletcher, probably because a certain ex-Grand Mage kept mixing all the keys up.

Erskine shook his head, and kept a firm grip of the key on his hand. "No, the ones I've tried are on this side of the ring," he said, pointing to the right, "and the others are on this side," he pointed to the left.

"But that one looks familiar, I remember making a comment about the writing engraved on it, remember?"

"He's right," nodded Fletcher wearily. These men weren't kidding when they'd said they weren't the smartest.

"Well _you_ do it, then!" exclaimed Erskine, and threw the keys on the floor.

"_Erskine_!" yelled Fletcher and Saracen.

"What?" he asked, annoyed.

"Now we have to start again!" said Saracen. He undid his seatbelt and stood up, and held on to the side of the van as it accelerated onwards, really hoping that Ghastly wouldn't hard brake. He crossed over to Erskine, and motioned for him to get up and swap places with him, so he could reach Fletcher's handcuffs.

Erskine looked at Saracen blankly. "Get up!" said Saracen, exasperated.

"Why?" asked Erskine.

"So I can reach the damn handcuffs, you _twit_!"

"Why do you want to reach them?

"_Why do you think? So I can unlock them!_"

"_Ohhhhh_..." murmured Erskine, and he got up and walked over to Saracen's seat, stumbling slightly as the van turned a corner. Saracen sat down next to Fletcher, who looked like he was falling asleep, and took the ring of keys.

He tried one after the other, sighing. _This was going to take a while._

* * *

They pulled up at the warehouse just as Saracen found the right key. He grinned in triumph, then noticed that the van had slowed, and cursed as he realised that they were at the warehouse anyway, so there was no time for Fletcher to teleport them to the pub as he had secretly been hoping. He undid the shackles, and took them with him into the warehouse, thinking that they'd come in handy later.

The five of them gathered in the living room, whilst Fletcher ate a Happy Meal that he'd picked up from McDonalds a few minutes earlier.

"Before we start formulating plans," said Ghastly, "here are the papers that Erskine and I got." He put a thick wad of papers on the table. "We also managed to start a few fires in some filing rooms. We stole what looked important."

"Excellent," said Skulduggery. "We'll read those later, but for now we need to find out how we're going to get the others back."

"So I'll teleport you all there," said Fletcher, "and we go in, get them, and teleport out again. You can figure out the rest."

"Helpful(!)" said Erskine sarcastically.

"So once we're there," said Saracen, "we need to head to wherever they are. Do we have any idea where they are?"

Skulduggery thought for a moment. "They're either in the Gaol or in the old cells in the lower levels. I strongly doubt they'll be in the Gaol, because it's not the most ideal place for torture." He said all this with a casual, indifferent voice, even though inside he was fuming with the very idea of them being tortured.

"So we'll go down to the lower levels, and navigate our way to them using Saracen. There's enough of us to take out anyone we encounter, as the lower levels are usually pretty sparse anyway," said Ghastly. "Right, that's sorted then. Skulduggery, can I speak to you for a moment?"

Skulduggery tilted his head at Ghastly, but then got up and the two left the room. Erskine turned to Saracen, to find that he was looking at Fletcher weirdly. Fletcher looked up from his toy, and scowled.

"Don't give me that look," he said defiantly. "There's no age limit on a Happy Meal."

Saracen sighed, and Erskine shook his head. "Fletcher," he said, "you're just a few fries short of a Happy Meal." And with that, he began humming 'Great Escape' by Gwen Stefani.

* * *

Ghastly led Skulduggery into the kitchen, and shut the door. "Skulduggery," he began, but the detective interrupted.

"Ghastly, if this is about Valkyrie, and how she might not come back, save it," he said bluntly.

"You're saying it, but I don't know if you're accepting it," he said gently. "She might be perfectly unharmed, she might be dying, she might be dead. We don't know, but just be prepared. We can't afford to lose concentration and go off in a mood- we're still being hunted, and they still want our blood."

"I understand, Ghastly," Skulduggery said. Ghastly studied his friend for a moment, but could not read into the blank demeanour of his skull. Only Valkyrie could do that. He nodded, and they went back into the living room.

* * *

"Everyone clear on the plan?" asked Skulduggery. They all nodded, and linked up. An eyeblink later, they were in the thicket of trees near the Sanctuary that the van had been parked in previously.

Wordlessly, they entered through the same door as before, which was still unguarded. They took a sharp left and ran down the stairs to the lower levels. Luckily, they had not yet encountered another person.

Saracen took the lead, and led them along the maze of dark, damp corridors. They hoped that they weren't too late- it had been about four hours since the others had gotten captured. A lot could happen in four hours.

A few minutes later, they came to a door, and Saracen slowed. "In there," he said lowly, voice devoid of any emotion.

Skulduggery Pleasant burst into the room, gun in hand.

* * *

**Q13: What would your taken name be?**

**_Victoria Pierce. (Necromancer). I've just had that in my head for god knows how long._**

**Q14: What is your least favourite power?  
**

**_I think they're all awesome in their own way, but my least favourite... Ummm the Children of the Spiders' ones, like turning into a giant spider, and having loads of little spiders under your clothes. Ewww._**


	27. Recovery

**Wow I have the most creative readers... Your taken names are amazing! I loved 'Roxy Swift', 'Athena Cain', 'Phoenix Conway', 'Leah Moran' and 'Molly Malone'- awesome choices! Next questions are at the end.**

**And now, without further ado, it's time for some protective Skulduggery! **

* * *

Valkyrie became aware of someone entering the cell, but couldn't move her head to see who it was. However, judging by Anton and Dexter's reactions, it was Skulduggery and the others.

Sure enough, a few moments later, Valkyrie saw Skulduggery kneel in front of her, attempting to undo the binds on her wrists, which he did quickly. "Are you okay?" he asked, concerned, gesturing to her to get up.

"Skulduggery..." she muttered, strength having deserted her body long ago.

Skulduggery stood and looked at her, and for the first time noticed the nails in her hands. He tilted his head in shock, and the flickering of the torches caught the metal of the other nails, and they glinted wickedly. "Ghastly," he said quietly, his voice harbouring venom.

Ghastly came over, and noticed the nails. He gasped in shock, then bent down and studied the one in her left hand. He put a gentle hand on Valkyrie's cheek.

"How deep do the nails go?" he asked softly.

"All the way through," she said breathlessly. "Just take the others and go," she added after a moment of gathering her senses. "It'll take too long to remove the nails."

Ghastly shook his head, and began prising the nail out of Valkyrie's hand. She hissed in pain as it moved back up the hole it had entered through, but the pain was just about bearable. He removed the nail on her left hand, and turned to the right. He looked back at Skulduggery, still standing as still as a statue.

"Help me, then," said Ghastly, glancing behind him. He saw Saracen, Erskine and Fletcher gently hauling Dexter and Anton out of the cell. As soon as they were out, Fletcher teleported them back to the warehouse, returning a moment later without Erskine and Saracen.

"Just give me a name," growled Skulduggery, and Ghastly remembered when Melancholia had attacked Valkyrie a few years ago, and how Skulduggery had reacted in an identical way.

"Skulduggery, revenge can come later. Right now, she's hurt."

Skulduggery seemed to just notice that Valkyrie appeared to be dying, and hurried to her, taking the nails out of her ankles, quickly but gently.

Working together, they managed to remove what they thought was all of the nails, but when they went to help Valkyrie out of the chair, she delicately raised a hand.

"Neck," was all she managed to say.

Skulduggery came closer and peered at her neck, and cursed when he saw the long rusty nails hammered into her collarbone. He got a secure hold on one, and gently yet forcefully began to prise it out, whilst Ghastly worked on the other. Valkyrie winced in pain, and tears sprung to her eyes as it intensified. "Nearly there," Skulduggery said, in an emotionless voice.

Then, he pulled out the nail, throwing it across the room with such force that it broke into two pieces when it hit the wall. Ghastly pulled his out soon after.

"Fletcher," said Ghastly, and Fletcher, who had been watching wide-eyed, hesitantly stepped forward. He put a hand on Valkyrie's, then immediately recoiled as she yelped in pain. "Sorry," he apologised, and went to place his hand on her thigh, causing her to yelp again. "S-sorry," Fletcher said again, flustered. He didn't like causing Valkyrie all this pain. He went to place a hand on her elbow, when Ghastly stopped him.

Skulduggery gently laid a hand on Valkyrie's forearm, one of the only places on her body that didn't have blood cascading down it, and put his other hand on Fletcher's shoulder. Ghastly touched Fletcher's arm. "Ready?" asked Fletcher, just as a troop of Cleavers burst into the room.

"Go!" yelled Skulduggery, and before the Cleavers could even draw their scythes, Fletcher teleported.

* * *

They materialised in the living room, where Anton was lying on the sofa unconscious, and Erskine was stitching up his cuts with medical resources they had brought with them, as well as some that it seemed he had taken from the Sanctuary during the raid. On another sofa lay Dexter, barely awake, who was receiving similar treatment by Saracen. Both were lying on sheets, and those sheets were drenched with blood.

Skulduggery gently picked Valkyrie up, and moved steadily to the final sofa, also covered with a couple of sheets, where he carefully set her down. He began tending to her wounds with a cloth soaked in healing water that Ghastly brought him, which was designed to stem the flow of blood and relieve stinging, as well as commence healing. He looked up, and saw that Valkyrie had lost consciousness. Taking her hand, he dabbed at the hole made by the nail, on both the back of her hand and the palm. He moved on to the other hand, then did the rest of her wounds with equal care. He was able to get to her leg wounds as the nail had ripped through her trousers, during both the process of being nailed in and removed, so now there were large rips at her knees and thighs.

He lifted up her t-shirt in order to get to the injuries on her stomach. She flinched, even in her sleep, and Skulduggery immediately stopped, and started again, going extra slowly and taking extra care.

When he had finished her stomach, he moved further down the sofa so he could reach her neck. He stared at her for a moment, at her perfect body which had so cruelly been hideously abused. He shouldn't have left her behind. He should've stayed by her side, and fought. She'd have done the same thing for him, he knew that.

He stroked her hair softly, observing how the ends were drenched in her own blood. His hand trailed down her face, following her beautiful cheekbones. How he longed to see those dark brown eyes open and look up at him, as her muscular body leapt up and hugged him and told him she was alright and always would be. But looking down on her, he knew she most certainly was not alright. She had lost a lot of blood, and was still losing it.

He noticed Erskine looking at him out of the corner of his eye...socket, and emerged from his trance. He ever so gently wiped away the blood from her neck, and the blood flow gradually stemmed. When it had stopped bleeding, he began to dress all the wounds. He started once again with the hands, and wrapped them in a bandage that had been enchanted so that it aided recovery. He did the same with her elbows, and then her shoulders, ensuring that the bandage was wrapped tight, but not so tight that it blocked the flow of blood around her body, halting circulation. He wrapped bandages around her thighs, weaving it through the hole in her trousers, around her leg and out of the hole again. He then did her ankles, noticing for the first time how pale her legs were.

Finally, he reached the stomach, not working as quick as he would have liked to. He hoped that Valkyrie hadn't lost too much blood, but had no way to be sure. It had been a long time since he had been a man of flesh and blood himself, so could not tell how much blood was a healthy amount to lose. Not that any amount was healthy, but... He sighed. It was no use waffling to himself when Valkyrie was most likely dying.

He wrapped a long length of bandage around her stomach, then pulled her t-shirt back down over it. He then moved closer to her neck, and debated the best way to go about bandaging it. He knew Valkyrie would not appreciate having a load of bandage wrapped around her neck. Firstly, it was not the best look in the world. Secondly, she was claustrophobic, and Skulduggery knew that wrapping something tightly around someone's neck would lead to feelings of suffocation.

Ghastly came over. "How is she?" he asked.

"Unconscious," Skulduggery replied simply.

"Need a hand?"

"How do you bandage a collarbone?"

"You could do a sling or a figure of eight," Ghastly said. "Only do a sling if the clavicle injury has affected the arm in some way, but I don't think it has in this case. So, we'll do a figure of eight."

"Ghastly, will you please just get to the point?" Skulduggery snapped. He took a moment. "Sorry," he apologised.

"I know you're angry, heck, I'm _furious_, but look at her. She's alive. She'll heal. Now concentrate. Distractions will be fatal," Ghastly warned. He took the bandage from Skulduggery's hands and gently looped it around Valkyrie's left shoulder, tightly. He brought it around behind her, and reached under her back and picked up the end of it. He pulled the end round and looped it around her right shoulder. He tied the two loose ends together behind her back, and stepped back a little. The bandage criss-crossed on her back, and looped around each shoulder, just as it should have.

"There," he said. "It will be uncomfortable, but she'll only need it for a day or two."

"How are the others?" Skulduggery asked Ghastly.

"Fletcher's resting upstairs in one of the bedrooms. Anton is still unconscious," Ghastly gestured behind him, to where Anton was still lying on the sofa, as Erskine tended to him, "but the blood flow has stopped. He's lost a lot of it, though. Dexter's awake," Ghastly turned and smiled at Dexter on the sofa, who smiled wearily back, "and Saracen's patching him up pretty well."

"Good," Skulduggery said, and left the room.

Ghastly sighed, and turned to Saracen. "We'd better stay out of his way until Valkyrie wakes up," he said.

Saracen nodded. "Unless we wanna lose our limbs."

Ghastly walked over to Anton. "Do you think he'll make it?" he asked Erskine, looking at all the blood he had lost.

Erskine looked up, and wiped sweat off his forehead. "I don't know," he answered truthfully. Saracen looked over, and Dexter arched an eyebrow.

Ghastly just nodded. "Let me know when... if anything happens," he said, saddened. He walked off and left the room to make Valkyrie a new jacket. Sewing always did help him cope with a loss.

* * *

**Next questions! Halfway through already...**

**Q15: What is a question you want to be answered in the future?**

**_So many! Do Saracen and Dexter get together? Does Valkyrie have feelings for Skulduggery and vice versa? What did Dusk taste in Val's blood? What is Saracen's power (I know derek said that Saracen was basically HIM in the books, and that would imply that as the author, Saracen would know stuff, but I'm not buying that explanation- for example, why didn't Saracen know the identity of the man with the golden eyes?)? Who were Grant and Jeremiah?_**

**Q16: Who do you think is/are the evilest character/s?**

**_Kitana, Doran and Sean, but mainly Doran. They just wanted to inflict pain; at least Darquesse did it all out of scientific curiosity, and Lord Vile had a motive- revenge. These three, though, were just murdering innocent people for absolutely no reason._**


	28. The Dead and the Dying

**Okay so this chapter was originally part of the next one, but I had to split it into two separate ones because it got a little too long.**

**Thank you to everyone who's reviewed; your kind words really do mean a lot to me, so thank you! ****Also, I'm immensely grateful to anyone who's even reading this story! Thank you all!**

**So, without further ado, on with the- BLOODY HELL I FORGOT THE DISCLAIMER! Damn it, nearly 30 chapters in and I haven't even done a disclaimer. Whoops!**

**ahem.**

**DISCLAIMER:**

**_Your eyes are weary from staring at the screen. You feel sleepy. Notice how restful it is to watch the cursor blink. Close your eyes. This fanfic has not broken any copyrighting laws. This fanfic is awesome. This fanfic will keep you hooked until it is over. The opinions and ideas that were just stated are yours. You cannot imagine why you ever felt otherwise. I command you to continue reading because, let's face it, I have that kind of power at my disposal._**

**Okay that was just to get you warmed up. The real disclaimer:**

**_All the main characters belong to The Golden God, Derek Landy. The plot, however is mine, and shall remain mine. In fact, I shall copyright it! _*manic grin*_ If anyone is to copy the plot; ANY element of it, whether it's just a small scenario or a minor idea or a whole chapter or whatever, you are to face my wrath! And I will demand the scene's removal! INSPIRATION IS ONE THING, COPYING IS ANOTHER. _**

**Thou hast been warnethed. Warned. Whatever. :)**

**Now, let us observe firsthand the skeleton's rage...**

* * *

Ghastly walked into the training room, and stopped dead. Skulduggery was standing very still in the middle of the room, his back to Ghastly. All around him were the remnants of broken chairs and tables, splinters carpeting the floor.

It had been four hours since Skulduggery had finished patching Valkyrie up, and had abruptly left the room. Ghastly had decided that it was best to leave him alone for a few hours, but then decided that he should check on him before he did anything drastic.

Skulduggery turned at Ghastly's entrance. "Any change?"

Ghastly shook his head. "No. Still unconscious." He gestured to his surroundings, to the scattered chair parts, but before he could comment, Skulduggery walked swiftly out of the room.

Ghastly angrily followed him. "Skulduggery. Hey! _Listen_ to me!" He grabbed Skulduggery's bony arm when it became clear that he was just going to ignore Ghastly. Skulduggery whirled to him.

"_What_?"

"Skulduggery, just calm the hell down. Valkyrie-"

"Valkyrie was _tortured_, Ghastly. You saw the state she was in."

"I _know_ she was tortured! You stupid skeleton, I know all that. What you need to remember is that Dexter was hurt as well. And as for Anton, he's _dying."_

Skulduggery became still.

"Yeah, didn't know that, did you? The amount of blood he's lost is insane, only a miracle will allow him to pull through. He's barely breathing, yet you don't _care._ I know you love Valkyrie, and don't try and deny it, I can see it all over your skull, but please- just remember that there's more to the Dead Men. One of your brothers will almost certainly _die_ in the next forty-eight hours."

Skulduggery remained still and silent.

Ghastly growled in frustration. "_Say_ something, then! You haven't spoken properly since we rescued Valkyrie and the others. When you _do_ speak, you just talk about how she was tortured. We know all that! You need to move on and accept it."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "What, pray tell, do you want me to talk about?" he asked, in a voice that had been dipped in venom and laced with hatred. "Would you like me to talk about how joyous my life is? Should I talk about how I now have to babysit Fletcher? Or how, thanks to him, Valkyrie, Anton and Dexter were tortured? Or-"

"You stupid, _stupid_ man!" raged Ghastly, stepping closer to Skulduggery. He looked him in the eye sockets. "Don't even _think_ about giving Fletcher a hard time over this. Did he ask to be captured? No, and in case you've forgotten, he was captured in the first place because of _us_. So don't you _dare_ blame all of this on that boy. And another thing- stop talking about the bloody _torture_. Valkyrie was tortured. She was nailed to a chair. Get _over_ it. She wouldn't want you making a big deal out of it. She wouldn't want you running around beating people up, getting all moody over something so trivial. If you won't listen to me, then just do this for her. Shut. _Up_."

"How dare you," Skulduggery said quietly. "How dare you say those things," he continued, raising his voice. "How dare you tell me to 'get over it'. And don't even _think_ about calling this whole thing '_trivial_'. The woman I love was nailed to a goddam chair, Bespoke. _Don't tell me to forget about it!"_

Ghastly stepped back. "I'm sorry. But understand this- if you put your emotions in front of your judgement, you will end up being the weak link in this operation. You are risking the lives of all of us, including Valkyrie, every second that you're in this mindset. If you love Valkyrie so much, listen to what I'm saying. Prove that you love her, by letting this go, and by getting your skull sorted."

"Oh, that's right, I need to _prove_ my love for her, now, don't I?!" Skulduggery said angrily.

"That's not what I-" tried Ghastly, but Skulduggery ignored him.

"How can someone, or rather, some_thing_ like me love someone like her? I'm a skeleton, I have nothing to give her or offer her. And that's even assuming that she loves me back, which is impossible. I'm a bag of old bones, who can click his fingers and make fire come. Well guess what- so can she. She doesn't deserve something as useless as me, she-"

_"Skulduggery Pleasant_," roared Ghastly, "you sort yourself out _immediately _or you will be forced to leave. You're endangering the lives of everyone around you."

And with that, Ghastly walked away.

* * *

Valkyrie opened her eyes, and looked up at the ceiling. She recognised it as the one in the living room. _How did I manage to recognise a ceiling?_ she wondered to herself. _Don't all ceilings look roughly the same? How did I know that this was the living room? Or did I- okay, this is getting stupid now. _She mentally slapped herself, and turned her head. She winced at the headache that had settled behind her eyes.

She made out the figure of Saracen Rue seated wearily on the armchair. She thought about how much Skulduggery would shout at him for that, but then realised that there was nowhere else to sit. On one sofa lay Anton, pale and unmoving. He looked dead from where Valkyrie was lying. On the other sofa was Dexter, who didn't look as bad. A couple of bruises had formed on his muscular arms, and on his torso, which Valkyrie could see as his shirt had been removed.

The Epitome of Sexiness turned his head in Valkyrie's direction. "She's up," he said, in a tired voice, which he'd attempted to inject happiness into. It didn't work. His injured state was evident, in both appearance and speech, and his eyes conveyed the pain he was feeling. But Valkyrie had to give him credit for trying.

She tried to sit up, but her wrists and shoulders screamed at her. She hissed in pain, and then Saracen was there. He gently placed his hands on either side of her, and slowly dragged her into a sitting-up position. She gave him a small smile.

"How is everyone?" she asked, her throat sore and her voice slightly hoarse from the screaming she was doing earlier.

Saracen hesitated. "Dexter's healing- you know how tough he is," Dexter gave a little wave, "and you're also on the mend." Saracen looked like his lips were about to form the name 'Anton', but he seemingly changed his mind. "Erskine is upstairs, chatting with Fletcher. Although they're probably teleporting to the pub or something. Ghastly is with Skulduggery. He's, uh, well, Skulduggery isn't in the best of moods. You know how protective he gets. And as for Anton..." Saracen's voice cracked slightly.

"What's wrong?" asked Valkyrie.

"Anton's dying."

Valkyrie's eyes widened, and she looked over at Anton again, at how white his skin had become, and how still he was. She noticed properly how much blood was staining the sheets he had been placed on. Her eyes filled up with tears.

"No," she whispered. "No, he... he's not dying. He can't be."

"I'm sorry," Saracen said gently. "We've done everything we can. He'll end it in his own time."

Valkyrie tried to get up, to walk over to Anton, but collapsed onto the sofa again. A tear fell down her cheek. Saracen sat next to her, and held her close as the tears came.

* * *

**Q17: What is a song that reminds you of the series?**

**_This is probably my favourite question so far :) ummm wow so many, but Demons by Imagine Dragons, to me, is just screaming Lord Vile. The lyrics are exactly like the books; Skulduggery wants to protect Valkyrie from Vile and from her becoming just like him. And quite literally, the 'demons' are inside Skulduggery. The lyrics fit so perfectly that it's unbelievable. Oh and Radioactive, also by Imagine Dragons, is perfect for a scenario in which Vile or Darquesse is emerging- "I'm waking up, I feel it in my bones... Welcome to the new age..." It's perfect for skulduggery returning to the battlefield as Vile._**

**Q18: What are your favourite pairing(s).  
**

**_Either Sexter or Ghanith, because they're matches made in heaven. And Wreathkyrie- I think that's my OTP, they're perfect for each other. That moment in LSODM when he kisses her cheek... It should've escalated further :) I also ship Valduggery, and I think that it would be a perfect pairing if it had happened, but as it stands, it's too unlikely. _**


	29. Rage, Rage

**Hello! There have been a lot of pleas for Anton... But will he wake up?**

**This chapter features swearing, kiddies!**

* * *

Skulduggery walked into the living room, and instantly noticed Valkyrie sitting up, being comforted by Saracen, who was stroking her hair gently. Across from them, Dexter had his head down, an uneasy, melancholy expression on his face. Skulduggery looked back at Saracen, feeling a sharp pang of jealousy as he held his arms around Valkyrie. _That should be me._

He stalked over to her, and she looked up at him. Relief washed through him as he saw those beautiful brown eyes again. She was safe, she was alive, and he was going to kill everyone responsible for hurting her. But he knew that doing so at the moment would put her and the others in danger again, so he decided to let it slide. For now. But at the next possible opportunity, he would have their heads.

Saracen met Skulduggery's eye, and his non-existent blood ran cold. Saracen smiled gently, almost sympathetically, and got up and left the room, nodding a goodbye to Dexter. Dexter smiled weakly at Skulduggery. Skulduggery sat down on the sofa next to Valkyrie, and before he knew what was happening, she was hugging him.

He wrapped his bony arms around her, smiling a skeletal smile as she relaxed in his arms. He could feel the bandage outline under her t-shirt, and another mental war began in his mind. He tilted his head, and listened closely. Valkyrie was sobbing quietly.

He pulled away from her, and tilted her head up to his gently. It was stained with tears. "You're alright, now, Valkyrie," he soothed in his velvety voice. "Everything will be alright."

"Anton," was all she could manage, before she continued to cry some more. Skulduggery hugged her once again, until the last of the tears retreated back into their dark recesses, ready to emerge again later.

"Skulduggery," Valkyrie began.

"Yes, Valkyrie?"

"Thank you for rescuing us," she said, smiling softly.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Valkyrie... I left you three. I kept going. You were _tortured_-"

"Yes, Skulduggery, I figured that bit out myself."

"I thought you were going to die," he said quietly. Valkyrie looked at him, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"Remember what you said when I was younger? _'I'm too clever to die, and you're too pretty._'"

"If only things worked that way," Skulduggery said, and rested his head against hers. He looked up at Dexter, who had his head bowed. A tear was rolling down his cheek, the first tear Skulduggery had seen Dexter shed in centuries. Skulduggery looked over at Anton. If a skeleton could cry, he knew his eyes would be watering, too.

* * *

Erskine walked into the living room, holding the stack of papers that had been stolen from the Sanctuary, which he and Fletcher, who was currently having a nap, had been reading for the past few hours. And they'd found something out. Something important.

He saw Valkyrie sitting with Skulduggery, her head resting on his shoulder. She looked upset, and although he possessed no face, it seemed that Skulduggery wasn't in the best of moods, either. Ghastly was seated at the other end of the couch, quietly stitching the hemline of the sleeve of a jacket he had made for Valkyrie.

Anton was still lying unconscious on the sofa, his body now partially covered with a sheet, done by Ghastly.

Dexter was sitting up on the final sofa, legs stretched out in front of him over the length of it. His expression was glum and grim.

Saracen was seated in the armchair, looking weary, and also wearing a defeated expression. _They need distracting or cheering up, _thought Erskine._ Well, I'll try both_.

He cleared his throat, and all eyes/eye sockets looked at him. "Fletcher and I read through the stolen papers," he said. "And we've discovered something important."

Valkyrie, Skulduggery, Saracen and Dexter remained silent and impassive. Only Ghastly spoke.

"Maybe you could tell us later," he suggested.

Erskine shook his head. "No, it actually is pretty important. The Sanctuary-"

"Erskine," Ghastly cut in, "just drop it, please."

Erskine put the papers on the table, thinking that it was best, in this case, to agree with him. _Okay, so distracting them hasn't worked. Time to cheer them up!_

"So, guys, what do you all miss from the outside world? I personally miss cartoons. Especially Spongebob. I always liked Patrick, personally. How about you?" Erskine asked.

Skulduggery very slowly turned his skull towards him. "Three of us," he began, in a low, violent voice, "have been tortured. Anton is dying. We are on the run from Sanctuaries around the world, with nowhere else to go. And you're asking about _Spongebob Squarepants!?"_

"Hah! I made Skulduggery Pleasant say 'Spongebob Squarepants'!" said Erskine, trying to cheer them up again.

"Just shut your mouth, Ravel," growled Skulduggery.

"Alright, alright, calm down," muttered Erskine. Skulduggery stood up.

"_Calm down?_ Don't tell me to _calm down_. How can you expect me to be calm when Valkyrie and Dexter are severely injured and Anton is dying? Do you not understand the situation we're in?"

"I-"

"What use are you to anyone?" Skulduggery continued menacingly. "As Grand Mage you couldn't stop this from happening- you didn't bother to try and protect myself and Valkyrie when everyone found out about Lord Vile and Darquesse. You didn't try and patch up international relations. You led Ireland into war, and we were forced to use Vile and Darquesse as weapons, publicly. _And now look what's happening- we're being hunted."_

Erskine stepped back, stung. Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery in disbelief, as did Dexter and Saracen. Ghastly stood up next to Skulduggery. He placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Leave it, Skul," he said, but Skulduggery wasn't ready to stop yet.

"In case you've forgotten, Ghastly, _you_ were an Elder as well- you are also to blame. And Erskine, next time you want to start up about _Spongebob fucking Squarepants_, expect to have your FACE SMASHED AROUND. The next time you want to talk about your bloody _cartoons_, Erskine, go do it with a bunch of four year olds, where you belong."

Erskine growled and lunged at Skulduggery, tackling him to the ground. Saracen leapt up from his seat and pulled him off Skulduggery, holding him back. Skulduggery jumped to his feet, and charged at Erskine, about to throw a punch when Ghastly intervened, the punch hitting his forearm instead. Ghastly threw Skulduggery onto the sofa next to Valkyrie, rubbing his forearm.

Skulduggery was about to run at Erskine and Ghastly, but Valkyrie held his wrist and stopped him. "Skul, please," she whispered. "Leave them."

Skulduggery looked at her, and after a moment, he got up and left the room. The front door of the warehouse slammed shut a few moments later.

Erskine and Ghastly left the room together, followed shortly after by Saracen. Dexter turned to Valkyrie.

"You know, sooner or later, they're gonna completely forget about us."

"I know," said Valkyrie. "And that's when something bad will happen."

* * *

**Q19: What is a pairing that you don't like?**

**_Chinduggery- China does not deserve Skulduggery. And it's just wrong; getting together with the person who had your family killed... Also Fletchyrie was a disaster waiting to happen._**

**Q20: What is your favourite book in the series?**

**_Ummm I love Mortal Coil- the whole concept of no one being who you thought they were was really good, but I think it could've been brought out more; like _****_some real trickery for the reader being introduced. Also, I loved the whole 'whodunit' of The Faceless Ones, and the cliffhanger ending was... Wow. The Dying of the Light, quite honestly, was a bit of a disappointment to me. It seemed a bit like it was made up as Derek went along. LSODM would have been absolutely epic if Valkyrie had been shown to have fought in the war, at the battle of Roarhaven or whatever it was called- she turned Darquesse too early. So I guess the only other main contender is Death Bringer, which was... Amazing. So yeah that's my favourite. Also that's when we got to meet Dexter Vex! And learn about Vile! :)_**


	30. Hope

**A****nton Shudder. Owner of the Midnight Hotel. Member of the Dead Men. Has a shotgun called 'Daisy'. Powerful adept. Gist user.**

**Dying.**

* * *

Fletcher woke up from his nap, and saw Erskine standing in the corner of the room, gazing out of the window.

"What's up with you?" he asked. Erskine turned around quickly.

"That bloody skeleton thinks he's got the right to bully everyone else just 'cause his love interest was hurt," Erskine said sulkily.

Fletcher raised an eyebrow. "Love interest?"

Erskine covered his mouth, as if he'd said too much. "No one," he said quickly. Damn it, Ghastly was going to kill him if anyone found out. And if _Ghastly_ would kill him, who knows what _Skulduggery_ would do?

"Right... What did they say about the stuff on the papers?"

"I didn't tell them," said Erskine. Fletcher jumped up from the bed.

"_What_?"

"They told me to be quiet," Erskine muttered. Fletcher sighed and shook his head.

"They were important, you nincompoop. They need to know as soon as possible. How long's it been since Skulduggery "_bullied_" you?"

"A few hours," mumbled Erskine.

"Okay, well, they all should've calmed down by now. C'mon, we need to tell them," and with that, Fletcher grabbed Erskine's hand and teleported him downstairs.

* * *

They found Saracen in the kitchen, making himself a sandwich. "Fletcher, glad to see you're finally up. Erskine, I hope you've learnt how to shut your big mouth," Saracen said, without looking round.

Erskine scowled, but before he could start annoying someone else, Fletcher stepped in. "Saracen, we found out some important stuff from the papers we stole."

Saracen turned to face them. "Go on.."

"Billy-Ray Sanguine has been hired by the Sanctuary to find and kill us all. The Sanctuary are really set on killing us, as they've offered him two million dollars for every one of us he manages to kill. His mole powers apparently mean he could detect us if he's within the right radius."

"And that's not all," Erskine added. "They've also enlisted the help of the Black Cleaver. And it seems that China may be against us as well."

"What's China got to do with all this?" asked Saracen.

"She was arrested by the Sanctuary because they thought that she was working with us, mainly because of her past friendship with Skul and Val," said Fletcher. He realised suddenly that he was yet to talk to Valkyrie.

"She broke out," Erskine said, "but basically she might be a little bit angry with us for getting her locked up in the first place. Especially since a few of her priceless books were blown up. As well as a few of her apartments. Like with Eliza. And we know how she dealt with _her_."

Saracen frowned. "Do the others know all this?"

"No," Erskine said. "But there's something else, too." He hesitated for a moment. "We think we've found a way to cure Anton."

Saracen nodded slowly. "How sure are you that whatever this is will work?"

"Pretty certain," said Fletcher. Saracen smiled.

"Let's go tell the others."

* * *

Saracen led the way into the living room. Skulduggery was sitting next to Valkyrie, who had a smile on her face at last, as Skulduggery told one of his awful jokes. Dexter was chatting to Ghastly. Anton was still unconscious, and the sheet had been pulled a little further up, so that it was now at his elbows.

"Guys," said Saracen. All conversations stopped, and they looked at the three who had just entered. Valkyrie was looking at Fletcher, taking in his mature appearance.

"Erskine and Fletcher have some important stuff to say." Saracen picked up the stack of Sanctuary papers, where they had been left, and sat in the armchair, rifling through them. Meanwhile, Erskine began to speak.

"We were reading the papers earlier, and we found out some pretty significant stuff. Firstly, the Sanctuary have hired Sanguine to find and kill us, for the respectable amount of two million dollars each."

"We should've seen this coming," said Valkyrie. "Remember when An... when Anton arrived, and he told us that Sanguine had been broken out of prison by a mystery person? So that means the Irish Sanctuary broke him out of the American Sanctuary where he was being held, and he's now working for them. What else did Anton tell us? Oh yeah, the Black or White or whatever-colour-he-was Cleaver disappeared. I bet the Sanctuary have him as well."

Fletcher nodded. "Yeah that's, that's perfect, Val. The Sanctuary have hired Sanguine and the Cleaver to take us down."

"But there's one other thing..." Erskine began. "They recently had China locked up. She broke out, but she's gonna be wanting revenge, because the reason she was imprisoned was because they thought she was helping us, as stupid as that sounds. Most of her properties were destroyed again, so she's gonna be pretty mad."

Skulduggery stiffened at the mention of _her_ name. Valkyrie noticed this, and placed a comforting hand on his. He instantly relaxed, and turned her hand so that it was resting in his, and squeezed it gently. She smiled at him, and he tilted his head in the equivalent.

"So I guess we'd all better be careful," said Ghastly.

"Here they are," said Saracen, taking some papers from the stack he was sorting through. He handed them to Skulduggery. At Valkyrie's quizzical glance, Saracen explained, "They're the agreements and documents regarding the temporary employment of Sanguine and the Cleaver." While Skulduggery was reading them, Fletcher spoke up.

"That's not all we found out. We also found a way to save Anton."

At this, Dexter and Skulduggery looked up sharply, and Valkyrie stared at Fletcher, not sure whether this was some cruel, sick joke or not.

"How?" asked Ghastly, giving him the benefit of the doubt.

"Well," began Erskine, "we found this file about some sort of crystal-"

"Here," interrupted Saracen, taking the file about the crystal out of the stack of papers, and holding it out to Skulduggery.

He tilted his head. "Saracen, it may have escaped your notice, but I am unable to read these two files plus that one, all at once. I know you have the utmost trust in my multitasking abilities, but let's be realistic here."

Saracen rolled his eyes. "Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit," he muttered, and instead passed the file to Dexter.

"Carry on," said Ghastly.

"Right, yeah, so we found some information on this crystal," resumed Erskine. "It's called a 'Heilender Kristall', and 'heilender' apparently means 'healing' in German. So it's a healing crystal basically. It's a natural crystal with magical properties, which is found only in Bavaria, in Germany. It's located somewhere on the Jenner Mountain, but where exactly, we have no idea. There is a detector that was built especially for detecting the crystals somewhere in the area as well, but, again, we don't have any way to narrow it down. When you get the crystal, you're meant to crush it down into tiny fragments, and dissolve it in water, heat it slightly, and then give it to the injured person, and apparently they'll heal within a few hours. Hopefully. If it's not too late by then."

"So there's a crystal in Bavaria, somewhere on a mountain, and we need to find it," clarified Dexter, looking up from the file he was reading.

Erskine nodded. "Yup, but there's also a detector for the crystal-"

"-which we don't know the location of, either."

"Well, maybe they built a detector for the detector..." Erskine suggested.

"How sure are you that it will work?" asked Valkyrie.

"Well, from what we read," answered Fletcher, "we're pretty certain."

Valkyrie beamed. "So we can save Anton?" She laughed with delight. "So who's going to get the crystal?"

"I know the area well," said Dexter. "Remember when you called me before we got here, and I was being chased through Bavaria?"

Saracen shook his head. "Dex, look at yourself. You can hardly _walk_."

"I'm fine," Dexter insisted, but no one believed him in the slightest.

Skulduggery put down the papers he was reading. He thought for a moment. There was no way he was leaving Valkyrie. And Ghastly, he knew, was needed in case things got out of hand- his friend always did manage to calm him down and talk sense into him. So that left... Good God, that left the three twits. "Fletcher, Saracen and Erskine, we're sending you. Fletcher, you will provide transport and a quick escape route. Saracen, you will be the guide and aid navigation. Erskine, you're responsible for combat, just in case you encounter anyone or anything."

The three men nodded. "When should we leave?"

"Tomorrow morning," Skulduggery said. "Remember, be careful. These documents I was reading illustrate how desperate the Sanctuary are to have us killed. They're paying Sanguine a colossal amount, and whoever's controlling the Black Cleaver will probably be getting the same. And as for China, she's fuelled by hatred and revenge, so she will be a noticeable threat."

"The Sanctuary, and maybe even China, are likely to have informants in Bavaria and the surrounding area," Ghastly said, "so be on high alert. Blend in, and don't interact with anyone."

"And be quick," Valkyrie added quietly, glancing at Anton, looking even paler and more lifeless than before. Fletcher walked over to her, and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"We'll save him, Val," he said softly. "We'll save him."

He turned and left the room, missing the skeletal glare that Skulduggery was shooting at the back of his head.

* * *

**The next two questions are a bit longer than the others, so I'll ask them in separate updates.**

**Q21: What would be your dream cast of the main characters if a film was made? (you don't have to mention them all, just one or two ideas, or say if you agree with my suggestions)**

**_Valkyrie: not sure, maybe Jennifer Lawrence._**

**_Skulduggery: animated realistic skeleton, with the velvety voice of David Tennant._**

**_Ghastly: Vin Diesel, he just needs scars and he's perfect._**

**_Dexter: Theo James (OMG GOOGLE HIM, THEY ARE IDENTICAL! AND GORGEOUS!)_**

**_Anton: Ben Barnes (did anyone else see him as Prince Caspian? Hot hot hot! I know Anton's meant to be older, but, y'know, they can take a few liberties ;))_**

**_Saracen: Hugh Jackman (he is a spitting image of Saracen)_**

**_Erskine: no idea... Oh! Orlando bloom?_**

**_Tanith: Alicia Silverstone maybe. (She was awesome in Stormbreaker)_**

**_China: 100% Katie McGrath (she is perfect! Loved her as Morgana in Merlin; perfect hero turned villain)_**

**_Sanguine: Chris Hemsworth_**


	31. Setting Off

**Ahhh... Le Trois Twits...**

* * *

As the sun broke across the horizon the following morning, Saracen, Erskine and Fletcher prepared to leave for Bavaria.

They had packed clothes, food and equipment, and were all set to go. Well, Saracen was.

He sighed to himself. _Trust me to get lumbered with the two idiots._ He closed his eyes, and his power told him that Erskine was running around looking for his missing sock, whilst Fletcher was annoying Valkyrie. Saracen frowned. _Hasn't that kid gotten over her yet?_

He impatiently looked at his watch. "Erskine!" he called. "Forget your sock, we need to leave!"

"No!" Erskine called back. Saracen sighed, and walked to the staircase, climbed up to the first floor, and was nearly run over by Erskine racing down the corridor at top speed, a bright green sock on his left foot, and his right one bare.

"Erskine. _Erskine. ERSKINE_!"

Erskine skidded to a stop. "What?"

Saracen walked over to him, and pulled a sock out of Erskine's back pocket. "Here it is."

Erskine beamed, took it and ran off down the stairs. Saracen shook his head, not daring to wonder why the hell his sock was in his back pocket.

"Hurry up, Rue!" Erskine called. He ran into the living room, where Fletcher was trying to chat up Valkyrie. She looked annoyed, and Dexter was trying very hard not to laugh.

"Fletcher!" Erskine whined. "Come on, we need to _go_!"

Saracen joined them. "Guys, seriously, get a move on. Skulduggery and Ghastly think we've already gone."

"And we were clearly wrong to trust you lot with something as simple as leaving on time," came Ghastly's voice from behind Saracen. He shrieked, and turned around, a hand on his chest.

"Oh my God, Ghastly don't _do_ that!" Saracen said. Ghastly raised an eyebrow. A moment later, Skulduggery joined him in the doorway.

"Fletcher, stop flirting with Valkyrie, she clearly isn't interested in you," he said calmly. Quite a feat, he thought to himself, because in his head he was going through ten different ways to murder Fletcher. Right now, he was on number six, and it involved a shoe and two kangaroos.

Fletcher scowled. "I was just saying goodbye," he muttered, and left the room. Skulduggery followed behind him, to make sure that he wouldn't come back again.

Dexter started laughing at Valkyrie's incredibly annoyed posture. She glared at him. "Do you know how hard it was to sit through that without hitting him?" she asked. This just made Dexter laugh harder.

"Uh, we'll be off now, guys," Saracen said.

Valkyrie held her arms out for a hug, and he eagerly obliged. "Stay safe," she said. Saracen grinned and pulled away. "Count on it."

She beckoned Erskine over, and hugged him as well. "Erskine, please don't do anything stupid. We _need_ that crystal."

Erskine nodded. "Don't worry, I'm only stupid when my brain tells me to be." Valkyrie frowned, but decided not to press the matter any further. She breathed in.

"You smell nice," she smiled, and Erskine laughed.

"Thank you." He pulled away, gave Dexter a salute, and walked out of the room with Saracen. "Try not to die," called Dexter.

"Okay," Erskine called back.

"I was talking to Saracen," Dexter teased.

* * *

"Do you remember the mission?" Skulduggery asked the three men.

"Yes," said Saracen. After a moment, Erskine and Fletcher nodded.

"Erskine, what's the mission?" Ghastly tested. Erskine faltered.

"Uh, we're going up a mountain..."

"...And...?"

"And we're looking for a crystal..."

"...So...?"

"So we can save Anton," he said triumphantly.

"Close enough," Ghastly sighed. He turned to Fletcher. "What's the name of the crystal?"

Fletcher frowned. "The Hei... the Heil... Oh, I can't say it!" he exclaimed, frustrated.

"Heilender?" offered Skulduggery. "It's really not that hard to say," he added.

Fletcher scowled, "Yeah, that. The Heil... Heilender Crystal."

"Wait, Fletcher, have you ever been to Bavaria?" asked Saracen.

"Yeah, twice," Fletcher said, much to everyone's relief. "I've even been to Mount Jenner before. It's breathtaking. Did you know that the cable car takes half an hour, which just shows the sheer height of it? And it overlooks the bluest lake I've ever seen, and..." he trailed off after seeing everyone's murderous looks.

"So, Fletcher," Skulduggery began in an overly calm voice, "while we were planning for hours last night how we were going to get from central Bavaria to the top of the mountain, it turns out you've actually _been_ there, to the top of the bloody mountain?"

"Yes," Fletcher nodded. "Wait, no. Which is the answer that won't get me killed?"

Ghastly, Saracen and Erskine face-palmed, whilst Skulduggery tried to picture a nice calm place. "Anyway," he resumed, "Fletcher, you teleport the three of you to the top of the mountain, and from there, you need to search the whole terrain. I suggest you split up, but stay within visual distance of each other, so Fletcher can teleport to you if needed. Do not contact us via mobile phone, as the Sanctuary are likely to be tracing our calls, especially now that we've broken in there twice, and stolen confidential documents. Clear?"

They nodded.

"Good luck," Ghastly said.

"Thanks," said Erskine. "You too."

Ghastly frowned. "Why do I need good luck?"

Erskine frowned back at him. "I dunno, it just sounded polite."

Within an eyeblink, they were standing on Mount Jenner. Erskine cursed. "You teleported before I picked up my bag!" he whined.

Fletcher sighed, and let go of Saracen. He teleported Erskine back to the same spot in the warehouse, where Ghastly was standing where they'd left him, holding Erskine's bag. He raised an eyebrow.

"You know, Erskine, I hope you're not making a habit of this. You can't just take Fletcher's powers for granted and keep hopping backwards and forwards here and there. It's not very convenient for the mission, either; it'll delay us. Understood?"

Erskine nodded hastily, taking the bag. Ghastly frowned. "You've got something on your shoulder..." He raised his hand to try and wipe off the stain on Erskine's coat's shoulder- after all, it was Bespoke-made, and he couldn't allow the stain to remain. However, Fletcher didn't realise that Ghastly was now touching Erskine, and teleported them all back to the mountain.

* * *

Saracen smiled as Erskine and Fletcher teleported off. He sighed. _Peace and quiet at last._ He looked over the steep edge of the ledge he was standing on, and his gaze followed the path of Königssee Lake as it twisted in and out of the surrounding mountains. It was _heavenly_.

He could've stayed up there forever, it was just so beautiful and tranquil. And then everything was ruined.

Saracen turned as Fletcher and Erskine teleported back to the mountain. With Ghastly. Saracen frowned.

"Why the hell is _Ghastly_ here?" he asked.

"Huh?" Fletcher said, looking behind him. "Aah!" he jumped when he saw Ghastly standing behind him, looking angry.

Erskine started panicking. "Oh my God, we've gone wrong. ABORT MISSION!"

Ghastly slapped Fletcher and Erskine round the head. He looked at Saracen. "Please tell me you'll be able to keep these two under control."

Saracen shook his head. "If we're not back soon, tell Skulduggery I was the one who crashed his Bentley on New Year's Eve."

"Fletcher," Ghastly said loudly, "teleport me back to the warehouse."

Fletcher nodded quickly, and put a hand on Ghastly's shoulder. They vanished, and a second later, Fletcher was back. Without Ghastly this time. And without anyone forgetting anything.

"Right," he said. "Let's start looking!"

* * *

**Q22: What is your favourite scene?**

_**Okay without a doubt, for me it HAS to be that moment in LSODM when they're going down that water chute or whatever it was, when Skulduggery's like "I'm not going to force you, I'm just going to say one little thing, and this applies to all of you... Race you!"**  
**As well as being a beautiful moment with all the Dead Men together, it displayed, in a nutshell, all of their personalities- Skulduggery was head-first, keeping everyone else in line, showing that he brings the group together and is a caring person at heart, and literally goes head-first into every situation.  
Valkyrie and Dexter were smiling broadly, and not caring that their tops had ridden up, so they're carefree people, who love to have fun.  
Saracen had a massive goofy grin on his face, which I like to think was because he could see both Valkyrie and Dexter's toned stomachs, so he was in lustful bliss :) Ghastly was scraping against the top painfully, but he just took it and got it done, which shows that he's responsible and doesn't complain, and omg that bit at the end, once they land, where he goes, "I think I lost a nipple up there," was hilarious :)**_


	32. Hanging Up

**Will the three manage to save Anton? Or will they be too slow and too late...?**

* * *

Saracen collapsed onto the grass, exhausted. Erskine flopped down next to him, and soon Fletcher joined them. They had been searching for _hours_, and still hadn't found any trace of the crystals.

Erskine pulled out his phone. "Think I have time to play Angry Birds?"

Saracen wacked his head. "You idiot- Anton's _life_ depends on this mission!"

Erskine waved a hand. "Oh, he'll be fine," he said nonchalantly. "Look, I got three stars in this level!"

He thrust the phone in Saracen's face. Saracen debated the best way to hit him, using as little effort as possible.

Erskine saw that Saracen wasn't interested, and instead showed Fletcher. Fletcher's eyes widened. "OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE THE ORIGINAL ANGRY BIRDS!"

He shrieked and grabbed the phone from Erskine. "I WANNA PLAY!"

Erskine frowned. "_I_ was going to play that, actually," he said, and tried to take the phone from Fletcher's hands. Fletcher snarled, and stubbornly shook his head.

Saracen lay back and closed his eyes, listening to the commotion going on around him as Erskine and Fletcher wrestled with the phone. He was aware of them rolling around, wrenching it to and fro. There was a lot of shouting and grunting, and if Saracen hadn't known better, he'd have assumed that they were doing the conga with a family of pigs.

"Fletcher, let GO!"

"No, _you_ let go!"

"Oh my God, you're gonna break it!"

"Well maybe it deserves to be broken!"

"You take that back, Fletcher!"

"No, not unless you let me play!"

"But it's my-"

"_SHUT UP!_" Saracen yelled, opening his eyes. He sat up. "Please," he half-sobbed, "_shut up._"

Fletcher threw the phone at Erskine. "Whatever," he muttered.

Erskine grinned triumphantly, and went to continue his game of Angry Birds, but stopped and cursed.

"OH MY GOD IT'S DIALING SKULDUGGERY'S NUMBER!" he yelled.

Fletcher gasped. "But he told us not to... BLOODY HELL! THE SANCTUARY'S TRACING THE CALL!"

Now Saracen began to panic. "Erskine, turn it off," he said loudly, trying to remain calm, while Fletcher was hyperventilating. "Erskine, end the call. Erskine. _Erskine_. ERSKINE HANG UP!"

Erskine just stared at the phone. "What do I do?" he whispered, as if it was a bomb that was about to go off.

Saracen snatched the phone, and fiddled around until he figured out how to turn the damn thing off. Once done, he threw it back at Erskine. It bounced off his head.

"Ow," he complained.

"Erskine, why the hell didn't you hang up?" Fletcher asked, bewildered.

Erskine frowned. "Guys, I haven't ended a call for _years_\- normally it's the other person hanging up on _me_," he explained.

"I can believe that," Saracen muttered.

"Do you think we cut it off in time?" asked Fletcher. "Do you think the Sanctuary traced the call?"

The three of them looked out over the mountain, into the distance, where the sun was slowly dipping below the horizon. The ominous silence that had settled around them was broken only when Erskine spoke, in a mysterious, overly dramatic tone.

"I guess we'll just have to wait and see."

* * *

Valkyrie stretched her legs, stood up, and took a hesitant, shaky step. Before, she'd had to move around with the help of one of the others, but now she was able to walk comfortably, with just a slight limp. She had removed the figure of eight neck bandage shortly before, and could now flex her neck without feeling sharp twinges of pain. Her other wounds were all healed as well, if a little sore.

Anton still lay across from her, his breathing more strained, and his skin pale. He looked like a corpse, and Valkyrie had a horrible feeling that pretty soon, he would be one. A constant feeling of hopelessness and pessimism had sunk into the warehouse.

Dexter sat up on his sofa. "Want a hand?" he asked Valkyrie, who was slowly making her way to the door.

"Dex, you can barely walk yourself," she laughed.

He shrugged. "Well, that doesn't stop me from being a gentleman, now, does it?" he smiled.

Valkyrie shook her head. "No, and it clearly doesn't stop you being flirty and charming, either. I'm fine, I just need to stretch my legs and get a bit of exercise."

She walked to the training room, observing the mass of splinters and debris across the floor. She sighed. This had Skulduggery written all over it.

She manipulated the air so the hazards cleared, and did some stretches to warm her muscles up. After stretching her arms, legs and stomach muscles, she jogged around the perimeter of the room.

As her soles slapped the ground, she allowed her mind to wander. _What if Anton dies? What if the crystals aren't enough? Is all this worth it? What if Erskine, Saracen and Fletcher fail? Fletcher... Dammit I think he still likes me... Oh crap, I can't go through this again. He was just a distraction. I only dated him to distract me from the fact that I love Skulduggery._

Valkyrie came to an abrupt stop. That was it. That was the strange feeling she'd been having for the last few months, which heightened whenever she saw or thought about a certain skeleton. That was the reason for the swarm of butterflies in her stomach, the strange dreams, the urge for physical contact.

She was in love with Skulduggery.

She frowned. How the hell did she get herself into this mess? How did she manage to fall in love with a skeleton? She sighed. By looking past appearances, and going solely for personality. She loved him. She loved him. God, she _looooooved_ him.

Valkyrie mentally shook her head. She couldn't let anything get to her. She needed to focus. Focus. Focus. _Focus_.

Valkyrie stared at a spot on the floor, chanting that word over and over in her mind. She could've sworn that she was hypnotising herself, but continued. When she was in the right state of mind, she inhaled and exhaled slowly.

_Right, what next? Oh, I know! Flips and cartwheels!_ She grinned. These were two of her favourite exercises. That feeling of weightlessness, and then the sudden landing, and the amount of planning and timing that needed to be done in your head within a split-second was exhilarating.

She took a run-up into a front handspring, and lifted her arms above her head, then brought them down along with her body as she propelled herself forward. Her hands hit the ground, and she pushed, and her body flipped in the air. She landed securely on two feet. She repeated this a few times, then changed to a back handspring.

Unknown to her, Skulduggery had entered the training room, and stood leaning against the doorway. So absorbed was Valkyrie in her workout that she didn't even realise his presence. He tilted his head, and observed her impressive physique.

Her long hair, as black and sleek as a thousand woven shadows, was tied back in a high ponytail, and swished back and forth as she sexer- _exer_cised. Her lean shoulders gave way to her bare muscled arms, practically sculpted. Her slim, toned stomach and strong, long legs were temptingly sexy. Skulduggery sighed and mentally scolded himself for seeing her in such a way. He was more than four centuries older than her; he had no right to think of her like that.

He snapped out of his trance as he noticed Valkyrie gearing up for a cartwheel. She executed it perfectly, of course, and went to follow it up with a backflip. Her hands hit the floor, but one landed on a stray shard of glass, which pierced through her hand, right where the nail had previously gone through.

She hissed in pain, and tumbled to the ground, to a painful, graceless stop. Skulduggery froze, but soon gathered his composure and rushed to help her. She stood up, and squeezed the area around where the glass was lodged in her palm, in an effort to reduce the pain.

Skulduggery reached her, and took her hand in his. "Skul, what are you doing here?" asked Valkyrie, slightly dazed.

"It's 'Skulduggery', and I was just observing your progress as my student, under my brilliant guidance," he lied smoothly. Valkyrie raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah... Uh, Skul, this _really_ hurts," she said, her voice cracking slightly. Skulduggery realised he was still holding her hand, and pretended that he had been examining it.

"Yes, the glass has gone in quite deeply. Follow me," he gently let go of her hand, and led her to the kitchen, where he had put the medical supplies. She hopped up onto the dining table and rested her feet on a chair, and held out her hand, while Skulduggery fetched the supplies from the cupboard.

He came and stood in front of her, and placed the supplies on the table, and took her injured hand in his. He cursed as he saw just how deep the large shard of glass had gone, and how it was right on her wound from the nail.

"God, Valkyrie, I'm sorry," he said, upset.

She raised an eyebrow. "It wasn't your fault. I'm the clumsy one who managed to land in it."

"Yes, but while you are the stupid one in the situation, as usual," he dodged a lazy punch from Valkyrie, "I was still the one who was responsible for the glass being there in the first place."

In a crazy moment of impulse, Valkyrie placed a hand on Skulduggery's shoulder, and looked into his eye sockets, trying to ignore the intense beating of her heart.

"I don't blame you, Skul. I never do," she whispered.

He hung his head. "I just hate to see you hurt," he said hollowly. He carefully pulled out the fragments of glass, and wiped away the blood, and put a magic-looking cream on the wound. The pain stopped almost instantly, and he let go of her hand.

"Thank you," she murmured.

He gazed into her eyes, those mystifying pools of dark chocolate welcoming him in. She looked into his eye sockets, as those murky dark depths lured her in deeper.

Then Skulduggery's phone rang.

He pulled away sharply, and Valkyrie cursed softly to herself. Oh, she was going to _murder_ whoever the hell had called.

Skulduggery hastily felt around his jacket pockets for his phone, screaming at himself inside his head. _WHY THE HELL COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST LEFT YOUR PHONE SOMEWHERE ELSE? DAMMIT MAN- YOU COULD'VE KISSED HER! NOW HURRY UP AND FIND THAT DAMN PHONE AND GIVE THAT GODDAM PERSON A PIECE OF YOUR BLOODY MIND!_

Skulduggery mentally winced at the telling off he was receiving from himself, took a moment to relish in his unstable state of mind, and got his phone out of his pocket. He tilted his head. "It's Erskine," he said, surprised.

Valkyrie frowned. "But we told them not to call. Do you think he's in trouble?"

"I don't know," Skulduggery said. He thought for a moment. "I won't answer it," he decided. "Knowing Erskine, he's probably got a stupid reason for calling. Maybe he forgot his nappy and dummy."

"Well what if it's serious?"

"We have to take that risk. As soon as I answer that phone, the Sanctuary will trace the call. Actually, they may even already be tracing it."

Suddenly, the ringing cut off.

Valkyrie shrugged and jumped down from the table, taking this as an opportunity to leave. "Thanks again, Skul," she said, and smiled at him, and walked out of the room.

_DAMN YOU ERSKINE RAVEL_, both of their minds raged.

* * *

**Q23: What is your favourite quote?**

**_Umm I have too many! Okay, off the top of my head, it has to be "_We're not retreating, we're advancing in reverse_". And that whole speech Skulduggery gives in Book 1, where he says something along the lines of "S_o we will keep fighting because tides do what tides do- they turn."_ Something like that, that's just what I remember. Or, more simply, I love "_I know things_" omg I quote that everyday :) oh and "_Never trust a Necromancer"_ just the alliteration and rhythm of that is amazing, and the way it's been repeated throughout the whole series means it has been embedded into our heads._**

**Q24: Who is your favourite villain?**

**_This is a no-brainer; the hit man deluxe, Sanguine! Although, if he can be counted as a villain, I also adore Wreath._**


	33. Breakin' and Enterin'

**Things are starting to heat up... ;)**

****This chapter is in ****Sanguine's POV**

* * *

Being the (world famous) hitman deluxe William Raymond Sanguine, I was not mightily surprised when Pally Graves hired me to kill brat-face and her not-so-dead-but-one men. But flippin' heck, Ireland's bloody _freezing! _It's so cold it'd freeze the balls off a brass monkey. We didn't have this problem in Texas, and we never will. Now, if Graves had mentioned this here weather, I would've had me a rethink. But, ultimately, the answer would always have been _hell yeah._ I'll take any chance to kick in the face of Valkyrie Cain.

And what a pretty face she possesses, too, if I may say. No longer is she the annoyin' lil' toerag that followed ol' Funnybones around- now she's what one might call 'mature'. Dammit she's a looka, and I be a hooka. Her soft pink lips are just beggin' for a smooch.

So, when I got the assignment to kill the darlin' and her associates, I could only think of two things. One- the weather. Two- becomin' romantically involved with Cain.

But damn that stupid skeleton! He so very clearly fancies the gal, which is just the sickest, most inhumane thing I has ever heard of. He, for one, has nothin', absolutely _nothin_', to offer her, whereas _I_ have flesh and skin and certain man bits. She'd be better off with Billy, that's for sure. That skeleton is all hat and no cattle, a big-talkin' pretentious bag o' bones. And my _God_ can he talk. Goin' on and on... How the hell can she stand it? His ego is big as all hell and half of Texas! He must think the sun rose just to hear him talk. My God, those months where he was stuck with the Faceless Ones were _bliss_. But they _had_ to bring him back, didn't they!? Now it's all 'Bentley this' and 'Sanctuary that' and 'Doors are for people with no imagination'- _YOU WANT DANG IMAGINATION? WELL MY IMAGINATION FEATURES YOU SCREAMING AS I KILL LIL' VALKYRIE CAIN, THAT IMAGINATIVE ENOUGH FOR YA?!_

I mean, if he thinks I'm gonna let him have the brat, then he's got another thing comin'- she's _mine_. So that's why I'm planning to take a leaf outta my good pal Nefarian Serpine's book. Never liked the guy, mind you, and we never met, so you couldn't really call us 'pals', but hey-ho, I'm leafin' his book anyhow. Now, ol' Neffy discovered Mr Funnybones' weakness; love. Serpine took his wife and his child, and tortured them before his very eyes. Then he killed them. Then he killed Funnybones, who wasn't so funnybone-ish back then, but we'll let that slide.

So what I am planning is to... wait for it... kidnap Valkyrie Cain, torture her, _romanticise _with her, and then eventually kill her. Clever, eh? The skeleton and his lil' buddies will be so angry that it will cloud their better judgement, and they'll come lookin' for bratface in a blind rage, and fall into my trap. Which I haven't though of yet, but I'll probably think of it soon. And then I'll kill them, and get my bucks from the Sanctuary. It will be hard, I ain't gonna lie, and I'll be busier than a one-legged man in an arse-kicking contest. But I am Sanguine, I am the hitman deluxe. And am I not a devilishly handsome genius?

Now, I know what y'all is probably thinkin'... _Damn you're cruel, Billy._ Why, thank you. I am not to be held responsible if the skeleton is as lucky as a blind man crossing the street. In other words, completely and utterly _un_lucky. If he wants to form attachments that are tempting to manipulate, that is entirely his fault and his alone. So you see, my conscious is crystal-clear.

So, I'm just waitin' under the ground beneath the warehouse. I'd go in right away, but I can feel the vibrations- Cain's here, sittin' on a sofa, and there's someone else with her. Judgin' by the strong build, I guess it's scarface, the tailor-boxer hybrid. What sort of a man does _sewing_ for a living? Does he have no _pride_?

There's two other people in the room, too, both on the other sofas. I think one's... Oh hell, one of them is the hotel guy. Y'know, the one that dresses like he's at a damn funeral. I do _not_ want to go up against him. Wait a minute... He ain't movin'. Heck I don't think he's even _breathin_'. Oh wait, he took a breath. A small one, though. HOLY CRAP- IS HE _DYING_? Looks like things are finally pickin' up- now I only have six targets to kill. Oh wait, seven. I forgot that they broke that spiky Teleporter boy outta jail. Luckily, I don't detect him anywhere nearby. Damn, that guy looks like a porcupine died on his head. I mean, does he walk backwards through a bush every mornin' or somethin'!?

Who's that other guy in there with Cain...? Oh shit. It's Vex. I went up against him once, gave him a scar on his neck that he still has, thanks to my trusty straight razor. But hell, I do _not_ wanna fight him again. His sharp abs are gonna slice ol' Billy-Ray up into itty bitty pieces, and then where'd we be? With no damn pay and no damn wit in our lives.

So, I gotta go against Cain, Bones, Muscle, Scarface and Hotel Guy... Great(!)

But, silver lining; funeral guy's dyin' (hehe ironic) and Abs is injured, _and_ there's no sign of Spiky, Chubby or the idiot. I may have a shot here.

Okay, now's my chance. Abs ain't movin', so I'm assuming he's sleepin'. Only him and Cain are in the room.

Here goes nothin'... No, wait- I'm not ready! Okay, on the count of three... Actually, no, there's an unlucky number for me. On the count of sixty-nine (hehe, ya can't go wrong with sixty-nine!).

One... Two... Three... Four... Five... Six... Sev- Oh dammit, I can't be bothered.

I push upwards through the earth, and suddenly my hand's breakin' outta the ground into the room. I jump up, and I can immediately see the goddess herself sittin' there. Before she can react, my hand's coverin' her mouth, and Abs is remainin' obliviously asleep opposite.

_Let's get this party started!_

* * *

**Q25: Which character do you think has the coolest power?**

**_Anton and his Gist; it's distinctive and unique, and incredibly powerful. Although it does tire him out. But it's still awesome._**

**Q26: Faceless Ones or the Ancients?**

**_Faceless Ones; they weren't subject to greed and corruption and other negative aspects of humanity, like the Ancients were, and they didn't wipe out their own race because of greed._**


	34. Below Concrete

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter, it means a lot to me, thank youuuuuuu!**

* * *

Ghastly walked into the living room, and came to sit next to Valkyrie. He noticed Dexter asleep opposite, so spoke quietly.

"How are you feeling?"

Valkyrie smiled. "Better. A lot better. What's Skul up to?"

"He was looking through those papers, in the kitchen, last time I saw him," Ghastly replied.

Valkyrie glanced over at Anton. "Do you think Fletch and the others will get the crystals?"

Ghastly sighed, and looked at his hands. "I... I don't know. I hope so. They're more than capable of doing so, but... We'll just have to wait and see. It's been a few hours now. Have you heard anything from them?"

Valkyrie frowned. "Yeah, Erskine called Skul's mobile, but it cut off soon after. We didn't answer. Do you think they're in trouble?"

"Possibly. Or maybe they're just playing up. You never know with those three," Ghastly said.

"Do you think the call was traced?"

Ghastly hesitated. "It's likely. Very likely. But you didn't answer, right?"

"Right," she nodded.

"So it probably won't have been traced. I don't think Graves has got enough scientists and geniuses to figure out exactly _how_ to properly trace a call, especially with a signal as weak as when the phone isn't answered, so I think we're safe for now. As long as those idiots don't call again."

"Good," she yawned. She realised how tired she was just then. Ghastly noticed as well.

"I'll leave you to get some rest," he smiled, patting her shoulder gently. He left the room.

Valkyrie sighed, and rested her head in her hands. _Okay, I need to sort myself out. What is wrong with me?_

_You have feelings for Skulduggery._

_Do I like him or love him?_

_Love._

_Why am I counselling myself?_

_You're crazy._

_Does Skulduggery like me?_

_WHAT DO YOU THINK I AM- SOME SORT OF MIND READER? IM JUST YOUR DIM-WITTED SUBCONSCIOUS ANSWERING YOUR OWN POINTLESS QUESTIONS, IM NOT A BLOODY FORTUNE TELLER!_

_Why am I so mean to myself?_

_Watch it, girlie._

_Should I tell him I love him?_

_You could ruin your friendship._

_But I can't even look him in the eye any more!_

_He doesn't have eyes._

_You know what I mean._

_Luckily for you, I do. Just wait a while, and if you still love him, and it's not just a crush, do something about it. Chances are he likes you, too._

_Yeah, right(!) Why would he love me?_

_I said like, not love._

_Shut up._

_Shut up yourself._

_No, you shut up._

_You're talking to yourself, so you're basically telling yourself to shut up._

_I'm not talking._

_In your head you are._

_Shut up._

_You love Skulduggery. You're scared that he might not love you. You're too wimpy to chance it._

_What exactly are you trying to say?_

_WHAT IS THIS- TWENTY QUESTIONS?_

_Just give me an answer!_

_I don't know, but I'm, well you're, starting to get a headache._

_Yeah, I am. It's your fault for talking too loud._

_SEE? I TOLD YOU YOU'RE TALKING!_

_Shhhhhh! Our heads hurt, remember?_

_HEADS? We share a single head, thank you very much._

_Think I preferred talking to Darquesse._

_Oh, that's low, Cain. That is low._

Valkyrie halted her mental (in more than one way) conversation, and leaned back on the sofa. She looked around. It was like the building was holding its breath, waiting for something to happen. Things were quiet.

Too quiet.

Suddenly, someone burst out of the ground, and before she knew what was going on, Billy Ray Sanguine had his hand over her mouth.

Valkyrie tried to scream, but no sound, not even a muffled yell, was produced. She tried to bite Sanguine's hand, but it was clamped so tightly against her mouth that she couldn't part her lips. Sanguine dragged her off the sofa, and sunk into the floor with her. Valkyrie cast a desperate, parting glance in Dexter's direction, but he remained asleep, unaffected by the slight disturbance. It seemed that Ghastly and Skulduggery were nowhere to be found.

* * *

Sanguine held her close as they travelled through the earth, revelling in the shape of her body against his, how it fit perfectly. He moved his mouth to her ear.

"Now, lil' darlin'," he murmured in what he hoped was a seductive tone, "I'm gonna remove this here hand from your mouth, and I want y'all to remain calm. Screamin' and threatenin' ain't gonna get you nowhere. Capiche?"

Valkyrie nodded, knowing to play by his rules. She had always been terrified of the concept of Sanguine leaving her down there in the dark, buried alive.

Slowly, Sanguine removed his hand, and Valkyrie shut her mouth against the dirt spraying all around her. He moved his hands to her waist, holding it securely, not just to ensure that she doesn't escape, but also for his own personal pleasure.

"Where are you taking me?" Valkyrie asked, trying to sound more demanding than scared.

Sanguine chucked. "You're soundin' as nervous as a cat in a room full o' rockin' chairs. I'm takin' you to my ranch in Texas, darlin'. Where y'all is gonna stay as my honorary guest," he grinned a dazzling smile.

Valkyrie turned to face him, noticing the hands staying around her waist, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. "What?"

"Texas."

"But... You can't..." A thousand questions battled it out in Valkyrie's mind. "Why? Why not just take me to the Sanctuary?"

Sanguine smiled. "They don't even know I have you, Cain. And I wanna spend a lil' quality time with y'all before I kill ya and get my reward."

Valkyrie moved away slightly from the hitman, reminded that behind the jokes and flirty nature, he was a killer. She covered her fear with another question. "Isn't it too far to tunnel to Texas?"

Sanguine chuckled. "Thank you for your concern, princess, but I can manage it."

"I wasn't concerned," she glowered.

"And also," Sanguine continued, ignoring her, "I've developed my powers recently to allow me to travel faster, reachin' my destination in less time than before. We should be in Texas in a few minutes."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?" she asked him, looking into where his eyes should've been, although it was hard to tell with the sunglasses on.

_Damn, doesn't she know what that's doin' to me... She's lookin' at me like some sorta sex machine or somethin'. God, I want her._

"Seriously," he agreed, flashing another smile. "Have I impressed you yet, darlin'?"

Valkyrie didn't want to admit it, but he most certainly _had _impressed her. But someone as idiotic and stupid as him didn't deserve to have his ego inflated. That should be saved for Skulduggery. If she ever saw the suave detective again.

She stayed quiet as he continued to take her through the earth, not noticing when his hold on her tightened, and he held her body closer to his.

* * *

**Q27: Lord vile or Darquesse?**

**_Darquesse- she was more human, and extremely powerful. And witty. _**

**Q28: What is your favourite taken name?**

**_Ummmmm Skulduggery Pleasant is awesome, although it is a bit of a mouthful (as illustrated via my short story 'Four Syllables of Hell' :D). Valkyrie Cain is great, too, but the Valkyrie bit is a little strange. And Dusk is ominous and mysterious. Also, I love China Sorrows' name. And Murder Rose is awesome, it's just so blunt. And I like Mr Bliss. Ummmm but overall, it has to be Ghastly Bespoke, because the name is so linked to his personality._**


	35. Motivations

Skulduggery threw the papers onto the counter and sighed. This was so _boring! _Normally when reading files and documents, he had Valkyrie there to entertain him. God, the laughs they'd share. He left the kitchen, and walked towards the living room.

He entered the room where Valkyrie was supposed to be, and instantly noticed that something had happened. Several things were wrong.

Valkyrie was absent.

The cushions had been splayed around, some even on the floor.

There was dirt on the ground.

There were cracks in the floor.

Skulduggery was furious. The only possible and logical conclusion was that Sanguine had taken her. He looked across the room at Dexter, and became livid when he saw that he was asleep.

"_GHASTLY_!" Skulduggery roared. He could hear Ghastly's running footsteps echoing elsewhere in the building. Dexter began to stir, and opened his eyes. He sat up and groaned.

"Was that necessary?" he muttered.

"_Necessary_? Valkyrie has been captured," Skulduggery growled. Dexter's eyes widened, and he noticed the cracks on the ground.

"Sanguine?"

"What do you think?!"

"Alright, keep your hair on. We'll get her back, Skul."

Skulduggery looked Dexter dead in the eye. "While you were sleeping, Dexter, Sanguine came in and took her. Judging by the mess of cushions, it looks like there was a slight struggle. All of this happened while you were _asleep_."

Dexter hung his head. "I'm sorry," he mumbled. "I should've been looking out for her."

Ghastly burst into the room. "What happened?"

"Sanguine's got Valkyrie," Skulduggery answered.

"But I was just talking to her..." Ghastly murmured.

"Yes. Then you left her."

Ghastly glanced at Dexter and his deflated demeanour, and realised that Skulduggery needed to be distracted or even controlled before he did something drastic.

"Well let's start thinking, then," he said. "Where could he have taken her?"

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Where?"

Ghastly frowned. "Huh?"

"Where did he take her?"

"That's what I asked _you_!"

"Oh, I though it was a rhetorical question," Skulduggery muttered.

"Serpine's castle?" suggested Dexter. "All the bad guys tend to go there, from what I've heard."

Ghastly shook his head. "Exactly. It's too obvious."

"Before figuring out the location, which could be any one of a million possibilities, we need to figure out what his motive was," Skulduggery reasoned.

"I thought he was hired by the Sanctuary?" Ghastly frowned.

"Yes, but I have a feeling that there's more to it than just that," Skulduggery replied. "He always said how he was looking forward to the day he got to kill her. I think this is personal."

Ghastly suddenly clapped his hands. "Of course! The Sanctuary hired him not to capture us, but to _kill_ us. So he just needs to show them a dead body. But who knows what he'll do before she actually _dies_\- the Sanctuary probably don't even know that he has her."

Skulduggery nodded. "So Sanguine's kidnapped her, and he's going to get his revenge on her in whatever form he desires, and then he'll kill her and hand her in, and get his reward. So he's basically getting double gain from this; personal satisfaction and money."

"But what would he do to her?" Ghastly asked. "Because I strongly doubt that it's torture. It just doesn't add up; if he wanted her tortured, why wouldn't he just hand her in to the Sanctuary and let them do it for him. He's lazy, remember? And he'd have known that they did a good job of it last time."

Skulduggery shrugged. "Well, maybe he wants the pleasure of doing it himself?" he suggested.

Dexter shifted uncomfortably. "Uhhh, actually, I, uh, think Ghastly's right. He doesn't want to torture her as much as he wants to... do something else to her."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "What exactly are you hiding, Dexter?"

"A, uh, a few months ago, I bumped into Sanguine while I was abseiling down the Grand Canyon. We had a small scuffle, and I captured him and shipped him off to the American Sanctuary, which, as we know, he was recently broken out of by the Irish Sanctuary. But, uh, he mentioned a few things while I was beating the hell outta him."

"Dexter, what did he say?" Ghastly asked urgently.

"He kinda has a bit of a crush on Val... He wants to, and I quote, 'get it on with her, accompanied by a smidgen of violence to spice things up'. And he, um, he got a bit more, what's the word...? _Intense_. Yes, intense. And passionate. He got a bit more intense and passionate with his ramblings, let's just say that," Dexter blushed.

"Why didn't you tell us this earlier?" Skulduggery asked in a venomous, low voice.

Dexter shrank into the sofa. "I didn't think it was important-"

"_IMPORTANT_?" Skulduggery roared. "Valkyrie has been captured, _again_, and we could've prevented that if you had told us."

"Skulduggery, shut up," Ghastly said, and Skulduggery turned to him. Ghastly held up a hand to keep him quiet, and began talking.

"We knew sooner or later that Sanguine would show up. We knew that we were in danger from him, but we didn't focus and we _all_ chose to ignore this threat. Skulduggery, you've been distracted recently, and that could be blamed for Valkyrie's capture. So don't keep passing the buck, just deal with it. Now come on, focus."

Skulduggery looked at Ghastly for a long time. "Dammit, stop _staring_ at me!" Ghastly exclaimed, exasperated. Skulduggery looked away, and nodded slightly.

"So," Dexter said, "where could they have gone?"

"This is a personal job, with personal feelings and motivations," Ghastly clarified. "The location might reflect that."

Suddenly, Skulduggery's head snapped up. "Texas," he said. "Sanguine's taken her home."

* * *

**Last two questions!**

**Q29: What is your favourite book cover and title?**

**_My favourite book cover was the LSODM hardcover, with Valkyrie in Skulduggery's arms. His skull showed so much remorse, and it was so sweet. My favourite book title is... umm Playing with Fire, or Kingdom of the Wicked, or Last Stand of Dead Men. Umm agh I can't choose! All three are so amazing! Um okay it has to be Last Stand of Dead Men, as it fits the war theme, and it refers to the end of the Dead Men, and not the supreme council/ Darquesse/ mantis/ whatever, which I liked, as it emphasised on the Dead Men as a group, for maybe the first time in the series._**

**Day 30: What is your favourite short story?**

**_Umm my favourite is 'The Wonderful Adventures of Geoffrey Scrutinous', as it was an amazing mystery. Also, 'Get Thee Behind Me Bubba Moon' was terrifyingly gripping, and 'Across a Dark Plain', with all the Dead Men, and Hopeless for once!, was awesome._**


	36. The Crystal

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter!**

**Valkyrie needs to be rescued, but will Ravel, Rue and Renn get back in time...?**

* * *

Skulduggery, Ghastly and Dexter were furiously scanning through the various files they had stolen- ahem, _liberated_\- from the Sanctuary, in a desperate effort to find details on Sanguine's residence in Texas. They knew it was a long shot- what were the chances of details of his home being amongst the stolen papers? But Skulduggery was convinced that since they had papers on his contract, they'd have some information on his home.

"Found it!" Dexter suddenly yelled, and Ghastly and Skulduggery hurried over to where he was sitting on the floor, leaning against the sofa. He stood up, with a slightly torn piece of paper in his hand. He passed it to Skulduggery.

Skulduggery quickly read the details. "He's in Dallas, the address is here, now we just need to figure out transport."

"A plane from here to Dallas will take over _nine_ _hours_," Ghastly said. "Plus we'll have to make our way from here to the airport, and then from Dallas airport to his house."

"We'll have to use Fletcher, then," Dexter said. "But when will he be back?"

"Damn, we can't call him or they'll trace it," Skulduggery growled. "We're going to have to just wait for them to get back."

"They could be days," Ghastly said.

"No, they're capable enough. They'll be back here soon, you'll see," Dexter said optimistically.

Skulduggery and Ghastly just looked at him without speaking.

* * *

"Where the _hell_ can this crystal be?" Saracen wondered aloud. They had been searching all day, from six in the morning to now, six in the evening (not accounting for any time differences). They had only stopped twice, and that was for ten minutes while they had lunch, and then a quick snack later on. Whilst the view was breathtaking, and the view of the surrounding mountains was exhilarating, let alone the picturesque lake a great distance below them, it still wasn't enough to accentuate the tired feeling Saracen was suffering from.

He was no longer a fit young man. He was a bit on the overweight side, and now it was all coming back to bite him in the bum as they hiked across the rocky terrain.

He looked across at Erskine. He was doing... okay, and aside from the fact that he was walking _backwards_, he seemed to be looking intently for any sign of a crystal.

Saracen turned and looked out at Fletcher. _Well, at least he's walking in the right direction,_ he thought. He squinted. From here, it looked like Fletcher was nearing the edge of the mountain. What the hell was he doing?

Saracen was about to shout out a warning, but it was too late. Fletcher walked right off the edge of the mountain.

* * *

_Oh yeah, my hair is looking good today, _Fletcher thought as he put a bit of swag into his step. He looked down at his shoes. _And I'm wearing my awesome new sneakers. Oh yeah, baby, you're looking-_

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" he yelled as he shot off the edge. He rolled and bumped along the steep grassy slope, before it disappeared completely and he was free-falling eighteen hundred metres towards the concrete below.

He turned in mid-air, and saw a large ledge shoot past him as he fell. Concentrating, he visualised that ledge, and within the blink of an eye, he had teleported there. He slumped onto the grass growing out of the ledge.

He was no longer falling. He was alive. His brain wasn't splattered on the ground. His hair was still awesome. His shoes were still on his feet. He was okay.

He stood up, and leaned against the rocky wall of the mountain next to the ledge, getting his breath back. Suddenly, the wall caved in slightly, and Fletcher fell right through, rocks and rubble falling on either side of him. He stood, and gasped.

He had fallen through the wall and made a hole, which led to a small cavern full of crystals.

Heilender Crystals.

He laughed with triumph, and did a little dance. _I've found them! I've actually found them! I mean sure, I found them accidentally, but who cares? I am a hero! A genius! A-_

He stopped celebrating, and listened closely. He could hear someone calling in the distance. It sounded like Saracen. Fletcher grinned. _Time to rub it in their faces_.

He focused, and a split-second later, he was standing beside Saracen, who was calling his name, whilst peering down the edge of the mountain.

"Saracen-" he began, and Saracen shrieked.

"Oh my God, Fletcher, _what the hell?_ I thought you were falling!"

"Yeah, I was, but-"

"Do _not _jump out at me! I _hate it_ when people jump out at me!" he wailed.

"Saracen! I found them! I found the crystals!" Fletcher grinned excitedly.

Saracen raised an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

"Yup."

"_You_?"

"Oi."

"You found them?"

"Affirmative."

"By yourself?"

"Yeah."

"But you're..."

"I know. I'm a genius. Now come on, we haven't got all day!" Fletcher teleported to where Erskine was a short distance away, grabbed him, and came back to Saracen. He let go of Erskine, who continued walking backwards.

"Uh," said Saracen.

"Um," said Fletcher.

Erskine looked up. "How did _you_ get here?" he asked, dumbfounded. _What an appropriate word, S_aracen thought. _Dumbfounded. _Dumb_founded. Dumb. It's like someone, at some point in history, predicted that Erskine would one day come along, and created that word especially for him_.

Fletcher snapped him out of his trance, by grabbing his arm with one hand, and grabbing Erskine's again with the other.

"Hey!" Erskine protested, but a second later he was standing in the cavern where the crystals were.

"So you found them, then," he muttered.

Saracen walked up to where one was embedded in the wall. He grabbed hold of it and pulled with all of his might. The crystal came away easily, and he staggered back slightly with the extra momentum. He took it to Fletcher and Erskine, the latter of which was still gazing around the cavern, awe-struck. Saracen didn't know what all the fuss was about. It wasn't _that_ impressive. It was just a little rock room, with crystals growing out of the walls.

He took a moment to examine the Heilender Crystal. It was a beautiful aquamarine-blue in colour, transparent at the tips, translucent in the middle, and completely opaque at the base. Tiny fragments of smaller minerals were dotted about, scattered, inside the prismatic jewel, making the light catch certain areas, and reflect off and through it in dazzling streaks. It was heavenly. It was mistifying. It was needed as soon as possible.

"Guys! Come on, let's get ready to go!" he called, and immediately Fletcher and Erskine prepared to teleport. Fletcher put one hand on Erskine's shoulder, and the other on Saracen's. They teleported to the living room in the warehouse.

Immediately, they saw that something was wrong. Ghastly, Dexter and Skulduggery were sitting on the sofas, and a remorseful atmosphere hung in the air. They looked up at their arrival. Saracen frowned.

"What happened? Is Anton ok?"

Dexter nodded, then paused, and shook his head. "Well, he's still dying, but he's not dead yet, if that's what you mean."

"Do you have the crystal?" Ghastly asked. The three nodded, and Saracen handed it over to him. Skulduggery and Dexter came over for a better look.

"It's amazing," Dexter breathed.

"Come on, get something to crush it with," Skulduggery ordered. Erskine ran into the kitchen, and came back a few seconds later with a massive butcher's knife. Saracen frowned.

"Since when did we bring _that_ with us?"

"It looked nice," Erskine shrugged. He passed it over to Skulduggery, who put the crystal on the table. He took the knife and used it to scrape small fragments off of the sides and end of the crystal. Once he had collected a small pile of delicate shavings, he put the knife down.

"What was the next bit?" Fletcher asked.

"Dissolve it in water, and then heat it slightly," Erskine said. He ran into the kitchen again, and came back with a glass bowl. Ghastly used the air to gather all the tiny fragments of crystal, and placed them in the bowl, while Skulduggery gathered moisture from the air and created a small ball of water.

Once Ghastly had placed the fragments in, Skulduggery put the water in on top. The crystal began to dissolve.

"How long will this take?" Dexter asked.

"Judging by the current rate it's going at," Ghastly said, "I predict that it will take no longer than another two minutes." He sat on a sofa, while Skulduggery resumed his place in the armchair. Dexter sat on his sofa once again, and Fletcher and Erskine joined him.

Saracen looked at them, and took a seat himself. Something was wrong. He looked around, and instantly knew what was missing.

"Where's Valkyrie?" he asked.

"Sanguine took her," Dexter said. Erskine and Fletcher looked up sharply.

"W-what?" Fletcher said.

"Sanguine snuck in here and kidnapped her. He's taken her to Texas," Ghastly said.

"How the hell did you guys allow her to be taken?" Fletcher growled.

Everyone remained silent, but Skulduggery ever-so-slightly inclined his head towards Dexter.

Saracen sighed. "Do we know whereabouts in Texas?"

"Yeah," Dexter said. "He's taken her to his ranch, and we've got the address. Fletcher, have you ever been to Texas?"

Fletcher nodded. "Yeah, but Texas is a large place. Where's his ranch?"

"Texas," Erskine said. Fletcher frowned at him.

"Yeah, I kinda figured that bit out," he muttered.

"Dallas," Skulduggery said. "Been there?"

"No," Fletcher said. "I've been to Amarillo."

"Oh! Wasn't that a song?" asked Erskine.

Fletcher thought for a moment. "Oh yeah!"

"How did it go again...?"

"Is this the way to Amarillo," Fletcher sang. Saracen punched his arm.

"Concentrate," he muttered.

"Guys..." Dexter said, trying to get their attention. He had noticed something- the crystal had finished dissolving.

"Why did you punch me?" Fletcher asked Saracen sulkily.

"Uh, guys-" Dexter tried again.

"Because you deserved it," Saracen said simply.

"Oh my god, will you-"

"I did _not_ deserve it!" Fletcher exclaimed, and opened his mouth to resume singing, but was cut off by an annoyed Dexter.

"GUYS! THE CRYSTAL'S DISSOLVED!" he yelled.

Quickly, Skulduggery picked up the bowl in one hand, and clicked his fingers and generated a spark with the other. He held the flame under the bowl, allowing it to heat up gently. A few seconds later, he extinguished the flame and placed the bowl of now warm Heilender crystal-water in Ghastly's hand.

Ghastly motioned with his free hand for someone to sit Anton up, and Saracen and Erskine came forward to do so. Ghastly moved Anton's long hair out of the way, and gently held the bowl of liquid to his mouth, and tilted it so it was going down his throat. He paused every so often to allow it to go down safely.

He stepped back once done, and waited for something to happen. Nothing did.

Skulduggery came forward and peered at Anton, looking for signs of improvement. The others also stepped forward, and crowded around his body.

Then Anton Shudder opened his eyes.

* * *

**Did anyone spot the LSODM quote?**


	37. Hugs and Kisses

**The quote was... "Do _not_ jump out at me! I _hate it _when people jump out at me!" from Saracen. Well done to Guest, Squishy and LionsandTrolls for spotting it! :)**

**So, on with chapter 37, 'Hugs and Kisses'. Guess who gets the hugs and who gets the kisses...**

* * *

Valkyrie raised her eyes as Sanguine entered the small, bare, cold room she had been thrown into. She was handcuffed, with her hands shackled to two long metal chains above her head, which connected to two strong iron rings on the low ceiling. Her feet were also loosely chained down to the floor. She had tried escaping, tried every trick she'd ever been taught, but had come to the realisation that she was stuck there.

Sanguine walked up to her. "Well, darlin'," he sneered, "isn't this funny? Normally, the situation is reversed somewhat, and it's _you_ and your bony friend kickin' _my_ arse."

Valkyrie remained silent. She knew not to goad or provoke Sanguine, especially when he was armed with his razor.

Sanguine came closer, and leaned in. He whispered in her ear, "You know, I recently realised somethin'. I like ya, princess."

Valkyrie's blood ran cold.

Sanguine kissed her neck. "I like ya," _kiss_, "so very," _kiss_, "much."

"Stop," Valkyrie said, her voice shaking with fear. _What the hell was he going to do to her?_

"Stop what?" Sanguine asked. "Lovin' ya? Sorry, darlin', but I'm afraid I can't."

"I don't love you. I hate you. _I hate you!_ Get away from me!" she panicked.

"Oh, sweetheart, I know you don't love me. I know you love the skeleton instead."

Valkyrie blushed. _How the hell did _he _know?_

"Honestly, it's mighty _disgustin'. _He's a skeleton. No flesh. No _nothin'_. And look at me. I'm handsome, I'm _human_, and I'm pretty damn good in bed."

Valkyrie wondered where the hell he was going with this. Kissing her neck was bad enough, but... did he want to go further? Valkyrie felt the fear course through her veins.

He placed his hands on her waist, and leaned in to kiss her softly on the lips, but at the last moment, Valkyrie brought her knees up and pushed, kicking him and forcing him back. He snarled at her.

"Let's try that again, shall we?" He stalked forward, less calmly this time, and brought his head in and attempted to kiss her once more. Valkyrie spat in his face. He recoiled in disgust, wiping his face.

"Oh, you shouldn't have done _that_, Cain," he growled. He came forward and harshly grabbed her chin, and forced his lips upon hers, kissing her roughly and passionately. Valkyrie kept her lips tightly clamped together, and tried to move away, but his grip was strong and painful.

He released her after a few moments. Her cheeks were red and sweat had formed on her forehead. He grinned at her, and came closer again.

"You're so beautiful, Valkyrie," he murmured seductively in her ear. But Valkyrie didn't fall for his charm, and leaned away from him.

He encircled one arm around her waist tightly, so she was held in place, and brought his lips to hers again, and kissed her with more passion than before. He prised her lips open and his tongue entered her mouth, while, with his other hand, he touched her up, feeling every curve, leaving no inch of skin untouched. Both of his strong hands felt all over her body, running along her back, tracing her spine, squeezing her rear, caressing her breasts, stroking her inner thighs. Valkyrie screamed inside her head with frustration, and cursed herself for being too weak to fight back.

Finally, after he had felt her so much he could probably sculpt her body from touch alone, he released her. He smirked at her, and pulled at his collar. His face was flushed.

"I hope y'all enjoyed that as much as I did, darlin'," he said, and blew her a kiss. He left the room, and Valkyrie heard the door lock behind him.

She leaned against the wall, and a tear rolled down her face.

* * *

Anton blinked. The world slowly came into focus, and he just about recognised the living room around him. He gathered his senses, and realised that he was sitting up on a sofa. He had a skull-splitting headache, and a sharp stabbing pain in his side, but it was bearable. It was good pain. It was pulling him out of the darkness that he had slumbered in for god knows how long.

He was aware of a bitter taste in his mouth. He looked up and saw Skulduggery, Ghastly, Dexter, Saracen, Erskine and Fletcher standing around him. Without warning, Erskine pushed his way to the front of the others, and hugged Anton tightly.

"Oh my god, you're alive!" he cried. Anton frowned.

"Erskine, I do not like hugs," Anton reminded him. His voice, surprisingly, was clear, and not as hoarse as he would have thought.

"I don't care," Erskine whispered. "We thought you were going to die. We were _certain _of it."

Anton sighed. "Please, show your gratitude from the other side of the room."

Erskine reluctantly let go, but stayed close by. Dexter came forward.

"Anton," he said, and also wrapped him in a hug. Not as tightly as Erskine, but it was a hug nonetheless.

"Dexter Vex, I thought you knew better," Anton said. After what seemed like an eternity, Dexter released him, and Ghastly came forward.

"I thought... I was so sure that you weren't going to make it," Ghastly said. "Thank god I was wrong." He patted Anton's shoulder, and Anton smiled at him, partly because of the emotion of the moment, and partly because Ghastly hadn't tried to hug him.

He stepped away, and then Skulduggery was there. "Anton."

"Skulduggery. You're looking well."

"You've looked better." Skulduggery tilted his head in what Anton recognised as a smile, and also patted his shoulder. "I'm glad you're alive," he said simply.

Fletcher stepped forward. "Hi, Anton," he said. He had always been intimidated by him.

"Hello, Fletcher. Welcome to the hideout of the Dead Men," Anton said warmly. "How long have I been out of it?"

"About three days," Fletcher replied.

"So, what have I missed?" Anton asked them all. They glanced at each other nervously.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Well, let's start right at the beginning," Dexter said. "So, we teleported out of the cell, and then Erskine patched you up, and-"

"_Erskine_?" Anton interrupted. "You let Erskine Ravel work on my vulnerable and unconscious body?"

"Well, I helped as well," Ghastly hastily added, before Anton became too worried, "but believe it or not, Erskine is very skilled as a... physician."

"I prefer the term 'vet'," Erskine helpfully inputted. Anton made a mental note to check himself over as soon as possible, in case Erskine had... done something silly.

"So," Dexter continued, "you were unconscious from that point onwards. Meanwhile, Saracen was working on me-"

"I bet he was," Anton muttered, amused.

"And Skulduggery was healing Val," Dexter continued, cheeks red. "You were slowly dying, except you weren't because you're alive now. Meanwhile, Erskine and Fletcher found out some important stuff from the papers we stole from the Sanctuary."

"Oh yeah," Erskine began, picking up the explanation. "Firstly, the Sanctuary broke Sanguine out of prison, and they've hired his help to kill us. Also, the Black Cleaver is being used by the Sanctuary against us as well. And, to top it all off, China's got her own agenda to kill us, because, to cut a long story short, she was arrested because of us, and some of her stuff was blown up. So she's very angry with us."

Anton nodded slowly, and was about to speak, when Fletcher opened his mouth. "And, we found a way to stop you from dying. There was this crystal in Bavaria called a Hei... it was a Hei... Heilender, yeah, Heilender crystal, which basically means 'healing crystal'. So, Saracen, Erskine and me trekked across Mount Jenner, and searched for the crystal. It took ages, and it was _me_ who eventually found it."

"When you fell off the side of the mountain," Saracen added.

Fletcher scowled. "Trivial details, Rue."

"So we got the crystal," Erskine resumed, " and we heated it, dissolved it, then crushed it-"

"Actually, we crushed it, dissolved it, _then_ heated it," Fletcher amended.

"Trivial details, Renn," Erskine imitated.

"So we did all that," Saracen took over, "and fed it to you. And you opened your eyes. And you can probably figure the rest out from there."

Anton sat back. "Okay. I think I actually managed to understand that. How are you, Dexter? Did you heal well after your... beating? And how's Valkyrie doing, she..." he hesitated, "she was hurt a lot from what I can recall. Where is she, anyway?"

Ghastly was the one to answer. "Dexter's doing fine, he healed quickly- we all know how tough he is. Valkyrie took a little longer to heal, but she did get better in the end. And then..." he trailed off.

"Then Sanguine came and kidnapped her," Skulduggery finished with a growl.

Anton raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"Sanguine snuck in here," Skulduggery said, "and he kidnapped her, and he's taken her to Texas."

"Do you know the address?" Anton asked quickly. Ghastly nodded.

"Then what are we waiting for?" Anton swung his legs round and went to get up, but daggers of pain shot through his side. He clutched his wound and groaned in agony. Dexter gently pushed him back onto the sofa.

"Anton, you've got a deep stab wound," he said, "so you're staying right here."

"But Valkyrie's in danger," Anton protested weakly. Dexter nodded.

"Yes, so that's why we're going to rescue her. But we'll have to leave you behind."

"I think someone will need to stay with him," Skulduggery said. "In case something happens, there should be at least two people here at all times. Plus, he's not in the best shape right now."

"I'll be fine alone," Anton insisted. "You should _all_ go, to maximise the chance of bringing her back safely."

"No, Skulduggery's right," Ghastly said. "Who's staying?"

"You and I are definitely going," Skulduggery said to Ghastly. "Dexter, there's no question about you, either- you're coming. You too, Fletcher; we need you for transportation and a quick escape route. Saracen, you're needed once again for navigation. So, Erskine..."

"I'm staying?" Erskine asked hopefully. There was no way he wanted to go up against Sanguine. He'd had his fair share of fighting already. Which wasn't much, but it still counted for something. And it was still annoying.

Dexter nodded. "Erskine, you're staying and looking after Anton."

"Yes!" Erskine cheered.

"Bloody hell," Anton said faintly.


	38. Quality Time

**This is a longer-than-usual chapter to (hopefully) make up for the wait! :)**

****Oh, I recommend listening to the song 'Is This the Way to Amarillo?' (Peter Kay's version is hilarious) for better understanding of some snippets of the story :)**

* * *

"Ready to go?" Erskine asked Fletcher. Fletcher looked at him.

"Erskine, Skulduggery's running around the house looking for his hat after you dented it and tried to hide the evidence, Ghastly's running after him trying to get him to hurry up, Dexter's half-dressed and is looking for his trousers, which you borrowed and then ripped because you put two legs into one hole, Saracen is trying to find the paper with Sanguine's address on it because you conveniently misplaced it after doodling on it, and I'm stood here talking to you. Do you think we're ready to go?"

"Alright, alright," Erskine muttered. He started humming something. Fletcher leaned in to hear, and a massive grin formed on his face.

"Please tell me that's what I think it is!" he said eagerly. Erskine nodded enthusiastically.

"Is this the way to Amarillo!" they both shrieked excitedly, and began singing their own rehearsed version together, at the top of their lungs.

"_When the day is dawning_

_On a Texas Sunday morning_

_How I long to be there_

_With Sanguine who's waiting for me there_

_Is this the way to Amarillo_

_Every night I've been huggin' my pillow_

_Dreaming dreams of Amarillo_

_And sweet Sanguine who waits for me_

_Show me the way to Amarillo_

_I've been weeping like a willow_

_Crying over Amarillo_

_And Valkyrie who waits for me"_

"SHA LA LA LALA LALALA!" Fletcher wailed.

"SHA LA LA LALA LALALA!" Erskine continued.

"SHA LA LA LALA LA-"

"ERSKINE RAVEL AND FLETCHER RENN SHUT UP THIS INSTANT!" yelled Anton from the living room, a murderous growl in his voice.

Erskine and Fletcher exchanged glances. Anton was unable to move from the sofa due to his injuries, so they had the perfect opportunity to torment him!

They sauntered into the living room. "What was that, Anton?" teased Fletcher.

Anton scowled. He was sitting up on the sofa, with his legs stretched out in front of him. He glared at the two.

"Do not take advantage of my current situation of immobility," he threatened. "Otherwise, I will make your lives a living hell as soon as I have healed."

Erskine gulped. Fletcher backed away. The two ran out of the living room together.

Anton smiled to himself.

* * *

"Everyone ready?" asked Fletcher. They all nodded.

Skulduggery had found his hat; Erskine had hidden it amongst his underwear.

Ghastly had found Skulduggery; he had been straightening his hat out, and vigorously scrubbing it clean of what he called 'Erskine germs'.

Dexter had found his trousers, swore at their ripped state, tied them tightly around Erskine's head like a blindfold as a punishment, so he couldn't see, and had hunted through his bag until he found another pair.

Saracen had found the paper with the address on it; it was folded up as a paper airplane and had been put in the washing machine. He had been rubbing out all the immature body part doodles Erskine had drawn on it, which Erskine had also conveniently labelled with their corresponding names.

Fletcher had managed to prise the trouser-blindfold off Erskine's head.

They were finally ready to go.

Fletcher waved goodbye to Erskine, put his hand on Skulduggery's shoulder, and teleported to outside Amarillo International Airport. The sudden heat hit them like an iron fist. It was _boiling._ After checking that no one had been left behind, and Erskine hadn't come with them by mistake, because, with him, anything was possible, they headed towards the car rental place, where they had already called and arranged for a car to be rented to them.

Once they'd arrived at the colourful 'HIRE A CAR FOR A DAY!' booth, they had been directed by a middle-aged man to an underground car park, where an array of cars were parked in numerical/alphabetical order based on their number plate.

Fletcher had been handed a piece of paper with the car's registration number written on it, and the group had set off to find a car that had the number plate of 'EMW 976'.

Skulduggery led them to the spot where, according to the alphabetical system, the car should have been, but a car with the number plate they were searching for was not there.

Skulduggery tilted his head. The others frowned. _Where was the car?_

They split up and walked around the whole car park; Skulduggery searched the first third, Ghastly and Fletcher searched the middle, and Dexter and Saracen searched the end. They met up again where they started. There was no sign of this car.

They became suspicious. Could the Sanctuary have done this? Could they have discovered that they were heading to this place? Were they in a trap? Was the trap about to be sprung? Who was-

"Um, guys," Fletcher said sheepishly. They whirled to him.

"What? What is it?" Skulduggery asked urgently.

"The, uh, the paper was upside down," he mumbled. He showed them the actual registration number- 9L6 MW3. Dexter took it from him, studied it, and rolled his eyes.

"Uh... Whoops?" Fletcher tried, but the four furious faces glaring at him (yes, even Skulduggery's skull looked scarier than usual) didn't show any signs of forgiveness.

"Valkyrie could be dying right now, Renn," Skulduggery snarled, "and you're prolonging her torture with your immature antics."

"Ooooooh!" Fletcher grinned. "Val and Skully sitting in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes a-"

"VALKYRIE IS IN DANGER- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Skulduggery roared.

Fletcher flinched at the sudden increase in anger and volume, and Dexter and Saracen stepped back, and took this as their opportunity to go and search for the car with the correct registration number.

Ghastly stepped inbetween the two before things got out of hand. He knew that Skulduggery had strong feelings for Valkyrie, but it was also becoming evident that Fletcher still did, too. Therefore, there was going to be competition.

"Guys, come on. The quicker we get to the car, the quicker we get to Valkyrie, okay?" he said gently. Skulduggery, after a moment, turned and walked away towards Dexter and Saracen. Fletcher scowled at his back.

"Come on, Fletch," Ghastly said, and they trailed behind the others.

All of a sudden, they heard Dexter exclaim from up ahead, "You have _got_ to be _kidding_ me!" Saracen followed that up with a curse.

Fletcher grabbed Ghastly's arm and teleported them up ahead, behind Dexter and Saracen. Fletcher inwardly smirked at the fact that he had reached the car before Skulduggery had. Speaking of the car...

It was small. It was green. It was a Volkswagen Golf.

"How the hell are we meant to fit in _that_?" Fletcher wondered.

"Stop complaining," said Skulduggery, coming up behind them. "It's got five seats, and there's five of us. Perfect."

"I bag shotgun," Dexter, Saracen and Ghastly said immediately. They glared at each other.

"Firstly, who's driving?" Ghastly reasoned.

"Well, who knows the way?" Dexter asked.

"I do," said Saracen, and when no one else replied, he grinned. "Guess I'm driving, then. How far away is it?"

"I thought you knew?" Dexter frowned.

"I know the _way_, but I don't know how long it will _take_," Saracen reasoned.

"Five and a half hours," Ghastly said, showing Saracen his phone, where he'd brought up Google Maps. Saracen grimaced.

"I can not drive for five and a half hours. I simply can't. Someone will need to take over."

"How about you do two and a half hours," Skulduggery offered, "and I'll do the other three, with you in the passenger seat directing me."

Saracen nodded. "Okay, yeah. So for the first leg of the journey, I'm driving. Who's riding shotgun?"

"Me!" Dexter, Fletcher, Skulduggery and Ghastly said.

"How about biggest at the front, smallest at the back, so we can all comfortably fit," Saracen suggested.

"Fletcher, you're tiny, so you can squeeze into the back," Dexter said immediately. Fletcher began to protest, but no one was listening.

"Skulduggery, you're a skeleton, and if you collapse the frame of your clothing, you have no bulk. So, you're in the back as well," Dexter continued.

"No," Skulduggery said simply.

"Oh my god, Skulduggery stop being a baby. Think practically," Ghastly sighed. "You're sitting at the front anyway for the last three hours of the journey."

"I bag shotgun," Dexter said. Ghastly raised an eyebrow.

"Dexter, I'm a bit bigger than you," he said.

Dexter shook his head. "Look at these muscles, Ghastly," he grinned. He took off his shirt, and struck a pose. Saracen stared at his bare torso.

"Ghastly, I think Dexter wins this," he said faintly. Ghastly shook his head stubbornly.

"No. I refuse to be stuck at the back with those two. No. I won't do it. _No."_

Dexter ignored him and put his shirt back on, and got into the driver's seat. After a moment, he got out again.

"Whoops," he muttered. "Steering wheel's on the left." He got into the passenger seat this time. Saracen chuckled, and got into the driver's seat.

Skulduggery hesitated only a moment, and got into the back seat. Fletcher went to follow him, but stopped sharply at Skulduggery's yell.

"No, Fletcher, you are _not_ sitting next to me. Ghastly, you come next."

Ghastly sighed, and got in beside Skulduggery. Fletcher got in beside Ghastly. Saracen started the engine, and reversed out of the car park. They began the long journey to Dallas.

* * *

"Anton."

"Anton."

"Anton."

"Anton."

"Anton."

"Anton."

"Anton."

"Anton."

"Anton."

"Ant-"

"For God's sake, _what_?" Anton sighed wearily. Erskine had been annoying him non-stop for the past two hours. _Two hours!_ Didn't this man ever tire?

"What's your favourite colour?" Erskine questioned.

"Why the hell do you want to know?" Anton asked. He attempted to remain calm and composed, because he had already tried threatening Erskine in numerous ways, as well as growling and snarling at him, but it was having no effect. Anton would have admired this determination, if he wasn't so damn _annoyed_.

"Just curious," Erskine replied. "You see, Val's favourite colour is black, because she loves her protective clothes. Ghastly's is green, because it's the colour of his eyes. Dexter's is orange, because that's the colour his energy streams make. Saracen's is red, because that's the colour of love, and it's the only colour that doesn't make him look fat, apparently. I doubt that. Skul's favourite colour is, well, he hasn't told me, because when I asked he just gave me this really blank look, which makes sense I suppose, since he's got a skull for a head, but anyway, I'm _assuming_ it's purple, because he likes his hat with the purple ribbon the most, and I've seen him in purple ties before. I even know _Fletcher's_ favourite colour- it's pale, sun-kissed yellow, because it's the colour closest to his hair. So, what's _your_ favourite colour?"

Anton resisted the urge to punch Erskine. Why Erskine felt the need to give him a tirade about his friends' favourite colours, he hadn't the slightest clue.

"Erskine, please, please, _please_ leave me alone," Anton begged. "Look- I'm begging. I _never_ beg." And that was true. Anton had never begged before in his whole life, but now, now that prestigious reputation was ruined by one little weasel of a man. Oh, he was going to _pay._

"Anton, just tell me your favourite colour," Erskine whined.

"Now _you're_ begging _me!_" Anton exclaimed, exasperated.

"Oh yeah," Erskine realised. "Just tell me, and all this suffering will come to an end."

Anton considered this, then sagged. "Grey," he muttered.

"Really?" Erskine asked. Anton threw a cushion at him.

"No, my favourite colour's pink. _What do you think?_"

Erskine frowned. He honestly wasn't sure if Anton was being sarcastic or not. _Pink or grey... Which one's more likely to be Anton Shudder's favourite colour...? _He settled on pink.

"Why do you like pink?" Erskine queried. Anton looked at him.

"I said I was joking, Ravel. I like grey," he said slowly, simply. Anton wondered how the hell Erskine had ever gotten the job as Grand Mage. He was intelligent, he truly was, but he didn't always show it. He was smart in terms of war and battle and tactics- but when it came to general knowledge... Pffffffft. Erskine was no freaking genius.

"Erskine-"

"Yes?" Erskine eagerly responded, before Anton had even finished his sentence. It was rare for Anton to speak to him first, without Erskine having said something prior.

"Please go away."

"Good idea- the kitchen's calling me," Erskine scurried off to make a sandwich.

Anton looked at where Erskine had just been, and shook his head._ That man..._ he thought to himself._ I won't be surprised if he gets the butter knife stuck up his nose again._


	39. Deceived

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! This is where it all kicks off!**

***Oh, also, China Sorrows 400 (check out her stories, they're awesome) has done an amazing piece of fanart for chapter 16 ('Goodness Gracious') of this fanfic. There's a link on my profile for it- have a look!**

* * *

_I am so bored, _thought Fletcher, for the billionth time. _I am so so so bored. Bored. Booooored. B.O.R.E.D. __Five_ _letters. One syllable._

_Five times one is __five__. Five plus one is __six__. Five divided by one is __five__. Five minus one is __four__._

_Who invented the number five? Was it cavemen? What if it was animals... Or even plants! The numbers have been around for millions of years. Right...? Like the alphabet! OH MY GOD, PLANTS INVENTED THE ALPHABET._

Fletcher let his strange, creepy, and totally incorrect thoughts swirl around his head until he could take no more. He began singing his new favourite song, courtesy of Erskine, in his head.

_'Is this the way to Amarillo' _he sang to himself in his mind. He began patting his knees to the rhythm, and closed his eyes.

Unknown to Fletcher, as he had gotten so engrossed in the song, his singing had escaped his head- he got so carried away that he was now singing out loud.

"Show me the way to Amarillo. I've been weeping like a willow. Crying over Amarillo, and Valkyrie who waits for me," he sang loudly. Ghastly glared at him, but he had his eyes closed and was bathing in the sheer bliss of the music in his head.

Then, much to everyone's surprise, Fletcher unexpectedly started wailing, "SHA LA LA LALA LALALA, SHA LA LA LALA LALALA, SHA LA LA LALA LALALA, AND VALKYRIE WHO WAITS FOR ME!"

Saracen cursed, and the car swerved. He had _not_ been expecting _that_. Dexter chortled with laughter, and Skulduggery kicked the back of his seat to shut him up. He did not see what was so funny.

Ghastly elbowed Fletcher sharply in the ribs. "Ow!" he cried, opening his eyes.

"STOP SINGING THAT STUPID AMARILLO SONG!" Ghastly yelled.

Fletcher's eyes widened in fear, and he leaned away from Ghastly, plastering himself as much against the door as possible. Ghastly raised an eyebrow.

"How the hell did you know I was singing that in my head? Are you a mind reader?" Fletcher asked in a low, wavering voice.

Ghastly frowned. "Fletcher, you were yelling it at the top of your lungs..."

"Everyone's a critic," Fletcher muttered. Ghastly looked at him, then chose to just ignore him.

* * *

"I was only asking what made you think Valkyrie would ever love you," Skulduggery innocently said, well aware of how much he was annoying Fletcher.

Ghastly sighed. The two had been bickering for the past hour. And he was stuck right in the middle of them. Whoopee(!)

"Well, she did love me. And then that vampire came along. If it wasn't for him, we would still be together," Fletcher insisted.

"Fletcher, trust me- she would've dumped you even if Caelan wasn't involved," Skulduggery retaliated.

"You know what? I bet it was _you_ who ruined our relationship. You've never liked me, and I've never liked you either. You knew all about Caelan when it was happening, didn't you? From what I've heard of the legendary Skeleton Detective's rage, ordinarily you wouldn't have let him get away with this. You'd have killed him. But you kept him alive. And the only reason you did that was because you knew it would end badly for _me_. You are truly evil, Skulduggery, and what I just said cannot be denied," Fletcher growled.

The car went silent as this sunk in. In actual fact, it was pretty plausible. It was very possible that Skulduggery had allowed Caelan to continue hurting Valkyrie because, at the same time, it was hurting Fletcher. This very well could have been what Skulduggery had been planning at the time. Which would make him pretty heartless, to say the least.

"You're just jealous that my relationship with her is better than yours," Skulduggery said indignantly.

"_Excuse_ me?" Fletcher scoffed. "Her loving me is more likely than her ever loving _you._"

"What are you trying to say?" Skulduggery challenged.

"Look at yourself! You're a bag of bones! What can you give her, huh? Nothing. Absolutely _nothing_. Whereas I am flesh and blood, I can please her, I can _kiss_ her!" Fletcher exclaimed.

Ghastly sat back and sighed again. They kept going on and on, saying the same things over and over again, trying to prove their own points. They were arguing like little toddlers. It was ridiculous.

All of a sudden, Ghastly lurched into Skulduggery. "Oi!" Skulduggery yelled. Ghastly muttered an apology and straightened up. He turned to Fletcher.

"You shoved me," he stated.

"Well, he was getting on my nerves," Fletcher mumbled.

"Don't use me as a weapon," Ghastly ordered. He caught Saracen's eye in the rear-view mirror. Him and Dexter were trying hard not to laugh at Ghastly's discomfort.

Suddenly, Ghastly lurched into Fletcher. "Oof!" Fletcher made a strange strangled sound as the breath was knocked out of him, as Ghastly slammed into him, pressing him against the car door. Ghastly once again muttered an apology, straightened, and this time whirled to Skulduggery.

"Why the hell did you do that?" he demanded.

"He was annoying me," Skulduggery muttered.

"That's no excuse to shove _me_!" Ghastly fumed. Dexter and Saracen spluttered with laughter from the front of the car.

Fletcher shoved Ghastly back into Skulduggery. "Fletch-" Ghastly began, but was cut off when Skulduggery shoved him into Fletcher. Ghastly sighed again. He folded his arms and closed his eyes, and tried to think happy thoughts as he was shoved back and forth between Skulduggery and Fletcher, each one accompanying their shove with a pathetic insult to the other.

"You useless pile of bones!"

"Whiny adolescent who hasn't hit puberty yet!"

"At least I have a dick!"

"Your hair is the equivalent of a bird's nest!"

"At least I _have_ hair!"

"You have no muscles or capability!"

"I have _flesh_!"

"You're a weakling, though! You're useless!"

"I can teleport!"

"I can manipulate water, manipulate air, manipulate earth, conjure fire, use Elemental and Necromancy powers, AND I CAN _FLY_!" Skulduggery accompanied this with a more aggressive shove of Ghastly, and he hit Fletcher roughly. Fletcher growled.

"I CAN GET FROM IRELAND TO AUSTRALIA IN LESS THAN A SECOND!"

"I HAVE KNOWN VALKYRIE SINCE SHE WAS TWELVE!"

"YOU PERV! AT LEAST I'M NEARER HER AGE!"

"YOU'RE NOWHERE NEAR AS IMPRESSIVE AS ME OR HER!"

"AT LEAST I-"

_"FOR GOD'S SAKE, SARACEN PULL OVER!" _Ghastly roared. He forcefully shoved Fletcher with his left hand and Skulduggery with his right, and their heads hit the windows, hard.

"But I'm on the highway," Saracen protested.

"**SARACEN, PULL OVER **_**NOW**_," Ghastly thundered. Hastily, Saracen checked the wing mirrors, and swerved gently into the hard shoulder, and then came to a stop in the emergency refuge area.

"Everybody get out of the car," Ghastly said quietly. Skulduggery tilted his head.

"But-"

"**_NOW_**!" Ghastly bellowed. Skulduggery put on his facade, and got out of the car. Everyone else did so a moment later.

Once they were all standing outside, Ghastly spoke.

"Skulduggery, Fletcher, sort yourselves out. Look at all the time we're having to waste, because you can't get along. Every second we waste is another second of Valkyrie's torture."

He let this sink in. Skulduggery looked away, and Fletcher looked at his feet.

"I'm not going to ask you to apologise to each other," he continued, "because I know you won't mean it. Just get in the car. Skulduggery, you're driving now, Saracen you're shotgun. Fletcher, you're in the middle, because I do _not_ want to be shoved again."

Wordlessly, Saracen and Dexter got into their respective seats. Fletcher got in beside Dexter. Ghastly looked at Skulduggery. After a moment, Skulduggery got into the driver's seat. Ghastly got into the back, and the car resumed its journey, in silence except for the occasional directing by Saracen.

* * *

Dexter looked out of the window as the landscape gradually became more rural, and soon they were pulling up outside a large ranch. It looked like it had been taken right out of a western movie, with old timber beams supporting the roof, and a small herd of cattle in a field on the perimeter.

They got out of the car, and stalked silently to the front of the house. Skulduggery crouched down in front of the lock on the front door, and got out a couple of tools. He began unpicking the lock.

A minute later, Fletcher scowled. "Why's it taking you so long?" he whispered to Skulduggery.

Skulduggery looked at him. "It's got a lot of defences."

Fletcher rolled his eyes, and walked round to a window on the side of the house. He peered in through a small gap in the curtains, and saw into a cosy little living room, empty of occupants. He walked back to the others, and put a hand on Dexter and Saracen's shoulders. He visualised the living room, and teleported them inside.

Dexter grinned at Fletcher, and Saracen put a finger to his lips, pointing downwards. Sanguine and Valkyrie were in the basement.

Fletcher teleported back to the front of the house, where Skulduggery was still working on the lock. Fletcher tapped his shoulder, and he angrily faced him.

"Do you mind?" he hissed angrily.

Fletcher sighed, and put a hand on Ghastly's arm, and on Skulduggery's shoulder. A moment later, they were in the living room with Dexter and Saracen. Skulduggery sulkily put his lock-picking tools away.

Saracen led them through the door and down the hallway, and they came to a door. They looked at Skulduggery.

"Oh, so _now_ you want my help," he muttered, as he once again got out his tools. A minute later, the door was unlocked, and Skulduggery led them down the steps.

The cellar was cold and bare. And empty. Skulduggery tilted his head at Saracen, who closed his eyes and thought for a moment.

He opened them again, and led them to the back of the room, and tapped a symbol on the wall. A door came into view. "Through there," Saracen murmured.

Skulduggery gripped his gun in his hand, and kicked down the door, to see Valkyrie chained up, passionately kissing Billy Ray Sanguine.

* * *

_(a few moments earlier)_

Sanguine walked into the room, grinning as he saw Valkyrie's helpless form before him. She looked up at him, and scowled.

"Oh, take that look off your face, darlin'," Sanguine smirked. "I'm not _that_ bad at this romance lark, am I?"

Valkyrie remained silent.

Sanguine came closer, and, to Valkyrie's horror, pulled out his razor. "Why don't you just give in to your feelings, princess?" he murmured softly in her ear. He trailed kisses down her neck, coming round to her front and kissing her jawline.

"Because I don't have any feelings for you, except hate," Valkyrie snarled.

Sanguine looked at her, and held his razor above her arm. "Kiss me," he said seductively. "Kiss me, or I'll cut ya. And you know that it won't ever heal. And make it a good kiss. No pecks on the cheek or nothin'. I want a full-on snog. Come on, Cain."

Valkyrie swallowed. _It's just a kiss, _she thought to herself. _It won't mean anything. Just a kiss. Just one kiss to save myself._

Valkyrie hesitated, then leaned in and kissed Sanguine. His lips were rough, but she bared it. They kissed passionately, their tongues dancing in each other's mouths.

And then the door was kicked down, and Skulduggery was standing there.

Valkyrie immediately broke away from the kiss, and would've laughed with joy if it wasn't for Skulduggery's expression, which she had always seemed to be able to read. But now she wished she couldn't.

For Skulduggery stood there, deflated, with a saddened, heartbroken look on his skull.


	40. Seeds of Doubt

**It is with regret that I announce that I will no longer be continuing this fanfic, due to a build up of a load of schoolwork. I apologise.**

**April Fools! :P**

**hehehe... Immature, I know. Sorry. Just to clarify- I most certainly WILL be seeing this fanfic through to the bitter end. And it will be bitter. Trust me. ;)**

***I split this chapter in half, because it was originally too long. I'm not sure if anyone wanted to know that. :)**

* * *

Skulduggery snarled, and lunged at Sanguine, tackling him to the ground before he even had the chance to turn. Sanguine's head smacked against the cold floor, but he brought his legs up behind him, kicking Skulduggery hard. He fell back, and Sanguine leapt up, turning to them all.

"Well, if it ain't Funnybones, Scarface, Porcupine, Abs and Chubby. What brings y'all here on this fine day? An' what the heck are ya doin' in my home? Why the hell are ya even in _Texas_?"

"Chubby?" Saracen repeated. "Bagsy I'm not Chubby!"

"Actually, fatface, ya very much _are_ Chubby. The Chubster. Chubarella. Whatever floats your boat," Sanguine said in his Texan drawl.

"I'm Abs," Dexter said smugly.

Sanguine bolted back to Valkyrie, who had kept her eyes on Skulduggery. He held his razor to her neck.

"Now, you back away nice and slowly, and I'll take Cain out of her binds, and we're gonna leave via the ground, okey dokey?"

Ghastly glanced at Skulduggery, then at Dexter. It was too risky to make a move, but they couldn't let him go. They had gotten lucky this time; Sanguine could easily have gone somewhere else, anywhere else, in the world, and it was just pure luck that he had decided to go home, and even more coincidental that his address was amongst the papers stolen from the Sanctuary. But this time, he could end up anywhere. And Valkyrie would be with him.

Then Ghastly remembered who they had brought with them. He smiled to himself. He had completely forgotten about Fletcher. The last Teleporter.

Ghastly made eye contact with Fletcher, who understood immediately what he had to do. Now all they needed was a distraction...

As if reading his mind, Saracen spoke. "You know, Sanguine, this is actually a nice place you've got here. How the hell could you afford it?"

"He's a hit man, remember?" Dexter said, catching swiftly onto the plan.

"A hit man _deluxe_, Abs," Sanguine corrected.

"Sorry," Dexter apologised. "The weather's pretty good here, too. Better than Ireland."

"Y'know, that's _exactly_ what I was thinking earlier," Sanguine said. "I said to myself, 'It's so cold here, it'd freeze the balls off a brass monkey'."

"Why do you Texan folk speak all funny, anyway?" Saracen asked. "It's all "_y'all_" this and "_howdy_" that."

"Well, you ain't heard _nothin_' yet, chubby," Sanguine said. "If ya had, y'all'd've-"

"_Y'all'd've_?" Dexter scoffed. "What the hell does _that_ mean?"

"Whaddya think, dumbass?" Sanguine muttered.

"Howdy, folks!" Saracen said, in a goofy, over-exaggerated Texan voice. "Mah name's Billy Willy, and this 'ere razor of mine is dang awesome! Y'all wanna see it? Y'know, everythang is bigger and better in Texas! Well, I'll catch y'all on the back side. Toodle-oo!"

"Y'all are _crazy_!" Sanguine raged. "That ain't Texan slang! That's just _dumb_!"

"Don't mess with Texas," Fletcher whispered in his ear, after teleporting behind him. He kicked him, and Sanguine sprawled forward. Skulduggery drew his gun, and wordlessly pointed it at Sanguine's head. Sanguine looked up, and froze.

"Aw, hell," he mumbled. Dexter and Saracen rushed over to Valkyrie, and got to work freeing her from her shackles.

Skulduggery held the gun point blank at Sanguine's head. "Can I just say one eensy weensy thing?" Sanguine asked, then, all of a sudden, he began sinking into the ground.

Ghastly rushed forward, lightning quick, and grabbed Sanguine's neck. He hauled him up, and threw him against the wall. Skulduggery walked over, and punched Sanguine with so much ferocity, various cracks could be heard. He'd broken his ribs.

Skulduggery kicked him, and kicked him again, and again and again, until Sanguine was hunched over, bleeding, groaning in agony. Skulduggery pressed his revolver against the side of his battered head.

"Any last words?" Skulduggery said menacingly, all traces of humanity absent from his snarling voice. Sanguine took a breath, baring the pain for a moment.

"She liked it," Sanguine said, quiet enough so that only Skulduggery could hear, and even he was struggling to make out Sanguine's words.

"What?"

"That little brat liked what I was doin' to her," Sanguine repeated, just as quietly. "You keep that in your mind, bones. You can kill me- good for you. But remember; your precious lil' Cain liked all this. She was eager, she was damn hungry for it."

"You're lying," Skulduggery said.

"What would be the point of me lying to you when I'm about to die?" Sanguine said. He coughed violently for a moment. "You don't stand a chance with her, Funnybones," he continued in the same quiet tone. "She'd prefer someone like that muscly guy, or that funeral guy, or even the walkin' sewing machine. But you? Your lack of flesh ain't doing you no favours. You-"

Skulduggery pulled the trigger. A bang shuddered through the house, and Sanguine slumped to the ground, dead.

Dexter and Saracen released Valkyrie, and she collapsed into Dexter's arms, exhausted. He held her tight, stroking her hair. "It's over, Val. We're going home," he murmured. He looked up.

"Fletcher?" he prompted. Fletcher came over, and placed a gentle hand on Valkyrie's back. Saracen placed a hand on Dexter's shoulder, and the four of them teleported out of there, back to the warehouse.

Fletcher reappeared a few seconds later. He walked over to Skulduggery, who was looking down at Sanguine's dead body. Ghastly stood nearby, watching closely. He knew that his friend was hurt after seeing Valkyrie kissing Sanguine like that, but he personally was sure that there was more to it. She wouldn't willingly do that, would she? But what had Sanguine been saying to him just now?

Ghastly knew he needed to keep an eye on Skulduggery, in case he went into one of his infamous grand strops. And they weren't a pretty sight.

"Skulduggery, ready to go?" Ghastly asked.

"Yes," Skulduggery replied without looking round, in a low, dangerous voice. Ghastly walked over to him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. Fletcher touched Ghastly's arm, and they teleported back to the warehouse.

Valkyrie was gently applying some cream to her wrists, which looked sore from the cuffs. "Are you alright?" Ghastly asked, coming over to her.

Valkyrie nodded. "Yeah. Tired, but unharmed."

Ghastly smiled. He looked around. "Where's Saracen and Dexter?"

"Saracen's getting some food ready for dinner, and Dexter's running me a bath," Valkyrie said. Ghastly nodded, and went off to help Saracen with dinner. She didn't meet anyone's gaze. The cream absorbed into her skin, and she leaned back on the sofa, closing her eyes.

_Oh my God, they saw me kissing Sanguine. Ewwwww. I don't wanna think about that. But do they know that I was forced to do it? Damn- what if they think I _chose_ to kiss him?_

Valkyrie became aware of someone entering the room, but her eyelids were so heavy that she couldn't be bothered to open them. The person was babbling on about something. It was Erskine. Of course.

"Yeah, but say if the Midnight Hotel materialised in Antarctica- then what? I mean, would everyone inside freeze or something?" Erskine was saying.

"Erskine, why would I ever want to go to Antarctica?" came a weary voice. Valkyrie's eyes shot open, for, walking into the room ahead of Erskine, with an annoyed look on his face, was Anton.

Valkyrie grinned and leapt up, and ran to him. She hugged him fiercely, and he laughed, and hugged her back.

"Oh my God, they got it. They got the crystal. It worked," she murmured into his shoulder. "I thought you were gonna die."

"I might have preferred that fate to being stuck alone in a warehouse with Erskine for six hours," he replied dryly. Valkyrie laughed.

Skulduggery watched Valkyrie from the doorway as she greeted Anton. He remembered what he had seen mere minutes earlier. Her, chained up, kissing Sanguine with so much _passion_. Skulduggery sighed. He felt hurt. And betrayed. Sanguine had tried to kill her on multiple attempts. He was the bad guy. And she loved him.

Wordlessly and unnoticed, Skulduggery left the room.


	41. Cold Shoulder

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**Let the reading commence.**

* * *

Valkyrie sank into the hot water, grateful to Dexter for filling the bath to perfection for her. He had used an abundance of bubble bath, and had even gone to the trouble of dissolving a couple of healing rocks in it. She smiled to herself. She'll make sure to thank him later.

She closed her eyes and thought about things. Her thoughts swarmed through her mind like an angry crowd of bees. She picked out a bee, and contemplated it. _Where was Skulduggery?_

She hadn't seen him since they'd teleported back. She hadn't even _spoken_ to him since before her capture. She knew what was wrong. He'd seen her kissing Sanguine, and, for some stupid reason, he probably though that she liked him.

Valkyrie decided to ignore the matter for now. Skulduggery would come to his senses sooner or later. She stayed in the bath for another twenty minutes, thinking about anything and everything. _Will we ever stop running from the Sanctuary? Can we ever go home again? Will we even come out of this mess alive?_

Just then, a faint _pop_ was heard, and Valkyrie opened her eyes. She shrieked.

"Fletcher! What the hell are you doing in here?" she yelled. She tried to cover herself with her hands, decided that they weren't big enough, and instead used the bubbles to cover her naked body. She looked up at Fletcher, and saw that he was ogling at her. And not at her face.

"Fletcher!" she shouted at him. He quickly looked at her face. His eyes kept slipping downwards, but then snapped up to her face again.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked again.

"I, uh, I came to tell you... Uh..." Fletcher got distracted again.

"Fletcher! You disgusting creep, stop staring at me! Answer my question!" Valkyrie demanded.

"Dinner's ready," Fletcher mumbled, still staring.

Valkyrie splashed him with water. "Hey!" he protested.

"Why didn't you just call me from the other side of the door?" she asked menacingly. "Why did you feel the need to come in here, while I was having a bath- a _private_ bath?"

Fletcher paled. "I, uh, it seemed like a good idea at the time."

"_GET OUT_!"

Fletcher nodded quickly, and teleported away.

_Sick little cow_, Valkyrie's mind raged. _How_ dare _he. And how dare he stare at me like that. Idiot._

Valkyrie got out of the bath and pulled the plug, drying herself as the water drained out. She wrapped a towel around herself, gathered her clothes, and walked out of the bathroom. She nearly bumped right into Fletcher.

"Fletcher!" she yelled. "Why are you still here?"

Fletcher looked at her, then down at her legs, then at her chest, then back at her face. Then down to her chest again. Valkyrie slapped him hard on the cheek, and pulled the towel up a little. He instantly looked at her legs. She pulled it down a little. He looked at her chest.

"Fletcher, stop staring at me," she growled. Fletcher's eyes snapped back to her face.

"Sorry. You're just so-"

"I know what I am, and what I am is annoyed. Now answer my question. Why are you still here?"

"Saracen wanted to know if you want sweetcorn in your pasta," he mumbled.

"Yes, I do want sweetcorn. Anything else?"

He thought for a moment, but couldn't find a suitable excuse. He shook his head reluctantly.

"Good. Now GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!" she shouted harshly, and walked off past him and down the hall. Fletcher teleported away, after one last glance at her.

She walked down the hall to the double bedroom, where her bag was. She opened the door, shut it securely behind her, and got changed into shorts and a loose t-shirt. She fixed her hair into a ponytail, before leaving to go. However, while at the doorway, she paused.

Fletcher had been staring at her quite...intently. Valkyrie sighed. He was still into her. She took off the shorts, and instead put on jeans. _There's no use encouraging the guy._

She went down the stairs, and bumped into Ghastly on her way to the kitchen. He smiled at her.

"You feeling better?" he asked her. "Did Sanguine hurt you in any way?

"No, he didn't," Valkyrie replied. "I'm feeling... better, yeah. Have you seen Skulduggery?"

Ghastly shook his head. "Not for a while now." He hesitated. "He... He was a bit upset about seeing you with Sanguine... Y'know..."

Valkyrie's eyes widened. "Oh my god, does he think I kissed him _willingly_!? Ghastly, Sanguine _threatened_ me. If I didn't kiss him, he'd cut me. I don't like him in any way!"

"I know, I know, but Skulduggery will need a bit more convincing. He'll understand in the end, though," Ghastly reassured.

"You think so?"

"Trust me, Val," he smiled. "Now come on, dinner's ready. And Saracen's done a pretty good job with it."

They walked into the kitchen, where the others, except Skulduggery and Fletcher, were sat around the dinner table. Erskine was sat at one end, and at the other end was a bowl of pasta, which must have been Ghastly's seat. Saracen was seated next to Dexter. Opposite Saracen was Anton, and a space had been left next to him for Valkyrie. They were all already eating the pasta that Saracen had made.

Valkyrie walked over, and sat down next to Anton, and Ghastly sat back down in his seat. Saracen leapt up, and quickly put her portion in a bowl. He handed it to her, and sat down again. "Thanks," Valkyrie said. He smiled.

"Where's Fletcher?" she asked.

"Fletcher took his pasta in the living room," Dexter began, "where he's playing on his phone while he's eating. We sent him away because the various beeps and other noises coming out of his phone were annoying us, and he refused to turn the sound off."

Valkyrie nodded. "That sounds exactly like Fletcher," she commented.

The others all resumed their conversations. Valkyrie turned to Anton. "I'm so glad you're okay," she said honestly.

Anton smiled softly at her. "I'm glad you're alright, Valkyrie. And as for me... Erskine was doing my head in, but apart from that, I'm glad I'm okay, too."

"You wouldn't think that Erskine was such a dork, would you?" Valkyrie chuckled.

"He is intelligent in his own way," Anton said. "You know what I always say? Light travels faster than sound. That is why some people appear bright, until you hear them speak."

Valkyrie laughed at this. God, she had missed Anton and his blunt sense of humour.

"Anton, do you remember when Erskine tried to mow his lawn?" Dexter asked, joining in the conversation. Anton laughed. They began reminiscing about that day, but Valkyrie couldn't be bothered to listen. She could pretty much predict what would have happened, anyway. Knowing Erskine, he'd have first tried to cut the grass with scissors, then discover the grand invention of the lawnmower, then probably would've ended up being chased by it.

She rested her head on her hand, and used the other hand to hold her fork and eat the pasta. As she ate, she thought about things. About stuff. Little things. Big things. Anything. As her mind wandered, she felt her eyelids getting heavy. She realised she was exhausted.

She quickly finished off the rest of her pasta, and got up and put the empty bowl in the sink. "Goodnight, guys," she called as she walked out of the door. Then she paused, and came back in.

"Where's everyone sleeping?" she asked them.

"That's a good point," said Ghastly. "These past few nights, we've been all over the place, with some of us down here, some of us upstairs, and some of us missing completely. And there's been a new arrival with Fletcher."

"Erskine and me are in a room," said Dexter.

"Ghastly and I are still sharing," said Anton.

"So that leaves you, Fletcher, Skulduggery and me," Saracen said, "and one double room."

"Skul's sleeping downstairs," said Valkyrie, "as a double bed would be a bit wasted on him, seeing as he has no need for it."

"Agreed," said Saracen. "And, um, I don't think you should sleep in a bed with Fletcher. He's got very passionate feelings for you, Val."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Okay, he's definitely going nowhere near me."

"So... You and Skul downstairs?"

Valkyrie hesitated. "I think it's best if I stayed out of Skulduggery's way for now," she said quietly.

Saracen nodded. "Well then, Fletcher's downstairs with Skulduggery. Oh my god, they're gonna be so annoyed about that!"

"They deserve it. Some hours in each other's company will do them some good," Valkyrie grinned.

"So, you're with me, Val," Saracen said. "What happened last time won't happen again, I promise," he added solemnly. "I really don't wanna get beaten up again."

"Wait- what happened last time?" Dexter asked Saracen and Valkyrie.

"Uhhh..." Saracen hesitated. "Nothing which concerns the likes of you."

Erskine grinned. "You made a move on her, didn't you, Chubarella!And she rejected you! In your _face_, Rue!" Erskine laughed.

Ghastly glared at the two of them. "Saracen, Erskine, stop fighting over her like she's a piece of meat."

"Hey! _I_ haven't even gotten a chance to try, yet!" said Dexter. "I think I'd be able to do a lot better, right Val?"

Valkyrie blushed. "No fair, Dex, you've got muscles," she mumbled. Dexter laughed, and winked at her. Valkyrie tried to fight a grin, failed, and turned and left the room.

"You're going to bed already?!" Erskine called after her.

"I've kinda had a long day," Valkyrie called back. She didn't bother waiting for his answer.

* * *

Valkyrie walked down the corridor towards the double room. She frowned. Skulduggery was walking quickly towards her, his skull down. He reached her, and continued straight past. Valkyrie scowled. She couldn't take this any more.

"Skulduggery!" she called. He froze, his back to her. "Stop ignoring me! You don't know the whole story of what happened. Do you seriously think I'd want to kiss Sanguine?"

Skulduggery resumed walking, at double the pace.

"What do you take me for?" Valkyrie said, exasperated. "Skulduggery! Please speak to me. I miss you," she added softly.

Skulduggery hesitated slightly, but regained his rhythm, and continued down the corridor. Anger bubbled up within Valkyrie. She narrowed her eyes. What was his problem?!

"Skulduggery! Don't walk away from me! Skulduggery! _Please, listen to me!_"

Her love continued walking. He reached the stairs, and, without a pause or a glance back, he walked down them.


	42. Behind Closed Doors

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* * *

Valkyrie had been lying awake for an hour, staring at the ceiling, when Saracen came in. He gently shut the door behind him. He changed into his night clothes, and got into bed, lying next to her.

She turned over and faced him. He smiled at her. "You alright?"

She sighed softly. "Not really."

He hesitated. "Do... You know what happened... With, uh, Sanguine, and you were..." he took a deep breath, and his words came out in a rush. "You know how Sanguine was kissing you and you were kissing him and you were, like, really passionate and into it and his hands were all over you and stuff, which, to be honest, I'm a little jealous about, but anyway, do you like him? Do you like Sanguine?"

Valkyrie looked Saracen in the eye. "Saracen, of _course_ I don't like him. He forced me to kiss him. I wouldn't willingly snog his face off and let him touch me up."

Saracen raised an eyebrow. "So... You hate him?" he clarified.

"Hate is an understatement," she muttered.

Saracen visibly relaxed. "Good," he said, relieved. "Skulduggery thinks you're in love with Sanguine. Well, that you _were_. 'Cause, y'know, he's dead now and all that."

Valkyrie sighed and closed her eyes. "Stupid skeleton," she muttered.

"Yeah, he always does... manage to... to get the... uh... wrong end of... the stick," Saracen said faintly. Valkyrie frowned.

She opened her eyes, to find Saracen studying her, gazing at her. His arm came up and traced her curves. Valkyrie watched him, knowing she should stop him, but hypnotised by how good it felt. He brought his hand slowly down to her front, leaning in towards her simultaneously. "Valkyrie," he murmured, then his lips were on hers.

Valkyrie was stunned. They'd been through all this before. She didn't like Saracen, and he wasn't meant to like her anymore. But now...? What the hell was happening?! She loved Skulduggery, but what Saracen was doing to her body, feeling and squeezing and stroking, was... It was making her head spin. She didn't know what she was doing. This felt so wrong, yet so right.

She made a haphazard decision, and pulled away. She put a hand on Saracen's chest. "Stop," she said quietly.

Saracen slowly withdrew his hands, one from on her leg, one from under her top. He looked at her. "I'm sorry," he said.

Valkyrie sighed. "I hope you're not making a habit of this. Don't... Don't try this again, ok?"

"I'm sorry, Val," Saracen repeated gently.

Valkyrie gave a small smile. "It's fine. I... I wasn't exactly stopping you, was I?"

Saracen's hand rested on her waist, but Valkyrie shook her head. "No. This is wrong, Saracen."

"Come on, Val," he murmured. "You know you want to take it that little bit further."

"Saracen..."

"Just one night, Val. It won't mean anything if you don't want it to. Just one night. You'll like it, Val, trust me," Saracen urged gently.

"Saracen, we've been here before. No. I'm not that sort of person."

"You were enjoying it, I saw the look on your face. And you kissed me back," Saracen stated.

"I was enjoying it, but that means nothing. Saracen, I love Skulduggery. I'm sorry," Valkyrie said.

Saracen looked at her, and his gaze softened. "I know you do. _I'm _sorry. I took advantage of you and your current tension with Skulduggery. I shouldn't have done that. I thought... Y'know... Maybe you and me could've had a shot..."

"Saracen, you know I'm not the right one for you. But there's a certain muscular blonde just a few doors down the hall," she grinned.

Saracen went red. "Shut up," he laughed. After a moment, his face turned serious again. "I know I said I wouldn't do this again, Val, but... you're just too hard to resist," he smiled. "I'll stop now. I promise. I'll be a good boy."

Valkyrie chuckled. Saracen put his hand on hers. "Val, believe me, you'll work things out with Skul. I can see the doubt written all over your face."

Valkyrie said nothing.

"He was like that in the war as well," Saracen continued. "Like when Larrikin died, saving Dexter. Or when Mevolent's side officially surrendered, and Serpine was placed under protection. That quiet, prolonged rage... I guess you know all about it, huh?"

"I don't want to upset him," Valkyrie said quietly.

"I know," Saracen said softly. He pulled her close, and looped his arm around her. She nuzzled into his neck, closing her eyes. She felt Saracen gently kiss the top of her head, before falling asleep in his arms.

* * *

"Fletcher, would you just _shut up?_" snarled Skulduggery. He was seated on the armchair, and Fletcher was lying on one of the sofas. The lights had been turned off, and they were trying to get to sleep/meditate. Well, Skulduggery was. Fletcher, however, thought that now was the perfect time to annoy his roommate.

"You know it's true! Valkyrie wouldn't love a skeleton!" Fletcher exclaimed.

"Oh, so she'd prefer a spiky-haired toddler to a suave detective now, would she?" Skulduggery retorted.

"Even if I _was_ a spiky-haired toddler, she'd prefer me to you any day," Fletcher stated.

"How can you be so sure?"

"I've got a few things that _you_ don't have, Skully," Fletcher said smugly.

"And are these things that my wit and charm cannot make up for, _Fletchy_?"

"Yes, they are, actually."

"Enlighten me," Skulduggery sighed.

"One; I have flesh. Two; I have skin. Three; I have a di-"

"Fletcher, you do not need to go into such detail," Skulduggery hastily interrupted. "And flesh is the same thing as skin, idiot."

"Well, skin matters. How would Valkyrie feel you? How would she even _kiss _you?"

"I have a facade," Skulduggery said stubbornly.

"But that's literally just a rubber mask!" Fletcher shouted. "You don't get it, do you? She wants a _human_, not a freaking skeleton full of hatred. Why do you think she was snogging Sanguine's face off? 'Cause she'd like a hot man! Which you most certainly are not."

"Oh, and I take it _you_ are?" Skulduggery said, raising his voice to match Fletcher's. "Don't you _dare_ try and talk to me about Valkyrie, and don't speak to me about Sanguine. _Don't open your mouth at all!"_ Skulduggery roared in anger.

The light in the living room was suddenly switched on, and a furious Ghastly was standing in the doorway. He'd just come out of the kitchen, and had been on his way to join the others upstairs, and hopefully try and get to sleep. Then these two idiots had started shouting.

"Skulduggery, Fletcher," he began, in a quiet, weary voice, yet a voice which was filled with annoyance and rage, "it's been a long day, so shut the hell up, and let everyone _sleep_. Otherwise one of you can go and sleep in the bathtub." He said no more, turned the light back off, and walked away.

"Annoying cow," Fletcher muttered to Skulduggery.

"Useless twerp," Skulduggery retorted.

"Bag of bones."

"Immature infant."

"Hopeful weirdo."

"Spotty teenager."

"Desperate freak."

"Coward," Skulduggery said louder, raising his voice.

"Homicidal maniac!" Fletcher began to shout.

"Bloody fool!"

"Stupid..." Fletcher looked for another insult. "Stupid stupidity made of stupidness!"

"Dumb, small-minded toad!"

They continued to hurl pathetic insults at each other, raising their voices until they were shouting as loudly as before. Suddenly, thudding footsteps were heard coming down the stairs.

"Uh oh," Fletcher whispered. Skulduggery threw a cushion at him.

"My hair!" Fletcher gasped, desperately patting it back into shape.

The footsteps grew louder, and within seconds, Ghastly was standing in the doorway once again, slamming the light switch. The room was illuminated by a soft golden glow. Ghastly had a murderous look on his face.

"You have ten seconds to decide which one of you is sleeping in the bathtub tonight," he said in a dangerous voice. "Ten..." he began counting.

"Fletcher, you're the immature one, so you can go. This was all your fault," Skulduggery accused.

"Seven..."

"Um, excuse me, but it takes two to tango!" Fletcher said. "You don't even _sleep_\- you should go."

"Four..."

"Fletcher, just go!" Skulduggery yelled.

"No!" Fletcher yelled back.

"One... Zero," Ghastly finished counting. "Who have you decided?"

"Fletcher!" Skulduggery said, at the same time that Fletcher exclaimed, "Skulduggery!"

Ghastly looked at them both. Skulduggery was the adult. He should know better. So he should be punished.

Ghastly strode over to the armchair and hauled Skulduggery off it. Ignoring his protests, he half-dragged, half-carried Skulduggery up the stairs. He kicked open the bathroom door, and threw the squirming skeleton into the bath. Before he could react, Ghastly walked back out, and locked the bathroom door behind him, pocketing the key.

"I'll let you out in the morning," he called over his shoulder, and walked down the hall to his room. Anton was in bed, sitting up, reading a book. He looked over at Ghastly.

"Trouble?"

"Just Skulduggery and Fletcher being idiots," Ghastly muttered.

Anton rolled his eyes. "No surprise there, then."


	43. The Exit of the Teleporter

****This will be the last update for a couple of weeks; it's time for my damn exams. :( Goodbye! I may not come out alive...**

* * *

Ghastly awoke as the sunlight poured through the bedroom window, the rays penetrating his eyelids until he could not ignore them any longer. He sat up and stretched, then got changed. Anton was still asleep, although Ghastly could see that he was slowly awakening due to the bright light spilling into the room.

Ghastly quietly opened the bedroom door, and made his way to the bathroom. He tried to open it. It was locked. Ghastly frowned in confusion, before remembering what had gone on the previous night. Sighing, he walked back to his room, fished through the pockets of yesterday's trousers for the bathroom key, then went back and unlocked the door.

Ghastly stepped into the large bathroom. He smiled at the sight before him. Skulduggery was meditating cross-legged in the bath. He looked so peaceful, it was... _adorable. _Ghastly simply didn't have the heart to wake him, so left the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him, going back to bed for now.

* * *

Dexter yawned, and stumbled, half-asleep, into the bathroom. He paused.

_Why the hell is Skulduggery sitting in the bath?!_

Dexter rubbed his eyes, blinked a few times, and pinched himself. Yup, Skulduggery really was sitting there in the damn bathtub. _What an idiot,_ Dexter thought.

He debated the best way to wake him up, deciding upon a 'subtle' approach. He turned the shower head on, and sprayed a blast of freezing cold water right into Skulduggery's skull.

Skulduggery jerked awake, and leapt out of the bath. Dexter turned off the water. Skulduggery looked down at his clothes, then looked up and stared hard at Dexter, the glare he was giving visible even in his absence of facial features. He slowly took off his hat, and held it upside down. An abundance of water dripped off it, and onto Dexter's bare feet.

"You wet my bones. You wet my clothes. You wet my _hat_," Skulduggery stated.

"You wet my toes," Dexter said evenly. "Besides, if you insist on sitting in the bloody bathtub, you can expect to get wet, can't you?"

Before he could offer a nonsensical reply, Dexter ushered Skulduggery out of the door, which was easy due to his distressed state. He locked the door, and proceeded to shower.

* * *

Valkyrie yawned and opened her eyes, and sat up. Saracen was already up and getting dressed.

He turned to her, buttoning up his shirt.

"Last night didn't happen- agreed?" he proposed.

Valkyrie smiled. "Agreed," she said sleepily.

"Do you want breakfast?" Saracen offered.

Valkyrie shook her head. "I fancy a lie-in. As you can imagine, I didn't get much sleep over in Texas."

"See you later, then," Saracen smiled, and walked out of the room, gently closing the door behind him.

* * *

Dexter was peeling a banana when Saracen walked into the kitchen. "I have an idea," Dexter announced.

Saracen looked at him. "Is this better than the last idea you had?"

"Hey! That was a good idea!" Dexter protested.

"Setting up a ridiculously small crazy golf game in the bathroom, which you play while seated on the toilet, is not a good idea, Dexter."

"Yeah, well, this idea is a good one. Let's try and get Skul and Val together!"

Saracen thought for a moment. "Okay, that's a pretty good idea," he admitted.

"Where should we start? I think we should-"

"How about we have a bet?" Saracen asked, grinning. "Whoever can get them to make up first can use the other one as their slave for a day."

Dexter held his hand out, and Saracen shook it. "You're on, Rue."

* * *

Erskine wandered into the living room, where Valkyrie was sitting on one of the sofas, looking upset. He walked over to her and sat next to her, and wrapped an arm around her. "What's up?"

Valkyrie rested her head on his shoulder. "Skul's still not talking to me," she said quietly.

"Just give it time. He'll come to his senses. He cares too much about you, Val."

"Well, he certainly isn't showing it," Valkyrie muttered.

"Valkyrie, your love for him is strong and it will prevail. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. Your courage will see you through this whole mess. True love cannot be found where it truly does not exist, nor can it be hidden where it truly does. There is something between you and Skulduggery, which you can't hide, and your relationship will deepen soon. Just wait."

Valkyrie looked at Erskine. "That... That was surprisingly philosophical, Erskine," she said, slightly surprised. Erskine grinned at her.

"Another bit of advice. Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you're in."

Valkyrie sighed. "I had a feeling that wise streak in you was only temporary."

"Oh Valkyrie, you still haven't figured it out," Erskine said sadly, shaking his head. "Who is it that makes you happy and makes you laugh? Except for me, of course, because I'm hilarious. It's Skulduggery, isn't it? You love him, and love conquers all."

And on that cheesy note, Erskine walked out of the living room, humming 'Love is an Open Door'.

* * *

Valkyrie was sitting with her head despairingly resting in her hands when Ghastly walked in with Dexter, an urgent look on both of their faces. Valkyrie looked up at their entrance, and noticed their demeanour. "What's happened?"

"Gracious and Donegan are in trouble," Dexter said, with a grim look on his face.

"Huh? What? How? What's going on?" Valkyrie blurted.

"The Sanctuary found out the location of their hideout in Australia. Bane and O'Callahan have packed their stuff and are on the move, but they have nowhere to go," Ghastly said.

"So what are we gonna do?" Valkyrie demanded.

"We're sending Fletcher off to help them, and teleport them to a safehouse we've previously told him about. He's also going to rally support for us as best as possible. Him, Gracious and Donegan will travel around the world to our supporters, and they'll slowly spread the word about the Dead Men, so soon we will be the symbol of the new era."

"Like in Doctor Who, when Martha told everyone about the Doctor?" Valkyrie asked eagerly. Dexter nodded happily. Ghastly just frowned.

"So, does Fletcher know about his new responsibility?" Valkyrie asked after a moment.

"Yeah, he's packing as we speak," Dexter said. "He'll be leaving within the next five minutes. We probably won't see him again for a while."

Erskine came in with Saracen, and Ghastly informed them about what was happening. A minute later, Fletcher came in, followed by Skulduggery. Skulduggery didn't even glance in Valkyrie's direction.

"Fletcher, do you know what you're doing?" Skulduggery asked.

"Yes," Fletcher nodded. Skulduggery looked at him pointedly.

"I do!" Fletcher insisted.

"Prove it," Anton said, coming into the room behind Fletcher.

"Well, I'm going to Australia-"

"Whereabouts?" Ghastly interrupted.

"Cranberry," Fletcher replied. Erskine burst out laughing.

"You mean Canberra?" he wheezed.

Fletcher went red. "Uh, yeah." He hastily continued. "I'm going to Canberra, to the address they gave us, and from there I'll teleport them to the safehouse in Canada, and from there we'll travel around the world to get support for you guys."

"Good," Dexter said. "Do you have everything you need?"

Fletcher gently kicked his backpack. "Yup."

Saracen came forward and hugged him. "Good luck, Fletch," he said.

He stepped away, and Dexter patted his shoulder. "We're counting on you."

Ghastly came over and hugged him briefly, and Anton smiled at him and wished him luck.

Valkyrie came forward. "Try not to die," she grinned, and hugged him tightly. Fletcher hugged her back. "I'm gonna miss you, Val."

"I'll miss you and your hair, too," she replied. Fletcher laughed softly, then kissed her cheek. After a second of shock, Valkyrie moved away. She glanced behind Fletcher, noticing Skulduggery staring right at her. He clenched his fists, then turned and abruptly left the room. She sighed to herself.

Erskine walked up to Fletcher. "We had some good times, Fletch," he said sadly.

"I'm not dead _yet_," Fletcher mumbled, but allowed himself to be pulled into a hug by Erskine. "Take care of yourself," Erskine said, releasing him.

Fletcher smiled at them all. Erskine handed Fletcher his bag, and Fletcher teleported.

With Erskine.

Saracen raised an eyebrow. "Um," he said.

Dexter sighed. "How come every time Fletcher teleports to somewhere important, he takes someone unneeded along with him?"

Fletcher and Erskine teleported back a moment later. Erskine looked bewildered.

Fletcher stepped away from Erskine, but just to make sure he wouldn't take him with him again, Fletcher moved to the other side of the room.

"Bye, guys," he said, and he waved and teleported. Erskine was still in the room this time. He snapped out of his trance, and a massive grin overtook his face.

"I saw a kangaroo!"


	44. A Stubborn Skeleton

**This chapter has swearing.**

* * *

Ghastly stormed into the kitchen, a look of rage on his face. Dexter and Saracen looked over at him.

"What's wrong?" Dexter asked immediately.

"That stupid, obnoxious skeleton is driving me insane," Ghastly said. "I asked him why he's being such a baby and is still ignoring Valkyrie, and he starts talking about her loving Sanguine. And then I told him and tried to convince him that she hates Sanguine, and has feelings for Skulduggery, and what does he do? He goes on and on about what a poor little skeleton he is. He won't shut up about his lack of flesh and organs. Stubborn cow."

Saracen sighed. "I'll talk to him," he said, and left the kitchen before Ghastly could stop him. He headed past the living room, where Valkyrie was talking to Anton, and went into the training room. Skulduggery was there, and, judging by the abundance of debris, he had been letting out his anger again.

_Dammit_, thought Saracen. _He's in a bad mood._

"Skul?" he said tentatively. Skulduggery looked up.

"What?" he said dully.

"This whole thing is getting stupid now. Just make up with Valkyrie."

Skulduggery walked over to him. "What has any of this got to do with you?"

"Skulduggery, just listen to me. Val loves you. I'm telling you, she does. Why aren't you speaking to her?"

"You know why, Saracen. Now leave me alone," Skulduggery snarled.

"No!" Saracen exclaimed. "Can't you hear me? She _loves_ you! Doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Saracen, as I said, this has got _nothing_ to do with you, so get lost. I don't want your opinion. She was kissing Sanguine. Who knows what else they had been doing? She betrayed me, Rue, and it hurt me. Now go."

"No, I will _not_ go," Saracen said defiantly. "Sanguine _forced_ Val to kiss him- don't you get that?"

"Saracen, I don't want nor need your advice. Did you not force yourself upon Valkyrie, too?"

"Well, yeah, but that doesn't have anything to do with-"

"And," Skulduggery continued, ignoring Saracen, "judging by your slightly swollen lips and flustered state this morning, you tried it on with her again last night."

Saracen remained silent.

"You have been breaking girls' hearts for centuries, Rue," Skulduggery said in a dangerous voice. "And you were going to do it to Valkyrie. Why should I listen to you?"

Skulduggery walked away, and Saracen turned and watched him slam the double doors of the training room as he exited.

* * *

Dexter sighed at his friend. "No one can get through to Skul, can they?" he wondered aloud.

Saracen shrugged. "So? Why should we try? He's not grateful or anything. Just let him carry on in his moody state."

Dexter looked at him. "Saracen-"

"No, Dexter, listen to me. He is a stupid, ignorant fool. I'm not helping him any more. Ghastly was right. Why should we bother?"

"Not even for the bet?" Dexter grinned. Saracen glared at him.

"Forget the damn _bet_! I am sick and tired of Skulduggery! Can't you see that this is going nowhere?! _I've_ tried, _Ghastly_\- his closest friend- has tried, _Erskine_ was speaking to him yesterday as well. He won't listen!"

"Do it for Valkyrie," Dexter said, looking Saracen in the eye.

"Dexter, believe me, I would if I could. But I can't. Skulduggery won't listen. He has it set in his mind that-"

Dexter walked out of the room.

"Where are you going?" Saracen called after him.

"It's my turn to try," Dexter called back. He popped his head round the doorframe. "And the bet's still on."

* * *

Dexter approached Skulduggery, who was in an office room in the warehouse, reading through some of the papers that had been taken from the Sanctuary on their previous raid. He was seated at a wooden desk, which Dexter walked up to and stood on the other side of, opposite the detective.

"Skul?" Dexter said.

Skulduggery slowly raised his head. "Don't call me that."

"Skulduggery, Sanguine forced-"

"Dexter, just go. Ghastly, Erskine and Saracen have already spoken to me. If I didn't listen to any of them, what makes you think I'll listen to you?"

"Skul, just hear me out for _one_ second. Val-"

"None of you have _anything_ to do with _any_ of this. I don't appreciate you all sticking your noses in, pestering me about what's happened."

"Skulduggery, Valkyrie loves you. You're breaking her heart by ignoring her," Dexter said softly.

"If she loved me, why was she kissing Sanguine's face off?" Skulduggery muttered.

"You _know_ why!" Dexter said, exasperated. "She was _forced_! Everyone's been trying to get this into your thick skull, Skulduggery. Just get over it. She's back; safe and well. We should be celebrating her return. We should be looking out for China and the Black Cleaver. But you're dividing us. Skul, you're gonna get us killed!"

Skulduggery stood up. "If I remember correctly, Vex," he growled, "you have been with countless girls in the past. None of those relationships worked out, did they? So why should I listen to you?"

Dexter banged his fists on the desk. "BECAUSE I'M YOUR FRIEND!" he yelled.

"She kissed Sanguine," Skulduggery repeated, menace creeping into his voice.

"BECAUSE SHE WAS _FORCED_, YOU IDIOT!"

"JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, DEXTER!" Skulduggery roared. He took a moment, then continued in a quieter voice. "And tell the others to stop trying to talk to me. You're all saying the same thing. None of you are listening. She hurt me. I don't care what you're saying about her being threatened. Until I hear the words from her own mouth, I won't believe you. Understood?"

Dexter sighed. "You're really thick, you know that? You won't hear the words from her own mouth, because you're not bothering to _listen_ to her. I thought you loved her, Skul."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Oh, of course, now it's all _my_ fault, isn't it? Because I'm merely a skeleton."

"Goddammit, I didn't say that and you know it," Dexter growled.

"Who could love a skeleton?" Skulduggery continued, ignoring Dexter. "Who could love someone, or rather some_thing_, like me? Why would Valkyrie-"

Skulduggery was cut off by Dexter kicking the desk over. Papers went flying.

"Skulduggery," Dexter began venomously, "you need to sort yourself out. You love Val. She loves you. Now stop being so bloody immature- I'm sick of it, we all are. You are breaking her heart, Skul. She deserves better than you, you know that? I want you to start talking to her again, because a beautiful, intelligent, amazing lady like her deserves the Skulduggery we all know. Not you. So change, Skul."

"Oh, but I'm just a pathetic skeleton, aren't I?" Skulduggery began, bitterly. "Valkyrie couldn't possibly-"

Dexter sent an energy stream into the wall out of frustration. "FOR FUCK'S SAKE, STOP _PITYING_ YOURSELF!" he roared. "YOU ARE BEING SUCH AN IMMATURE _COW_, SKULDUGGERY. VAL IS UPSET, SHE IS _SO_ UPSET, AND ALL BECAUSE YOU CAN'T BRING YOURSELF TO ADMIT THAT YOU WERE WRONG. JUST GO AND APOLOGISE, OR IS YOUR EGO GETTING IN THE WAY?"

Skulduggery looked at Dexter. "You don't understand, do you?" he said quietly, his voice devoid of any emotion. "She betrayed me, Dexter. I hate her. I hate Valkyrie Cain."

Skulduggery strode out of the room, bumping Dexter's shoulder roughly as he passed him.

Dexter picked up a chair and hurled it into the wall, screaming with frustration. He watched as it broke into sharp fragments, then took a handful of them, and threw them into the opposite wall, his fury masking the pain of the splinters cutting deeply into his skin. He shot a stream of energy into the debris around him, cursing Skulduggery's name.

* * *

**I'M BACK**

**Boom.**


	45. War Zone

**This chapter has swearing. Quite a lot.**

* * *

Saracen watched Dexter walk into the living room, and collapse onto a sofa. His hands were bandaged untidily, indicating that he had hastily and carelessly done it himself. Saracen frowned.

"What happened to your hands?" he asked.

"Nothing," Dexter muttered, wincing slightly as he felt his palm. Saracen could see that he was trying not to show how much it hurt.

"You know, you don't have to act tough all the time," Saracen grinned. Dexter looked at him and gave a small smile.

A moment later, Valkyrie came in with Erskine. She came and sat next to Saracen, and Erskine took a seat next to Dexter.

"Any word from Skul?" she asked quietly.

Everyone shook their heads. "He'll get over it soon, Val," Saracen said gently.

"I'm not so sure about that," Anton said, coming in. "That stupid man is more defiant than I've ever seen him. He truly believes that you've done something unforgivably wrong, Valkyrie. We know that's not true, but... he'll need more convincing."

Valkyrie just nodded and sat back. Saracen looked at Anton. "Have you tried speaking to him yet?"

Anton shook his head. "Not yet, but I will give him a piece of my mind as soon as I next see him."

"He'll listen to you," Erskine said. "He didn't listen to me because I'm the clever one, and I used words that were too big for him. He didn't listen to Saracen, because he's the stupid one." Saracen threw a cushion at him. "He didn't listen to Ghastly," Erskine continued, "because he's the angry one. He didn't listen to Dexter, because he's the kid who needs to grow up and stop having adventures. But he'll listen to you, Anton. You're the sensible one."

"We'll see about that," Anton muttered. Just then, Skulduggery walked into the room, followed by Ghastly, who was glaring at the back of his skull.

"Talk of the devil," Dexter growled.

Skulduggery threw a pile of papers onto the table, then turned to go. "Skulduggery," Anton said. The skeleton paused, and turned.

"What?"

"What is wrong with you?" Anton asked.

"What do you mean?" Skulduggery replied.

"You know what I mean."

"I don't have to explain this to you, Shudder. I don't have to explain this to _any _of you," Skulduggery said.

"Just listen to me, Skulduggery," Anton said. "You care about Valkyrie, correct?"

Skulduggery just looked at him.

"I'll take that as a yes," Anton continued. "So why on earth are you ignoring her? Do you have any idea how _childish_ you are being?"

"Yes, this is all my fault, isn't it? Because I'm the one who went up to the enemy and fell in love with them, aren't I?"

"Shut your mouth, Skulduggery," Anton growled. "Valkyrie was forced to kiss Sanguine. Do you not understand that? She was _forced_. If you were forced to don your facade and kiss China, would we hold it against you? No. So don't take this whole issue out on Valkyrie."

"How _dare_ you talk to me like that," Skulduggery yelled. "Valkyrie kissed Sanguine! Why can't _you_ understand _that_? We risked our lives to save her, then she ends up making out with the enemy! SO STOP BLAMING ME, ANTON- BLAME VALKYRIE CAIN!"

Saracen glanced at Valkyrie as the argument continued to escalate, both Anton and Skulduggery raising their voices. She looked saddened by her partner's harsh words. "I think that's enough, guys," he said warily.

"No, Saracen, it is _not_ enough," Anton shouted. "Skulduggery, _nothing_ happened between Valkyrie and Sanguine, except that he forced himself upon her. SO SHUT YOUR MOUTH, GAIN SOME DIGNITY, AND BRING AN END TO THIS PATHETIC DISPUTE!"

"JUST BECAUSE THE REST OF YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT CAIN ASSOCIATING WITH THE ENEMY, IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT I DON'T!" Skulduggery barked.

"STOP BEING SO-"

"THINK HARD ABOUT WHO'S SIDE YOU WANT TO BE ON. DO _NOT_ ACCUSE ME OF THINGS I HAVE NOT DONE."

"BUT THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT YOU'RE DOING TO VALKYRIE!" Anton raged.

"YOU ARE A STUPID MAN, ANTON, FOR SAYING THESE THINGS TO ME," Skulduggery roared.

Anton paused. "Everybody else- out," he said very, very quietly.

Nobody moved.

"_I SAID GET OUT!"_ Anton roared.

Saracen got up, and hastily left the room along with the others, closing the door gently behind him. Immediately, Erskine put his ear to the door to eavesdrop.

He glanced at Saracen. "What's happening?"

Saracen frowned. "How should I know?"

"You know things, don't you?"

"Well, I don't know _everything_," Saracen muttered.

All of a sudden, a massive bang was heard, and Erskine yelped and leapt away from the door in fright. Valkyrie took a few hesitant steps back.

"This is all my fault," she muttered. Ghastly walked over to her, and wrapped her in his strong arms.

"No, it isn't," he said gently, stroking her back.

The war in the living room continued, the shouting constantly intensifying. Swear words and curses were being tossed around, and abuse was hurled at one another. Although Saracen and the others couldn't hear every sentence that was being said, they caught the occasional word, and knew that it was getting serious. Things were being brought up that had never been spoken about before.

Dexter started pacing up and down. "What's wrong with them?!" he said furiously. "We've never fought. We're the Dead Men. United. Yeah, we've argued before, but never on this scale."

"This could be when everything changes," Saracen said softly.

Suddenly, a crash was heard, and they all knew that things were getting violent. Dexter was still pacing, his hands balled into tight fists, just waiting to lash out at something. More crashes and bangs sounded from the other side of the door, and loud thuds echoed throughout the warehouse.

"They're gonna kill each other," Erskine said emotionlessly.

Ghastly cursed, and, with a face of thunder, strode to the door and kicked it open. A rush of noise came through.

"WHAT IS IT WITH YOU?" Skulduggery was roaring. "YOU HEARD WHAT I FUCKING SAID, YOU HEARD WHAT I KEEP FUCKING SAYING. I HATE-"

"SHUT YOUR MOUTH, PLEASANT, AND STOP TALKING SHIT," Anton yelled with rage.

"YOU KNOW WHAT'S SHIT? THE FACT THAT-" Skulduggery's booming voice was cut off and reduced to a muffle when Ghastly slammed the door behind him after charging into the living room.

Everyone looked at each other. Things were deadly serious.

A few minutes passed, the shouting and screaming and banging and crashing getting louder and louder. The door opened again, and a weary, yet still furious, Ghastly came through. He slammed the door shut behind him. The fight still continued.

"What's happening?" Saracen asked.

Ghastly shook his head. "I can't stop them," he said. He pulled back his sleeve to reveal a large, sore looking purple bruise forming on his forearm. "Only a fool would try to stop them now. Go in there and they'll kill you. They're close to killing each other."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow in surprise. Saracen noticed. "You should've seen them in the war, Val. Both of them had ferociousness and fire and fury like you could never imagine. And, well, lock 'em both in a room together..."

Skulduggery and Anton continued to argue. Their voices got louder and louder, and the others could only listen as the likelihood of them murdering each other increased. An extremely loud crash was heard. Just then, Anton roared something with so much violence and harshness that it seemed to shock even Skulduggery, and all was quiet.

The sudden silence was eerie, and fell upon the warehouse like a too-heavy blanket, suppressing everyone.

"Something's happened," Erskine whispered, a look of worry etched on his face, his volume portraying his reluctance to break the silence.

"Do you think..." Saracen began, then trailed off, letting the sentence hang in the air.

"We can only wait and see," Dexter said grimly.

* * *

Anton stared Skulduggery hard in the eye sockets. After destroying most of the room, brawling with the skeleton, and screaming his head off, he was suddenly exhausted. It was as if the anger was suddenly subsiding and washing away. But then he remembered what Skulduggery was doing. He was hurting Valkyrie. And all for _nothing_. The rage soon overcame him again.

"Skulduggery," Anton began quietly, "you will listen to what I am about to say. Let me tell you what happened. Sanguine threatened Valkyrie, and forced her to kiss him. You know she wouldn't act like that herself. She hates Sanguine. He's tried to kill her- remember? He's tried to kill people she cares about. She wouldn't-"

"Anton, I've heard all this before, so stop wasting my time," Skulduggery growled.

"WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?" Anton suddenly barked. Skulduggery held his ground.

"HAVE YOU GONE MAD?!" Anton continued fiercely. "YOU _LOVE_ HER!" Anton took a moment, and when he spoke again, it was in a quieter tone, yet still full of menace and hatred.

"Why do you suddenly doubt Valkyrie? She has saved you so many times and in so many ways. She gave you a purpose again, Skulduggery. She was the only person who believed in you when you suspected Serpine of breaking the truce all those years ago. She has stood by you through everything. She battled gods by your side. And when you were pulled into another dimension, what did she do? She fought hard to get you back. She did a lot of stuff to get the Isthmus Anchor. She could've been killed. She used her fists to get information, and associated with a bad crowd. Including a vampire. Just to get you back. _She broke through the walls of hell to save you._"

Skulduggery bowed his head. "I know," he said quietly.

"She loves you. You love her back, don't you?" Anton asked.

"Yes, of course I do. But I'm a skeleton-"

"DON'T START UP ON HOW YOU'RE A FUCKING SKELETON, SKULDUGGERY!" Anton roared.

"I have _nothing_ to-"

"Skulduggery, if Valkyrie ever cared about the fact that you're a skeleton, then she wouldn't have continuously risked her life to save you. She wouldn't want to be seen with you. Her attitude towards you would be incredibly different."

Skulduggery looked at Anton for the longest time. Just when Anton was about to slap him, he spoke. "Okay."

Anton waited for Skulduggery to elaborate.

"Bring her in," he said, almost reluctantly.

Anton stepped closer to him. "When she comes in, you let her speak," Anton said menacingly. "Do not berate her with what happened- let her explain. And do not get angry. Do not lay a finger on her, understood?"

Skulduggery nodded slightly. Anton slammed him against the wall.

"UNDERSTOOD?" Anton growled.

"How could you think that I would hurt her?" Skulduggery asked quietly.

"You're already hurting her by acting like such a bloody fool," Anton said. "You-"

"I would never willingly hurt her," Skulduggery said, so quietly and so sincerely that Anton wasn't sure if this was the same skeleton speaking; so different was he to the violent person he had just been brawling as. Anton stepped away from him.

"Good."

* * *

Valkyrie turned as the living room door opened. Anton came out, rubbing his shoulder and shaking out his arm. Blood trickled steadily down his face from a deep cut on his forehead. He closed the door partially behind him.

"You alright?" Saracen asked.

Anton ignored him. "He wants to see you,'' he said quietly to Valkyrie.

Her eyes widened. "Me? Why?" she blurted, confused.

"Go and see. But be careful," Anton warned, wincing slightly as he felt his shoulder.

"Come on, let's get that cut looked at," Erskine said, heading towards the kitchen. Anton hesitated, then reluctantly followed Vet Erskine.

Valkyrie took a deep breath, and strode confidently into the living room. The door shut gently behind her.

"The moment you hear them fighting," Ghastly said to Dexter and Saracen, "you break that door down."

They nodded, and listened out for sounds of murder.


	46. Until the End

**Umm a lot of people are announcing their love for me... I LOVE YOU ALL, TOO! :)**

* * *

Valkyrie walked into the living room, shutting the door behind her. Skulduggery was stood, facing away from her. The room was a mess; it looked like a war zone. The coffee table was in pieces, scattered around the room. There were scorch marks on the wall, made by either Skulduggery or Ghastly, as Anton was an Adept. The lamp was in pieces, with blood coating the shards of glass. Valkyrie deduced that it had been thrown at Anton, hence the deep cut on his head.

Glass and wood coated the majority of the floor. The filing cabinet was overturned on the other side of the room, broken. Things had gotten violent between Skulduggery and Anton. As in, _extremely_ violent.

Anton's words of warning rung through her head. _Be careful_, he had said. Valkyrie swallowed. Skulduggery had never hurt her before. But now, looking at the state of the room around her, she felt unsure of herself. Was she safe?

"Tell me what happened," came Skulduggery's voice, quiet and dangerous. He still hadn't turned, hadn't even moved.

"Sanguine dragged me into the ground," Valkyrie began, surprised at how confident her voice sounded when inside she was shaking. "Dexter was asleep, Ghastly had just left the room, you were off somewhere else. He-"

"You couldn't fight back?" Skulduggery interrupted bitterly.

Anger flared within Valkyrie. "He caught me off-guard."

Skulduggery tilted his head, but remained silent. "He took me to Texas," Valkyrie continued. "He chained me up in his basement. He came in, and tried to kiss me."

Skulduggery's fists clenched.

"I spat on him," she could've sworn his head tilted slightly in that skeletal smile of his. "He tried again, and I kicked him away. He got rough, and kissed me, and touched me, and then he left.

"He came back again later. He threatened me. He said he'd cut me if I didn't kiss him. So I kissed him. It meant nothing to me, Skul, honestly. And then you lot came in to save me."

Valkyrie looked at Skulduggery's back, waiting for him to move or talk or punch her or say something witty or do _anything_. She wanted the old Skulduggery back. Not this homicidal killing machine. Just how close was Skulduggery to turning into Lord Vile?

"I'm sorry," Valkyrie added shakily, sitting down on one of the sofas. "I'm sorry for all of this."

Skulduggery turned and faced her, and looked at her for the longest time. He came over to her, and sat next to her, sighing.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Valkyrie," he said quietly. "You are an innocent victim in all of this. I overreacted. I thought you and Sanguine... I apologise."

"Skulduggery, I hate Sanguine. You know that, don't you? How could you even have thought that I liked him?"

Skulduggery bowed his head. "Well, he wasn't exactly ugly. And he had skin..."

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at him. "So I'm in love with everyone who's hot and has skin? That narrows it down a lot. Gee, Skul, that makes a lot of sense. So apparently I'm in love with Dexter, Saracen, Erskine, Anton, Ghastly, and practically every other guy out there."

"Oh, shush," Skulduggery said good-naturedly. "And besides, I've seen the way you've blushed at Dexter's muscles..."

Valkyrie went red. "Be quiet," she muttered. She looked at him. "So... Is that it? Am I forgiven?"

"These last couple of days have been hell, Valkyrie. Not talking to you, as unintelligent as your conversation is, was killing me. You're my partner. The question is; do _you_ forgive _me_?" Skulduggery asked, looking at her.

"Of course I do, Skul," Valkyrie grinned. He flicked her forehead.

"It's _Skulduggery_," he corrected.

Valkyrie smiled. "Why did you care so much about the kiss, anyway?" she wondered.

Skulduggery hesitated. "You mean a lot to me, Valkyrie."

"Skul, you-"

He flicked her forehead again. "_Skulduggery_."

"Seriously, stop doing that. What was I saying? Oh yeah. You were ready to _murder _everyone- there must have been more to it."

"Valkyrie, the issue is over, now can we please go back to normal?" Skulduggery asked, slightly irritated.

"No, we can't," Valkyrie said defiantly. "We can't go back to normal. Skulduggery, you threw a friggin' _lamp_ at Anton! Amongst other things. What was wrong?"

Skulduggery took her hands in his, and looked down at their entwined fingers. "Like I said, you mean a lot to me, Valkyrie. It hurt to think you were in love with that Texan fool."

Valkyrie sighed. Stupid skeleton. "Okay. You are officially forgiven, Skul-"

He flicked her forehead.

"Hey! I was going to say Skulduggery that time!" Valkyrie protested. Skulduggery chuckled, and pulled her into a hug.

"I've missed you, Valkyrie," he said quietly, stroking her back.

"Have you forgotten our motto, you twit?" Valkyrie teased gently.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "And what would that be, my dear Valkyrie? Could it possibly be 'until the end'?"

"It might be," Valkyrie smiled.

Valkyrie put her head on his shoulder, and felt his arms tighten slightly around her. This was when she felt most complete- when she was with him.

She pulled away. She looked into Skulduggery's eye sockets, and he looked back into her dark pools of chocolate. _It's now or never_, Valkyrie thought.

"Skulduggery?" she said tentatively.

"Yes, Valkyrie?" Skulduggery replied.

"Don't hate me, but-"

"I could never hate you, Valkyrie," Skulduggery said softly. He liked using her name.

"Skulduggery... I think I've fallen in love with you," Valkyrie said quietly. Skulduggery froze, and remained silent for a moment.

She looked down at her lap, unable to face him._ How could I have been so stupid? _she thought angrily to herself._ I've destroyed our friendship. Now he's gonna give me the whole 'I love you as a friend' speech and I'm gonna be sitting here like a bloody-_

Skulduggery's gloved fingers gently tilted her head up so she was looking into his eye sockets again.

"Do you really mean that?" Skulduggery asked softly.

"Yes," Valkyrie answered immediately.

"Valkyrie," he murmured. "I've fallen in love with you, too."

Valkyrie could barely register his words before he activated his facade. Today he had short, dark hair, which fell over his forehead and into one eye slightly. His eyes were light brown and gentle, and his face was unshaven.

Skulduggery leaned in slowly and kissed Valkyrie on her soft lips. She kissed him back, her arms finding their way around his neck, his encircling her waist. She pulled back, and leaned her forehead against his. _Well, that was easy,_ she thought.

"I love you, Valkyrie," he said, smiling softly.

"I love you, too, Skul."

* * *

**Did anyone spot the LSODM quote? I admit, this was a hard one.**


	47. Skulduggery's Punchbags

**Congratulations to Squishy and FluffyFrog for finding the LSODM quote in the last chapter! It was- "He liked using her name."**

**This chapter has swearing.**

* * *

Dexter impatiently paced up and down outside the door. "They've been in there for a while," he said. "Do you think something's up?"

Ghastly shrugged. "I have no idea."

Dexter was about to turn the handle and barge in, when Saracen suddenly stopped him. "Wait!"

Dexter frowned. "What?"

Saracen grinned suddenly. "I, uh, I know things again."

"What do you know, Saracen?" Dexter questioned.

"Well, let's just say that they've made up," Saracen smirked.

Dexter caught on. "_Oh_."

"Seriously?" said Ghastly. "That was a bit quick."

"They've known, and liked, each other for years," Dexter said. "Should we give them a few minutes?"

Saracen nodded. "I'll tell you when they're done."

* * *

Valkyrie pulled away from Skulduggery again. She looked at her surroundings. "We'd better start tidying up."

"Yes, I think we'd better," Skulduggery agreed. Valkyrie walked over to what was left of the filing cabinet.

"God, your rage, Skul," she muttered. Skulduggery just chuckled darkly.

"Valkyrie, when something involves you, I do get rather passionate."

"Um, thanks?" Valkyrie tried.

The door opened, and Ghastly, Dexter and Saracen came in. "Glad to see you've made up," Ghastly smiled. Skulduggery slowly walked up to them.

"I apologise," Skulduggery said quietly. "I was wrong."

"Not to mention violent," Dexter muttered.

Saracen picked up a massive chunk of what had been the coffee table. "Uh," he said, unsure of what to do with it.

"Let's just gather all the debris together," Ghastly suggested. "We could burn it in the back field later, and buy another one. And another lamp."

Skulduggery used the air to collate the shards and fragments together into a large pile in the middle of the room. Ghastly helped him, both of them manipulating the air so the pile had risen off the ground, and was now in a tight sphere.

"Does anyone have a really large bag?" Ghastly asked.

All of a sudden, a series of harsh, loud curses came from the kitchen. The Dead Men looked at each other. "That's Anton," Valkyrie stated.

Just then, an even louder shout was heard, as well as an even worse curse, and a large bang and shattering. Everyone rushed into the kitchen, the sphere of debris crashing back to the ground.

Anton was sitting on a chair, and Erskine was kneeling in front of him, dabbing something on the cut on Anton's head. It looked painful. Anton looked at everyone as they came in, murder written across his face.

"What's wrong?" Dexter asked.

"This incompetent _fool_," Anton growled, "is _torturing_ me. I don't know what he's poking at my head, but it is not the most pleasant thing in the world. Hence the swearing."

"But what was that other noise?" Valkyrie asked. Anton gestured behind Erskine, where a plate was on the floor. In pieces.

"I'm not even gonna ask..." Saracen said.

"All this destruction is doing my head in," Dexter muttered, walking off. After a moment, Saracen and Ghastly followed him. Valkyrie looked at Anton, observing how he was staring intently at Skulduggery. She, too, walked off, leaving them alone. Well, alone with Erskine.

"You've apologised?" Anton asked, once they'd gone.

"Yes," said Skulduggery.

"And she forgave you?"

"Yes."

"Have you learnt your lesson?"

"Yes."

Erskine laughed. "This is like being back at school," he remarked. Anton glared at him. Erskine poked his cut.

"OW! ERSKINE YOU FU-"

"-fun and lovely man," Erskine finished for him. Anton pushed Erskine back. He fell on his bum.

"I'll tend to my wound myself," Anton growled, getting up from his chair. He paused as he reached Skulduggery, blood dripping from his cut.

"I'm sorry for throwing that lamp at you," Skulduggery said, studying the deep cut.

Anton grunted, and moved past him, looking in the kitchen cupboard for some more medical supplies. He paused.

"Erskine, what exactly _were_ you putting on my face?" Anton asked, turning to stare hardly at the ex-Grand Mage.

"Alcohol," Erskine replied, as if it was obvious.

"I'm sorry?"

"I forgive you."

"No, I mean- WHY THE HELL WERE YOU PUTTING ALCOHOL ON MY FACE?" Anton yelled.

"They used it in the olden days, to-"

"I know what alcohol was used for! Do you not remember when we used it to treat wounds in the war, you idiot? What I'm asking is why you put alcohol on my cut when we have a perfectly good healing cream that can be used instead...?"

Erskine remained silent, until, "Um."

Anton looked at him for a long moment, and then sighed and left the room, heading for the bathroom.

* * *

Ghastly walked over to Valkyrie, and hugged her gently. "He really does love you, y'know."

Valkyrie smiled. "I love him, too."

"You don't care about what people will say?" Ghastly asked, after a moment of hesitation. "He _is_ a skeleton."

"I really don't care at all," Valkyrie said honestly. "I haven't ever cared that he was a skeleton. He's... It doesn't make him any different. He's still a man. And I still love him."

Ghastly hugged her a bit tighter. "We both know how much of an idiot he can be. He is so lucky to have you, Val."

"Yeah," Valkyrie grinned. "He is."

* * *

Dexter slowly unwrapped the bandages from around his wrists. Why the _hell _were his hands still bleeding?! _Damn_.

He disposed of the old bandages, and got some new ones out. He washed his hands under the bathroom tap, wincing as the cold water hit the deep cuts.

"Need some help?" came a gentle voice from behind him.

"Nah, I've got this," Dexter insisted to his friend.

"Oh come on, they should've stopped bleeding ages ago," Saracen said. "Let me see."

"No!"

"_Dexter_."

Dexter sighed, and turned, holding his hands out to Saracen. Saracen's eyes widened slightly, and he shook his head at the deep cuts on Dexter's hand, some more painful looking than others.

"How the hell did you manage to do this?"

Dexter shrugged. "I got angry."

"Oh. Your temper came out again. Nice," Saracen said sarcastically. He led Dexter to the bath, and he sat on the side of it while Saracen walked away to get a towel. Saracen came back, and filled a bowl with warm water, and dissolved a healing rock in it.

"God, you really are an idiot, Dex," Saracen sighed.

"I aim to please," Dexter smirked.

"You certainly do please," Saracen muttered.

He gently took Dexter's hands, and placed them in the water, the magic of the rock already having an effect on the cuts. After a moment, Saracen took Dexter's hands out, and dabbed them dry with the towel.

"Thanks, Saracen," Dexter said quietly.

"No problem," Saracen replied, equally as husky. Dexter's big, strong hands gently grasped Saracen's. He looked up, noticing Dexter gazing into his eyes.

"Saracen," he murmured. Saracen found himself leaning in, and-

Three loud, impatient knocks sounded on the bathroom door. "Hurry up in there!" came Anton's angry voice.

Dexter unnecessarily cleared his throat, and Saracen hastily went and unlocked the bathroom door. Dexter cursed under his breath inaudibly. _So close! So damn close! Anton you motherfu-_

Anton walked into the bathroom, blood dripping down his face and down his neck. He was also rubbing his shoulder. Dexter instantly regretted his anger, for Anton was clearly in pain.

"Do you want a hand?" Saracen offered.

"No, I'll be fine," Anton said. He looked over at Dexter. "What happened to you, Dexter?"

"Skul made me angry."

"We might as well form our own club," Saracen laughed. "The 'Skulduggery Bully Victims Club'. Or 'Skulduggery's Punchbags'. Wonder who else will join?"

Just then, Ghastly came in, rubbing his forearm. "Hate to interrupt this little gathering, but does anyone have anything to treat a bruise?" he asked, rolling up his sleeve to show a massive purpley-green bruise.

Anton turned from the sink, and tossed him a healing rock. Ghastly stared.

"Yeah, I'm bleeding, get over it," Anton said bluntly, turning back, and closing the bathroom cupboard door with more force than necessary. He was clearly in a bad mood.

Ghastly looked at Dexter. "Is Skulduggery somehow linked to your injury as well?"

"Of course," Dexter said.

Ghastly sighed. "Typical."

"That's just what I was saying," Saracen said. "We're like a little club. 'Skulduggery's Bully Vic-"

"_Agh_! Shit!" Anton cursed. Saracen walked over.

"Anton, let-"

"That bloody hurt!"

"Anton, I'll-"

"Stupid Skulduggery."

"Anton, just-"

"Bloody fool of a skele-"

"ANTON, LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR DAMN HEAD!" Saracen insisted.

Anton sighed, and turned to face Saracen. There was a lot more blood than before.

"Um," said Saracen. He thought for a moment, then led Anton to the bath, motioning for him to sit. Anton sat down beside Dexter.

Saracen went to the cupboard, and looked for the pot of cream Valkyrie used to treat her burns a while ago. He found it, and brought it to Anton.

He wet the end of Dexter's towel, much to Dexter's protest, and used it to wash away some of the blood on Anton's face.

"This will sting a little," Saracen warned. He gently rubbed a small amount of the cream onto Anton's cut. Anton winced, but fought the pain. Saracen let the cream dry, and he stepped back. He turned to Ghastly.

"Let me take a look at that bruise," Saracen said. Ghastly nodded, and came over and sat next to Anton on the side of the bath.

Saracen gently applied some cream, ignoring Ghastly's complaints of pain. Just as Saracen was finishing up, the bathroom door opened.

Valkyrie walked into the bathroom. She saw Dexter, Anton and Ghastly sitting on the side of the bath, with Saracen playing nurse, and burst out laughing.

"What?" Dexter asked.

Valkyrie laughed harder, falling against the wall for support.

"For god's sake, Valkyrie- what is so funny?!" asked Anton, exasperated.

"You," Valkyrie laughed, gesturing to them.

"Excuse me?" Ghastly said.

"You look ridiculous! Three tough guys, lining up on the side of the bath, waiting for nurse Saracen to treat you, because Vet Erskine did a crap job of it!" Valkyrie exclaimed, laughing even harder than before.

She took a few deep breaths. "And," she began, "what's even funnier is that Skulduggery did this to all of you!" And with that, she burst out laughing again.

"This is all Erskine's fault," Anton muttered.

* * *

**Does anyone have any ideas for what their little club should be called? Skulduggery's Punchbags? Skulduggery Bully Victims? The anti-Skulduggery movement? Please, I would love to know what you think, and the best suggestions will be announced in the next AN. :)**

**Ooh also- wh****at do you all think of the new cover?**


	48. The Chase

**Oh my god guys... I love you all...! Since the last update, we have reached, and completely smashed, two milestones. 50 FOLLOWERS! 500 REVIEWS! YES!**

**YOU ARE AMAZING xxx**

**And it gets better... You all thought of some awesome names! I couldn't decide on just one to be the best, so I chose three:**

**-'Victims of the Skulduggery Incident' (Lightening sparks)**

**-'The Unfortunate Victims of the Living Skeleton' (BethShadows)**

**-'Literally-Dead-Men-because-Skul-can't-control-his-rage' (Squishy)**

**Love those names! xD**

**This chapter was too long, so I split it into three. Just to let you know. If you care. :)**

* * *

Saracen rummaged through the kitchen cupboards frantically, searching everywhere. "No, no, no," he muttered. He started to panic as the possibilities of him finding it grew ever-slimmer.

"What are you doing?" Ghastly asked, coming in behind him.

Saracen whirled. "Nothing," he said innocently.

Ghastly raised an eyebrow.

"I was looking for a snack," Saracen admitted.

"Have some fruit," Ghastly offered, throwing him an apple. Saracen dodged it, and it landed on the floor.

"I don't want fruit," Saracen said, in a strop. "I want something sweet!"

Ghastly sighed. "Have the Kit Kats finished again?"

Saracen nodded sadly.

"I think it's time for another shopping trip," Ghastly said. Saracen perked up.

"Really?" Saracen asked eagerly.

"Yeah, we need some other stuff as well," Ghastly said. "Mainly ready meals. And Valkyrie wanted a duvet or something, as the sofa's too lumpy."

"Who's going?"

"Let's go and find out," said Ghastly, leading the way into the living room.

* * *

Once they had gathered everyone, Saracen spoke. "It may or may not have come to your attention," he began dramatically and seriously, "but certain culinary products, such as the Kit Kats, have run out. We need two of you to undertake a mission and get supplies from the shop. Who wants to go shopping?"

"Maybe it would be easier if you started by asking who _doesn't_ want to go," Ghastly suggested.

"Who does not want to go shopping?" Saracen asked.

Anton raised a hand. Everyone was surprised.

"But you did a pretty good job of it last time," Ghastly said. Anton said nothing, and wordlessly pointed to the massive scar on his head.

"Oh," Ghastly said. "Yeah. That could attract some attention. Who else doesn't want to go?"

Dexter and Saracen immediately raised their hands. "Lazy cows," Ghastly muttered.

"Can I just say," Dexter said, "that I don't trust Erskine to get the food."

"I don't really trust myself, either," Erskine said honestly.

"I'll go," Valkyrie offered.

"I'll go with her," Skulduggery said.

"That's sorted then," Ghastly said.

Skulduggery tilted his head in a smile, trying to ignore the cheeky winks and suggestive looks Saracen and Dexter were giving him.

* * *

Valkyrie and Skulduggery loaded the food into the back of Ghastly's van, having completed the shopping. Once done, they locked the back securely, and got into the front, Skulduggery driving.

They pulled away and headed back to the warehouse, a drive which usually took an hour. As soon as they got onto the empty country roads, Skulduggery retracted his facade, much to Valkyrie's delight. She had always hated that rubber mask, which had, on numerous occasions, floated round to the back of his head.

"I'm bored," Valkyrie said.

"That's nice," Skulduggery replied. Valkyrie stuck her tongue out at him. He tilted his head.

"You look cute when you do that," he chuckled. Valkyrie looked away so he couldn't see her smile.

"Skulduggery," she began, an impulse of courage passing through her.

"Yes, Valkyrie?" Skulduggery replied. She looked at him.

"How long have you... liked me?" she asked out of curiosity.

"I've always liked you, Valkyrie. But in terms of _love_, I have loved you for a few years now," Skulduggery said.

"And you didn't say anything?"

"I wasn't sure how you would react," Skulduggery said quietly. "Whether you'd be amazed or disgusted or fascinated or horrified or-"

"Okay, I get it, Skul," Valkyrie said.

"How about you?"

"How about me what?"

"How long?"

"Oh," Valkyrie said. She thought for a moment. "A few years as well," she admitted.

"And you didn't say anything?" Skulduggery mimicked. Valkyrie whacked his arm.

"I didn't know if you liked me as well or not. That would have just made things awkward, and I wasn't ready to give up our friendship for something so silly."

"Silly?" Skulduggery asked doubtfully. "You find our relationship silly?"

"Of course not," Valkyrie said sincerely. "I thought... I thought it was just a crush at first. I was convinced I could get over it. But it didn't go away. So I just thought 'what the heck' and then I gathered the courage to tell you."

"I'm glad you did," Skulduggery murmured.

Valkyrie grinned at him. "'Cause you were too wimpy to say it?"

Skulduggery hesitated. "No, I-"

"Aw, did the suave Skeleton Detective just hesitate?" Valkyrie teased.

"Me? Hesitate? Good heavens, no," Skulduggery said, skeletally smiling. "Only unconfident people hesitate, and I am certainly not unconfident."

"Your ego is big enough to go round the world, Skul," Valkyrie laughed.

"The world?" Skulduggery said, mock-offended. "My dear, you wound me. My ego is big enough to go round the entire _universe_."

Valkyrie kissed his cheekbone. "Better?"

Skulduggery looked at her. He sighed contentedly. "I love you, Valkyrie," he said.

"I love you, too," Valkyrie smiled. "Now get your eyes back on the road before you kill us both."

Skulduggery looked ahead again, and was about to say something else when he caught sight of something in the wing mirror. Valkyrie noticed his sudden change in mood. "What's wrong?"

"Someone's following us," Skulduggery said. Valkyrie looked, and saw a black car on their tail, catching up. Skulduggery turned a corner, driving away from the direction of the warehouse, so he wouldn't lead the car back to the others. The wide country lanes were out in the open; there were no obstacles to hide behind here.

Valkyrie watched as the black car followed them. The front windows opened, and a hand holding a gun came out of both windows.

"They've got guns," Valkyrie whispered.

"Yes, I gathered," Skulduggery said. He cursed as the guns started firing at them. He swerved the van into a large circle, giving the firers a harder time aiming at them. The windscreen and windows of the van shattered as bullets rained in.

Valkyrie covered her head with her arms, grateful that she was wearing her protective clothing. Skulduggery came out of the spin and accelerated forwards, the fresh country air chilling Valkyrie's face and hands now that the van's windows were mostly broken.

"Valkyrie, take the wheel," Skulduggery instructed.

"What? Me?" Valkyrie asked in disbelief.

"Your name's Valkyrie, isn't it? Drive!"

"Do you not remember what happened with the Grotesquery?! I crashed! Multiple times!"

"Of course I remember, I'm the one who had to rescue you," Skulduggery said. "I'm hoping that you have managed to improve your driving skills within a whole decade, Valkyrie. Especially since you have your own car now."

"Oh shut up," Valkyrie muttered.

"Love you, too," Skulduggery said, a smile in his voice. Valkyrie couldn't help but grin. Skulduggery tilted his head at her in amusement.

"How are we going to do this?" Valkyrie asked.

Skulduggery thought for a moment. "Get on my lap," Skulduggery said.

"What?!" Valkyrie exclaimed.

"I'm getting increasingly concerned for your hearing, Valkyrie," Skulduggery muttered.

"I am not getting onto your lap, Skul," Valkyrie said defiantly.

"Just get on my lap, and I'll slide out from underneath you," Skulduggery insisted.

"Why don't you just jump out of the window, well, the hole where the window _was_, and cross over the roof to the other side, and get in the other window hole," Valkyrie proposed.

Skulduggery looked at her. "Are you trying to get me killed?"

"You're already dead, Skul," Valkyrie said wearily.

"Yes, but I'm sure being pelted with bullets isn't very healthy, regardless of my living state," Skulduggery said.

"Your living state...?" Valkyrie repeated incredulously. "Oh be quiet."

She moved across onto his lap, and grabbed the wheel. Skulduggery put his arms around her waist, holding her close to him.

"Skul?" Valkyrie said.

"Skulduggery," he corrected.

"Skulduggery?"

"Yes, my dear Valkyrie?"

"Aren't you going to slide across now?"

"Nope, that was just an excuse to hold you," Skulduggery purred into her ear.

"Oh for god's sake, Skul!" Valkyrie said exasperated. "There is a time and a place for this! In case you've forgotten, we're being followed!"

"Lift your bum up," Skulduggery said.

"_Excuse_ me?"

"Lift your bum up so I can slide across."

"Oh," Valkyrie said. She did so, and Skulduggery slid into the passenger seat. He pulled out his revolver. He looked at her. "Ready?"

"Always."

Skulduggery smashed his hand through the window hole, clearing away the remaining fragments of glass. He angled his wrist so the gun was facing behind him, and started firing.

Valkyrie glanced in the wing mirror as the black car swerved slightly, but soon regained control. It accelerated even faster towards the van.

Skulduggery withdrew his hand, out of bullets. He cursed.

"_Faster!_" he yelled to Valkyrie as the black car soon closed the gap between it and the van. Valkyrie was going as fast as the van could go, speeding madly down the country lanes, but the black car was built to go at a faster speed than the van, so inevitably caught up with them.

It swerved around the van and slowed slightly, so it was now driving perfectly alongside it. The back window opened, and a snarling man started firing bullets at them rapidly from the back seat. The bullets hit Valkyrie's body in multiple places, and had it not been for her protective clothing, she would have been killed instantly.

However, she still felt the impact of each bullet, and the force with which they hit her, even without penetrating the material of her clothes. Valkyrie cried out in pain, and lost control of the van.

Skulduggery reached over and grabbed the wheel, trying to manoeuvre the van away, but before he could do so, the black car swerved purposely and violently into the van, slamming into the side of it. The van turned over, glass smashing and metal breaking all around Valkyrie and Skulduggery. Something thumped into Valkyrie's head, and she lost consciousness.


	49. The Cavalry

"Valkyrie," came a faint voice. "Valkyrie... Wake up... Valkyrie... _Valkyrie!_"

Valkyrie slowly opened her eyes, her whole body aching and sore. Skulduggery was kneeling beside her, gently shaking her awake. She was lying on the ground next to the overturned van, which had smoke billowing out of it.

She groaned quietly. Skulduggery gently helped her to sit up. He looked at her, his head tilted in concern. "Did any bullets hit you?" he asked, quickly patting her down.

"No," she said, then paused. "Well, yeah, but my clothes protected me."

"Hence why they're called 'protective clothes'," Skulduggery nodded. "Where does it hurt?"

"Everywhere," Valkyrie muttered.

"Well, that's helpful."

Valkyrie whacked his arm with as much strength that she could muster. It wasn't much. "Shut up," she said. "My head hurts. And my right arm. And my right leg. And my- basically, the whole right side of my body. And my head. Oh, god, my head."

"Yes," Skulduggery said, studying her. "There is quite a bit of blood on your head."

"What?!" Valkyrie exclaimed. She put her hand to her head, and looked at the abundance of blood that was now on her fingers. "Damn."

She lay back down on the ground. "I'm tired," she said softly.

Skulduggery ran his hand through her hair. "I know."

"What's happening now?"

"There were three men in that car. While we were driving, I shot one of them. He's dead. Another was unconscious from the force of the collision, so I cuffed him. Then I beat up the other one, and he's in shackles, too.

"Were they from the Sanctuary?" she asked.

"Of course," Skulduggery sighed.

"So how are we getting back?"

"I've called Ghastly," Skulduggery said. "He's on his way with Anton and Dexter, bringing medical equipment."

"Who for?"

"You, silly," Skulduggery lightly flicked her forehead. "You're not looking too good."

"I'm not feeling too good, either," Valkyrie sighed. She suddenly had a thought, and sat up quickly. The movement made her dizzy, but she ignored the lightheadedness. "But the Sanctuary will have traced your call to Ghastly," Valkyrie realised.

"Exactly," Skulduggery said. "So they'll be on their way here as we speak."

"What are we gonna do with the van?"

"We'll put as many of the groceries that are still intact into the car when the others arrive, then..." Skulduggery hesitated. "Then we'll have to leave the van here."

"Ghastly's gonna be so mad," Valkyrie grinned.

"As long as we're, well, _you're_ alright, he won't mind," Skulduggery said.

"But I'm not alright," Valkyrie frowned.

"Then we're screwed," Skulduggery sighed.

* * *

Skulduggery paced up and down next to the van. Valkyrie watched him. "The Sanctuary will be here any moment, we have to go," Valkyrie said. Skulduggery looked at her, and walked over.

"We can't, Valkyrie," he said. "Where would we go? How would we get there? In case you've forgotten, we have no transport, and you're in no fit state to walk."

Valkyrie hesitated. "Well, there is another possibility..." She trailed off.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "No. Valkyrie, no. I know what you're thinking. I'm not doing it," he said seriously.

"But Vile can shadow-walk us away! He can get us to safety!" Valkyrie insisted.

"Valkyrie, I can't control Vile," Skulduggery said. He kneeled down beside where she was sitting on the ground.

She looked into his eye sockets. "He's still you, Skul."

Skulduggery activated his facade, and kissed Valkyrie softly. He pulled away after a moment. "He may be me, but he's a different side of me. He won't hesitate in killing you, Valkyrie, and I couldn't bear that."

Valkyrie sighed. "Okay. No Vile."

"Good," Skulduggery said.

"But if the Sanctuary come..."

"Then we'll fight them," Skulduggery said cheerfully.

"Skul, I can't stand, and I'm barely conscious, and you're not gonna be able to take down a hoard of Cleavers alone."

"Who said they're going to send Cleavers?" Skulduggery said. "They might send kittens."

"They're sending a bunch of kittens to take us down...?" Valkyrie asked doubtfully.

"Think positive, Valkyrie. Think positive."

* * *

Valkyrie looked up as a car approached. She smiled with relief as she saw that it was Dexter's bright red flashy sports car. Anton and Ghastly jumped out, and a moment later, after turning off the engine, Dexter did so, too.

Anton and Dexter rushed over to Valkyrie and Skulduggery, whilst Ghastly took a moment to look at his van in disbelief. He shook his head at Skulduggery.

Dexter knelt by Valkyrie, while Anton and Ghastly began helping Skulduggery load as much food as possible into Dexter's boot.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow at him. "You took your time," she remarked.

Dexter flashed her a grin. "I'm always fashionably late. Where's the pain?"

"Right side of my body," she replied.

Dexter nodded. He placed a hand on her right ankle gently, and moved it upwards slowly, in an effort to determine where the damage was. Valkyrie hissed in pain as he neared her knee.

"Shhh," Dexter soothed. He lightly felt around the area of the pain source, and it took all of Valkyrie's self-control not to writhe in pain. Dexter withdrew his hand.

"It's definitely broken, and quite badly by the looks of it. I'm guessing, from the amount of blood, that your head's pretty sore, too?"

"Hell, yeah," Valkyrie said. Dexter leaned forward and got a closer look at her head. Valkyrie looked straight ahead, realised she was staring down Dexter's t-shirt at his muscled chest, and quickly looked down at her lap, blushing slightly. He touched her head lightly, and Valkyrie yelped, and he quickly moved his hand away. "That hurt," she scowled.

Dexter sat back. "Sorry," he smiled. "You have a nasty cut, possibly also concussion," he said seriously. He held up two fingers. "How many fingers am I holding up?"

Valkyrie frowned, concentrated, and smiled. "Four," she said confidently.

Dexter sighed. "It was two."

Skulduggery came over, and gently lifted Valkyrie up. Dexter stood. "She has a bad cut on her head, and a broken leg. I haven't checked her arms."

"Thanks, Dexter," Skulduggery said. "We'll treat her when we get back. For now, we need to get moving before the Sanctuary shows up."

Skulduggery walked over to Dexter's car, and put Valkyrie into the back seat. Valkyrie briefly acknowledged the luxurious interior, before her eyes became slightly more unfocused, and her head began to throb.

Dexter got in and started the engine. He glanced behind him. "You alright there?" he asked Valkyrie.

"My head hurts," she mumbled.

Dexter looked concerned. He fished through the glove compartment for something, eventually producing a magical leaf. He twisted in his seat so he was facing Valkyrie as much as possible.

"Open," he said. Valkyrie opened her mouth. Dexter put the leaf in, and she closed her mouth. With Dexter's fingers still in it.

"Um," Dexter said. Valkyrie hastily opened her mouth. Dexter flashed her a wolfish grin. "I know you've secretly always wanted to suck on my fingers, Valkyrie, but please control yourself," he teased. Valkyrie stuck her tongue out at him, and started chewing.

"Thank you, Dex," she said quietly, exhausted.

"No problem."

Skulduggery got in beside Valkyrie, sitting in the middle seat. Valkyrie rested her head on his shoulder, and he put an arm around her as she snuggled closer.

Anton and Ghastly finished up with the boot, and then got in; Anton next to Skulduggery, and Ghastly in the front passenger seat.

Dexter immediately started driving, pulling away from the crash site.

"Saracen won't be happy with the fact that the Kit Kats were left behind," Ghastly said.

Dexter chuckled, and was about to comment, when he caught sight of something in the rear-view mirror. He cursed.

Behind them, half a dozen black cars had pulled up to the crash site. Cleavers jumped out, a swarm of them, as well as numerous men with guns.

"DEXTER- STEP ON IT," Ghastly yelled, and Dexter swore again, and accelerated as fast as he could.

"Good thing this is a sports car," Dexter muttered. Bullets hit the car, but did not penetrate the bulletproof layer which Dexter had previously installed on it.

Some of the black cars were giving chase, and were gaining on them fast. "Hold on," Dexter said. The car swerved suddenly as it turned a corner tightly. Most of the black cars crashed into each other while trying to follow Dexter's car. However, there were still two left, and they were giving a close pursuit.

Dexter navigated easily through the country lanes, but so did the black cars. Anton glanced in the wing mirror, then ripped open his shirt.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Anton, what are you planning?"

Anton opened the car door next to him. "I," he began, talking loudly to be heard over the wind rushing past them, "am going to jump out of a moving vehicle."

And with that, Anton jumped out of the car.

"Anton, stop!" Ghastly yelled. Everyone watched as Anton landed in a forward roll, then leapt to his feet. The black cars slowed as they reached him, tempted by the point blank range with which they could orchestrate his death.

Anton's Gist suddenly burst from his body, and shot into the first car. Dexter slammed on the brakes. The Gist killed the occupants so quickly that within five seconds it was in the second car, the driver of which had been too stunned to move, so instead of doing the sensible thing and shooting Anton, he had frozen with fear.

The Gist ripped apart everyone in the two cars, and was then pulled, kicking and screaming, back into Anton's body. He took a shaky step, then collapsed onto his knees with exhaustion. Ghastly and Dexter leapt out of the car and helped Anton up, and supported him as they walked back to the car. They placed Anton into the back and returned to their seats, and Dexter pulled away. They headed for the warehouse.


	50. Recruits

**50 CHAPTERS! WOOOHOOOOOOO!**

***Stalker Tomb and John Bloodstains belong to 'The Army Dog Gaming Fan'.**

***Iris Rose belongs to 'iriskary'.**

**Thanks for requesting that I put your characters in :)**

* * *

Fletcher walked down the Australian path behind the river, to an area that was hidden to the public, unless you were extremely curious or extremely lost.

So far, he had been doing pretty well in helping the Dead Men. During the few days he had been trekking the world, he had managed to gain the alliance of the likes of the Monster Hunters, Frightening Jones, Solomon Wreath and Aurora Jane. He'd even gotten Thrasher, Scapegrace and Grandmaster Ping to side with him. Not that they'd end up being much help. He'd also managed to locate Tipstaff, who had eagerly joined the cause. But even better- Fletcher had convinced Moloch and his vampire pals to help. They were being kicked out of their community by Grand Mage Graves, so held a nasty grudge against him, and were happy to help the Dead Men.

Fletcher was heading to meet two mages that had contacted him, regarding the resistance of the Dead Men. Fletcher rounded a corner, and saw them. They were tall and strong, with muscles that could rival even those of Dexter Vex.

One had dark hair, and looked to be in his early twenties. He had a machete hanging from the left of his belt, a shotgun hanging from the right, and a revolver in his hand. Fletcher gulped.

The man standing beside him had an even more peculiar appearance. His body was covered in cuts, similar to Ghastly's, but these were not as deep as his scars. They looked fresh. Fletcher wondered if he had been cursed in a similar way to the tailor. He had a sword in his belt, which looked powerful enough to impale anything with even the lightest of touches. Fletcher did not want to get on his bad side.

He approached them, trying to appear relaxed and unintimidated. He was too scared to make the first move, so remained silent, waiting for one of them to speak.

After a while, the dark haired one with the portable armoury spoke. "I heard you were looking for recruits," he stated, in a thick Australian accent.

"That depends," Fletcher said confidently. "Who's side are you on- Dead Men's or Irish Sanctuary's?"

"Now that's a toughie," the man said. "My name is Stalker Tomb. I work for the Aussie Sanctuary. Australia is a Cradle of Magic, just like Ireland. We look out for each other, so you'd expect me to side with the Irish Sanctuary."

Fletcher held his breath. Were these enemies? Was this an ambush?

"But," continued Tomb, "the Irish Sanctuary have gone too far. I support the Dead Men."

Fletcher smiled, and shook Tomb's meaty hand, trying not to wince at his strong grip.

"I am John Bloodstains," the second man said. "I used to work for the US Sanctuary, but I killed the Elders after a... disagreement. I am certainly on the side of the Dead Men."

"Excellent," Fletcher said as professionally as he could, and shook Bloodstains' hand, trying to hide his relief at gaining two allies- and powerful ones at that.

A voice suddenly sounded in Fletcher's head. '_Do you think Valkyrie would wanna go out with me?_' it said, in Tomb's voice.

Fletcher stepped back. "What the hell was that?"

"That was me," Tomb grinned. "It's my power. I can talk to you in your mind. You can't reply the same way, though."

"Let me guess," Bloodstains sighed. "He's asking if Valkyrie Cain would ever want to date him."

"Aw, how'd you guess?" Tomb frowned.

"It's what you've been going on about for the past few months," Bloodstains muttered.

'_So_,' came Tomb's voice, '_do you think I have a shot?_'

"Well, how old are you?" Fletcher asked.

"Forty-five," Tomb replied.

"Probably not," Fletcher lied, feeling a pang of jealousy. Valkyrie was _his._

Fletcher checked his watch. Damn- he was late. "Right, I need to go, guys," he said. "I'll be in touch."

Fletcher teleported to Ireland, to a small town north of Roarhaven. A girl, who looked to be at least sixteen years old, was standing by a nearby tree. She was about the same height as Valkyrie, with light brown hair, cropped to just above her shoulders. She was dressed in black clothes.

She turned as Fletcher walked up to her. "Sorry I'm late," Fletcher said.

The girl shrugged. "It's alright."

"I heard you wanted to join the resistance against the Irish Sanctuary," Fletcher said.

The girl nodded. "My name is Iris Rose. I work for the Sanctuary, but even I have to admit that they've gone too far. I want to help."

Fletcher grinned, and held out his hand. Iris shook it. "I'll be back soon," Fletcher said, and was about to teleport away, when Iris grabbed his arm.

"Wait," she said. "I have news. As I said, I work for the Sanctuary. Well, I used to. I've just quit. But before I left, I found out something. Something that I think will be useful to you."

Fletcher studied her. "Go on."

"China came to the Sanctuary a couple of hours ago. She contacted Grand Mage Graves, and offered him a deal. She wanted Graves, when he ends up catching the Dead Men, to deliver Skulduggery to her. The rest, he can do as he pleases with, but Skulduggery must go to her. As far as I know, Graves declined the offer, as he has a personal vendetta against Skulduggery, and wants the joy of torturing him himself. China reluctantly walked away, but she's taking matters into her own hands."

"What was the full deal? What did China offer Graves?" Fletcher asked quickly.

"A location." Iris looked Fletcher in the eye. "China knows..."

* * *

Ghastly ran into the living room, holding his phone. "It's Fletcher," he said urgently.

Skulduggery and Valkyrie, now almost fully healed, leapt up, and stood by Ghastly as he put the phone on speaker. Dexter and Anton came into the room.

"Fletcher, they're tracing your call," Skulduggery said.

"It's fine," Fletcher replied. "I'm in Italy, outside this ice cream parlour, waiting for my order. If they trace me here, I'll teleport somewhere else by the time they arrive."

"Why did you call?" Dexter asked.

"I have urgent news. Plus, I called to give you a quick update. On our side are the Monster Hunters, Solomon Wreath, Tipstaff, Frightening Jones, and Moloch and his vampires, amongst a load of others. But-"

"Wreath?" Skulduggery interrupted.

"Yeah," Fletcher said.

"Are you sure he can be trusted?"

"Skul, it's fine," Valkyrie said. "Solomon's on our side."

Skulduggery looked at her, and tilted his head. "Since when did you become his number one fan?" he teased. Valkyrie whacked his arm, and he shut up.

"How on earth did you get Moloch to side with us?" Anton asked.

"I just used my charm," Fletcher said casually. "And he may or may not have been kicked out of his flat."

Saracen and Erskine came into the room, and also gathered round the phone. "I got kicked out of my flat once, too," Erskine remarked. "I locked myself out too many times and they got annoyed with me for asking for the spare key every week. Why are we all gathered around a phone, anyway?"

"Hi, Erskine," Fletcher said.

"Hi, porcupine," Erskine replied happily. "Why are you calling us? Can't you just teleport here?"

"That's a good question," Ghastly said.

"Well, that's one of the other things I wanted to tell you," Fletcher said. "The Sanctuary have put up sigils all over the country. If anyone teleports in, their location will be discovered immediately. I can go to random places in Ireland, but nowhere near you guys, just in case. So I can't teleport to you."

"Damn," Dexter muttered.

Saracen came forward. "Your ice cream's ready," he said.

Fletcher was quiet for a moment. "How the hell did you know that?"

"I know things."

"Was there anything else you wanted to tell us, Fletcher?" Anton asked.

"Yes," Fletcher said seriously. "Do not freak out at what I am about to say. It is important that you remain calm. If you make a mistake now, you will be dead. Literally."

"Fletcher, what's wrong?" Valkyrie asked impatiently.

"China knows where you are."


	51. It Goes Bump in the Night

**Let's get this started, shall we? It's all about to kick off.**

* * *

The warehouse was suddenly a hive of activity. Skulduggery and Ghastly were using their limited knowledge of symbol magic to draw sigils all around the perimeter of the warehouse. Anton, Dexter and Saracen were setting traps and ambushes at strategic points.

Valkyrie and Erskine were instructing Fletcher over the phone on how to lead the resistance. He was to start in America, because, well, the USA loved the royal family, and you couldn't get more royal than the Dead Men. Plus, Grand Mage Zefira Kerias was previously in a relationship with Erskine, so America would probably be fairly lenient.

Once the symbols had been drawn, the traps set up, and Fletcher informed, everyone collapsed onto the sofas, exhausted and wary.

Dexter was the first to break the silence. "How long do you think it'll take her?"

Skulduggery tilted his head. "To show up, or to dismantle the defences?"

Dexter thought for a moment. "Both."

"She knows where we are," Ghastly said. "So, regarding how long it will take her to show up... She could already be here. In terms of dismantling the defences..." Ghastly was quiet for a moment. "For someone of her skill, the defences would be dismantled in a couple of minutes. Maximum."

"Damn," Saracen said. He checked his watch. It was almost eleven o'clock at night. "Should some of us keep watch?"

Erskine nodded. "That's a good idea, in case she sneaks up on us and catches us unawares."

"We'll do the shifts in pairs, for four hours, and then switch," Dexter said.

"Erskine, you're with Ghastly," Skulduggery said. He moved on quickly before Ghastly could protest. "Dexter and Saracen, you're together. Valkyrie, you're with me. Anton, you're on your own for a shift, if that's alright."

Anton nodded. Skulduggery looked at Valkyrie. "Valkyrie, would you mind terribly if we went first?"

"Nope," she grinned.

"That settles it, then," Skulduggery said. "You and I will do the first watch. Ghastly and Erskine, you're second. Dexter and Saracen, you're third. Anton, you're fourth, but if either Valkyrie or myself are awake, we'll come and join you."

Everyone clarified the plan, and then, after a quick meal, they went to bed, except for Skulduggery and Valkyrie. The pair headed for the second floor, to the large office at the front of the building. From here, they could overlook the whole of the north side of the warehouse.

Valkyrie settled into a comfortable, if dusty, chair, right in front of the window, and Skulduggery took a seat in an identical chair beside her. The windows were large, and spanned almost the whole width of the wall. A perfect spot for keeping watch. Valkyrie looked ahead of her, out of the window. The bright light from inside the room reflected slightly off the windows, but even so, the view outside was visible.

"The stars are coming out tonight," Valkyrie said softly, looking up out of the window at the midnight-blue canvas spread high above them, dotted here and there with bright splashes of glimmering white burning balls of fire. Valkyrie had never gotten this breathtaking view in Haggard, but here, in the countryside, the stars had emerged for all to see.

"They're lighting up the sky," Skulduggery remarked gently. He put an arm around Valkyrie, and she leaned her head on his shoulder.

"It's beautiful."

"Like you."

Valkyrie smiled. Skulduggery looked down at her. "Valkyrie," he began quietly. "When China shows up... Remember one thing for me."

"Of course."

"Remember that I hate her. Valkyrie, I have a horrible feeling that something is going to go wrong. Just keep in mind that I love you. Not China. No matter what she says. I love _you_."

Valkyrie sat up straight, and looked at him. "I know. You hate her, Skul. I know."

"Glad we've cleared that up, then," Skulduggery said cheerfully. "Now, do you have any idea how we can pass the four long hours which we'll be sitting here for?"

"Maybe we could..." Valkyrie trailed off, and leaned forward in her seat suddenly. She stared out of the window.

"What is it?" Skulduggery asked curiously.

Valkyrie shook her head. "I... I don't know. I thought I saw something."

"Whereabouts?" Skulduggery asked, leaning forward as well.

"Somewhere off to the right," Valkyrie said, pointing to a small group of trees, which were just about visible in the dark, inky gloom. "Forget it, I think I'm imagining things. Making out shapes in the darkness."

Skulduggery sat back. "There's certainly nothing there now. Maybe it was just the wind, blowing the leaves on the trees, making it look as if something's moving," he suggested.

Valkyrie observed the night for a moment, then sighed, and settled back into Skulduggery's arms. "Yeah."

"Now, what were you going to say?"

"Maybe we could play 'I Spy'?" Valkyrie shrugged.

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Alright. I spy with my little eye socket, something beginning with 'D'."

"Dark?"

"You're good at this."

"Thank-" Valkyrie broke off again, and leapt to her feet. She stared out of the window. "There was definitely something there."

Skulduggery got up and stood next to her. "You're sure?"

Valkyrie nodded. "Positive."

"What did it look like?" Skulduggery asked her.

"It was a dark figure. I'm... I don't know if it was a person or a large animal, or something else, but it was moving. And of its own accord."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that it... I don't know how to describe this, but it had its own consciousness and awareness. It... It seemed too clever to be an animal or an inanimate object. It moved with so much purpose."

Skulduggery leaned forward towards the window, scanning the surroundings. "I can't see anything. But I trust you, Valkyrie. I believe that there is something-"

"Ssh!" Valkyrie hissed suddenly. Skulduggery tilted his head.

"Did you just interrupt-"

"Skul, seriously, shut up!" Valkyrie said angrily.

"You did it again!"

"Listen!" Valkyrie hissed.

Skulduggery tilted his head. From elsewhere in the warehouse, there was the sound of banging. Like a door closing. Or a hand knocking. Or something falling. Valkyrie couldn't quite identify what the sound was, but it was definitely there.

"Someone's making that noise," Skulduggery whispered.

"It could just be the wind, blowing stuff around," Valkyrie whispered hopefully back.

"No," Skulduggery said quietly. "It's too infrequent. There's no pattern to it. If there was a pattern, it would be the wind, or some other natural force as it moved objects back and forth. But it's irregular. So it's a person."

"It could be one of the others. Maybe Erskine needed the toilet," Valkyrie suggested. But she didn't believe this alternative any more than Skulduggery did. She felt next to her for Skulduggery's hand, and instantly felt comforted when she found it. He squeezed her hand, trying to get her to stay calm.

"Would now be a good time to mention that this warehouse is said to be haunted?" Skulduggery asked. Valkyrie whacked his arm. Hard. "I was joking," he deadpanned. Valkyrie visibly relaxed, trying to ignore the glee he was getting out of scaring her.

A few more moments passed, the banging continuing. "Valkyrie," Skulduggery began quietly.

"What?" she breathed.

"I've just realised something."

"Is this something important, Skulduggery?" Valkyrie hissed back.

"Yes. Very important."

"What is it?"

"The noise is getting closer."

* * *

**Did anyone spot the musical reference? (Clue: Take That)**


	52. Night Terrors

***Well done to luke16, Justrockzyxxx, YoungBlood364 and GhostlyBespook for spotting the reference! It was, of course- "The stars are coming out tonight", "They're lighting up the sky" from 'Rule the World' by Take That :)**

* * *

Valkyrie felt sweat form on her forehead. She didn't like this. God, she hated this. She was terrified. This was _not_ what she was used to. She was used to running around, beating up bad guys which she could _see_. But this... She was totally blind. She was-

The banging stopped.

Skulduggery tilted his head. They waited a few moments for the noise to resume. It didn't.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery said, and by the tone of his voice, Valkyrie could tell that she wasn't going to like what he was about to say.

"Mmmh?" she replied, trying not to show how scared she was.

"I'm going to turn off the light."

Valkyrie whirled to him. "What?!"

"Just in case something's still out there. With the light off, we have a slight advantage over whoever or whatever it is. They won't be able to see our movements through the window."

"Skul, I'm begging you, do not turn off that light," Valkyrie pleaded.

Skulduggery turned to Valkyrie, still clutching her hand. With his spare hand, he tilted her head up gently to look at him in the eye sockets. He tapped his collarbone, and a face flowed upwards onto his skull. He leaned in, and kissed Valkyrie softly on her lips.

He pulled away, still holding her hand. "Trust me, Valkyrie. I'm here. I'll always be here. I won't let go of your hand, Valkyrie. I promise." He walked over to the light switch with her.

He looked at her. "Ready?"

She nodded, and kept her eyes firmly on Skulduggery's eye sockets as the room was plunged into darkness.

She realised she had been holding her breath, and let it out slowly. The noise still hadn't resumed, but the room was pitch black, illuminated only slightly by the rays of moonlight seeping in through the window.

"Should we get the others?" Valkyrie asked, intimidated by how loud her voice sounded in the silence.

She felt Skulduggery shift slightly in the darkness beside her. "That's just what I was thinking. There are two areas under potential threat here- front and back. Whoever or whatever this is, they're trying to trick us. We need to be aware and fully alert on all sides."

"Okay," Valkyrie nodded. "Let's go."

Skulduggery hesitated. Valkyrie was aware of him turning to face her, but she couldn't make out where his eye sockets were.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery began. "One of us will need to stay here, while the other one goes and gets the others."

"You've got to be kidding me," Valkyrie said through gritted teeth.

"Unfortunately not. Someone needs to keep watch here. Something's happening, Valkyrie."

"Let's just phone the others," Valkyrie suggested desperately.

Skulduggery chuckled. "Is a bump in the night all it takes for you to lose your mind? The Sanctuary will trace the call."

"Damn. I forgot about that."

Skulduggery guided Valkyrie back to the chair, and she reluctantly took a seat. "Don't leave me, Skul," she said quietly. "I don't like this."

"Just sit here and stay still. Nothing will get you," Skulduggery reassured her.

"Skul-"

"Summon your shadows if it makes you feel better. I'll only be a minute. Less than that. It's just one floor down, okay?"

Valkyrie sighed. "Okay. Do me a favour, though."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "What?"

"Wake someone useful up first, so you can get back here sooner. Preferably Ghastly or Anton. Don't even think about going to Erskine first."

Skulduggery smiled a skeletal smile. "Of course." He squeezed her hand again. "It will be okay, Valkyrie."

Valkyrie nodded. "Just go."

"Don't be afraid of being scared," Skulduggery said softly. "To be scared is a sign of common sense. Only complete idiots are not afraid of anything."

"Scary with you is better than scary without you," Valkyrie said.

Skulduggery tilted his head, and gave her a quick hug, before releasing her and walking to the door. He drew his gun.

"Skul?" Valkyrie said.

"Yes, Valkyrie?" he replied instantly.

"What happens if you get scared half to death twice?"

Skulduggery was silent for a moment. "I think this will be the night we find out," he said quietly. He carried on out the door, shutting it securely behind him.

Valkyrie looked through the window. She tried to take her mind off the possibility of something watching her every move, and looked instead at the stars. She lost herself in a particularly bright one, which she believed to be Jupiter. It started moving. Oops. It was an aeroplane.

Her eyes drifted down to the cluster of trees. She frowned. Did something just move again?

Yes. There it was. A figure came out of the darkness. It came towards the warehouse, a few metres closer than where she first saw it to be. It was moving quickly- it was _running._ It stopped suddenly.

It was still far from the warehouse, but not far enough for Valkyrie's liking. She leaned forward, keeping an eye on it.

It turned its head, and looked right at her.

Valkyrie gasped, and jerked away from the window. Her blood froze, and was replaced by raw fear, which coursed through her veins. The figure vanished into the night once more, retreating into the darkness.

Valkyrie gripped the sides of the chair. Oh god, it looked at her. It knew she was here. It knew where she was. Her blood pounded in her head. This was fear. This was true fear. She closed her eyes, not wanting to risk seeing it again, the concept of this mysterious being terrifying her.

She didn't know how long had passed- maybe seconds, maybe minutes- before she heard the door open slowly behind her, with a creak. She would've laughed at how similar this whole thing was to a cheap horror movie, if she wasn't so damn _frightened._

She wanted to call Skulduggery's name, just to make sure that it was him who was now in the room with her, getting closer by the stupid second. But her throat was dry and she was seized with fear.

But she soon found her voice, for Valkyrie screamed when a hand suddenly grabbed her shoulder, pulling her to her feet.


	53. Green-Eyed Monster

"Valkyrie, calm down!" Skulduggery exclaimed, removing his grip on her shoulder.

Valkyrie whirled to him. "What the _hell_, Skulduggery?! You nearly gave me a heart attack!"

"Sorry," Skulduggery apologised. Valkyrie took a deep breath, exhaling slowly.

"Did you wake the others?" she asked calmly.

Skulduggery shook his head. "Only one."

Saracen came into the room. "We couldn't wake up the others," he told Valkyrie. "Something's gotten to them. They've been drugged. It was a sleeping gas of some sort."

"How come you're awake?" Valkyrie wondered.

"Something told me I should get out of the room," he shrugged. "I knew it."

"Something's happening, Saracen," Skulduggery said. "Something sinister. Valkyrie, any update?"

"I saw the figure again," Valkyrie said, her throat dry. "It looked at me."

"Are you sure?" Skulduggery asked.

Valkyrie nodded, her face slightly pale.

"Even with the lights off?"

Valkyrie nodded again. "Looked me right in the eye."

"This is bad," Saracen said. "This is really bad." Just as he said that, the banging resumed. Valkyrie and Saracen jumped in fright and surprise. Skulduggery didn't even flinch.

"I'm going to investigate," Skulduggery said. "Valkyrie, you're with me," he added, knowing that he needed to keep an eye on her, as she was clearly frightened and deeply affected by the strange happenings. "Saracen, stay here. Keep watch for anything suspicious."

Saracen nodded. He picked up a ruler from the desk in the room.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "Is that your weapon?"

Saracen contemplated the usefulness of a ruler. He put it down. He picked up a stool. "Nope. This is."

"Stay safe, Saracen," Skulduggery said.

"Nice alliteration there," Saracen grinned. He saluted them as they left the room. He took a seat in a chair in front of the window, and waited.

The banging stopped. Saracen sighed, and sat back. Watching was boring. This was like a stakeout from back in the good old days of the war. And it was boring. There was no Larrikin here to save him from boredom this time, Saracen reflected. Damn.

Saracen sat there for about fifteen minutes, before he heard a noise. Footsteps. Then the door to the room opened with a creak.

"Back already, guys?" Saracen called, to what he presumed to be Skulduggery or Valkyrie.

The footsteps kept coming closer, approaching where he was seated at the window.

"What are you- deaf?" he laughed. "Did you find anything?"

Still no answer. The footsteps came up right behind him. Saracen gulped, and stood up. He turned slowly, and came face to face with a robed person. Recognition flashed in his mind, but before he could react, a fist hit him right between the eyes, and his brain slammed against the wall of his skull. Saracen passed out instantly, collapsing onto the floor. Completely out cold. Completely vulnerable.

The figure pulled back their hood, and smiled the most beautiful smile in the world. China Sorrows looked down at Saracen's body. Such a sweet man. Such a pathetic fool. Like all of them were.

She pulled her leg back, and brought it forward into the side of Saracen's ribs with so much force that cracks were heard. She lashed out again, and again, and kicked him continuously with insane ferocity. A violent kick to the head resulted in a steady flow of blood coming from his cranium, joining the river stemming out of his stomach.

China attacked him with the intention of killing him, but before she could do so, she heard footsteps, accompanied by two voices. One, the voice of the bane of her existence. The other, the voice of heaven. A voice she would gladly kill for. But not tonight. The risk of premature discovery was too high.

She slid open the large window of the room as Skulduggery and Valkyrie approached, and leapt out of the building, using her powers to absorb the impact of her landing. She ran off into the darkness before the detectives could enter the room.

As she ran, she reflected how easy all of this was. It had been so easy to dismantle their stupid little sigils, which they had drawn under the illusion that they had been enough to stop her. She would have been insulted, if she'd cared.

After gaining access to the territory, she had run across and hid in a cluster of trees, which were directly in front of the north side of the warehouse. She had emerged a couple of times, in order to draw some symbols. Some very special symbols. They needed to be drawn at both the front and back ends of the warehouse, so China had started with the front, and had run out of cover a couple of times to get close enough to construct them.

This was when she had seen Valkyrie looking at her from a window. Valkyrie. What an ugly name. And what an ugly girl. For that was all she was; just a girl. Just merely a girl. And she was after the skeleton's heart. Bitch. She was so naive to think that her and Skulduggery had a future together. Skulduggery was perfect for China, not that... abomination. That's what the Torment had called her, wasn't it? Abomination. How fitting.

But China wasn't one to get into a petty cat-fight. And she wasn't going to resort to that with Valkyrie. What would be the point? It's obvious that Skulduggery was truly in love with China. Not Valkyrie. For Skulduggery had loved her once, long ago. She knew that. And then he had met his wife. His. Wife. And they'd had that damn kid.

But China soon put an end to them. She had to admit, that whole event with Skulduggery's family and Serpine was driven purely by her jealousy of his wife. But she had done him a favour, hadn't she? If it wasn't for her, Skulduggery would still be stuck with that god-awful woman that he called his "wife". China shuddered. Yes. It was a very good thing indeed that China had gotten rid of _her_.

After retreating back under the cover of the trees once again, China decided that it was too inconvenient to complete the front sigils all at once, especially since Valkyrie had seen her already. She would've been suspicious, and China couldn't afford to be rumbled now. Not when she was so close to hatching her magnificent plan.

China had run to the back of the warehouse, and had begun to construct identical symbols to the ones that she had started at the front. She had also released a sleeping chemical into the warehouse, which she had manipulated so that it went only to the rooms of the first floor. This was to serve as a direct attack to the other Dead Men, who would find themselves unable to awaken. It was only a mild gas, though. She had not been able to source a stronger one, but she was sure that the Dead Men wouldn't mind.

Oh, those men. Those _men_. They were fine specimens. China would have happily settled for any of them. Except for Saracen Rue and Erskine Ravel. They were good for a one-night stand, but that was it. They were a bit too useless. And Ghastly Bespoke was too ugly. Scars? No thanks. His personality was sweet... but she didn't need sweet. She needed dominant. Like Dexter. Oh, Dexter Vex was handsome. He was so handsome. But... there was something missing. Maturity. That was it. Maturity. He lacked the maturity of the others.

Anton Shudder, though. Those good looks and that long hair... And he was most certainly dominant. But he wasn't romantic enough. He wasn't romantic at _all. _Well, not as far as she knew. Skulduggery was perfect for China. No doubt. They were made for each other. Anyway. As she was saying, China had ensured that the others were fast asleep during her little mission.

In doing so, she had made a noise. Instead of running back behind cover, she'd had the idea to distract them with the noise, and had then proceeded to continuously make a banging noise in order to get them scared. To tease them. Well, to tease Valkyrie. That stupid cow was so easily scared. Awww. Poor thing. Skulduggery's standards really had slipped. But all of that was about to change.

Whilst distracting them with the noise, China had completed the sigil at the back, and had then sneaked round to the front of the warehouse, in order to complete the symbols she had started there. In doing so, she had seen Valkyrie looking at her from the window again. This wasn't anticipated; China had expected Valkyrie to have gone to investigate the noise with Skulduggery. Well, what does this prove? That Skulduggery finds her to be a burden. She'd only get in the way.

China had decided to scare Valkyrie even more, and had turned, and looked up at the window of the front office, where Valkyrie was. The light was off, but China caught a hint of moonlight reflecting off of her gruesome Necromancer ring, so could tell approximately where her eyes were, and had looked into them. That should scare her for a bit.

Once China had finished the sigil, she had gotten a little bolder, and had decided to enter the warehouse itself. She had crept in, and made her way to where she presumed the room that Valkyrie was in to be. China had drawn a few symbols on the doorframe, which bound the power of everyone inside that room. She had planned to attack Valkyrie, however Saracen had randomly been there instead. Oh well. He'd have had to do.

She'd crept up on Saracen, who had been unable to use his power to detect her identity due to the sigils, and she had then launched her attack. Inconveniently, the sigils had also bound her power, but no matter. She liked getting physical now and then.

She'd sent a direct message to the Dead Men in the form of Saracen's mutilated body. She didn't know if he would live. She didn't expect him to, after that. She didn't care. This was a warning to the Dead Men- and they had better accept it.

Now, after escaping from the room, China was running back to her makeshift hideout, which she had established nearby. It wasn't as glamorous as she'd like it to be, but it served its purpose. She wasn't remaining there long, anyway. Just until the sigils had done their job, and their effects were fully known.

And what would these sigils do? They would play with love and confuse emotions. They would alter feelings and wreck what had been so poorly built up on such fragile foundations.

They were going to make Skulduggery and Valkyrie truly and utterly despise each other.


	54. It's About Time

**I am so SO sorry for the late update. ****To make up for it, I've done a longer update. Ooh and, before I forget, which is likely because I have the memory of a goldfish;**

***THANK YOU FOR 600 REVIEWS! :D YOU ARE AWESOME!***

**Ahem.**

**(Shout out to LegitMarshmallow for getting me to update ;))**

**Right, without further ado... **

* * *

Skulduggery and Valkyrie made their way back into the room, after being unsuccessful in finding the source of the noise. Valkyrie went in first, and froze.

Skulduggery came up behind her, and instantly spotted Saracen's motionless and bloody body. He rushed to his side, closely followed by Valkyrie.

He felt for a pulse, and visibly relaxed when he found one, as faint as it was. He lifted Saracen up so he rested over his shoulder, and adjusted him slightly so he was easier to carry. He turned to Valkyrie.

"Stay in front of me. Whoever did this could still be in the warehouse," he said urgently. Valkyrie nodded, and hurried out of the room. Skulduggery followed, but paused suddenly in the doorway. He observed the doorframe.

Valkyrie stood next to him. "What-"

"Symbols," Skulduggery said. "They're designed to bind the powers of the occupants of the room. That's why Saracen was caught off-guard."

Valkyrie suddenly had a thought. "Do you think..."

Skulduggery nodded grimly. "This certainly does suggest China's involvement."

Valkyrie ran down to the bedrooms on the first floor, Skulduggery right behind her with Saracen.

They reached the double bedroom where Saracen had been sleeping, and Skulduggery gently laid him on the bed. He disappeared out of the room, returning half a minute later with various medical supplies from the bathroom.

He began to clean and dress Saracen's wounds, while Valkyrie checked for vital signs. "See if you can wake the others," Skulduggery said. "Try dissolving a magic leaf in some cold water, and throw that onto them. But be careful- stay alert at all times."

Valkyrie nodded, and left the room, taking some leaves with her. She ran into the bathroom, and filled a large bowl with cold water. She threw the leaves in, and waited a few moments until they had completely dissolved. Luckily, their magical properties meant that this happened swiftly.

She carried the mixture into the next bedroom along. It was Erskine and Dexter's. She chose to wake Dexter first, for obvious reasons. She debated how much of the liquid to pour over him, then decided that she would only get this opportunity once, so poured the majority of the water onto Dexter.

He opened his eyes and spluttered slightly, and then sat up, rubbing his head. His t-shirt, now wet, stuck to his skin, outlining his muscled torso. "What happened?" he groaned.

"You were drugged," Valkyrie told him calmly. "A sleeping gas of some sort knocked you and the others out."

"My head hurts," Dexter mumbled.

"Oh, grow up," Valkyrie muttered. "Come on- help me wake everyone else."

She went to move to Erskine's bed, but Dexter put a hand on her arm. He looked at her. "Are you okay?" he asked softly. "You're very pale."

Valkyrie forced a smile onto her face. "A lot's been happening. I'll fill you in later, with the others," she said. Dexter studied her for a moment, then nodded.

Together, they woke up Ghastly and Anton, and told them to go to the double bedroom. They went back to wake Erskine last. Dexter poured the remaining quantity of water onto Erskine's head. He didn't wake up.

Valkyrie sighed. "Has he always been a heavy sleeper?"

Dexter grinned. "Nope, just lazy."

Valkyrie leaned over Erskine, and slapped his cheek repeatedly until he began to stir. "Come on, Erskine, snap out of it," she muttered.

Erskine slowly opened his eyes. "Hmm? Oh, hey Val. You look hot from this angle," he said sleepily, a grin on his face.

"There's no time for this, Erskine," Valkyrie said, and she yanked him up into a sitting position.

"You look even hotter like this," Erskine murmured, still half-asleep. Dexter laughed.

Valkyrie slapped Erskine again. "Okay, okay, I'm awake now!" he exclaimed.

"You were knocked out, Erskine. Come on, we're under attack," Valkyrie said, trying to get Erskine out of his damn bed.

Instantly, Erskine was alert. Meanwhile, something had finally clicked in Dexter's brain. "Where's Saracen?"

Valkyrie hesitated. "He's been badly injured."

"Where?" Dexter asked quickly.

"Double bedroom," said Valkyrie. Dexter ran out of the room, and Valkyrie and Erskine followed close behind.

Skulduggery, Anton and Ghastly were tending to Saracen's wounds. The blood flow had stopped, and Saracen was not looking as pale. But Valkyrie remembered what he had looked like when they'd found him. She didn't know if he'd be the same again.

After a few tense minutes, the three men stood back, indicating that they had done all they could. They could only wait and see how Saracen would turn out. Skulduggery informed them all of what had been happening, and by the end of it, they were all on high alert.

Erskine sat heavily in the only chair in the room. "Now what?" he asked quietly.

"We need to secure the building," Skulduggery said. "The attacker could still be here. We also need to check the perimeter, in case they're waiting outside."

"No," Ghastly said.

Skulduggery tilted his head at him. "What do you mean?"

"We don't go outside. We stay in this warehouse, where we have the advantage. Outside, too many other factors come into play. It's too dangerous. We stay here."

Skulduggery hesitated. "I know that it's dangerous, but-"

"Skul, he's right," Valkyrie said softly. "We can't take any risks."

Skulduggery was quiet for a moment. "Very well," he said at last. "Ghastly, Dexter and Anton, you're with me. We will-"

"I'm staying with Saracen," Dexter said quietly, breaking the silent demeanour he had been in.

Skulduggery looked at him. "Of course. Anton and Ghastly, we will secure the building. Whatever you do, do not step foot into the front office on the second floor. The sigils are still there. It could be a trap. Until one of us has figured out how to reverse the effects of the sigils on the doorframe, no one enters that office."

Anton and Ghastly nodded, and left the room with Skulduggery. Valkyrie sat down on the floor, and leaned her back against the wall. She watched as Dexter sat down on the bed next to Saracen, and took his hand in his. Dexter looked down at Saracen's face, at his slacken expression and lifeless body. He held a hand above Saracen's mouth, feeling for a breath. He withdrew it after feeling a slight exhale. But it was still only slight.

Valkyrie hoped, for Dexter's sake, that Saracen would emerge okay.

* * *

Dexter opened his eyes. He looked across at Erskine on the chair, resting his head on his hand as he slept. Valkyrie was in the same position as before, barely awake. Dexter realised that she had stayed up to watch over him and Erskine, as the others were still absent. He himself had fallen asleep whilst sitting next to Saracen, his head leant uncomfortably on the headboard. But his position wasn't what had awoken him.

There it was again. A pinch on his finger. Dexter looked at his right hand, which was lying on Saracen's chest. And being pinched by a very awake Saracen.

Dexter leapt up, and whirled to face Saracen. "You're okay," he breathed.

Saracen grinned, and slowly sat up. "Sorry to wake you," he apologised, his voice slightly hoarse. "You looked so sweet while you were sleeping, Dex, but I had pins and needles."

"You idiot," Dexter said. "You complete idiot. You're okay."

Saracen nodded. "I think we've established that fact, Dexter."

"When I saw you lying here," Dexter continued. "All the blood... I thought you were gonna die, you idiot."

Saracen frowned. "Why do you keep calling me an idiot?"

"Because you are one," Dexter said happily.

Valkyrie looked up from her position on the floor. "Hi, Saracen," she said sleepily.

"Hi, Val," Saracen smiled. "Did you stay up just for me?"

"Pretty much," Valkyrie murmured, her eyes slowly closing as sleep overcame her. Dexter walked over to her, and gently lifted her, and carried her bridal style next door to Ghastly and Anton's bedroom. He placed her on Anton's bed, and pulled the covers over her.

He turned to go, but paused as he heard a small, tired voice say, "Thanks, Dex."

Dexter smiled into the darkness. "Get some sleep, Val," he said. He wasn't met with an answer.

He left the room, leaving the door open just in case. He strode back into the double bedroom, where Erskine was still sleeping, and Saracen was still sitting up in bed, but this time with a ridiculous grin on his face.

Dexter went over, and sat on the side of the bed, facing Saracen. "What's up with you?"

"The muscular hero carries the beautiful damsel in distress away to bed," Saracen smirked. Dexter whacked his arm.

"Shut up," he said, blushing. "I'm not interested in Valkyrie."

"Oh?" Saracen said, raising an eyebrow.

"Not any more. Someone else has caught my eye," Dexter said quietly. He leaned forward suddenly, and hugged Saracen fiercely. He breathed in the remnants of his aftershave, which had mixed with the mild traces of blood radiating off Saracen's body. Dexter's strong arms wrapped around Saracen, tightly yet gently, as he knew that he was still suffering from his previous assault, no matter how hard he was trying to hide it.

Dexter felt Saracen's own arms wrap around his muscular frame, hugging him back with as much strength as he could muster. After a few moments, Dexter pulled back, but Saracen cupped his face with a gentle hand, stopping him from moving away.

Dexter stared into Saracen's brown eyes, and slowly moved closer. Saracen did the same, and their lips locked. They moved as one, their tongues in a battle of dominance and passion. Saracen's left hand stroked Dexter's cheek, while his right became tangled in his blonde hair. Dexter's right hand was on the headboard, supporting him as he kissed Saracen with more ferocity. His left hand was cupping the back of Saracen's head.

Years of desire flooded into the kiss, and it was only when a smirking Erskine said from behind them, "Well, it's about time," that they pulled away from each other. Dexter sat back down on the side of the bed, blushing furiously. A quick glance told him that Saracen was just as red-faced. Neither could bring themselves to face the smug ex-Grand Mage and recently-turned vet.

"That was long overdue, boys," Erskine laughed. He was quiet for a moment, apparently deciding something. "I'm not saying anything unless you want me to."

Dexter looked up at Erskine. "Thank you."

"You know, the others will accept your decision," Erskine said gently.

Saracen hesitated. "We know, but... let's wait for a more convenient time."

Erskine nodded, understanding. Dexter straightened his collar, and sat calmly on the side of the bed again, almost as if nothing had happened.

"Everyone's getting in a relationship and I can't even find my other sock," Erskine muttered to himself. Dexter laughed, and Saracen cracked a smile.

Just then, Skulduggery, Ghastly and Anton came into the room.

"Where's Valkyrie?" Skulduggery asked immediately.

"Asleep in Anton's bed," Dexter said. Skulduggery nodded, and headed to get her, but not before looking back at Dexter and Saracen, tilting his head in a knowing gesture. _Curse that detective who's too good at his job_, Dexter thought.

"The entire warehouse has been searched," Ghastly said, rubbing his eyes. "There are no signs of interference or intruders. We've reinforced a couple of the defences as best as we can, but we're just sitting ducks now."

He walked over to Saracen, and sat heavily on the side of the bed. He yawned.

"Good to have you back, Rue," he said sleepily.

Saracen laughed. "Ghastly, get some sleep."

Ghastly shook his head, but before he could answer, Skulduggery came back into the room, followed by a tired Valkyrie.

"Sorry, Ghastly, but no one's getting any sleep until the light of dawn," Skulduggery said. Valkyrie glared at him.

Skulduggery stood at the foot of Saracen's bed. "How are you feeling?"

"Good," Saracen replied. "A little sore. But good. Whoever patched me up did it pretty damn well."

"That was Ghastly, Anton and I," Skulduggery said proudly. He handed Saracen a magic leaf, and he took it gratefully and started chewing.

"What happened, Saracen?" Anton asked.

"I was sitting at the window," Saracen recalled. "The banging had stopped. The door opened, and someone came in. I thought it was one of you guys. My powers didn't work, so I had no way of telling who it was."

"Yeah, the person put sigils up outside the door," Valkyrie murmured sleepily.

"That explains it, then," Saracen continued. "I turned, and then they punched me. And beat me up while I was unconscious." Saracen saw Dexter's fists clench out of the corner of his eye.

"Did you see who it was?" Anton asked urgently, coming forward.

Saracen nodded. His lips struggled to form his next words.

"It was China. She's here."


	55. Sowing the Seeds of Doubt

**This is a bit of a filler, I'll update again tomorrow.**

**Sooo...**

**Where one pairing starts, another must end...**

**That was very melodramatic, I apologise ;)**

* * *

The sun rose, and with dawn came worry and anxiety, yet the acquired assurance that no further attacks would be risked by the perpetrator, due to the sunlight flooding the land. Well, that was what they hoped.

Skulduggery took a walk around the warehouse. He had told the others he was going for a patrol, assessing whether everything was in order, but really he had wanted to clear his head and think. Think. Think think think. Think about what? Think about Valkyrie Cain, that's what.

Skulduggery sighed. He was... He was starting to have doubts about her. He didn't know where they had come from, but they'd entered his mind late last night, and hadn't gone away. He'd concluded that it was due to the drama of what was happening with China, which had been a wake-up call. But even so, he wasn't sure if he really loved Valkyrie.

She was, firstly, too young. As in- _way_ too young. She was 24. He was about 440. That was disgusting.

As well as that, he'd known her since she was twelve. _Twelve_. That was almost perverted. It was _sickening_.

But above all that, Skulduggery wondered if he actually loved Valkyrie at all. A part of him suddenly felt that he had just been keeping her close all this time so she didn't reveal his dark secret about Lord Vile. But now that the secret was out... did he really need her around?

And was this right? He still loved his wife, he always would, so would loving Valkyrie be the same as betraying his beautiful deceased lover? Something clicked then in Skulduggery's mind. He didn't love Valkyrie. He _couldn't_ love Valkyrie.

And did she love him...? She was probably just making him feel better when she'd said that she loved him. She was just pitying the poor skeleton. Skulduggery's metaphorical heart lurched as he thought about the prospect of Valkyrie playing him along.

He remembered what had happened with Caelan and Fletcher. She had cheated on her boyfriend for a vampire. A _vampire_. She couldn't be trusted.

Skulduggery made up his mind, then and there. He had to forget about any feelings he'd ever had for Valkyrie.

* * *

Valkyrie walked into the bathroom, and locked the door behind her. She stared at her reflection in the mirror, thinking.

Some doubts had been forming in her mind since last night. Doubts about Skulduggery. The bitter fact of their relationship was that he was a skeleton. Yeah, sure, he had suave and charm and a load of wit, but underneath it all, he was bones. Just bones. He had nothing to offer her, as selfish as it sounded. But it was true. He had nothing to offer Valkyrie.

As that wasn't all that was playing on her mind. His personality... it scared her sometimes. In one moment, he could be kind and funny, then in the next, he was a madman with a gun. He was dangerous. Frightening. Angry. And one question kept drifting to the front of Valkyrie's thoughts.

Was she safe with him?

She'd seen him in battle. He'd loved it. He'd loved the blood and violence that war brought. It gave him purpose.

He'd once told her that his nature was 'a dark and twisted thing'. Was this really the sort of person she wanted to spend her life with?

Everyone had tried to warn her away from Skulduggery, and for good reason. Ghastly. Solomon. Davina. The list went on, as did Valkyrie's doubts.

Valkyrie took a moment to consider what her life would be like if she hadn't gone with Skulduggery all those years ago. She'd have gone to school. University. She might have been a successful... anything. She could have been anything she wanted. She'd have friends her age. Maybe a boyfriend. She'd be living in the mansion, independent from her parents.

Her parents.

She would still have parents and a little sister. She would have a family. Valkyrie clenched her fists angrily. Just how much had she sacrificed for the skeleton?

She shook her head. She didn't know where the hell all of these feelings had come from, but the more she thought about them, the more likely it seemed that her and Skulduggery should stay apart.

Valkyrie splashed her face with cold water, in a futile attempt at removing the thoughts from her mind. She dried her face, and walked out of the bathroom.


	56. The Confrontation

Valkyrie looked up as Skulduggery came into the living room. He sat down beside her. She smiled at him, trying to mask her inner feelings. "Any sign of China?"

Skulduggery shook his head. "Not yet. But we must stay alert."

Valkyrie nodded, and they settled into an uneasy silence. After a few moments, Skulduggery tilted his head at her.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

"Nothing," Valkyrie replied, trying to create an expression of indifference on her face.

Skulduggery sighed, irritated. "That's your problem. You never let anyone in."

Anger flared within Valkyrie. "_I_ never let anyone in? I think you'll find that it's the other way round, Skulduggery," she snapped.

"Whenever you stick your nose into my business, I always tell you what's on my mind," Skulduggery retorted.

"Oh yeah? So all these things about your past that I don't know, how do you explain them?"

"Can't a man have any secrets? You have no right to know everything about me."

"Well don't ask about _me_, then!" Valkyrie half-yelled.

"I won't in future, since it gets you so pointlessly wound up," Skulduggery said bitterly.

"Fine!"

"Good!"

They sat in silence for a moment, until Skulduggery muttered, "Never trust a Necromancer."

Valkyrie saw red. "_Excuse_ me? You're a Necromancer as well, or does perfect little Lord Vile not count?"

"Says the world destroyer," Skulduggery said, raising his voice.

Valkyrie looked at him. She stood up, and went to leave the room. "That was low, Skulduggery, and you know it."

"It's true though, isn't it?" Skulduggery said. Valkyrie turned around angrily, facing him again.

"What did you say?" she asked quietly.

"I said it's true," Skulduggery shouted. "You're a world destroyer, Darquesse. You are predicted to be the downfall of this planet. I don't know why we're protecting you. I don't know why we don't just take you right to the Sanctuary."

Valkyrie felt like she'd just been stabbed in the heart, multiple times. Skulduggery saying these things... Surprisingly, the sadness went away almost immediately, and was swiftly replaced by anger. So much anger.

"How dare you say these things to me!" Valkyrie screamed at him. "You are Lord Vile! You murdered Ghastly's mother! And countless other innocent people!"

"And how does that compare to murdering the whole world?" he roared at her. She didn't even flinch.

"I haven't done it yet, though, have I?" she yelled. "We don't know that it will happen! But talking to you now, Skul, I feel like blowing up this goddamn planet!"

"So this could be it? This is what makes you snap? This is what turns you into a monster?"

"_Monster_? I'm the monster, now, am I? YOU'RE THE LIVING SKELETON, FREAK!"

Skulduggery was quiet for a moment. "I should never have told you I loved you."

"YEAH, WELL SAME HERE!"

"You are a stubborn cow, Valkyrie, and a horrible person. You cheated on your boyfriend. You swapped him for a _vampire_. You _disgust_ me," Skulduggery snarled.

Ghastly burst into the room, closely followed by Dexter. "What is wrong with you two?" Ghastly shouted incredulously.

"When I was stuck in hell, it didn't take you long to switch sides, did it?" Skulduggery continued to shout at Valkyrie. "You went off and found a new mentor pretty quickly."

"Oh, so is that what this is?" Valkyrie scoffed. "You're just jealous of Solomon training me!"

"JEALOUS?" Skulduggery roared. "WHY WOULD I BE JEALOUS OF THAT MAN? HE CAN HAVE YOU, FOR ALL I CARE!"

"That is enough!" Ghastly roared, but was once again ignored. Anton came into the room, and looked at the scene in front of him.

"You are a sick, twisted man, Skulduggery," Valkyrie accused darkly.

"I'm the sick one?!" Skulduggery scoffed. "Am I the one who cheated on my partner? Am I the monster who's destined to destroy the world? AM I THE PERSON WHO KILLED THEIR OWN FAMILY?"

The room was silent. Dexter looked at Skulduggery in shock. Anton looked at him in rage, and Ghastly looked at him with murder in his eyes. How could Skulduggery have brought up the death of Valkyrie's family? And how could he have accused her of it, when it was Darquesse?

Valkyrie felt tears prick at her eyes. "I did not kill my family, Skulduggery," she whispered, breaking the silence. She felt Dexter put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "I did not kill my family any more than you failed to prevent the death of yours."

Skulduggery was livid. He stepped angrily towards her, and she stepped closer to him, ready to defend the attack which she could see was coming.

"So you can mention my family, but I can't even dare to talk about yours?" she asked venomously, observing his reaction. Dexter put an arm around her waist, holding her back from lunging at Skulduggery.

"HOW DARE YOU ACCUSE ME OF BEING THE REASON WHY MY FAMILY DIED!" Skulduggery raged. "YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TALK OF THEM LIKE THAT. MY WIFE WAS MORE OF A WOMAN THAN YOU EVER WILL BE!"

Valkyrie barely had time to blink before Ghastly punched Skulduggery's jaw. He staggered back, a gloved hand rubbing the area Ghastly's fist had met.

"Even you, old friend," Skulduggery began, looking at Ghastly, "are siding with that freak."

Valkyrie snapped, and broke free of Dexter's grip on her, and hurled herself at Skulduggery, tackling him to the ground. They rolled and punched and kicked, and Skulduggery eventually found himself on top of Valkyrie, looking down on her.

"I'm sorry, Valkyrie," he said hollowly. "But we're not right for each other."

Valkyrie looked up at him. "No, Skulduggery. _You're_ not right for _me_. I want you to take back what you said about me and my family."

Skulduggery tilted his head. "Why? It's not as if I'm not speaking the truth."

All of a sudden, Skulduggery was hauled off of Valkyrie by Anton, and Ghastly used the air to pin him against the wall.

"What is wrong with you?!" he exclaimed, bewildered. "What the hell has gotten into you, Skulduggery?"

"I've just realised a few things," Skulduggery said quietly.

Ghastly shook his head. "This ends now. You two love each oth-"

"No, Ghastly, we don't," Valkyrie said, getting up off the floor. "That was all a mistake."

Skulduggery nodded. "At last. Something we can agree on."

"Shut up," Dexter muttered. "What's brought all this on? You two were a loved-up couple last night. What's happened since then?"

Before anyone could answer, there was the sound of high heels click-clacking rhythmically on the floorboards. Everyone froze, and looked at the entrance of the living room. Valkyrie's eyes widened, Dexter cursed, Ghastly gasped, and Anton raised his fists. Only Skulduggery remained still and unresponsive to the arrival.

The arrival of China Sorrows.


	57. Lethal Trance

***THANK YOU FOR 50 FAVES! :D I LOVE YOU ALL!***

**There's swearing in this chapter.**

* * *

A heavy silence had settled upon the warehouse, broken only by Ghastly's footsteps as he took a few paces forward.

"What do you want?" he asked China, venomously.

China shrugged her delicate shoulders. "Just wanted to see how you were all doing. Skulduggery, Valkyrie, how are those lovers' quarrels going?"

"So that was your doing?" Dexter questioned angrily.

China laughed. "It might have been. How are you, Dexter? You're looking as handsome as ever."

"Shut the fuck up, China," Dexter growled. "Your charm won't work on me. You left Saracen half-dead."

"Ah, I see you found my little gift to you," China nodded. "How is he? I'm sure he's recovered by now."

"Cut the small talk, China," Anton said, in that quiet voice of his. "Why are you here?"

"I made a new friend recently," she smiled, "and I have the courtesy to introduce him to you. You may know him; I'm sure most of you have met him before at some point."

A tall figure, dressed all in black and carrying a large scythe, came and stood at China's shoulder. The Black Cleaver.

"So that's where he went," Dexter mumbled.

"Valkyrie, go and get Erskine and Saracen," Ghastly instructed. "Everyone else, prepare to fight."

Valkyrie ran out of the room, whilst the others assumed their fighting stances. The Black Cleaver drew his scythe, and charged at them.

China looked at the fight that had just begun. Ghastly, Dexter and Anton, and now Valkyrie, Saracen and Erskine, too, were holding off the Black Cleaver quite well. It was impressive. But it wouldn't last long.

China strolled up to Skulduggery, who hadn't moved since her arrival. She didn't really care why.

She touched a sigil that was tattooed behind her ear. It was a fairly recent sigil, which she had applied to herself only a couple of weeks ago. It was a step-up from the old one she'd had. This new sigil was designed to make someone love her.

It was different to the old one because it didn't affect her appearance. This one directly and severely affected the mind of whoever she chose. That was another difference- this sigil could only be used on one person at a time.

Now that the sigil was activated, she could see that Skulduggery was standing a little straighter, and his head was tilted in that seductive way of his she remembered from all those centuries ago. She only needed to keep him focused on her for a couple minutes more, and the sigil would have taken its full effect.

The only problem was that the symbols she had drawn previously, which had made Skulduggery and Valkyrie argue with and hate each other, were unable to work at the same time as the one she was using now.

Therefore, China had disabled the first symbols. This meant that Valkyrie had, in essence, stopped hating Skulduggery. She now loved him again. However, Skulduggery was caught up in the new sigil, so did not return Valkyrie's affections.

All of this meant that China just needed to keep Valkyrie away from her and Skulduggery, and then the sigil would have done its job, and Skulduggery would be in love with her. Not Valkyrie. China. Which was how it should be.

* * *

Valkyrie threw a coil of shadows at the Black Cleaver, watching as they went right through him. Black blood oozed onto the ground, but the wound closed merely three seconds later. She glimpsed Skulduggery and China out of the corner of her eye. Skulduggery. The man she loved.

She felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her, and her heart flooded with feelings of guilt and sadness, but also of love. Love for the skeleton detective. _Her_ skeleton detective.

Anton saw that she was distracted, and risked a glance away from the Black Cleaver, following Valkyrie's gaze.

"Do you think Skulduggery's in trouble?" he asked Valkyrie.

Suddenly, the Cleaver swung his scythe for Valkyrie's head. Anton barrelled into her, pushing her onto the ground, both of them narrowly avoiding the blow.

"Thanks," Valkyrie said breathlessly, looking up at Anton.

"My pleasure." He stood up, and extended a hand towards her. She grasped it, and he pulled her up.

"Should someone be helping Skulduggery?" Anton asked.

Valkyrie nodded slowly. "Yeah. It looks like he's being hypnotised or something..." Realisation dawned on her. "Do you think China's enchanting him?"

"It certainly seems that way," Ghastly said, coming over quickly.

Anton nodded. "Ghastly, Valkyrie- you go and protect Skulduggery. Kill China."

"But what about-" Valkyrie's protest was cut short when Anton interrupted her.

"Forget the Cleaver. Save the skeleton. We'll handle this buffoon."

Whilst Anton followed the fight as it went outside the living room and down the corridor, Ghastly and Valkyrie sprinted towards the far end of the living room, where China turned to face them.

"Not so fast," she scolded, and a blue force field materialised around Valkyrie. She looked over at Ghastly, and saw that he had been refrained in a similar one. They couldn't pass through the luminous blue beams suspended in a tight circle around them.

All of a sudden, it was like a million daggers were being plunged into Valkyrie. She arched her back and fell to her knees, her screams mixing with Ghastly's, who was in the same situation.

China walked over to them, leaving Skulduggery in a trance-like state, standing stock still. She laughed wickedly.

"Like it?" she asked Valkyrie and Ghastly, gesturing to the force fields. "It's a little trick I stole off that nasty lady who did this to my brother, all those years ago. Remember her?"

Valkyrie cast a desperate glance at the doorway, but the other Dead Men didn't come to their rescue. The Black Cleaver was proving, once again, to be a worthy opponent.

China turned away from them, and walked back to Skulduggery. "It's done," she murmured to herself.

Skulduggery looked at her as she came up to him. He tilted his head. "China," he breathed. But not in disgust. Not in horror.

In happiness.

Skulduggery took China's hands in his, and squeezed them gently. "I love you."


	58. The Lodger

China smiled a beautiful, elegant smile. "My dear Skulduggery, I love you, too."

"Stay," Skulduggery said, no, _commanded_.

"Pardon?"

"Stay here. In the warehouse. I need you near me continuously, China. Stay."

"I would love to," she said, delighted, but not surprised, at how quickly things were escalating. She touched a sigil on her left palm, which called off the Black Cleaver. He would've now shadow-walked away, until she requested his presence again.

Just then, the other Dead Men stormed in, now that their opponent had vanished. They immediately caught sight of the force fields, and the screaming figures of Valkyrie and Ghastly inside them.

"Let them go!" Saracen yelled.

"But of course," China smiled. She waved a hand, and the force fields retracted. Valkyrie slumped to the ground, breathless, whilst Ghastly fell back against the wall weakly. Dexter and Saracen ran over to him, whilst Anton and Erskine sprinted over to Valkyrie.

"Are you okay?" Erskine asked her.

She nodded slightly. "Just...need to get...my breath...back," she panted.

Anton knelt by her, and fished around in his pockets for something. He brought out a leaf, and Valkyrie gratefully took it, and started chewing.

She stood up, with their help, and stiffly moved over to Ghastly, who also had a leaf in his mouth.

They all turned as Skulduggery addressed them. "China is to move in here with us as soon as possible," he proclaimed loudly.

"What?!" Erskine yelled. He marched angrily up to Skulduggery. "What's wrong with you?! She can't stay!"

"Why not?" Skulduggery challenged.

"Did you not see what she just did to us? With the Cleaver? And the force fields? Did you not notice all of that, you numpty?!"

"I love her, Erskine, and she is staying."

"You don't love her!" Erskine fumed. "You love Valkyrie!"

"Why would I love Valkyrie?" Skulduggery asked, getting angry.

"BECAUSE YOU DO!" Erskine shouted, exasperated.

China raised a mocking eyebrow. "Erskine, do stop with this nonsense. You're acting like a toddler."

Erskine whirled to her. "And you!" he began, pointing an accusing finger at China. "Stop charming him!"

"The love he feels for me is real, Ravel," China said smoothly, with a hint of malice in her voice, just daring Erskine to question things further.

He hesitated, then turned back to the other Dead Men. "Guys? A little help here!"

Dexter beckoned Erskine over, and he reluctantly rejoined the others. "You're normally the angry one, Dexter," Erskine said. "You do something!"

"Erskine, please be quiet for one minute," Dexter said in a low voice, so he couldn't be heard by China or Skulduggery.

"We need to let China stay," Dexter continued quietly. He ignored everyone's surprised expressions, and carried on. "We need to let her stay, because we need to keep Skul and her with us. We need to keep an eye on them, particularly China. If she doesn't stay here, Skulduggery will just go with her to somewhere we'll never get him back from."

"Keep your friends close, but your enemies closer," Saracen muttered.

"Exactly," Dexter nodded. "We're gonna let her stay," he said, half-whispering, "and when the time is right, we attack. Got it?"

Everyone nodded after a moment. "Nice thinking, Dexter," Ghastly said. Dexter flashed him a grin.

"Well, it has been said that I'm the brains of this rabble," he remarked cockily.

"Let's at least make her pay rent," Erskine muttered.

"Don't worry," Anton said quietly. "She won't be staying long enough for that to be necessary."

Dexter walked over to Skulduggery and China, where they were deep in conversation. "You can stay," he told China, interrupting their discussion. Not that he cared. "Just don't cause trouble."

China held out her hand for Dexter to shake. He ignored it, and walked out of the room, followed by the rest of the Dead Men.

China hastily retracted her hand, flushing slightly. Saracen caught her eye on his way out, and chuckled at her expense.

China smiled to herself. They thought they had the upper hand. This was, after all, their domain, and they were masters of it. But they would soon be rueing the day they ever vexed her, and they would shudder in fear as soon as she started raising cain. Her direct, bespoke attacks would unravel them, and she would wallow in their sorrows, and would find it pleasant.

China allowed herself a small smirk at that brilliant piece of literature she had just created, before turning back to her skeleton lover.

* * *

Valkyrie screamed with rage, and hurled another chair at the wall, where it dissipated in a mess of splinters. She had found an empty room on the other side of the warehouse, and was letting off a little steam. Just a little.

Valkyrie used her shadows to slice up a desk, and hurled the fragments across the room with the air. She clenched her fist, and drove it into the wall, releasing all of her anger out in her punches, ignoring the pain of her now-near-broken knuckles.

She stepped back, panting with the exertion. Stupid China. Stupid, _stupid_ China. Slowly the anger washed away, until she was left only with the pain that came with punching solid concrete for two minutes straight.

Valkyrie groaned softly. Her knuckles were bruised and bloody, and hurt like _hell._

"What have you done to yourself?" came a soft, concerned voice from behind her.

Valkyrie whirled to the doorway, where Anton was now standing. "Nothing," she muttered, and went to move past him. He blocked her way, and gently took her hands in his, lifting them so he could get a closer look.

"God, Valkyrie," he whispered, upon seeing the mess of skin and blood. He sighed, and led her to the bathroom. She sat on the side of the bath, while Anton rummaged through the cupboards for the healing utensils.

He knelt in front of her, and began to treat her hands. She winced at the stinging and the pain, but made no sound. Anton spoke to her while mending her wounds.

"Valkyrie, we'll get rid of China," he promised. "But in the meantime, do not let her get to you."

"I'm not," she mumbled stubbornly.

Anton raised an eyebrow. "Your mutilated hands state otherwise."

"I got angry."

"Forget about China. She's the village bike; everyone's had a ride." At this, Valkyrie smirked, and Anton continued. "Why stand for this, Valkyrie? Don't beat yourself up about what's happening. Literally.

"Just wait. Be patient. We'll back you up, Val. But you need to wait for the perfect moment. You can't go storming in by yourself; it will only end badly. We're Dead Men, Valkyrie. Strike from the shadows..."

"...disappear into darkness," Valkyrie finished, cracking a slight smile, which Anton returned.

"Exactly. We'll hit her when she least expects it."

* * *

**Anyone know where I got the chapter title from? **


	59. To Die Upon A Lover's Kiss

**Well done to BethShadows, Curtis Flare and Squishy for getting it right- 'The Lodger' is from the title of a Doctor Who episode. Loved that episode. So funny :'D**

**Now people... let's get ready for some action.**

* * *

China smirked as she entered what the men called the 'living room' of the warehouse. Valkyrie was seated on a sofa, alone. _Perfect_.

"Valkyrie, my dear," China began sweetly. Valkyrie looked up.

"What do you want?" she asked. China frowned. She was different, somehow... Calmer. Like she thought she was in control. Well, it was time to turn the tables.

"I just wanted to ask you something, out of curiosity," China continued.

"Curiosity killed the cat," Valkyrie muttered.

China's anger flared, but she remained calm. "On the subject of killing... How did it feel to kill your parents?"

"_Excuse_ me?" Valkyrie growled. She knew she shouldn't have been letting China get to her, but _no one_ was allowed to bring her parents into a conversation.

"You killed your parents, didn't you?" China continued, smirking. "Oh, and let's not forget about dear little Alice. Dead little Alice."

Valkyrie fought to remain calm, and remembered Anton's words. The Dead Men would back her up. But she had to wait. If she struck too soon, she could get them all killed. But China was doing her bloody head in.

"China, I don't know what you're trying to achieve, but it's not working," Valkyrie said quietly. "Now get the hell out of here."

China stepped closer to her. Valkyrie could smell her intoxicating sickly-sweet perfume. "You let down your family, Valkyrie," China said, in mock-disappointment. "Poor Alice won't get to live. She won't get a life. You killed her, you killed all of them. You're Darquesse, Valkyrie. You're going to destroy this entire planet.

"And why wouldn't you? You've already murdered your own family. Why not go one small step further? Why not kill the world? You'll kill everyone, Valkyrie. Saracen, Dexter, Erskine, Anton, Ghastly... Skulduggery..." Valkyrie's fists clenched. _Ignore her ignore her ignore her ignore her_

"You're going to murder them all," China continued to goad. "Just like you murdered your family. You are worthless, Valkyrie Cain."

Valkyrie snapped. She knew that Anton was right; they had to wait for the opportune moment. But she couldn't take it any more.

Valkyrie sent a fistful of shadows hurtling towards China, which she deflected easily when a transparent blue shield, made up of pure magic, materialised around her. Valkyrie snarled, and shot towards China, tackling her to the ground. They fell through the replacement coffee table, which the men had dragged into the room from another office, after Skulduggery's previous episode.

Shards of glass cut Valkyrie and China's skin, but neither lost their grip on the other as they rolled and scratched and hair-pulled. Valkyrie found herself straddling China, and began raining vicious punches down on her beautiful face, whilst China's nails furiously scratched Valkyrie's strong arms.

Skulduggery burst into the room, and fire was instantly in his hands. He aimed for Valkyrie, but the fireball went off-target as Ghastly barrelled into him. The pair struggled for a moment, until Ghastly managed to restrain Skulduggery against the far wall.

"What the hell are you doing?" Skulduggery yelled to Ghastly. "Let me stop her! She's going to kill her!"

Ghastly was mildly curious as to who Skulduggery was primarily concerned about, but figured that it was probably, sadly, China. "Skulduggery," he said quietly. "If I let you go, you could kill Valkyrie."

The other Dead Men entered the room, ready to fight, but before they could help Valkyrie, another figure came into the room.

"Oh crap, he's back," Erskine scowled, as the Black Cleaver drew his scythe.

Dexter glanced at his fellow Dead Men. "Ready, boys?"

They assumed their fighting stances, and attacked as one, aiming to obliterate their opponent. Ghastly and Skulduggery were still going at each other, but Erskine was now using his range of Elemental magic to combat the Cleaver, whilst Dexter fought by throwing energy. Anton and Saracen relied purely on core strength, and threw punches and kicks with rapid succession. But all of them were thinking the same thing- how would they kill what was already dead?

Meanwhile, Valkyrie and China were still throttling each other, intent on achieving the death of the other. Suddenly, Valkyrie swung a punch at China's head, which China dodged at the last moment, sending Valkyrie stumbling due to her own momentum.

China noticed this opportunity, and a shockwave of blue energy emitted from her hands, sending Valkyrie crashing into the wall.

Valkyrie lay there for a moment, then groaned. She took a few seconds to mentally and physically check herself for injuries, and then shakily got to her feet, looking up just in time to see China charge towards her.

Valkyrie sidestepped at the last second, and gathered the shadows of the room, and hurled them straight at China. China spun through most of them, but a few struck her torso and legs, and she shrieked and fell to the ground.

Suddenly, something dawned on Valkyrie. China had been weakened, so maybe whatever spell she'd cast on Skulduggery would also be weakened. It was certainly likely, seeing as they were both linked, but-

Skulduggery turned suddenly. He looked across the room at Valkyrie. _His_ Valkyrie.

"Valkyrie?" he said.

-but what were the chances of... Wait... Did someone just call her name? Valkyrie turned, and saw Skulduggery looking at her, and she knew that she had been right. When China had been weakened, her influence over Skulduggery had been as well. He was back. Valkyrie looked at him in joy.

Skulduggery tilted his head in a smile, but then something caught his eye. Behind Valkyrie, China was stirring. He was about to shout a warning, but before he could, daggers of sharp red energy left China's palms, and shot towards Valkyrie.

_"NO!"_ Skulduggery roared, but it was too late. The daggers pushed themselves through Valkyrie's back, exiting from her chest.

Valkyrie looked down at herself, the beautiful smile she had just been wearing instantly washed off her face. She frowned slightly, then staggered and fell backwards, hitting the floor. Her rose-coloured blood flowed steadily out of the wounds in her chest.

Shadows began to rise from her body, and impaled themselves through China's stomach, pinning her against the wall. She writhed and struggled, but couldn't get free. The last of Valkyrie's magic and strength now appeared to be gone, and she went limp against the ground.

The Black Cleaver dissipated into thin air, and all traces of China's influence had vanished. Skulduggery fully loved Valkyrie again, and he was now overcome with rage. So. Much. Rage.

He stalked up to China, where she was being held against the wall. Her breath came out in small gasps as the shadows, which were somehow still present, had pierced right through her stomach.

"You took my wife away from me," Skulduggery said quietly, leaning in close to China, speaking directly into her ear. "You abducted my child. You allowed them both to be killed in front of my eyes. You were there when I gripped the poisoned dagger, and you let me die.

"And now you've attacked my true love. You used your black magic to separate us, but not any more. You have hurt me for the last time, China. Die."

Skulduggery stepped away from China, and took out his .38 Smith and Wesson revolver. He fired six shots between China's icy blue eyes, and smiled internally at the blood gushing out of her head.

He turned away from her, and froze. The Dead Men were crowded around the spot where Valkyrie was lying.

Skulduggery pushed his way past them, and kneeled beside her, vaguely aware of the tears forming in the eyes of Ghastly and Dexter.

Valkyrie blinked up at Skulduggery as he cradled her head in his lap. He looked down at her. "Valkyrie?" he whispered, trying to avoid his gaze from falling upon the blood gushing out of her chest.

"Don't die," he said softly. "You're too pretty, remember?"

Valkyrie smiled slightly. "Have you seen the state of me?" she hoarsely asked.

Skulduggery gently stroked her cheek with a gloved hand. "You're beautiful even when covered in blood. That doesn't look too healthy, by the way."

"Tell me about it," Valkyrie mumbled.

Skulduggery looked at the men around him and Valkyrie. "Get medical supplies," he instructed, urgency lacing his voice. No one moved.

_"GO!"_ he roared.

Ghastly put a gentle hand on his shoulder. "I don't think there's anything we can do this time," he said softly, tears masking his vision.

"We have to try," Skulduggery said menacingly.

"I'm sorry, Skulduggery," Anton said, "but Ghastly's right. Look at Valkyrie's injuries. A bit of crystal and a few leaves won't do anything now."

"How can you say that?!" Skulduggery yelled, anguish in his voice. "_How can you just let her die?!_"

"I'm not letting her, Skulduggery," Anton said coldly. "Do you think I want her to die? I love her as if she was my own flesh and blood. We all do. But you have to accept that there is nothing that can be done. Look at her. She's dying, Skulduggery. Don't waste her final moments."

"Anton," Dexter said through his bitter tears. "He's got a point. Can't we do _anything?"_

"She's gonna die, Dex," Saracen said quietly.

"How do you know?" Erskine questioned angrily.

Saracen looked at him, and tears of his own began to fall. "I know things."

Skulduggery ignored them, and looked back down at his dying partner, who wore a pained expression on her face. "So this is it," she said. "This is my death."

"No, it isn't," Skulduggery insisted.

"Skulduggery, I can feel myself dying. I can feel my body shutting down. I can barely speak. I can barely see. Everything's going hazy."

"Don't die, Valkyrie. And if you see any long tunnels, stay away from the light," Skulduggery said, tilting his head.

Valkyrie frowned, then chuckled softly. "Did you just quote 'Shrek'?"

"Of course, after that time you made me sit and watch every Shrek animation ever released, four times, for a whole weekend. Now stop talking, and focus on staying alive."

"That's quite a big ask, Skul," Valkyrie said quietly, as her life slipped away.

"Valkyrie," Skulduggery said softly. "Valkyrie?" he repeated, when he wasn't met with an answer.

"What?" Valkyrie asked weakly, smiling slightly. "Can't you just let me die in peace?"

"Never," Skulduggery said, and Valkyrie knew he'd be grinning if he had a face. He started fumbling around in his pockets for something, and pulled out a black velvety box a moment later.

"I love you, Valkyrie," Skulduggery said huskily. "I love you so much, and if this is the last chance I get..." He activated his facade, an unremarkable face with unremarkable features, save for eyes as dark as hers. He opened the box, to reveal a traditional-looking silver ring, with three delicate gemstones embedded upon it- a peridot, her birthstone; pure black hematite; and, in-between the two, a priceless-looking diamond.

"Stephanie Edgley, Valkyrie Cain, Darquesse; will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"

Happy tears pricked at Valkyrie's eyes, and flowed down her cheeks. Skulduggery wiped them away with a gentle gloved thumb. "You just happened to be carrying that old thing around in your pocket?" she smiled, but that smile soon disappeared when the numb feeling in her body heightened. She knew she didn't have long to go, and so did Skulduggery.

"It was my wife's," Skulduggery said softly. "And now it will be yours. Please marry me, Valkyrie. Before it's too late."

"Yes," Valkyrie tearfully whispered, her eyes closing just as that last word escaped her lips.

Skulduggery softly kissed her, revelling in her taste one final time, as Valkyrie took her final breath. He bowed his head over her body, and his skeletal tears fell freely onto her pale skin.

_To die upon a lover's kiss._


	60. She is Awake

Skulduggery lifted his head a few moments later. "She's dead," he said hollowly.

Ghastly stood up, and put a hand on his friend's shoulder. "Come on," he coaxed gently.

"This is all my fault," Skulduggery said quietly. "I let China stay here, I let her attack Valkyrie, I... I did nothing to stop this. It's my fault she's dead."

"It's no one's fault but China's," Anton said emotionlessly, also getting up. Dexter squeezed Valkyrie's limp hand, then walked slowly out of the room. Saracen wordlessly got up after a moment, and followed him.

"Skulduggery, leave her now," Erskine said softly. "She's gone."

Ghastly hauled Skulduggery up, and Skulduggery eventually allowed him to walk him silently out of the living room.

Meanwhile, Anton lifted Valkyrie's lifeless body, and placed it on one of the sofas. Erskine left the room, coming back a moment later with a white sheet, which he gently draped over her body. They walked out of the room together, and went into the kitchen, where the others were.

Anton went straight over to Skulduggery, who was leaning against the fridge, deathly still. "Bury or cremate?" he asked softly.

"Cremate," Skulduggery immediately answered. He sounded broken. "Fire was her favourite element," he continued quietly. "And she always joked that she didn't want to be buried. She thought that maggots would eat her."

Anton nodded. Everyone was silent for a few minutes, until Erskine spoke. "Um... China's dead body is still in the living room."

Dexter put down the glass of water he had been drinking, slamming it on the countertop. He turned away from the sink to face the others. "Chuck it in the back field," he said, his voice devoid of any emotion. "We'll burn it tonight, then burn the ashes."

Erskine wordlessly went back into the living room, and approached China's body. He stopped suddenly. Something was wrong.

He slowly looked to the right, and realised that a very _big_ something was wrong. He stared at the sofa where Anton had left Valkyrie's body.

The sheet was on the floor.

The sofa was empty.

Valkyrie's body was missing.

Footsteps sounded behind him, and Erskine swallowed.

"Alright, Ravel?" came a familiar voice.

Erskine turned slowly, and came face to face with Valkyrie.

No. _Darquesse._


	61. Standoff

**What? You didn't think I'd let Valkyrie die, did you? ;)**

* * *

"Oh shit," Erskine muttered.

"Hello to you, too," Darquesse smirked. She raised a hand as if in greeting, but then it began to crackle with red energy.

"Guys!" Erskine called, panicked. He heard footsteps running towards him, but his eyes were focused on Darquesse's hand. Suddenly, the energy compressed into a small sphere, and then radiated outwards, knocking Erskine off his feet, and throwing him into the wall so hard that cracks formed.

The others burst in, and stopped in shock. Darquesse turned and faced them.

"Miss me?"

Skulduggery was the first to react, closely followed by Anton and Saracen, and then Ghastly and Dexter added their attacks to the mix.

Skulduggery threw continuous fireballs at Darquesse, which Anton backed up with punches that he administered by getting in close. Neither of these had much effect on Darquesse, although Anton could've sworn he'd seen a faint trickle of perspiration on her forehead.

Dexter hurled streams of energy at Darquesse, aiming for her face, whilst Ghastly compressed the air around her mouth, choking her.

Saracen came in with rough, dirty kicks, and joined Anton in punching. Erskine, now back on his feet, summoned two fireballs in his hands, and was hurling a never-ending sequence of them straight for Darquesse, who was, by this point, hunched over and screaming in agony.

The Dead Men were throwing everything they had at Darquesse, with the aim of weakening her enough so that they could attempt to bring Valkyrie back. They weren't giving her a single moment to recover. For that would be fatal.

Suddenly, Darquesse lashed out with a powerful kick to Saracen, which she had seemingly gotten lucky with her aim for. Cracks were heard, and Saracen fell back panting, clutching his stomach.

Darquesse clicked her fingers, and Erskine staggered, his hands clutching his knee. He roared in agony, and the others could see, once he'd moved his hands, that Darquesse had snapped the bone. His knee was jutting out at a strange angle, and there was blood everywhere. She was taking them all out, one by one. And there was nothing anyone could do about it.

A pale blue force field suddenly appeared around Darquesse, which deflected Skulduggery's fireballs and Dexter's energy streams. Skulduggery quickly conjured moisture from the air to douse the flames that were shooting towards him. Dexter tried to dodge the energy streams, but was struck by a stray one. He stumbled backwards, and collapsed a moment later.

Now it was just Anton, Ghastly and Skulduggery left. The hard-hitters.

Darquesse grinned.

The three charged at her, attacking relentlessly. Elbows, knees, legs, fists... Every blow connected with her.

She let them think that they had the upper hand for a full minute, but then she grew bored. She poured most of her magic into her right hand, and used it to drive a powerful punch into Anton's stomach. He flew back into the wall with so much force that he went right through it, and landed in the next room. He groaned, but didn't show any signs of being able to get up.

Ghastly and Skulduggery continued the onslaught, not allowing themselves a moment to think about their fallen comrades, as this would prove to be a worthy distraction.

They covered each other's backs; when Darquesse tried to punch Ghastly, Skulduggery knocked her hand away. When Skulduggery was then targeted, Ghastly barrelled into her from behind. But they knew that they had no hope. Darquesse was just toying with them, and they were wondering when she'd stop the game.

Just as Skulduggery was about to kick her knee, Darquesse waved a hand, and he went stumbling backwards, propelled by some unknown force of hers.

She grabbed Ghastly by the neck, and lifted him with incredible strength, holding him as he dangled in front of her, clawing at the hand around his windpipe.

Whilst holding him, Darquesse forcefully kicked his stomach, and tightened her grip on his neck. He couldn't breathe. Darquesse released him after a moment, and he collapsed.

She turned to face Skulduggery. He carefully cocked his hat back to its usual angle, and tilted his head.

"You could've wiped us all out with a wave of your hand," he said. "Why didn't you?"

Darquesse shrugged. "It was more fun this way."

"Excuse me for being blunt, but why are you so cruel? Why do you have such bad intentions?"

Darquesse looked at Skulduggery. "All the hardest, coldest, cruelest people you'll meet were once as soft and innocent as water. And that's the tragedy of living. I think you know that better than most, Skulduggery."

Skulduggery was quiet for a moment, then said, "I don't suppose you'll bring Valkyrie back, will you?"

Darquesse smiled. "No. I won't. But I don't think that you care too much at this point, Skulduggery. You're so overjoyed that she didn't die. That I saved her. You think you can bring her back now not from death, but from Darquesse, which you believe is infinitely easier. And I can see the shadows under your shirt, skeleton. You're ready to turn into something rather vile."

"That I am," Skulduggery muttered, and shadows swirled out of his torn sleeves, and flowed from his ripped shirt, and an armour was created around him. Last to form was a helmet that covered his head, and then Lord Vile was standing before Darquesse.

Shadows swirled around the two, and then they vanished.

* * *

The Dead Men's bodies lay scattered around the room. Or, in Anton's case, in another room.

Dexter was the first to recover. He pushed himself up into a sitting position. "Everyone okay?"

Erskine spat out a long string of swear words. Dexter sighed, and slowly stood up, aching. "I'll be back with bandages and stuff in a second, Erskine, as soon as I've checked on the others. Stay there."

"Well it's not as if I'm going anywhere," he muttered, clutching his knee.

Dexter headed straight for Saracen, leaning against the wall for a moment as his head spun. He looked down on Saracen.

"You alright?"

"Broken ribs," Saracen said, wincing. Dexter nodded.

"Keep still, try not to move," he advised. He walked stiffly over to Ghastly, who was slowly coming round.

"Ghastly?" Dexter said, trying to get his fellow Dead Man focusing again. "Ghastly? Oi! Ghastly Bespoke! Tailor! Hey! Ghastly! G! H! A! S! T! L! Y! Ghastly! Ghast-"

"Shut up, Dexter, you sound like a flipping cheerleader," Ghastly mumbled, opening his eyes. Dexter grinned, and patted his friend's bald head.

"Have a nice nap?"

"Not really," Ghastly muttered, getting to his feet. He stumbled slightly, but Dexter was there to steady him with a hand to his shoulder.

"You feeling okay?" he asked.

"Yeah, just a bit... Meh," Ghastly said. Dexter smiled, and then went over to check on Anton, stepping through the hole that was left in the wall from the impact.

"Anton?"

Anton grunted.

"Are you alright?"

He grunted again.

"Anton, you sound like a pig," Dexter sighed.

"Here I am," Anton said weakly, "lying in another room, after being thrown through a wall with so much force that a hole was left, and you're asking me if I'm alright...?"

"Yup, you're fine," Dexter said, turning away as if to walk off. Anton sighed.

"Help me up, you knucklehead."

Dexter laughed, and turned back, extending a hand towards Anton. "Did you really think that I was gonna leave you?" he teased.

"Well, it wouldn't be the first time," Anton accused. "Remember Vancouver?"

"Oh yeah," Dexter said, and a smile broke across his handsome features. "The Eskimo squad."

Anton sighed. "Are you still insisting on calling them that?"

"They didn't like you," Dexter stated.

"No. They didn't."

"They threw snow at you from their snow canons."

"I know. I was there, believe it or not. And can you remind me, Dexter, where you were during all this?"

"I was running away," Dexter said quietly.

"Pardon?" Anton raised an eyebrow.

"I ran away," he said, louder. "Advanced in reverse. Whatever."

"Exactly. You left me. And from that moment on, I decreed that the Dead Men never undertook missions in pairs ever again."

"Well, I..." Dexter searched for an excuse. His eyes lit up. "I have chionophobia!"

"You have _what?_" Anton asked, bewildered.

"Chionophobia. Fear of snow." _Most useful thing I ever read on the back of a cereal box._

"Is that so?"

"Yeah, and-"

"Can you two hurry up and stop flirting?" Ghastly called over. "People are dying here!"

"Oh, stop being so dramatic," Dexter said nonchalantly.

"Is he cheating on you already, Saracen?" Erskine muttered.

Everyone was silent.

"Oops..." Erskine mumbled.

"Erskine," Saracen said through clenched teeth, "what was that little chat you and I had earlier about keeping our mouths shut...?"

"Bet you don't shut your mouth when you kiss him," Erskine winked.

"Grow up, Erskine," Anton said. "Saracen, Dexter... Sexter-"

"That is such a cool name," Erskine interrupted.

"-you have my congratulations," Anton continued, ignoring Ravel. "Now help me the hell up."


	62. Hell is Empty, and the Devils are Here

***Thank you to Lightening sparks for the chapter title.**

* * *

Shadows swirled around them both, and when they fell, the pair found themselves to be in a remote field. Lord Vile had shadow-walked them away so they didn't hurt the others. How sweet.

Darquesse smiled at him. "Let's get this over with, then. I have a world to destroy."

Suddenly, without warning, Lord Vile slammed his shadows into her, throwing her backwards. She lay sprawled in the middle of the field for a moment, before coming to her senses. She felt the adrenaline pumping through her, and grinned.

She healed herself immediately, and leapt up with added strength, dodging Vile's next attack. She landed in a crouch, and shot out energy of her own. The beams struck his armour, dissipating harmlessly.

Darquesse clicked her fingers, and Vile was enveloped in black flame. Shadows covered him, and doused the flames before damage could be done.

She observed his shadows curl around her legs, but cut them off with her own sharpened ones. Suddenly, Vile, in a burst of shadows, disappeared.

Darquesse was instantly alert, wondering where he could have gone.

She felt slight movement behind her, but couldn't react in time before Vile, after shadow-walking right behind her, grabbed her from behind. His armoured arms were anchored around her slim waist.

Darquesse struggled, then spun in his grip, and gazed deep into the dark depths of his helmet. Neither of them moved.

She wondered why he wasn't smashing her brains out. She then wondered why she had ceased her own attack on him.

Darquesse felt power radiating from him. So much power. Oh, she liked it. She grinned at Vile, feeling a sudden urge of romance towards him.

She broke free from his grasp, and shot into the air, flying with ease through the afternoon sky. She laughed with glee, and looked behind her, to see Vile following right on her tail.

The two Death Bringers danced and soared, in a relaxed game of cat and mouse. The land below them was deserted, a patchwork of countryside beneath them. Ahead, there was endless sky. An infinite playground.

Darquesse dodged left just as shadows shot past her, missing by mere millimetres. She grinned again, and whipped her own shadows at Vile. He gracefully swerved out of range.

The game continued for a while, when, suddenly, Lord Vile came up beside her. Whilst in the air, he punched her with inhumane strength.

Darquesse was sent crashing down to earth, and landed near an oak tree. She took a moment to concentrate, then healed her bones and skin, dealt with the aesthetics, and then got to her feet.

Vile landed in front of her, in all his majestic beauty. Darquesse suppressed the urge to touch him.

Suddenly, shadows lashed out of Vile, pinning her against the tree by her torso and legs, leaving only her arms free. Darquesse watched as he stalked closer, looming over her. His helmet retracted into his armour, revealing Skulduggery's skull.

Darquesse reached her arm out. Vile's skull moved slightly as he watched her. She tapped his collarbones, and a face flowed up across the place where one had once been. Dark hair, dark eyes, and a wicked smile.

Vile moved his head towards her, and she vaguely observed how the afternoon sun caught his sharp cheekbones, before she leaned in herself and met his lips with her own.

They initiated a searing kiss, full of passion. Their tongues wrestled for dominance, for power, for control. Vile roughly pushed Darquesse further into the tree behind her, and she felt the bark scraping against the material of her clothes. She was still pinned to the tree. Vile's shadows were strong, but she could easily overpower them. Not that she wanted to.

His hands were on her hips, and hers were wrapped around his neck, getting to the bare bone that wasn't covered by the armour. Their endless, passionate kissing continued, until Vile broke it off.

He moved his head back a fraction. "Valkyrie," he breathed.

The shadow armour slithered back under the suit of Skulduggery Pleasant, as he regained control of himself. He was still standing there, so close to her. His facade was still up.

He leaned forward, and kissed Darquesse again. She tried to resist, but was being pulled in by Valkyrie's influence. This kiss was sweeter, more affectionate. Less passionate, yet still full of love and adoration.

Darquesse could hear Valkyrie's voice in her head, but tried to ignore it. She became lost in the moment, enough so that Valkyrie slipped through and claimed control of her body once more.

Darquesse was banished, once again, to the back of her mind. Valkyrie pulled away from Skulduggery, taking a moment to gather her thoughts. Once she was sure she was strong enough to keep Darquesse away, she turned back to her lover.

"I thought I'd lost you," Skulduggery said softly, retracting his facade.

Valkyrie smiled. "You'll never lose me."

She stepped up to him, and kissed his teeth chastely. "Take me home," she whispered.

Skulduggery held her close, and flew her back to the warehouse. When she fell asleep during the journey, he carried her bridal style, her head resting on his shoulder. When her hair got tangled in the buttons of his suit, damaging the fastening, he didn't mind.


	63. A New Era

**To everyone that is reading this,**

**You guys have made this fanfic awesome. When I first started writing this, my first ever work on fanfiction, I did not expect the response I received. Your support is what has driven me, and I always beam when I see that my inbox has been clogged up with all your reviews again :D**

**I'm going to miss every single one of you; the favouriters, the followers, the reviewers and all you other readers that have stayed quiet but are still enjoying the fanfic. **

**My reviewers... My brilliant reviewers... I'll miss you all. I'll miss your complaints of a cliffhanger and your crazy autocorrected nonsense and your pairing suggestions and your sass and your anger and your critique and your general awesomeness on this fanfic. I'm going to miss seeing "Review: The Hunt of the Dead Men" in my inbox. :'(**

**Thank you so much to everyone who is reading this right now. I cannot express how amazing you all are. Thank you.**

**Now. Before I get too emotional, let us begin the final chapter of 'The Hunt of the Dead Men'.**

**Read it slowly. Make it last. :D **

* * *

Valkyrie looked into the smouldering bonfire. Crackling fire licked the timber like a hungry kitten with a saucer of milk, appreciative of the effort Ghastly and Dexter had gone to when searching around for wood to burn. The flames danced in the darkness of the sky, illuminating the faces of the seven spectators. The glowing embers leaped and twirled in a fiery dance, twinkling like stars in the hot air, before cascading to earth like gleeful fire fiends, extinguishing themselves upon contact with the grass.

Plumes of black smoke snaked upwards from the bonfire, as ash floated to the ground like great dirty flakes of snow, sprinkling onto the grass and into Valkyrie's hair. At the heart of the fire lay China's body.

"Look what I found lying around in the basement," someone called from behind her. She turned, and smiled at Saracen, who was carrying a box full of fireworks. The others went over to have a look, marvelling at the bounty like children on New Year's Eve.

Everyone was there except Skulduggery. Just then, through some telepathic connection, Valkyrie felt a gentle hand on her shoulder, and turned into Skulduggery's embrace.

"China makes a very good fire, I must say," he mused.

Valkyrie grinned. "She is surprisingly flammable, yes."

They were quiet for a moment, then Skulduggery drew back and looked down at her. "Are you alright?" he asked softly.

"Yeah," Valkyrie sighed. "Stupid stuff happened. Stupid stuff happens. Stupid stuff is going to happen. This is life."

Skulduggery nodded. "Exactly. This is life. People will screw you over. You'll fight with your family. You'll lose your family. You'll witness things that will change you forever. You'll lose best friends that you thought would always be there. You'll come to realise that everyone has a past. You'll cry, you'll laugh, and you'll embarrass yourself. But then, you'll find your very own moment where none of that matters; where you can sit back and realise that stupid stuff happens to those who can handle it. This is who you are."

Valkyrie looked at him and smiled. She leaned in, and kissed his teeth.

Upon pulling away, she realised that Skulduggery had a hand hidden behind his back. At her questioning glance, he brought it round to reveal a fistful of sparklers. Valkyrie grinned, and took one. Skulduggery handed one to each of the other Dead Men, throwing one at Dexter's head as he was too busy watching Saracen to come over and get his.

Valkyrie clicked her fingers and lit her sparkler, watching as it burst into golden life. Writing her name on the black canvas of the sky, she swirled it around until it went out, observing the Dead Men doing the same. Except Erskine, who decided to get another one and light it next to a still-distracted Dexter's ear. As it suddenly began to crackle, Dexter jumped a foot in the air, cursing Erskine's name.

Saracen finally figured out how to work the fireworks, and whistled sharply. Ghastly came forward with a flame in his hand, and lit the firework. He moved back quickly, and it shot into the sky, exploding into a burst of deep reds and greens.

Whilst Ghastly and Saracen prepared a row of fireworks to light at once, Anton stepped out of the shadows, his phone in his hand.

"I've just spoken to Fletcher," he announced. All heads turned to face him.

"People from all over the magical community," he continued, "have been in contact with him. Grand Mage Graves is dead. He was killed in his sleep."

Skulduggery tilted his head a fraction. "Do we know who did it?"

Anton nodded. "A band of rogue mages, who just happened to match the descriptions of Aurora Jane, Frightening Jones, Moloch, and a pack of his vampires. They rampaged through Roarhaven, causing havoc and killing dozens of Graves' supporters, as well as Graves himself.

"We have been asked to salvage what's left of the Sanctuary. They need leaders. The Dead Men will come in and bring about a new era."

"Are you sure about this?" Valkyrie asked. "If we go in there and it turns out that no one's on our side..."

"Fletcher has amassed a plethora of supporters," Anton smiled. "We have half the world on our side, Valkyrie. It looks like, for once, we're winning."

"No. We're not winning," Skulduggery said. All eyes turned to him. He tilted his head in a smile. "We've already won."

A mutual feeling of celebration, pride and accomplishment surged through the Dead Men. Ghastly decided to end it. "So, I guess we need to choose three of us to be the new Elders," he clarified.

"Does it have to be three of _us_?" Saracen asked. "Couldn't it be one of our fans?"

"No, Saracen," Ghastly sighed. "It has to be us. We're the only people respected enough to lead a Cradle of Magic, and to ensure that there won't be any more wars in the near future."

"Should we just have seven Elders?" Erskine asked.

"Hell, no!" Dexter and Saracen exclaimed together.

"I think we've got better things to be doing," Saracen said.

"We were thinking of travelling the world together," Dexter added. "Y'know; cruising, sunbathing, adventuring, trekking-"

"Wait, I agreed to the first two on that list," Saracen frowned. "Not the adventuring or trekking."

"We'll see about that," Dexter winked.

"_Five_ Elders, then?" Erskine asked.

"I'm too young," Valkyrie protested. "No one will accept me as an Elder. Besides, that job is too boring for me. I'm happy to stay on as a detective."

"As am I," Skulduggery agreed.

Everyone looked at Anton, who frowned. "What are you lot looking at? I'm not doing it. I _hate_ the Sanctuary."

Erskine sighed. "Looks like it's just you and me, old pal," he said to Ghastly.

"How about Fletcher for the third Elder?" Saracen joked. Ghastly wacked his arm.

"Don't even joke about that," he glared. "I think Erskine is bad enough."

"It's just the two of us, then," Erskine said. "Bagsy I'm the Grand Mage."

Ghastly looked at him. "Seriously? Erskine, you led us into a _war._"

"Well, what do you propose?" Erskine indignantly asked.

"How about we just both be Elders?" Ghastly suggested.

Erskine thought for a moment. "Do we-"

"No, Erskine, we don't need to wear robes this time."

Erskine nodded. A smile broke across his features. "Now, let us celebrate with the rest of the fireworks."

Ghastly walked over to where the fireworks had all been lined up, and clicked his fingers. He crouched slightly by the first one.

"Everyone ready?" he called. After a series of agreements, he lit the first firework, then ran along the line with the flame, lighting them all in quick succession. They shot into the air one by one, a Mexican wave of fireworks exploding into the sky, lighting up the darkness of the night.

Reds, blues, yellows, golds, pinks, and every colour in between burst into the night with loud pops, sizzles and bangs. Skulduggery put an arm around Valkyrie, and she snuggled into his ironic warmth. She saw Dexter and Saracen doing the same.

They watched the fireworks until there were no more, then they gazed up at the stars that were splattered across the black velvet above them.

The relaxed silence was broken by soon-to-be-Elder Ravel. "So, Ghastly..." he began.

"What?" Ghastly asked, irritated.

"You and me, best buddies, together again..."

"Where are you going with this?" Ghastly frowned.

"We're close, you and me. We're good friends. We'd do anything for each other."

"That's highly debatable," Ghastly muttered.

"We _are_ close, though. You have to admit it."

Ghastly raised an eyebrow. "Erskine, are you trying to tell me you're gay?"

Erskine paused. "Um, I wasn't expecting-"

"It's okay if you are," Ghastly continued. "I always thought that there was something you were hiding, Erskine. I had a feeling you were-"

"Ghastly, I'm not gay," Erskine interrupted hastily.

"Oh. Well then, please get to whatever point you're trying to get to. You're ruining the silence."

"Alright, alright," Erskine grumbled. He forced a smile onto his face. "So, as I said, we're going to be working together again."

"I know that."

"And when we're Elders, well, nothing can stop us from doing favours for each other..."

Ghastly sighed irritably. "What do you want, Erskine?"

An eager smile crossed Ravel's face. "Can I have the big throne?"


	64. Epilogue

**It has been a year since I published the first chapter of this story. It seems fitting to commemorate the occasion.**

**Epilogue**

* * *

The double doors of the Sanctuary opened, and Skulduggery Pleasant sauntered in, a handcuffed prisoner beside him. A chain extended from the cuffs, and the detective held the end of this chain securely in his hand, leading the prisoner like a person would lead a dog. Valkyrie trailed behind the two, absentmindedly scrolling through her texts.

"Mr Slate, you killed that man," Skulduggery said to the prisoner. "I'm afraid that this makes you guilty of murder."

The man sighed, and looked at Skulduggery. "I didn't kill him, it was a bullet. Bullets are made of lead. Lead comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. Case closed."

"Whilst I commend your logic, I have also chosen to ignore it. Come along, now." Skulduggery gave a sharp tug on the chain, and the man glared at the back of his skull, following miserably. The three of them headed towards the end of the corridor, at which point Skulduggery and the prisoner turned right towards the holding cells, and Valkyrie turned left towards the Great Hall of the Elders.

She nodded to the Cleavers, who pulled open the large double doors. She walked in, strolling up to the Elders.

Ghastly and Erskine smiled as they saw her. No longer having to wear their abominable robes, the job wasn't half as bad as it had been. Ghastly gestured to Tipstaff, who moved to a table semi-concealed by the shadows of the room's perimeter. He poured some tea into a cup, and offered it to Valkyrie, who took it gratefully.

"Valkyrie, to what do we owe the pleasure?" Erskine asked.

"I'm not here for you two, I'm afraid," Valkyrie said. "I need to get the paperwork for the case we've just done."

"I'll fetch that for you now," Tipstaff said, and swiftly exited the room.

Valkyrie glanced at the ornate clock on the far wall. "When are Dexter and Saracen expected to arrive?"

"Within a matter of minutes," Ghastly replied, consulting his watch. "It won't take long to clear up the small details of their mission, and then they'll be off to hunt the murderers."

The doors opened, and Valkyrie turned as Anton Shudder came in. He nodded to the Elders, and formally shook Valkyrie's hand.

"The Midnight Hotel is ready for the Banished," he said to the Elders.

Valkyrie raised an eyebrow. "The Banished?"

Erskine nodded. "We have come to the conclusion that there are simply too many people in the Gaol," he said.

"It was a bit more serious than that," Ghastly interjected. "Some sorcerers' crimes are so bad that even the Gaol is not harsh enough for them. Therefore, we have decided to transport them to a newly-built facility over in America. Our Gaol is a luxury resort compared to that place."

"The Midnight Hotel will transport the prisoners," Erskine added, "because Fletcher, as you know, is still completing his assignment with the Monster Hunters in Tokyo."

Tipstaff re-entered the room with Skulduggery, and handed a slim file to Valkyrie whilst the Elders greeted Skulduggery. "Please have this completed within twelve hours," Tipstaff said, then turned to Ghastly and Erskine.

"Arrange for the Banished to be taken to the Midnight Hotel and placed within the individual containment units, please, Tipstaff," Erskine instructed. Tipstaff bowed, then graciously headed towards the door again.

More footsteps sounded, and Valkyrie turned to see Dexter and Saracen stroll in, giving a nod to Tipstaff as they passed him.

"Good afternoon gentlemen, lady and Skulduggery," Dexter grinned. Saracen held a hand up in greeting.

"I hope you didn't miss us too much," he smirked.

"It was a struggle, but I think we pulled through," Anton remarked dryly.

Skulduggery turned to Dexter. "So, what have you two been-"

He was cut off when Tipstaff bolted into the room. "One of the prisoners has escaped during transportation to the van," he exclaimed, addressing the Elders.

Erskine cursed. "Damn it, I knew this would be a risky process."

"You're the one who said it would be the 'easiest thing we've ever done'," Ghastly reminded him, beginning to stand.

"Yeah, well," Erskine began. He failed to find a witty retort, so said, "Ghastly, there's a dangerous prisoner escaping, come on!" And with that, he ran out of the room, turning left down the corridor.

He popped his head back round the door a moment later. "Um, where did you say the prisoner was?" he asked Tipstaff sheepishly.

"He was last seen outside, round the side of the Sanctuary," Tipstaff said curtly.

Erskine nodded, then set off, turning right this time. The others sprinted after him.

They reached the side of the building, and scanned their surroundings. There was a cluster of trees off to the right, yet the thickets and bushes along the way meant that a prisoner in a hurry would not have taken this route.

Beside them was a large, white truck, guarded closely by two dozen Cleavers, and being searched by officials. The high risk of discovery also ruled out this possibility.

Up ahead lay Roarhaven, a complex map of streets and buildings. The Dead Men approached the streets slowly, speeding up significantly when Skulduggery yelled, "There!" He pointed to a figure dashing round a corner, and the Dead Men gave chase.

The man dashed down streets, taking turns swiftly and without slowing. He was dressed in bright orange, which meant that he shouldn't be too hard to keep an eye on. His hands were still cuffed, yet it appeared that he had broken out of the chains that had been around his feet.

The Dead Men ran to the spot where they'd last seen him, pausing as they realised that they were at an intersection.

"Split up!" Skulduggery called. Ghastly and Erskine ran left, Dexter, Saracen and Anton sped right, and Skulduggery and Valkyrie sprinted straight.

A minute or so later, they heard Saracen shout, "Here!" Following his voice, they all zoned-in on the prisoner and surrounded him.

Skulduggery pulled out his gun, and was about to shoot his leg, when the man suddenly gave an almighty battle cry. This momentarily startled the Dead Men, and the man used this tiny distraction to turn and attempt to run away.

He managed an admirable three steps before bumping into the steely chest of Anton Shudder, who pushed him away in disgust.

Skulduggery strode over, and knelt down beside the man.

"Well, that was easy," he remarked.

The man snarled and lashed out a kick to Skulduggery, who toppled over. Valkyrie sighed.

"That was an incredibly stupid thing to do, moron," she said.

"That's right, you tell him, Valkyrie," Skulduggery mumbled, getting to his feet. The man still hadn't moved, deciding against it due to the muscle he was surrounded by.

"I was talking to you, Skul," Valkyrie stated. "'Only gloat when you're sure that the prisoner can't ruin your moment.' Remember teaching me that?"

"Well, yes, but-"

"Guys," Saracen interrupted. He gestured to the prisoner. "How about we just get back to the Sanctuary? It's bloody freezing out here."

Erskine yanked the prisoner to his feet, holding him securely by one shoulder while Ghastly held the other. They then proceeded to march him back to the van.

* * *

Erskine sat back in his chair, and stretched out his legs, resting them on his desk. He put down the file he had been leafing through, and tossed it to Dexter, who caught it one-handed from the sofa a few metres away.

"You two need to have left for Norway by six o'clock this evening," Erskine said, looking hard at him and Saracen. "Is that understood?"

"Yes," Dexter and Saracen said in unison.

"You are not to get distracted at the airport again, and you are not to get on a flight to Vegas and pretend that it was part of a connecting flight to Norway- do I make myself clear?"

"Yeah," Dexter nodded. Saracen rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"That only happened _once_," he said in defence.

"Whatever," Erskine sighed. He fixed his gaze on the pair who had just entered.

"The paperwork is complete," Skulduggery announced grandly, throwing the file to Ravel. He caught it and briefly flicked through it absentmindedly, before pushing it to the side of his desk, a bored expression on his face.

Ghastly came in a moment later, and walked up to Erskine's desk.

"Erskine?" he began.

"Yes?" Ravel replied.

"Why... Why on earth... Why is..." Ghastly began, struggling to make out the words.

"Spit it out, then," Erskine muttered.

"Why the hell is there a Cleaver holding a potted plant outside your office?"

"Oh, yes," Skulduggery chipped in. "I was meaning to ask you that as well."

"Wait, what?" Saracen said, looking up from his phone. "Did I hear correctly? A Cleaver's standing outside your office with a plant?"

"Yes," Erskine said.

"Um, just one question," Dexter said. "Why?"

"Well," Erskine began. "I was walking down the corridors a few nights ago, when I slipped on a piece of litter- some sort of packaging. It sent me skidding slightly, and by the time I had regained my elegant posture, a few mages had witnessed the incident. Therefore, I was rather embarrassed."

Ghastly raised an eyebrow. "How does this-"

"You'll see!" Erskine exclaimed, raising a hand to silence him. "Obviously, that piece of rubbish had not ended up there by accident," Erskine said, resuming his story. "The nearest being to the rubbish was a Cleaver, the same Cleaver that is now stood outside my office. I marched up to the Cleaver and gave it a lengthy talk on the dangers of leaving rubbish around, as well as why it had been his duty to ensure that I did not slip.

"By the end of the lecture, forty-five minutes had passed, and I was now late to go home. This Cleaver had wasted my time. Therefore, it is now holding a plant- a young cherry tree to be precise- outside my office, to make up for the carbon dioxide I produced while speaking to it, as well as the oxygen I consequently took in. Every day for one hour, starting at three o'clock in the afternoon, that Cleaver will be stood outside this office with that tree because of that very reason."

Everyone took a moment for Erskine's story to sink in.

"Wow," Valkyrie said, breaking the silence. "I had not been expecting that."

"What had you been expecting?" Erskine asked her.

Valkyrie hesitated. "Something equally as stupid," she admitted. Ghastly sighed, and was about to say something when Anton walked in.

"The Banished are contained, the symbols are drawn, and the Hotel is ready to go," he informed the Elders.

"Excellent work, Anton. Thank you," Erskine said. "Why can't everyone be more like you, Anton? You get the job done. You never hesitate. I bet you wouldn't let litter remain on the ground that your Grand Mage walks on."

"Ahem," Ghastly said irritably. "You're only an Elder, remember?"

Before the endless squabble could be revived, Anton cleared his throat. "I'll be off now, then," he said, and headed out the door.

"Bye, Anton," Valkyrie called after him. He raised a hand in his departure, then left, closing the door behind him.

Dexter stood up and stretched. "I suppose Saracen and I should finish packing and get to the airport," he said. He grabbed Saracen's hands and yanked him to his feet.

"Adios, amigos," Saracen said, and headed towards the door, followed by Dexter.

"We'll call you when we arrive in Ve- Norway," Dexter said, stumbling over his words slightly.

Ghastly crossed his arms, and looked at the pair sternly. "We will be expecting your call the moment you land in Norway, understood? If you do not call within an hour of setting foot in Norway, we will assume that you have gone AWOL, and you will be punished."

"Just like the tree-Cleaver," Erskine added matter-of-factly.

"I have no intention of ending up like that Cleaver," Saracen said. "I'll make sure we get to Norway."

"Farewell, dorks," Dexter called as they headed out.

"Since everyone's leaving, we may as well follow suit," Skulduggery said. "We need a rest after that case. And, of course, the wedding's right around the corner, so we'll have that to plan."

"I hate planning weddings," Valkyrie grumbled.

"As do I," Skulduggery sighed. He and Valkyrie walked out of the door, calling goodbyes over their shoulders.

The door to Erskine's office closed, and all was quiet.

Erskine looked at Ghastly. "Should I-"

"Ssh!" Ghastly said harshly, holding up a hand. His features softened, and he said, "Let me enjoy the silence a little longer."

The door opened, and Tipstaff came in. "Elder Ravel," he began. "I have had a few visitors questioning me about the Cleaver holding a cherry tree outside your office."

"Okay," Erskine nodded.

"Would you mind telling me why the Cleaver is doing this?"

Erskine nodded again, and began the story of the Cleaver and the Cherry Tree.


End file.
